Are You Ready For Some Sideline Reporting?

Sports

By B-Side | | 4:13 pm | 5 Comments

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Monday Night Football makes its triumphant debut on ESPN tonight, and in honor of this momentous occasion, we’re being treated to a double-header: Washington vs. Minnesota and then San Diego vs. Oakland. This of course begs a very important question: who’ll be on sideline duty? So far, we know that Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya have got the first game covered, but what about the second? Our guesses after the jump.

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Bonnie Bernstein
We’re almost certain that Bonnie’s wrapped up one of the coveted sideline spots for tonight. The only reason she wouldn’t be there would be if an emergency Hadassah meeting demanded her attention. And/or the Raiders suddenly imposed a ban on large, distracting hats. We give her 3-2 odds. Update: As predicted, Bonnie Bernstein is indeed working the sidelines at the game. No word if she has a Tafoya-ish sidekick present.

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Rachel Nichols
Her robotic, unblinking delivery might work against her, but her step-mother is Diane Sawyer, and if she can’t pull any strings in the ABC/ESPN universe, no one can. We’re putting the odds for Rachel at 5-1.

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Maria Conchita Alonso
Haven’t seen much of her recently, but she’s poised for a comeback in a big way. Everybody loves a spicy Latina! Odds: 7-1.

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Ruth Buzzi
Raiders home opening? It’s a pretty obvious choice. After all, when I think of the Black Hole, I think of one thing: Ruth Buzzi. Odds: 10-1.

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Dr. Maya Angelou
A supple pigskin, held against the palm. Its porous texture like a million tears flowing through the soul. Behold, the sport of Man is rich and crass, its speed a centrifuge through which I pour my heart and shame. Oh grassy turf with your toe-bending grasp. Trodden, sowed, tilled and dyed. A slave to competition, a mother to pain. She is the football. And the football is her bosom. Odds: 50-1.

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Water bottle
Incisive commentary, visually appealing, quick-witted. Odds: 2-1.

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5 Comments

  1. 1
    sutton925
    Posted September 11, 2006 at 4:31 pm

    God how I wish Maya was actually doing it.

    That slut Waterbottle will probably hook up with the entire defensive line of the Vikings after the game tonight.

  2. 2
    be-Phil my heart
    Posted September 11, 2006 at 5:27 pm

    My vote is for Ruth. Although I don’t know if she can top her career high of playing Samuel Powers mom. If not on the football sidelines, maybe she’ll show up on Dancing With the Stars to cheer on Albert Clifford. After all, he did help Screech replace her beloved Elvis statue.

  3. 3
    tater
    Posted September 11, 2006 at 6:12 pm

    How about that Dr. Ruth from the talk about sex shows. She could make things from the sideline interesting.

    Also too early to do the Suzy vs. Michele a la Ginger vs. Mary Ann?

  4. 4
    HoneyBunny
    Posted September 11, 2006 at 7:17 pm

    Waterbottle – I speak your name.

    hb
    (Go Bolts)

  5. 5
    EdHill
    Posted September 12, 2006 at 6:21 am

    Living in central CT We see many ESPN people out and about, and everyone knows at least one person that works at ESPN. So B-side get random encoutners with reality stars,w e get random encoutners with teh swami. We saw Suzy Kolber at our local dive bar with friends. I totally wanted to kiss her Namath style.

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