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All right, gasmii! We’ve finally made it to the season (series???) finale of Stylista! Now we get to find out which under-qualified person landed that highly coveted junior editor position with ELLE magazine. But something tells me this will be more like Hell’s Kitchen where the winner is promised his/her own restaurant but just ends up as a sous chef at some backstreet grill. Oh well, whatever the outcome, here we go…
Anyway, I didn’t find that little gem she mentioned about being in Vogue. But I DID find her own personal blog where she blames the EDITING for her portrayal on the show! Wow, did we call that one or what? I could tell this girl would be an Omarosa from miles away. But it gets BETTER! She also posts like CRAZY on the boards for Elle magazine! My favorite is that she keeps saying that it’s not her personality to talk badly about people. Then you scroll a bit down and there is an enormous rant, written in all capital letters, reaming everyone on the planet — including us viewers! Eek! Her psyche definitely begs diagnosis! Any psychologists out there looking for a little pro-bono work? Talk about being scarily delusional!
Okay, okay. Let’s compose ourselves and get back to the finale.
Brett and Malina stop by the apartment unexpectedly, and Brett explains that our final three will be interviewing with Roberta Myers, the “Elle” editor-in-chief. Or “Robby” as they so warmly refer to her. Robs is one well-respected lady and the basic message of the conversation is that they better bring their A-Game. By the way, did anyone else see what Malina was wearing?
Later that day, the stylistas report to the “Elle” offices downtown with portfolios and resumes in tow. And then Robby walks in. Megan calls her “impossibly chic.” But I just want to know what that thing is on her head. It’s like her hair grew another head that is also covered in hair. And then a furry woodland critter died on top of it. And then all the empty spaces were stuffed with toupees. It’s twice as big as her head! Is anyone noticing this but me!?
GaySidekick is up first and is wearing a lovely suit and tie. And right out of the gate he screws up! He actually says that he didn’t know much about “Elle” before this lame tv show. Whoa! Really!? Okay, the trick to interviews is simple: You lie. And if you get caught int he lie: You deny. Lie and deny. It’s been my mantra for years. Even if you have never flipped open a page of “Elle” magazine your entire life, you do heavy research and pretend as though it raised you like a second mother.
But I kinda feel bad for him because you can tell he’s really nervous. He explains that when he was younger, he wrote a “witty” letter to “Seventeen” magazine and scored an internship out of it. Robby asks if he has any questions, and he actually pulls out a list. Question 1: “Where do you see ‘Elle’ in 10 years and do you see me as a part of it?” Wow, so this guy is going to be an a-hole straight through until the end, huh?
Next up is Johanna who seems way more comfortable. She presents a two page resume and Robby quips, “Really? You’ve done so much in your short life?” I think it’s possible. I’m 28 too, and I have a monster resume. I put all the good stuff up top though and bury all the crap…mostly hoping that employers will never make it that far. It usually works. Hurray for ADHD! But, really, does anyone need to know about that one day I worked at the Red Lobster and had to quit because I couldn’t stand the dead fish smell? I think not.
Robby is confused as to why Jo has taken a leave of absence from the Center for Research, Intelligence and Analysis. Johanna explains that her love is for fashion writing but her household didn’t encourage it. Now she’s having a quarter-life crisis and trying to do a 180-degree career donut back into the correct lane of travel. She says that she can’t even imagine going back to her former life working at that terrible sweatshop as a part of a NAFTA program. She then asks Robby what she looks for in a reporter. The response: “You have to do a lot of things well.” Well, then, I’m sure this lovely cast of characters is set to disappoint.
Up last is Megan who seems very blaise about the whole process. But she is ready to impress by opening with a statement about how she dropped out after one year in college. She says that she opened a designer clothing store but sold it because she got bored. And magazine editor is a natural progression. Does she have any questions for Robby? Nope.
Robby convenes with Joe Zee and Anne to talk about the interviews. Robby was impressed with GaySidekick’s background but surprised that he’d never picked up “Elle.” Note to GS: Lie and Deny!
Robby was impressed by Johanna because she actually has an education. And she picked up on Megan’s personality right away and could tell that she’s not someone who plays well with others. Joe says they’ve always been split on Megan because from the start she seemed entitled, spoiled and bratty. Ah! So they KNEW! They knew Megan was evil and yet they’ve kept her on just to torture us! The truth comes out and the truth is dirty…
Time to see them all in the conference room. Anne our final three that based on the interview with Robby, she’s decided that one of them will be leaving right now. And it’s Megan! Ding dong the witch is dead! But not before she puts on a super fake, smiley face and tells both Anne and Joe how it’s been such a pleasure. Barf. She says that she’ll miss her friendship with GaySidekick and Johanna. Then she tears up and walks off camera. And at this point, I actually wonder if Megan is kind of taking it well.
Anne and Joe walk out to congratulate our final two contestants. For the final editorial challenge, they will be creating an entire “Elle” cover as well as a single-page behind-the-cover spread. The guidelines are: (1) Pull the perfect look worthy of an Elle cover. (2) Directing the entire photo shoot to capture the perfect image. (3) Must write clever cover lines that will grab the reader’s attention. And the cover model will be Eve. This reminds me: Whatever happened to Eve? It’s been so long that I can’t even remember what her popular songs were even though I know I liked them. Hmm…yep. I’m at a loss.
When Johanna and GS arrive back at the apartment, Malina is waiting for them in her same awful outfit. Because they have to much work to do, Malina tells them that they’ve enlisted some assistants. And with that, Hate, Danielle, Ashlie and Megan round the corner as the last four people kicked off. When GS sees them, he immediately says “Ew” and then bursts out in his horribly annoying laugh. Okay, yep. He’s still determined to be an a-hole until the end. Good to know.
Malina selects the teams at random by drawing names from a hat. Johanna gets Megan and Hate while GS gets Ashlie and Danielle. GS’ team rejoices because they don’t have to work with Hate. And Megan instantly confronts Hate over her last speech to Anne before she departed. Hate points out that Megan lost too — and right after she did, so she shouldn’t be so cocky. Word.
And thus begins Megan’s unraveling in three acts. It is so drama-filled that it actually may reach Shakespearean proportions. But that is probably a major insult to Billy Shakes, so I’ll take that one back.
So there you have it. Classy. Am I right?
Breathless, Megan returns to the room where Johanna and Hate are working. She tells Jo that she’s going home, and then asks Hate to excuse them, so they can talk alone. Johanna wipes the mascara tears from Megan’s eyes, and Megan comments that she’s crying because she’s tired. Then she says it’s only been three hours, so she hasn’t processed it all yet. She says that Johanna is good enough without her input. Johanna adds that if she leaves, then it would be two against three. Megan thinks for a second and then says she’ll stay only because she really likes Johanna as a friend.
The teams head off to the show room to pull clothes for the Eve photoshoot. GaySidekick pulls as many looks as possible, so that Eve has a lot to choose from. But Johanna takes a different approach by only pulling structured, purple clothes. Johanna tells us that she’s viewing the challenge as an individual one but with assistants. She was to do as much as possible, so that she owns the win or the failure. Megan thinks she’s digging herself a hole because if Eve doesn’t like purple, then she’s screwed.
The teams head to some mansion where they finally meet Eve. They’ll have 90 minutes to style and dress Eve, choose the backdrops and shoot the photos. Then they’ll head back to the office to have 90 minutes to create the layouts. What is with this show and 90 minute deadlines? It’s kind of cruel, if you ask me. No quality work can truly be done in an hour and a half.
Gay Sidekick is up first. Eve does not like most of the clothes he’s pulled but finally settles on a black jacket. He shoots her in front of gold, taffeta curtains. During the shoot, GS tells Eve to be herself and she snaps, “Well, I am being myself!” But just as GS is starting to feel extra awkward and stressed, Anne and Joe Zee arrive to see how things are going. Eve’s second look is a white and gold dress. She takes a couple pictures in it and then decides she doesn’t like it. So GS scrambles and gets her a more flowy dress. But then Eve thinks it makes her arms and chest look bad. She keeps looking at the screen of the photos without remembering that there is a magical tool called airbrush!
Johanna is up next and shows Eve her collection. She says that when she pulled the clothes, she did what she did to force Eve to fall into one of her style traps. Ahhh so that’s what was going on here! Clever clever! Eve wears a black jacket with poofy sleeves for the cover shot, and it goes well. Anne and Joe Zee show up and seem pleased with how well Johanna is handling everything. Megan is hanging out with GaySidekick and not paying attention. But then she leaps on Joe and Anne like a heat-seeking missile to tell them that Johanna didn’t let them help with the shoot.
Eve’s next shoot is in a black shirt and high-waisted, purple skirt. Johanna tells her that she wants to her to have a cocky attitude for the outfit. When the shoot is over, Hate tells Jo about the negative things Megan told Anne and Joe. Megan plays dumb and then pulls her whole “Oh for God’s sake” act like everyone is just so darn immature but her.
Johanna and GS head back to “Elle” downtown to work on their layouts without their assistants. We are reminded that Johanna wants this more than anything. She wants “something that feeds her soul every day.” Oh please. Just find a good tv show and a pizza and you’re done. Soul is filled. Don’t go all crazy with your crying and dreams crap again.
Time for presentations, and the guest judge is Eve. Again we are reminded of the lovely prizes – a one-year paid junior editor position at “Elle” Magazine, an apartment for the duration of the contract and a one-year clothing allowance at H&M.
Gay Sidekick is up first. He explains that he tried to mix street with sophistication and acknowledges that they had some conflicts with Eve feeling comfortable in the clothes, but they worked it out. The judges love the “behind the cover” page because showing someone in a reclined position is very boundary breaking. (What?) They also love the cover lines, placement and jeans on Eve. But they don’t like the gold curtains in the background because it’s distracting. Eve said that she liked the clothes but felt the shoot was a bit unorganized.
Johana’s page is called “Purple Reign.” She explains that she knows Eve has a lot of different sides and was interested in learning more about the mogul side of her. Because of this and because purple is a big color for fall, Johanna began thinking about royalty and was inspired to do a modern regal portrait. They love the picture but there are SO many cover lines. It looks too cluttered and won’t grab the reader. Joe Zee says it looks like an eye chart because the writing decreases in size as you look down the page. Eve admits that she didn’t like purple but claims she was proven wrong. The “behind the cover” page is equally cluttered. Eve said that the photo was pretty organized, and she understood Johanna’s vision for the whole shoot.
While waiting, GS asks Johanna if she’s nervous. When she admits that she is, he says, “Oh. Sucks for you.” Translation: He is completely determined to remain an a-hole to the end. In their own little room, Anne and Joe Zee look at the day’s shoot and all the projects along the way.
Finally, Brett called Johanna and GaySidekick into the office for the moment of truth. Okay, let’s cut to the chase: The winner is Johanna! Upon hearing the news, GS hugs her and says, “Congratulations, you deserve it! Well I do too!” Johanna cries and GS thanks and hugs Anne and Joe Zee. Johanna says that she can feel her whole life turning into a new direction. Her parents will be very proud of her. Really? I thought they, like, forced you into a career your hate. Oh well, let’s just forget that for now and rejoice!
Robby shakes Johanna’s hand, gives her a business card and shows her into her new office. And Johanna’s Elle cover is on those big doors. Aww! Johanna is the right fit.
So what did you all think? I actually thought that GS was more talented and I liked his layout MUCH better for the final challenge. I just couldn’t stand all of Johanna’s text! Her cover made my head spin! But at least she seems to be a nicer person, even if her personality does feel like a milky handshake.
I am taking a little vacation from TVgasm, but I’ll be back soon, I’m sure. I hope you all enjoyed Stylista and have very happy holidays!