MiniCap: Survivor

Survivor

By PottyMouth | Thursday, May 3, 2012 | 11:30 am | 44 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, Survivor

Bwahahaahaahahahahahahaha, Gasmi!  Were you all laughing as much as I was last night?  Last week this show almost had me in a coma, this week, I almost peed my pants.

Almost????

Fine!  I peed them!  But even you have to admit that there was some funny shit going on last night, JEFFREY!!

We start out the evening the way we always do; back at Camp Titty-Caca.  Everyone is super excited to have gotten Douchezan outta there, so naturally they’ve got to be thinking about who will go next.  Abitchia in particular is looking ahead, and she realizes that even though she can’t stand Christina, she’s actually sort of stupid and should maybe stick around.  She thinks it’s Sabrina that they have to worry about.

The reward challenge is the annual visit from a family member one, and this time around the family visitors get to play as well.  No, unfortunately the challenge does not involve them eating disgusting foods the way it did the year Rupert’s stanky ass played. SIGH.  Instead, it’s another untangle yourself from a giant rope maze challenge.

Which Kat wins

She promptly chooses Kim (which shocks Jeff given what happened in last week’s pick) and Abitchia (because who wouldn’t want to spend their afternoon with a nasty feral piece of shit special ed teacher?).  A lot of people aren’t too happy with her picks; after all, Tarzan is old and shoulda (according to Sabrina) been picked so he could spend some time with his wife, and Christina’s dad is a transplant patient who only has about 5-10 more years to live.

But Kat has a reason for choosing the way she did…..

Happy Hour!!!!!!

Yep.  She just wants to hang out and have a good time.  And hey, it’s her choice, but I think she made a stupid move on this one.

But I AM stupid.

Yes.  Yes you are.

There’s more talk of booting Sabrina during the reward outing, while back at camp there’s talk of booting Kat.  Kim’s not sure what to do, Chelsea thinks she’s in it with Kim to the end (so not happening), and Kat continues to be an idiot.

The immunity challenge involves holding onto a rope behind your back while being lowered over the water more and more.  Until you fall off.  There are some surprises in the order that people fall off, but in the end it’s down to Kim and Kat.  And once again, Kat is a big fucking baby about wanting to win one and is a HUGE fucking spoilsport when Kim doesn’t hand her the win.

Come back in a couple of days and we’ll talk about Tarzan’s chest hair flapping in the wind (eewww), Kat’s ongoing sense of entitlement, and of course, how the vote went down.  It’s sure to be FUN!  And EXCITING!!!

See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

 

PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

44 Comments

  1. 1
    Clair Clair
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I think I was laughing MORE than you were last night.

    Bwahahaahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

  2. 2
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Blindsides are FUN! Well, they are when you are not the one being blindsided.

  3. 3
    Philo
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Great episode.

    Few observations:
    1. What is wrong with Christina’s bikini bottoms where they keep having to blur her rear end?
    2. How in the world, after 31 days, is Abitchia still carrying around a kangaroo pouch? (Bad choice in swimwear?)
    3. I have never seen “cousins” act the way I witnessed last night.
    4. How someone can get pissed at another for not handing them immunity. Need to earn it damn it!

  4. 4
    Philo
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    5. Hope everything is “cool beans” after TC.

  5. 5
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    If you have already seen the epi or don’t mind spoilers, then this week’s Ponderosa clip is a must see. The person evicted is still crying uncontrollably in the SUV ride and even at weigh-in. “Why meeeeeee??????”

  6. 6
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I have never seen “cousins” act the way I witnessed last night.

    Incest is FUN!!!!!

  7. 7
    Mimis
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!! Lmao last night! Yeah, Kat’s running things, ha!

  8. 8
    mere2142
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I love how she threw in a ‘touche’ just for good measure!

  9. 9
    carol
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I thought it was interesting everyone had a mother/father/brother/sister/cousin and Tarzan was the only one to have a romantic type relationship there. Kat’s relationship with her ‘cousin’ was strange. She is never going to find a man that lives up to her ‘cousin’ in her eyes.

    How do you watch/find the Ponderosa clip?

  10. 10
    Clair Clair
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    http://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/video/

    then scroll down to the Ponderosa tab

  11. 11
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Go to the video section at the CBS survivor site and there is a tab for Ponderosa. Usually there are three clips for each eviction, but I only saw one for this week.

  12. 12
    carol
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    That was one of the funniest things I have seen from this season. Ponderosa is a plush living environment (ice cream sundaes!!). It is amazing how much interaction they have with outside people, not just the jury members. In the early seasons, I thought the jury wasn’t allowed to talk to each other after being eliminated. That is totally not the case anymore.

  13. 13
    wow
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Yikes, those Ponderosa clips seem to be pointing to a very bitter jury…if Kim makes it to the end she’s going to need to sweet talk them big time if she has any hopes of winning. Meanwhile, Go Sabrina! Seems like she has to do is hang in there!

  14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    How can any of them claimed to be ‘starved’ out there? They have done nothing but eat.

    Great clip – total breakdown!

  15. 15
    lindaw205
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    “Is that real ketchup?”

  16. 16
    lindaw205
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    That blindside was so funny I had to go back and watch the episode again. Can’t wait for the full recap!

  17. 17
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Between Kat’s unusually close relationsip to her cousin and a “fun and exciting” blindside, I LOVED THIS EPISODE!!!!!

  18. 18
    randomnicole
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I’m watching this one again because yes, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  19. 19
    fancyface
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Oh how GLORIOUS it was to watch her sit there and stroke her own feathers so proudly while she thought she was ‘running’ the show and then the mighty, mighty, fall! What happened to blindsides being all ‘fun’ and stuff? Her reaction was PRICELESS.

    BTW, being 23 is not an excuse for being a fucking moron. I was in the 3rd year of buying my 1st house at her age. She’s just a brat that got exactly what she deserved. For her to interview that she was embarrassed to go out before Tarzan & Christina was hilarious also. BUT, imho, the FUNNIEST part of the episode was Leif’s reaction after she was voted out. Could his jaw hit the floor any further? LOL…Good times :)

  20. 20
    zerocool
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Exactly why I think Tarzan will win this thing – none of the jury will hate him.

  21. 21
    leslilly
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    YES!! Blindsides are FUN and EXCITING!! And “wow, we’re really in charge of this game!” Oh Kat, you’re not naive – just stupid.

    Oh man – between being bored to tears and disgusted w/Survivor this season..well, i never thought there would be a good moment. There was much laughter in this household last night – finally!

  22. 22
    leslilly
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Thanks, crankyguy! I cannot wait to watch it.

  23. 23
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    I don’t think they are ‘cousins’ by blood their interacts were just too weird and they touched A LOT. I don’t understand how she didn’t realize she was getting voted out. For Pete’s sake you even asked why all the conversations were revolving around you! Blindsides are deliciously fun…when you aren’t the one being blindsided. Sorry Kat, you shouldn’t have used ‘age’ as your excuse..sheltered was a better way to spin it. Did she ever explain why she jumped off the beam on one of those earlier challenges?

  24. 24
    wow
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Yes, that would be an epic mistake if they let him make it to the end!!!

  25. 25
    leslilly
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Philo:

    1) Huge bush?
    2) Too many food rewards
    3) Kat isn’t very girly. I think they’re buds.
    4) Agreed

  26. 26
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    What a dingbat.

    This is the dim witted-est cast of all time.

    Can’t wait for the full recap – great job, PM!

  27. 27
    running wild
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    I don’t know what was more fun and exciting- the blindside or the Ponderosa clip. Bwahahahahaha!

  28. 28
    See-Jay
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Best episode of the season.

  29. 29
    msjacqmills
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:18 am

    This episode was a close 2nd to Colton getting his karmic comeuppance…that was GLOOOOORIOUS!

  30. 30
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I really like that KIM but I don’t see how she can win short of winning every single immunity from here on out.

    Are these ladies suffering from some sort of island fever?

    Kat? I don’t like Kat but she isn’t a threat. On the other hand, if they voted her out because she’s selfish that’s a good enough reason for me.

  31. 31
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I agree with you Mr. Danger–Kat is too dumb to be a threat—in fact she is the best kind of dumb: The kind that thinks they are smart. Its a great reason to keep her. Lose Abitchia– I hate her and want her no closer to getting any money. Keep Christina and her “blurred out bottom” around–she wont win the final b/c no one likes her.

  32. 32
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    I have quickly scrolled past all the comments (you were so excellent to not reveal too much) after reading your mini-cap and am now going to watch the show online as you have promised that it is funny. Funny, I can take. So over this season, but old loyalty to an original reality TV franchise is bringing me back. Off to watch. Better be funny. :)

  33. 33
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    One more – (and love this font in this section – it changes after posting, but still…nice) I just don’t care about anyone who is left. I just haven’t cared about any of the contestants this season. So, really, that’s my issue. Having no one to root for or against, really. Alicia is pretty awful, but not awful enough, I guess. Ah, Russell. :)

  34. 34
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Are you sure? I didn’t think that had changed…just that whoever was talking about it wasn’t thinking straight. Hmmm. If they CAN talk to each other than that whole “I’m gonna eff you UP with the others!” ploy just might work!

  35. 35
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Hmm, I think you guys may have missed the even more hilarious thing: Kat actually said (and I played it back a few times to be sure) that blindsides are funNY and exciting. Jeff just repeated “fun and exciting”.

    So Ms. “Ha ha we fooled you because I’m with the IN crowd!” Kitty Kat thought (note the use of past tense) that blindsiding someone was downright hysterical! If I may borrow a line from some of you…BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! And to think I was actually ROOTING for this asshat last week. Grrr.

    However, I still think Kim has got to go. She’s far too entitled-feeling for my taste, although I generally prefer the strong players even if they’re total douchnozzles, which is weird, cuz she is playing well but I’m not into her.

    Oh, and has anyone made mention of the article (E! Online, I think) that talks about Kim’s mustache? Apparently she knew when she got to the island that it was gonna grow like a weed and told people, and they laugh at her thick ‘stache throughout the season. At least she has a sense of humor.

  36. 36
    lindaw205
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @zerocool – Actually the guys have all universally talked about their dislike of Tarzan and his voting with the women so I don’t think he would get their votes.

  37. 37
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    How can Kim have a mustache but none of the girls have pubic hair sprouting from their teeny weeny bikinis?

    Obviously some maintenance is going down on the island.

  38. 38
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    There is some speculation in one of the earlier comments that Christina may have so much as to require her nether regions to be blurred lest America be horrified. Either that, or she has the same problem as Tarzan.

  39. 39
    Trisha
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Yes I literally died laughing when it was announced she was going the F home! Especially after her comment about blindsides. I was SOOOOO EFFING happy when her face hit the floor that I could have literally passed out and been ok with it.

    God now she has to sit on the jury and being even more confused than before. bet she evens thinks she’s still in the running for the million LMAO

  40. 40
    itchy itchy
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I’m assuming they’re blurring out Christina’s cellulite, since that would be offensive to many viewers’ eyes. Tarzan’s moobs, on the other hand, are a warning to us all.

    Also, I’m going on 50 and I’m still pretty socially inept, so I’ll cut Kat a break there. But she is an idiot, and that pretty much drains away my goodwill.

    I’m not liking Kim so much. It just seems like she’s getting too much of a free ride, and she just comes off as so damned smug about it. So my biggest hope is that she’ll get blindsided very soon.

    I want Chelsea to win. For all the right reasons.

  41. 41
    carol
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    They totally talk to each other now. Maybe I was confusing this with another show, but I am pretty sure that were in isolation after being eliminated before. But I am guessing that all changed when CBS realized that there is this whole new way of watching videos/shows called the internet. Then the video(s) of Ponderosa became a lot more important. Think, for every clip you watch online, you have to watch a 30 second ad (I HATE that crying mom and daughter one!), that is a lot of ad revenue for a 3 minute spot.

  42. 42
    carol
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I want to know how the family visits work. I know how it appears on the show, but what are the logistics behind it? Are all the contestants’ family members that are going to visit on notice that they might be going on a trip or do they fly out the final 10 peoples families just because it would be easier. They have to leave some wiggle room in there for delays/weather/etc, so was Troy’s family member also flown out because he was only voted off the night before? Could you imagine if the family members are flown out, arrive, do the challenge&visit and then have to fly home right away. But they also have to have time to film those video clips, etc. Do they have a Family Ponderosa somewhere?

  43. 43
    emptymailbox
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I think what bugs me about Kim is that she’s so damn sanctimonious on top of her obvious smugness. It’d be one thing if she claimed to be running the show and actually owned up to her actions in her confessionals. But after last week’s reward challenge, she had the gall to sit there and talk about how miserable she felt for having to decide who would go with her to the reward? Give me a friggin’ break.

    If this were Boston Rob, he might complain about how hard the decision was to the other players, but then he’d turn to the cameras and give us a smile and wink. Sure, he might come across as arrogant, but at least his arrogance is self-aware.

    Kim seems to drink her own Kool-aid, and that’s why I find her insufferable. She conveys a sense of “I deserve to win this; I’m in control of this game,” and in the same breath, whines about how difficult it is for her to make decisions.

    If she really felt that bad about making tough decisions, she would have relinquished her tenuous grasp on the game’s reigns by now. I’d have a lot more respect for her if she were more honest with herself and the cameras.

  44. 44
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 9, 2012 at 10:24 am

    @emptymailbox: I’m a bit late in this comments as the full ‘cap is up, but I just had to say I love your “name” and your thoughts! Totally agree about Rob (I’ve always had a soft spot for the guy and his accent), and Kim. Well said!

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