Here we are Gasmi wanting to share with you but not really wanting to type. Our Facetime sessions are pure gold and we hope to record them in the future so you can really see how the magic happens. If anyone knows how to do this we would love to hear it. We promise not to include any farting and Jane promises to wear a bra at all times. Unless you vote against it, feel free to chime in.
We open with Dwight laying on the floor, then folding his bed and putting it away. How old is this guy? Does he wonder why he’s not getting laid? We have several answers for him.
Now Snots is making INSTANT coffee…what is happening here? We thought these people were smart? Truly disturbing.
Then the script calls for Kim to walk down a street with her friend Ethan, another startup entrepreneur, and discuss what it means to be young and smart and rich and special and smart. She wants Ethan’s advice as long as his advice is that she is young and smart and special. He thinks she needs a co-founder who is an engineer so she can do front end stuff and the partner can do the tech stuff. Kim feels she has the “unsung skill of how to make money” and the special “vision” needed to succeed so why would she need anyone? She’s young and smart and special and rich and smart. And she better get a storyline quick or she is going to be back in the mid-west with 1.5 kids and a mortgage to pay…
Herman meets Snots back at their apartment to recap her meeting with Sara. Herman hopes it went well but you never know with Sara- crazy is always right around the corner. Snots is curious if it went well enough for him to ask her out again as he didn’t ”close the deal” with her at SXSW and she’s a challenge. Translation- he didn’t put it in and he really, really wants to.
Uncut is gross.
Now it’s time for Herms to gross out Snots by talking about her potential date with Not Gay Jay. Jane and I don’t have any brothers- do brothers and sisters really talk about this kind of stuff with each other? It seems a little off to us..maybe it’s just us. Moving on…
Big Gay Al and his partner of 7 years are having lunch at a Cantonese restaurant and they must eat there a lot because BGA can speak Cantonese!
Can you believe I used to be fat?
BGA then recaps his life for his partner. They live in the same house, shouldn’t he already know all this? And we think the partner is kind of an unemotional prick. 5 bucks says they break up by the season finale.
Now David is off to the Four Seasons to visit Sara. She is almost unbearable to watch.
David, “You smell great.”
Sara, “Vanilla.” As turns and saunters into the living room. Really?! What will she do once the Four Seasons boots her vanilla ass out on to the street?
David gets her back for us though. “So I had really, really pale bowel movements and I went to the doctor…” Now that’s what we call a conversation starter! We love a good poop story but wow, that one came out of the blue…pale blue, that is. This of course leads in to him telling her that he is almost out of money. Does he do this at the bank too? Reason for loan- let me tell you about my poop first
He needs $3000
Sucks to be you
Ugh- I can’t even buy ex-lax
Herms is getting excited about her date with Not Gay Jay. She tells us that it’s been 2 years since she hooked up with someone as hot as Not Gay Jay. So she has hooked up with other guys, just not hot ones. Slut.
He comes to pick her up and is taking her to an actual restaurant- see Sara, this is what a date looks like.
Herman asks about Jay’s date with Sara and he swears he didn’t think it was a date and felt awkward with her because she was dressed to the nines and life casted the whole event. Herman believed Jay because she wants him as her Trophy Boyfriend.
Why yes, I am too sexy for this shirt.
She then claims to read palms, “You’re going to live a really really long time, then you’re going to die.” If she was really a genius, she would have said, “You’re going to have sex in an hour.” Instead she gets a kiss at the door and he goes home. Snots asks her how the date was on a scale from 1 to 10 and she says, 4!! That’s a really crappy trophy! Snots tells her to get her head in the game because they have a business they can’t afford and need to get on with running it into the ground.
Big Gay Al and Bigger Gay Marcus are shopping for cowboy gear for a gay line dancing class (oddest sentence we’ve ever written). BGA says that some people might think Marcus is too gay but they’re wrong, he’s 50 shades of gay and that’s okay. Sara is going to the class as well- Marcus lives with Herman and Snots so he has only heard about the ugly side of Sara and BGA is excited for him to see the softer side of Sara.
I never knew the “C” stood for crocodile
We’re off now to Herm and Snots meeting with Lunar where they drop a lot of big names and pretend to know a lot of things. But really they spend five minutes telling us about the high-tech scale they are making. Well, actually it’s more like a high-tech palm reader that will tell people “you will live a really really long time and then die.”
Oh, and your fat.
…then Bravo’s little snippet of a “fun” moment where Sara belittles the chef who gives her free food…she’s such a joy.
Dwight is going to lunch with Kim and he is very attracted to her. She greets him and says,”Hey Buddy!” Translation- don’t touch my boobs.
You can almost hear the Enya music playing in his head.
Kim offers to pay and Dwight is ready to eat. Oh no, Dwight, when the girl pays you order food when SHE says you order food. Ok, ok, that rule stands even when the girl doesn’t pay. Kim then says “BTdubs” twice in less than three minutes and we turned against her. You can’t say stuff like that and expect anyone to like you.
Kim also wants to tell us again how badly she wants a startup of her own. Dwight isn’t really listening.
It’s off to Gay Line Dancing, is there any other kind of line dancing? Not Gay Jay, Marcus and Sara have joined BGA for some lively lessons.
Jessica Simpson also showed up to take her Daisy Dukes back from Sara
Not Gay Jay proves his not-gayness as his big move is the white man’s overbite. He does admit to wanting to add some “Jay flavor.” BGA wonders if Jay flavor causes indigestion, we think he is hoping the Jay flavor helps darken his pale bowel movements but we digress.
All Marcus wants to know is how Jay’s date with Herms went. Wow, this guy knows how to bring the drama! And Miss Thang did NOT disappoint!
What do you mean I am not the fairest of them all?!
Yes I made up the word date-cheating, so what?
I don’t have to take this, I’m a life-caster. I’m taking my tweeter and I’m going home.
Sara claims Not Gay Jay disrespected her by going out on a date behind her back and he owes her an apology. We’re starting to see a pattern here… a crazy pattern, that starts and ends with Miss Thang. But she swears that it all came from a place of sadness, not anger. BGA might have been more sympathetic if she had loaned him that $3000…
Next week is a real shocker- Herms and Snots have a fight. Siblings fight with each other?! Unheard of! Where does Bravo get this stuff?!