Start-Ups: Silicon Valley Recaps Doofus No More

Now Kim is complaining because she wants to brag to Dwight about how great she is but his voice mail-box is full.  How dare he screen her calls? She needs an ego boost so he better get on the stick.  These people make us hate our TV. Why are we watching this?

Now we’re traveling to LA with SarOprah and her sister. Not only is SarOprah the center of the tech universe but she is the pillar of her family, they all depend on her for everything… except health insurance, she’s paying cash.

Meanwhile, across the country, Dwight is in New York to hang out with Kim but swings by a friend’s place who runs a dating website. He’s leery of dating websites but the “friend” is obviously a sponsor of the show so they are contractually obligated to say the name of the sight 600 times. We don’t pander and aren’t getting paid a dime so screw that.

Either this is the best work bar ever or worst home bar ever.

Somewhere in LA a doctor’s office is getting funkified.

 We want the funk, gotta have that funk.

Bow chicka wow wow… 

 It’s not a lump, the camera just adds 10 centimeters

The doctor let’s SarOprah know that she is fine, the lumps are benign so she can come back in 6 months to have them checked again. Cue even louder annoying soap opera music.

Kim has a meeting with some other women in fashion who are also from the midwest and suddenly Kim is proud of being from the heartland. They want to know about her start-up but she wants to keep it in “stealth mode” to them but then we get treated to yet another in-depth description of her vision. Sigh. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

It’s time for Dwight’s grouponicus date and he tells us that he is actually shy and agoraphobic. So when he tells one of the girls that he has been to everywhere in South America except Brazil, we’re confused. We’re pretty sure the agoraphobic don’t travel that much. 

They move to another bar and Dwight actually brings up Kim on the date. Dwight is not as smart as he wants us to believe. As he’s going on and on about their “relationship” Kim walks in- awkward!  Kim locks eyes with Josh, another member of the date pack who Dwight brought as back up and is now regretting it horribly.

Thanks for the cock block, asshole.

You’re welcome

Snots and the Tetris pants are at Lunar looking at the ignite pad prototype. Herms doesn’t think it’s very sexy. It’s better than your pants, darlin. 

Note to Snots- when you’re dodging having to pay someone, you don’t bring up money. Lunar asks where the money is and Snots tells them it’s in the mail. Well, that’s original.

Kim wants to talk about where she should live and work but Dwight wants to know about Josh.  Dwight tells Kim that he’s moving to San Francisco hoping that it will help her decide to stay. She cares less than we do.

Big Gay Al is meeting with his work people to show them all that he’s done. He launches in 9 days and is nervous. We quickly find out why, BGA has failed to complete his homework.

Uh oh, will BGA get his homework done in time? Will SarOprah find another benign lump? Does Herms own another pair of pants?

On to the finale to find out…

We start with BGA and SarOprah working out together. During a break in the action, BGA asks, “Hmmm, ummm, hmmm, how did the doctor’s visit go?”

“Oh, it’s all good”

“Ok, great, then you can help with my event coming up, right?”

Good friends are hard to find, people.

Dwight is moving. His couch. All by himself. Doesn’t he have friends?

 Couchsabi. 

Snots and Herms have flown in a British engineer to work on the app. Herms is late and the boys discuss how easy it would be if they had breasts. Right, like they’d ever leave the house. 

The money guy shows up but doesn’t give them any money. Snots explains in his condescending tone that “it’s not as easy as someone writing a check.” Remember this later. He then tells her she can’t go on her trip. Herms cries and threatens to leave. Same story, different day. This relationship might not withstand doing business together. Maybe they should try writing recaps, it did wonders for us.

BGA tells us about his launch event that is coming up and how nervous he is. FORESHADOWING- he tells us all about how he invited Herms and Snots because how important they are in the industry.

Kim is talking to another person she won’t take advice from to but will fake listen to for hours. We stopped listening after she said Gen Y again. Seriously, she tries way to hard to sound relevant. She also looks like a little person next to all these fashion women- she might get a spin-off on TLC if she plays her cards right.

Which is worse, her posture or her fashion? 

BGA is working hard in his condo when his partner urges him to take a break and join “them.”  BGA’s parents are in town. Our opinion of the partner has shifted- he entertained BGA’s parents while BGA was finishing his homework AND is paying the mortgage. He’s a keeper.  

The day of the event has arrived. It really is a big event- they even have t-shirts! The t-shirts say GS and we immediately think Girl Scout cookies… maybe we should use his app?

 Effort? Oh well, never mind

 SarOprah is there to help David, completely and totally. Oh, and to promote her own venture. Oh, and tweet. But she did her part.  She sent out invites and has 75 confirmed attending.  Does that number seem low for tweets that are worth $10,000 each? 

Herms and Snots show up and get the chance to promote their app. This is Herms’ department. She’s the face of Ignite. She’s going to make it user-friendly and drive in the people. How will she do this, we wonder? She offers a date with HER if the volunteers win the competition. No lesbians allowed. Weren’t investors worried about making it female friendly? Good job.

SarOprah decides lesbians are key to the demonstration and tries to rally them into a frenzy. Lesbians only frenzy over a Rachel Maddow marathon so this is not their venue. David gently guides her back to the crowd and calms her down. Drama averted. For now.

What’s wrong with you? I keep telling you how awesome I am!

 The event ends and everyone seems pleased, especially Big Gay Al. He accomplished his goal and his sponsors are happy. Wow. Maybe the show should have been all about BGA? He has turned out to be the one we enjoy watching the most.

Herms and Snots are now meeting with more investors to try and get more money. They haven’t gotten the first money yet and Herms lists all the things she’d rather be doing; facebooking, washing my hair, masturbating… She’s all class, ladies and gents

Their investor then pulls out his checkbook and writes the check. Easy peasy. Suck it, Snots. 

SarOprah has invited BGA to a “business meeting” and BGA innocently accepts. Oh, BGA, how naive you are. SarOprah is pissed that Herms and Snots got more attention than she did and she’s out for blood.

You tackled me and physically assaulted me- can’t you see the bruises?