Sons of Anarchy Recap: Holy Shitballs!

Sons of Anarchy

By ApplePie | Wednesday, September 12, 2012 | 1:00 pm | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Sons of Anarchy

Just another breakfast at the Tellers.  Tara enters the room in her I’m-a-real-old-lady-now Affliction & lace tank top.  She and Jax discuss the events of the night before.  They assume the truck attack was retaliation by Leroy’s guys for his girl’s murder — all this while Thomas gurgles over his milk and Abel sits wide-eyed over his Cheerios.  You know, typical American family stuff …

… and when I find out who knocked over our white picket fence I’m going to give him a stern talking to.

Gemma wakes up in an unknown bed and freaks out about her own nakedness and the two naked girls passed out in the same room.  As we all do when we freak out, and we happen to be naked, Gemma searches frantically in her purse for her handgun and takes it out, ready to shoot anyone else who comes into the room, especially if that person has clothes on.

Easy, now, I am happy to take this shirt back off if you’ll just put the gun down.

Jimmy Smits tells Gemma that she came on to him at a bar, was drunk as a skunk, and came home with him last night.  Before he can explain further, a middle-aged chola who could give Gemma a run for her money, walks in to collect Jeannie and Liz, the naked blondes, who have mysterious “morning dates”.  She asks Jimmy if he picked up Gemma through J-Date (good one!) and if he’s okay before she leaves the room. 

Good thing you’re circumcised or you would have been stuck with plain ol’ me instead of the Jew GILF last night.

Gemma surmises that she went all the way with Jimmy the night before, that he’s a pimp, and even worse, he’s Hispanic.  This day is not starting out well for Gemma.

It does get a little better, as Jimmy turns out to be a real gentleman.  He offers her some coffee and a ride home, compliments her “abilities” and suggests that, if she doesn’t want to see him at all again, she can call a cab and he’ll sneak her out the side exit.  No walks of shame for this lady!

At Clay’s house, Chibs, Tig and Juice wait for him to get off the phone with the Irish, trying to smooth things over since they heard about the truck hit from last night.  The guys decide to bring it to church and talk to Jax, since he’s now the President of SAMCRO.  Tig offers Clay a ride to Piney’s memorial later that day, but Clay declines, saying he’s not going, much to the chagrin of the guys, Tig in particular.

Back at “Diosa International”, Jimmy Smits’ escort service, Gemma has made her way downstairs to take Jimmy up on that cup of coffee.  They sit and chat, exchange real names — he’s Nero Padilla, apparently — and discover the reason they made contact in the first place.  Gemma noticed his similar scar from his heart surgery at the bar the previous night.  In addition, we find out that Gemma was the one who invited the two blondes to the party, told Nero her name was “Rose” and forgot to mention she was married.  She must have been drinking some good shit at that bar.  She’s saved from further embarrassment by the cab calling her cell to let her know it’s there and on her way out, she gives Nero her phone number and thanks him for “not being a dick”.

Also, thanks for having a dick.  I did enjoy it.

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14 Comments

  1. 1
    missV
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    The peg leg close up was actually Greg the Peg, the Nomad member they just voted in.

  2. 2
    missV
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    BTW, SO excited that this is being recappd!

  3. 3
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    OMG! I haven’t watched the season premiere, but I am soooooooooo glad someone at the ‘Gasm is recapping it. YAY AP!

  4. 4
    Leslie
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    So happy you are recapping SOA especially since I missed the first half hour watching Dance Moms. Pretty sure Abby and the moms could kick SAMCRO’s asses in a fight.

  5. 5
    Nikki
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    At the end with the home invasion it’s implied that the nomads are responsible. The peg leg was one of the nomads that was inducted into the club earlier. Very interesting twist mr. Sutter. So glad as well someone is recapping this show as I love it so very much. The scene with Tig broke my heart and he said in interviews it was difficult to shoot and it weighed heavy on him.

  6. 6
    poochie129
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Isn’t the middle-age chola Jimmy Smits wife in real life?

  7. 7
    ApplePie
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    @poochie, you’re right! She’s Jimmy Smits’ old lady. Awkward! Thanks, @Nikki … I knew I was missing something. Guess that’s why Greg is “The Peg”.

  8. 8
    Lauren
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Great recap. I’m so excited this show is finally being recapped on this site. I only wish you could recap the earlier seasons, so much great stuff happened. I’m looking forward to spending the season with you VA

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I still love this show even after I realized it is just a soap opera about a motorcycle gang. Didn’t like the baby kidnapping and off to Ireland. I must say Katey Segal looks fantastic. Bummed I can’t read the recaps as I need to catch up on season 4.

  10. 10
    carol
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Great recap, so happy it is being recapped this season. And it is being done with someone who likes the show but knows the perfect times to add some snark. The title of this recap is great, and it was what I was totally saying out loud while watching, that and a bit of ‘what the f***’.

    Is Jimmy Smit’s part of a gang? Or is he just a pimp?

    I really like how this show is actually filmed in California. It is supposed to be in the central valley, I think towards Chico somewhere. It actually has the feel and look of CA, the dry hills, etc. Aren’t the Niners from Oakland? I know those scenes are probably filmed in Long Beach, but they really do look like Oakland.

  11. 11
    andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    What…huh….what….Holy shitballs is right!

    I am so glad this show is being recapped here and I am even more glad to see it back. Every episode stresses me out so much and I’m not even living it, I can’t imagine keeping track of all of those deals and double deals and death threats and family crap in real time in real life. I’m exhausted just watching it.

    Loving Jimmy Smits, he is my secret crush. And my personal favorite scene was Tara turning off the baby monitor while she smoked weed – yeah Tara, Gemma is totally unfit to care for your kids.

    Tig’s daughter’s death, especially knowing how much of a sucker he was for her her whole life, was breathtakingly gruesome and heartrending.

    Yay! They’re baaaaaack!

  12. 12
    Closet Fan
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Great recap, love SOA! I have never missed an episode.

  13. 13
    andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    And as horrifying and gruesome as Dawn’s murder was, it wasn’t even the most horrible murder we’ve seen on this show. The most heart-rending, but not the most horrible.

    I am trying to determine what is really up with Tara. She is obviously very bitter about her hand and what her association with SAMCRO has cost her personally. She loves Jax but… she’s very bitter. She’s become much harder and more cynical. She’s smoking weed and ignoring her baby’s cries and has to keep a gun on hand at all times for protection (with a toddler at hand no less, how do you manage that, getting high with a gun by your side and a toddler in the house? That can’t be good.). Is this a phase she is passing through and she’ll come out okay – well, relatively – and be more like the old Tara again? Is she becoming Gemma 2.0 but with perhaps less maternal instincts (turning off the baby monitor to get high doesn’t seem like something Gemma would have done and Gemma was pretty hostile to Abel’s drug using mother first season, but we’ll never know what younger Gemma really did as a mom I guess. She’s awfully defensive, perhaps she failed in some ways and is making up for it by being super grandma now, who knows?) Or has Tara just been broken? I love her storyline so far, the progression. And I’m glad she was injured and has a baby now, it completely transforms her identity in ways she may not have wanted it transformed and throws her into turmoil. I want to know which Tara comes out on the other side.

  14. 14
    Closet Fan
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I think we will see Tara going closer to the dark side for much of this season.

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