Superbowl Sunday!! Packers vs. Steelers

***Fran, of Fran and Barry, will be back to cover this season of Amazing Race, but in the meantime I have been reading her other blog to get my Fran/Amanda Ohly dose. She recapped the Super Bowl, which was very, very brave. Check it out below, and come back for Amazing Race soon!

So this is my first Superbowl where I’ll actually be paying attention to the game MORE than the food.  But to be fair, I’ve just gorged myself on cookies and cherry coke zero.  Cherry Coke Zero is GOOD!  I hope there’s a really good Cherry Coke Zero commercial.  Maybe with a Jack Russell Terrier or something.

Lea Michele, of Glee fame, is singing “Oh beautiful forspacious skies…” all closed eyes and soulful.  She looks pregnant.  Her face looks like she’s pregnant.  Maybe it’s the HD.  But she looks kind a puffy and nourished.  She’s also wearing a winter coat, maybe hiding a pregnant belly?  Probably not, but if she is, I told you so!!  I was an extra on Glee.  Uncredited.  There’s a little Amanda Ohly trivia for ya.

The Green Bay jerseys look sparkly.

Christina Aguilera is singing the national anthem.  Incorrectly. She did what she set out to do, she looks just like Cher.  Or maybe it just rubbed off on her from doing Burlesque.  Do you think it’s in Christinta’s contract to not cut away to too many football players while she’s singing?

They introduced some Gaz                        qqqqqqqqqqqooooys like Walt Andderson.  Zsa∑œ

That was just guest blogger Baby O’Neill!  He’s one year old and he’s the host of the party!

Interesting insight O’Neill!

Donald Driver is in the house!  Or the dome, or wherever the Dallas Cowboys play.

Okay the game started.  Shh!!

Just like I thought, there’s a lot of yellow pants.  Ben Roethlisberger is apparently a rapist.  And “apparently” means “for sure” when it comes to rape.  Am I right or am I right?!  Who was that other footballer who messed up?  Ray Parker?

Zombo is in and playing GB number 58.  When you make the team and get a number I bet it’s like when you get cast in a play and go see what part you got!  Oh that’s so exciting!!  I wonder if you get a say in your number or if it’s all up to the NFL marketing team.

Steelers kick and a Packer caught it and now they’re fighting for the ball.  All the refs are pulling them off of each other one by one.  Williams and Williams.

Boo someone threw it and it just hit the ground.  Bad for the Packers because a Steeler named Wooley just pumped his fist in a good way.

I see Aaron Rodgers shaved for the occasion.  Maybe he got a Gillette Fusion endorsement deal.  Or maybe it was a bet with his wife.  She was like, “shave that scraggle beard!”  And he was like, “I’ll tell you what, if I make it to the superbowl, I’ll shave it!”  But he said it as a joke.  So he’s torn because he wants to play in the superbowl but he’s devastated to shave his lucky scraggle beard.  I’m assuming that’s the story, I would know for sure if he EVER TWITTERED!!

Complete pass to Driver.  Walt Anderson has something to say.  He keeps wagging his finger.

So the Monahan’s Superbowl party is really fun.  There’s a ton of people here and there’s lots of kids and babies and food.  Most of the people are rooting for the Packers because there’s a rapist on the Steelers.  And the people who are for the Steelers are because the Packers beat the Bears.  And there are like four of us who are for the Packers.

A Packer missed the ball.   Nelson.

I saw a whiff of BJ Raji, Superbowl #45’s little darling.

Okay that rich person jail commercial is pretty good.  It’s for A car.  And Kenny G was in it.  So 5ttttttttttttttttte333321““` (<- Baby O’Neil)

Okay let’s take a look at the Steelers for a minute.  They look angry.    Now Walt is giving a peace sign.  Or saying that there are two fouls, or there’s a 2nd down.  Probably something to do with 2.

Oh my goodness a Steeler’s foot is all broken and bandaged.  He probably hurt it in dance class.  I hurt my foot last night in dance class.

8 min left in the 1^st quarter.  Yeah the GB helmets are all glittery too.  It’s like super bedazzled for the SB!

Commercial for a movie called: Fast Five.  Is that the Fast and the Furious Five???  Is there five of those already!?  Damn.  America loves them some fast and furious car racing.

Cut to the Bushes (W and Laura) and the Michael Douglas and Ashton Kutcher.  They all look pretty worn out already.  Did they have to wait in line and fight to get nachos too?  Cameraon Diaz is shoving some food into her boyfriend’s mouth.  A Rod is his name.  He wanted that snack she was offering up.

Aaron Rodgers sorta looks like Brad Garrett.  Sorry Aaron Rodgers.

“Pittsburgh is vulnerable in”….oh Joe Buck stopped talking.

It’s just the first quarter and the butt sweat is overwhelming.

Nelson caught a touchdown!!!  YAYA!!!!  Congratulations Packers you won the first TD of the SBXLV!!!

So in this Doritios commercial there is a young man and his roommate knocks over his grandfather’s ashes.  But from the Doritos his Grandfather comes back from the dead.  But I’m like, what a sad life that that young man is the person who is in possession of his grandfather’s ashes?  He doesn’t have parents?  Or is it just that no one cared about the shitty grandfather and the young man was like “I’ll take his ashes for my apartment, my roommate won’t mind.”

GAME ON!!

I have squares!!  Fun!  I love gambling.  LOVE it.  I love gambling almost as much as I love alcohol.  And I’m an alcoholic!

Packers just got another TD!  There’s a flag on the field!!!!  But it’s for excessive celebration.  Hahahaha.

So the computer version of Paul the octopus said that the Steelers are going to win by like 4 points or something.  But you know what happened to that octopus?  He died!  Out of guilt for predicting things.  Because that’s the devil’s work.

Every so often I think they should play the Benny Hill music because the players are all falling and scrambling and stuff.

Slow mo butt shot.  Aw yeah!!

The coach touched Ben Roethlisberger’s butt, maybe that contributes to rapist behavior.  Did you ever think about that NFL!?  Did you ever think that you’ve created a monster!!!  Or, if the Steelers win, a monSTAR!!  Hey that sounds like a great Pixar movie, MonSTAR!!  It’s about like a monster who wins american idol or some shit.  I’ll sell the rights to whoever wants to pay for them.

End of 1^st quarter.  GB 14 Steelers 0.

O’Neil is clapping a lot.  He’s like a crowd warmer.  Getting everybody pumped!!

Williams flipped Sanders.

The Steelers tried to do a fake out but it didn’t work.

Collins tackled and the Steeler kicked at him.

Steelers got a field goal 3 to 14.

Taint shot.  Slow mo taint jiggle.

OJ Simpson was on the Buffalo Bills.  I did not know that.  He was a running back.  I can see that, he sure know how to run!!  Hhahahhahahha!!!  Where are the Bronco commercials in this thing?  So far, overall commercials are not good this year.

Oh man Donald Driver went limping off.  DRIVER!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are up in their box.  Troy took his suit coat off already! Oh come on Troy! He is looking sorta like he works at Staples or something.

Back to the field: It takes a lot of guts to wear those pants.  They should all get rings.  Apparently they have to buy the rings!!  ”Every TD begins with Kay.”

I got to tell you, the food at this party smells really good.  There’s like pizza or something cooking over there.  But I’m locked in the corner so  I can’t get over there.

Clay Mathews got a blow out for the game today.  His hair is really Suave.

Monkey in suits commercial.  Everyone here loves monkeys in suits.

The Dallas stadium had to send 400 people away because there was no room at the Superbowl for them.  They were like the baby Jesus of superbowl #45.

Man that food smells good!!   Now it smells like cheddar and broccoli or something.  OMG.

Nelson caught the ball.  They’re all high vibine.  Or high fiving, now that I have both of my hands.  Was typing with one hand because I found some cookies on my lap.

Oh yeah, it’s pizza for sure.

The half time show is coming up .  Black Eyed Peas.

Green Bay intercepted and now the Steelers are like super pissed.  Now the Steelers caught the ball and ran and got 40 yards or something like that.  Woodson might be injured now.

Hawk is in the middle of the Pack calling out his own directions.  Oh shit, someone caught the ball and Woodson is going in the locker room.  But he’s jogging to the locker room and not being carted away. So that’s a good sign right?

Everyone at this party HATES Katy Perry.

Steelers touchdown.  And the yellow flags go wild.  Not the yellow flags on the field, in the crowd.  All of the Steelers fans are waving yellow flags.  Sorta like they are surrendering.

Okay so what’s the score now?  10 to 21 with 39 seconds left until the Black Eyed Peas.

Oh it’s done!  Okay half time!!

Took a break from tv to go to the bathroom, got intercepted by Ryan a cute little girl at the party.  I read her chapter 7 of the Mystery of the White Wolf.  Chapter 7 does not hold up on it’s own.  It’s also not very mysterious.  Sorry!

Black Eyed Peas half time show starring Slash and Usher and a million dancers wearing LED lights.  Babies danced.  It was good.

Back to the commercials.  So far there have been none that are like super funny.

A girl named Ava Childs won a thing and she’s on the field, she wants to be the first female kicker on the NFL, um excuse me, what about Kathy Ireland!?!?!  Oh yeah that wasn’t real life that was Necessary Roughness.

There are a lot of people at this party!

Woodson is out with a messed up collar bone.

Okay here’s like a montage of what happens next:

-Call against GB for holding a face mask or just the shirt.

-A run away took out a camera man!

-A Steeler got far, they made a touchdown “Now it’s a game!” Someone exclaimed.

-Medal of Honor winner waves.

Baby Henry who is now sitting next to me, is a Steelers fan!  He raises the roof when they do a good play!  Hahaha weird!

Steelers intercepted.  James Harrison just does not quit.  He’s been cut 4 times in his NFL career.  I guess that means that he gets asked back or reaautidions or something.

All beer and car commercials.  And like one Dorito commercial.

Groupon commercial!  Controversial Groupon commercial.  Ooo!  People are offended by Timothy Hutton!  Wow, I wish I cared either way.  Not sure why I don’t!  Good for Groupon though, go controversial or go home!  This is the damn superbowl with a rapist!

9:00 left in the 3^rd quarter.

They’re breathing really heavy.  Clay Matthews is all breathing heavy like he’s the cover of a harlequin novel.  His heaving breast plates with his suave hair cascading out of his helmet.  Now that’s gotta be sexy for guys and girls!

Simon Cowell is back for The X Factor.  I think someone overestimated how much America really loves Simon Cowell.  I bet it was the last act of Paul the octopus!  Damn you Paul!!!

BAM!  There was like a triple head butt but Moore, Steeler 21 took the ball pretty far.

Roethlisberger has a cheat sheet, he has the entire periodic table of elements on his wrist band.

Pittsburg is bringing the heat now.  They’re stealing first all over the place.

Matthews made a great block.

The pants have a taint strip.

Clifton has a pretty solid behind.  But when he turns around it looks like he has a baby face.  No thank you.  Get a beard on that shit.

BTW I’m wearing a superbowl ring I got from a cupcake.  I’m so awesome.

Whoa #81 Packer’s helmet got knocked off.  It didn’t even seem like that hard of a hit.  Cher better get on that!!  Maybe that’s why she sent Christina Aguilera, to make sure everyone had good helmets.  And to make sure they’re all bedazzled!!  It’s all making sense!

After the superbowl….Glee.  Of course.  America loves football and they love Glee.  It used to be that all they loved was Cheetos.  But those days are questionable.

GB punt, Steelers catch.

Troy Aikman got the memo and put his jacket back on.  He’s like Bob Dole, always holding a pen.

Joe Buck was not a sports player of any kind.  He was the son of a baseball announcer.  Cardinals.  ”The only boy who could ever reach me, was the son of a Cardinals announcer!”

Brawl!!!  Fight fight fight fight!!!  Oh man a Packer hit a Steeler in the face!!

Shaw.  There’s another dude on the Packers with amazingly long hair, not as luscious as Matthews, but still.

The Steeler’s coach or something looks like a hot version of Laurence Fishbourne.  He’s all yelling and angry.  He thinks that Shaw didn’t catch it and there’s like a lot of debate over whether or not it’s complete or something.

Still looking at it.

The world is waiting.  Ah, yeah.

They called it incomplete and now the Packers are gonna punt.  Good punt.

So 11 seconds left in the 3^rd.  Shields is back in the game.  I’m pretty sure they just called Shields the total package.

4^th quarter!!  Only 15 minutes exactly left in the game!!

Packers catch a fumble and take the ball from the Steelers.  And the crowd goes wild!!!  Clay Matthews is proud.

Long throw, no one catches it.

Jones caught a ball on the ground.  The Packers are getting their groove back.

He dropped the ball!!!  Jordie Nelson.  Dropped the ball.

Now he got it back and ran it almost to the endzone.

Jennings caught it and made a TD!!!  TD GB!!

That robot is always jumping around like he’s about to jump in the game.  He never gets tagged in. Someone tag him in!!  They should let that robot be the wild card player and every team can use him once a season for one down.

ANOTHER commercial?!

Clay Matthews is 3^rd generation NFL.  Does that mean he’s like in the NFL mafia?

Pass incomplete.

Steelers caught the ball and ran it to the endzone!!  Ahhhh!!!  It’s anyone’s game!!  Not a TD though.  But now it is, he waltzed right into a TD.

25 to 28.

Tim Jennings caught a long ball.  Yay!!

The Steelers uniforms are less appealing.  I know that’s someone’s job to design and put the colors together. But white jerseys don’t look so good on those pasty white boys with black stringy hair.  Just saying.

Now Jones caught a long throw.

The Packers are really close to catching a TD and #87 missed it.

Mason Crosby let’s make some noise!!  Kick that ball boy!

25 to 31

Terra Nova!!!!! Jurassic Park the show!!! Ahhhh I gotta be on that!! How have I never hear of that before!?!?  Oh my god I have to lose weight to be on that show!!  Shut up why have I not heard of this show yet!?  You guys, Terra Nova is where it’s at!  Please everyone love this show and watch it so that it gets another season and I get cast on it!!  Ahhhh!!! I look so good in tank tops and cargo pants!!

There goes that little camera droid, zipping along on his wire in the sky.

Roethlisberger looks like he’s wearing a bullet proof vest, do you think he’s aftaid of getting assassinated by an angry father?

The Packers are getting the crowd to cheer.

Incomplete.  Great defensive move from the Packers!!!  Aw now everyone is like on the field and clapping but there’s 30 seconds left!!  25 to 31!!  Packers won!!!!!!!

They just made the Steelers mad!!!!  Oh oh!!!  You do NOT want to make the Steelers mad! Someone’s getting raped tonight!!

Down on the field Greg Jennings says that “they’ve overcome adversity all year and all the players are going down and they bottled it up and exerted it all on the field”  True enough Greg!  Now, all the cheese you can eat ever!! Yay Green Bay!  Yay Wisconsin!!

They just splashed Mike McCarthy with Gatorade!  Cheddar Gatorade!

Congratulations on a great football everyone!  By the way I would like to say that I think I’m good luck, the first year I get into football my team wins.  Pretty bitchin’!  Let’s make the Bears win next year!