Stylista: Pot Calling the Kettle Unqualified

This week on Stylista, Gay Sidekick calls Joey McIntire who calls Megan unqualified who calls Devin unqualified who calls Hate unqualified who calls Danielle unqualified.

Sorry, yous all suck.We turn to the offices of “Elle,” right where we left off last week when Perfume was eliminated, and it is chaotic. The Gay Sidekick tells us that even if Perfume wasn’t the right person for the job, they all thought that Hate would be eliminated first. Then we cut to Ashlie who is yelling at Hate, telling her that she better count her blessings because she has an amazing guardian angel. A guardian angel that helps her stealthily evade car accidents, narrowly avoid muggers and allows her to stay on a lame reality show! Then Ashlie doubles over and sobs and heaves, saying that Hate’s cockroach-like staying power has killed her faith in the mercy and grace of television producers. If I were watching this show on mute, then from Ashlie’s animated reaction, I would have assumed that someone had killed her mother or skinned her puppy.

Oh the horror! Who knew phony shows could be this cruel!

Hate happily tells us that Perfume had to go home because she was responsible for the metallic trend they chose, and Anne hated the trend. She expects that she’ll make it pretty far in the competition if not win the entire thing. Meanwhile, what is with Megan’s eyeliner? It’s like she’s trying to make wings.

Walk like an Egyptian.

Back at the house, our team has their round table discussion that has become a staple of every episode. Joey McIntire EEE-nun-CI-ATES to the table that he’s had two years EX-per-EEE-enCE working in fashion ED-i-TORRR-eee-AL, and he thinks that’s where everyone should be at. Gay Sidekick takes offense at Joey Mac’s comments and says that he’s interned at a magazine too. Devin smugly reminds us that she is the editor of NYU’s fashion publication, so that automatically gives her more fashion experience than everyone in the house. I instantly think back to episode one where she wore a little hat with a veil and too-short dress. It looked like a costume. Are they telling you to like a 1940s flight attendant at NYU?

Megan asks Joey McIntire for his resume, saying that he has a big, cocky head but being a fashion editor requires more than rifling through racks of clothes. He tells everyone to follow him and pulls out a GIANT portfolio. I wonder where he’s been stashing that thing the whole time? Apparently, it’s clips from when he was a fashion assistant at Stuff magazine.

People wear clothes in Stuff Magazine? I had no idea.

Megan peruses Joey’s portfolio and then tells us that he’s been lucky to sail through. And when she turns the pages of his portfolio, she is sure to convey through facial expression that she feels every photo is a joke. She’s only looking through it to rip it apart in her head, thus making herself feel even more superior. Joey says he thinks he’s being underestimated.

The following morning, Brett calls bright and early. She needs everyone to meet her at Henry Bendel’s in 30 minutes. Johanna lets out a weird scream that sounds like someone popped her and all the air is being let out. She’s excited because it’s her favorite department store in New York. They rush to meet Brett who mentions that Anne is making a last-minute trip to the Hamptons. Their task is to pick an outfit for Anne that will transfer from day to night. They have $1000 and 30 minutes to shop and then hurry downtown to Anne where her car is waiting. Joey enunciates that Anne is a hard person to dress because she’s very PAR-tick-YOU-lar.

Everyone runs around looking for clothes. Nothing of note occurs except that Devin goes a whopping $2000 over budget! Apparently the don’t teach math or reasoning skills at NYU. Everyone runs outside to meet Anne and are instructed to take their outfits for Anne to see because she will literally take it and jump in the car. How dramatic!

Frosty Anne climbs out of her car, hobbles across the cobblestone road in heels and begins examining the outfits. I start to wonder if they shut down a street for this show. I would be incredibly angry if I were stopped in deadlocked traffic only to find out that it was because some CW show lady was picking out travel gear. Anyway, Anne doesn’t like Joey’s because he has a silver necklace and that would involve shine around her neck. Johanna’s creams don’t match. Ashlie chooses orange, which is her least flattering color. (Duh.) Devin has wide-legged white pants with a thin belt and a blue ruffly shirt. Gay Sidekick’s is too dressy, and Danielle’s is too casual. Megan’s is too urban. Kate’s outfit works but wouldn’t match her skintone. Can you all picture all that? Okay good because we’re moving on. Oh, and Devin wins and is relieved that she’ll get to choose teams.

“I’m the weiner!”

And now for the EARTH-SHATTERING NEWS: After the next presentation, two people will be going home. GASP! Okay, was anyone else a little relieved at this revelation? It means we’ll get rid of twice the amount of annoyance this week.

That night, Megan starts right in on Devin, saying that it’s very unlikely that a 19-year-old with no professional experience would get the job. Devin defends herself by saying that she has more experience than Hate, which is not saying much considering that Hate didn’t even finish regular school. Gay Sidekick plays his role of gay sidekick by backing up Megan and saying that Devin never talks and brings nothing to the table.

“I KNOW fashion! Look at this shirt! Grey jersey is so hot right now.”

Devin jumps back on her high horse saying that she doesn’t talk because she’s not there for drama, she’s there for her career. And she’s in school to be a fashion writer. I know that Devin has never been the cause of too much drama. And obviously I prefer her over Megan and Hate. But isn’t she seeming a little full of herself this episode? I seem to be sensing a bit of an attitude. And I’m really not all that impressed with her credentials. I mean, everyone does EVERYTHING in school! That’s the point of school: you dabble. Just because I ran track doesn’t mean I’ll be in the Olympics. And just because I was on yearbook committee doesn’t mean that I’ll design some giant American grid of headshots.

Joey backs up Devin, saying that she might be 19, but who knows? She might have more talent than – oh no! – Megan! Megan kind of glosses over Joey Mac’s comment and says that Devin should go home on the next challenge.

I’m sure you’re all picking up on the foreshadowing, but let’s all be big sports and pretend to ignore it, shall we? Our stylistas meet at “Elle” the next morning to learn that next assignment will be to design the two opening pages for an “Elle” fashion story, featuring socialit-turned-designer Tory Burch. They’ll start with a blank, white set, so the challenge is to style the environment.

The guidelines:
(1) The environment should have an immediately identifiable theme.
(2) The design should complement – not distract from – the clothing and accessories.
(3) There needs to be a captivating title that pulls together the photo and theme.

Devin gets to choose two teams of four, and they are as follows: (1) Ashlie, Hate, Danielle and Megan. (2) Johanna, Gay Sidekick, Joey McIntire and Devin.

Devin tells us that she put all the drama people on their own team. She then turns around and tells everyone that it’s not personal and has nothing to do with who hates who. Don’t you just love it when people lie on reality tv? I mean, it’s not like your lies are caught on tape or anything, or like anyone you lie to will ever find out.

Megan says that being with Ashlie and Hate make her want to pull out her hair and die, but if they lose there are weaker people on her team who will go home first. It’s too bad that she found that silver lining because watching her pull out all her hair would have made for GREAT tv! Speaking of Megan, did anyone notice her skin this past episode? She has a blemish on her forehead that could practically double as a third eye.

Thanks Proactiv!

Both teams want there sets to be minimalist. Megan says that props look cheesy, but then Hate butts in saying that she doesn’t agree. Everyone disagrees with Hate and so Hate replies, “All right, whatever you three think.” Danielle interjects and instructs her not to hide her feelings in order to avoid what happened last time. Does anyone else see a pattern here? Hate pulls the same crap every week and has been getting away with it so frequently that it’s reinforcing her bad behavior. I feel like we’re stuck in “Groundhog Day.”

Ashlie has to put up with Hate for yet another week. Someone get this girl a Nobel!

Ashlie tells her group to put the beef aside and just get the job done. Hate whines, “I haven’t done anything!” Megan suggests that they lie down ground rules. Hate says that she doesn’t need the speech and gets up and leaves. Then she tells us that she’ll have no problem highlighting them all in the conference room and getting them sent home. Ugh, seriously. Where is Erin Slowey? That eight-year-old had more class than this. She should act as a replacement.

The other team is going much more swimmingly. Devin loves everything that everyone else recommends but gives no fresh input of her own.

Back at the house, everyone talks about how awful and weird it is to work with Hate while Hate listens in. Finally, she marches out and asks if they will every stop talking about her. Danielle explains that they were just trying to figure out how to communicate with her. Hate whines at Danielle asking when she starting hating her, so Danielle yells that she doesn’t hate her. Hate asks why she’s yelling, and she says it’s because she doesn’t hear what anyone says. And, whoa! Did Danielle really just yell? I’m kind of liking that.

Devin pretends to be over it by exaggeratedly painting her nails. Then Hate asks how working retail is relevant experience. Danielle gets so worked up that Joey Mac playfully holds her back. Ashlie lashes out saying that shopping at Bebe is not fashion experience. Word.

Hate sulks into the other room, calls her mom and says that she wants to go home. Her mom says that she should come home unless she wants to prolong the agony. Hate cries and says that she’s not acting like herself. She used to be a happy girl with no enemies. And then she hangs up on her Mom! Like, literally, her mom is mid-sentence and the girl hangs up. Maybe it’s just funny editing, but because we are familiar with Hate’s maturity level, I’m actually believing what I’m seeing this time.

This week on “The Real World…”

The next morning, everyone gets ready to go meet Malina. Hate tells us that after talking to her mom, she had initially decided to go home. (Yay!!!!) But then she realized that she’d dropped out of law school, left an awesome job and given up “a ton of things,” so doesn’t want to go home now. (Booo!!!!!!!) She also has an eye like an “Elle” reader. Any bets on what the “awesome job” was? My money is on Hooters. Either than or she’s been selling pieces of her brain on the black market.

Does anyone have a crush on Joey Mac? Then this is for you.

Our stylistas meet Malina at Brooklyn Studios who is with celebrity photographer Fabrice Trombert and Elena who will be the model for the shoot and is wearing a fantastic look by Tory Burch. There are three prop houses nearby, and they’ll have three hours to pick out the proper items, head back and style the environment for the shoot. Once they have the photos from the shoot, they’ll head back to Elle and create their pages.

Team 2 is trying to create a theme of a model wanting to escape socialite life, so Johanna thinks they should use faceless mannequins to symbolize not wanting to be part of the in crowd. Gay Sidekick comes up with the timely title of “Gossip Girl.” They pluck out all the mannequins from the prop house, stick them in a box and push it down the street. The box is really heavy, so they lose a couple arms along the way.

I feel like this segment belongs in a Mentos commercial.

The other team is doing a more retro theme, and Hate and Ashlie actually both agree to use an old tv. Megan thinks the tv is depressing. Hate complains that Megan doesn’t pick anything out but criticizes everything they pick out. I find this ironic because that is normally Hate’s role. Ashlie thinks the theme of the shoot should be a bored housewife in the 60s who is watching tv.

Our teams head back and style their rooms. Megan doesn’t think the living room set is inventive. (surprise) Hate gets upset and wants to cry. (surprise) And she’s upset because the tv might get taken out of the shot and the tv makes the theme, dammit!

“So you’re the little tv that started this Great War?” — Abraham Lincoln, 1952

In the other room, Gay Sidekick is the leader, and Joey is confused by everything. GS says that Joey doesn’t have the same taste as everyone else and that his taste is out there. Joey said it was three against one, and sometimes you have to back down, so he let them get their way. I wish that Joey Mac would have spoken up because the set looks like a boring piece of crap. All those headless people make it look like we’re in 15th century Transylvania. I bet if I venture out to the edge of New York City, I’ll find those missing heads. They’ll be on stakes.

The model comes in and they shoot the photos. Megan wants the model to stand on the glass, but Hate says it looks too awkward. Megan says it’s embarrassing and walks away. Danielle says they all just need to chill out and get it done.

GS tells us that he’s taken a leadership role while Devin has taken the backseat. She tells us that she had the best people on her team, so it was nice that she could finally sit back and have something done properly.

The teams head back to “Elle” to piece together their layouts. Megan thinks their set is too literal and not avante-garde enough. She doesn’t want the tv in the set. Hate tells her, fine, take the tv out. And then in the elimination, she’ll say she wanted it. Hate must have learned all these fine arguing skills from the two weeks she spent in law school. Megan sulks around and says she hates everything. She says she’s done and permanently walks away from the project.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if Megan’s zit woke up and started talking?

Time for presentation. The guest judge will be designer Tory Burch, and everyone seems to be excited to be in the same room with her.

Team 1: Hate presents “Retro Revival.” Anne asks who picks out the concept, and they agree that Hate gave them a direction. Megan shakes her head and says that she didn’t like the concept because she wanted to do something more modern. Tory says that retro wasn’t what she had in mind when styling the dress, but she likes the end product. Megan quickly backpedals, saying that she liked the finished product too. Hate brings up that Megan wandered off and gave no input. Megan says that she didn’t ever leave the set, but Danielle backs up Hate. Anne says that she loves the tv and although it is a little too literal, she likes it. Joe Zee tells Megan that walking a way is an unacceptable way to handle conflict.

Team 1

Team 2: Johanna presents “Gossip Girl.” Gay Sidekick says that he came up with the title and explains the concept of being sick of the social scene. Anne asks what Joey did, and he vaguely says that he set things up and directed stuff. Anne asks what Devin did, and all she says is that it was collaborative. Tory likes that the dress pops out but doesn’t like the headless mannequins. Anne says that she didn’t get it and thinks it’s a little elitist for Elle. It’s soulless, no spirit, flat. Joe says it’s lazy and sterile.

Team 2

As the judges deliberate, our competitors chat in the office. Hate hopes that it helps that she loves the designer so much. Megan and GS talk about how they hate when Hate stomps around when she doesn’t get her way. Megan says that if she gets kicked out, then she’ll go out with a bang. Oooo I can’t wait till she gets cut for MANY reasons then!

Meanwhile, our judges hate that no one takes risks. Joe Zee is proud that Hate took ownership of their page. They agree that Megan didn’t act like an editor because she abandoned the entire project. They think Team 2 had a good idea but didn’t execute it well and didn’t tell a story. Anne says they haven’t gotten a clear sense of Joey McIntire. And Devin coasts on the coattails of her teammates.

Brett calls both teams into her office. Team 1 is the winner. Team 2 had a good concept that was lost in translation. Anne admire’s Johanna’s willingness to take a risk on an abstract idea, so she is safe. Joey’s point of view has been missing. Gay Sidekick led the team on the badly executed layout. Devin cleverly picked strong teammates and hid behind them, and they didn’t see her presense in the layout. But in the end, GS is the other safe team member.

Devin and Joe are out. Megan is so excited when her sidekick walks out that she runs over and hugs him. J.M. and Devin come out with boxes and hug the team. Devin says she could have been a better leader and let herself down. Joey M. says he hasn’t been him, and it’s disappointing.

Next week, Danielle is insecure, and Johanna crumbles at an A-List party. Oh, and we get to live through one more week of Hate.

So what did you all think? I found Joey Mac entertaining and kind of adorable, so I’m sad to see him go. But as for Devin, I could take her or leave her.

love, MandaMo
xoxo

***To read Flipit’s interview with William, click over to Newsgasm!