Start-Ups: Silicon Valley Recaps Doofus No More

Start Ups

By Jane and Blanche | Friday, December 21, 2012 | 9:21 am | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Start Ups

Is it over?

Greetings, good Gasmii people of the world! We are here with news… The world will not end today, it ended Wednesday night…Start-ups in the SV has ended, let us all rejoice.

Please understand that we LOVE reality TV. We LOVE Bravo TV. So, of course, we were very excited to recap a new reality show on Bravo. What could go wrong? Well, we forgot about how Bravo believes any douchebag can be relevant if they have a camera shoved in their face.  Not everyone on the planet needs a camera following them around, just saying. 

We decided to go ahead and recap both episodes today. In case the Mayans were right, we wanted you to be all caught up- don’t you feel special?

We have spent 7 and a half weeks watching people who were ill-mannered at best and tedious at worst.

And speaking of tedious, the first episode begins with Kim telling us again how great her decisions have been, how brave she is for quitting her job and how smart and successful she is… She must have been an awesome cheerleader, she sure buoys her own spirits! 

You’re awesome! You’re awesome! Quit your job, you’re so awesome!

Meanwhile, Big Gay Al pays a visit to SarOprah and pretends to love her dog. Really people, your pets and children are never as cute to other people so stop forcing these fake moments that aren’t fooling anyone.

They talk about the drama with Herman and Snots and the stalker. Blah, blah, blah. You’re an idiot. Blah, blah, blah.

Even the dog is sick of all the BS

Uh, oh. The dramatic music has started, something big and bad is about to happen. Big Gay Al puts all his therapy to good use; his concerned face on and he is encouraging her to share. 

SarOprah has found a lump in her breast. We want to feel bad for her but the music is so distracting.  Was there a clearance sale on the music from All My Children?  

Big Gay Al wants to know if someone is going with her to LA for the doctor visit. Now, as we have said people, we know our reality TV. There is not a housewife on the air who would be allowed to go to a doctor visit without another cast member, so we understood the look of disappointment on BGA’s face when she said her sister is going with her. Or maybe he was just disappointed that her big reveal was health related and nothing more juicy.

We’re disappointed that SarOprah isn’t blaming Herms for the lump.

Kim has another boring meeting where she pretends to listen with that creepy lean in thing she does. Do the Zuckerberg’s get paid every time they say Facebook?

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

9 Comments

  1. 1
    labowner
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

    When is a TVGasm reality show going to air? I would love a behind the scenes look at the recappers in all of their glory?

    Back to reading.

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

    ” I’m calling you a bitch in Cantonese right now”

    That’s gold, Jerry. Gold.

    I bet there was some backlash at Sarah from attempting to control business relationships when she is a no one. So glad to hear she is not free-loading from the Four Seasons anymore. I would love to see even one check she received for any tweet. She is from Marin – where they have thousands of cases of breast cancer – why the need to go all the way down to LA? Why not Stanford? You were living in PA no? Right next door.

    Congrats to Dwight, but any app he creates now FB owns, thus why David had to quit his job. What happened to Dwights business partner? What did Marcus do? Shocked Barbacco let them film in there. Wonder who is a connected investor.

    I take it there is no re-union? I would love to see that.

    Can we start a reality show with all the delusional cast members from different shows? I would start with GG, Sarah, KarenT, Teresa, and Alexis

    Thanks for the recaps and the laughs JB.

  3. 3
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Thanks Lab!
    I’ve (Blanche) found that on Bravo only shows produced by Andy Cohen get reunions. Or shows that do better than Andy Cohen shows…

    I love the reality show idea- call it The Worst of The All-Stars.

    Jane and I write via Facetime (we don’t live in the same city) and we have been trying to figure out how to record our Facetime sessions for your viewing pleasure, lol.

  4. 4
    Catherine
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Wtf? I consider myself up to date on tv show airings, even saw the one at 7 pm Tuesday…. How did I miss the finale? And now not a replay in the future? This recap is the closest ill get to closure!

  5. 5
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I thought my DVR had misfired when it taped the finale. I don’t think they I’d any promotion for it at all.

  6. 6
    Madelyne27
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I am hosting an Agoraphobics Only! trip to Brazil next year… so far the headcount is zero.

  7. 7
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 10:29 am

    LOL!

  8. 8
    SurrealGirl
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    5
    SurrealGirl
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm
    The finale was nothing special. Strange how Bravo aired it without all the \hype\ and teasers that Bravo usually airs. I hope Kim buys new jeans in New York! Is it me, or is Kim’s smile crooked? I’ve noticed that her bottom left lip seems fatter than the right.

    Dwight is such a yo yo. He thinks he’s a total ladies man. When he went to NY with Kim, he checks out the techs at Grouper, who I guess we’re the minds behind OKCupid (dating site). Dwight mentions that he was on OKCupid for a day, because the first three women the site suggested were supposedly women he had already dated. I think he’s full of crap. Fuck him for knocking OKCupid. I met my husband on that site, and we just celebrated our second wedding anniversary!

    Sarah I can’t stand. I recently went to her Twitter for shits and giggles, and she was Tweeting about her visit to New York, cleaning up sticks in Central Park after Hurricane Sandy. Mother Theresa? Fuck you too, you snot faced skank! I live on Long Island where people are STILL homeless! And I Tweeted that to her. I didn’t see it posted, nor was her snotty reply. She can shove the twigs up her ass. Come down here and move some wet Sheetrock, then you’ll get your merit badge. As Bravo plays the closing scenes \Sarah is currently blah,
    Blah, blah\, apparently Sarah is no longer living at The Four Seasons. Quelle surprise! I’m sure she was asked to leave after abusing the staff. I have no doubt that she was calling the front desk every 10 minutes. \Did I get any messages? I am expecting a love letter from Jay. I blogged all about our future together. I’ve picked out baby names and wedding decor. What? No messages?! Someone must be sleeping on the job down there!\ Or something like that.

    Hermy and Ben. What a clusterfuck, those two. I hope Hermy is generating an income, so she can get those roots touched up! Ben, sod off, you bloody wander! I hope you continue to be \stalked\. No woman wants you, Benji. Not even the psychotic ones.

    David seems harmless enough. I hope he is doing well.

    THANK GOODNESS THIS SHOW WRAPPED! What a suck-o-tunitty for bad reality TV! Almost as bad as Gallery Girls. Almost.

  9. 9
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 12:27 am

    Sarah is one of my all-time favorite sphincter muscles from reality TV. I wish they’d do a version of Survivor with my favorites. It’s my fondest wish. She’d be one of my nominees….sprinkle in a few Shahs of Sunset, a few Hosewives and you’ve got yourself a show!

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