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The first burning question of the night is: When did Elizabeth Shue turn into Chelsea Handler?
If you get drunk and say super mean things to Ted Danson, I’ll totally start watching this bs again.
Survivor is in that beginning stage where there’s not much going on due to the lack of any kind of drama or evil gay person running around starting drama. Also, RAIN. The producers should watch the weather channel a little next time they choose a location. I don’t wanna see a bunch of skinny ass stinky ungroomed dolts shivering and huddling under a tarp. I wanna see them bleeding and falling into fires and stuff.
What he said.
Tonight’s episode started with Team Suckassawega down to two players. The guy who thinks he’s a model because he’s thin and young, and the lady I hope gets a chance to beat a mugger with her purse at least once in her life. She has the face for it, no?
Malcom is put on the yellow team and Denise goes to red. Right before they leave camp, Malcom finds the immunity idol. His team wins both the immunity and reward challenge, too. He’s on a roll!! No matter how much success this guy finds on Survivor, I have a sneaking feeling I know what he’ll be doing the rest of his life.
Finally. My Mai Tai. Now DANCE.
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29 Comments
Flipit,
Thanks so much for covering the minicap for me and cracking me up while I’m at the airport sitting next to the stinkiest man alive. I think I’d rather be nestled in Penner’s lap right now than sitting next to this dude! maybe not.
Much love!
SWAK, PottyMouth
I loved seeing the nurturing maternal side of Probst-bot with Dana.
I wanted to see the tribe get down to one member like they did the one year with Stephanie and Bobby John.
Jeff Probst is now and forever known to me as “The Heckler” wow did he lay into some of those contestants during the challenge! What’s up with the sensual should rub on the boat as he was leaving with that sick little boy? Plus WTF was up with Dawson’s good-bye as she slinked up to him for a full body rub and face licking – sexual chocolate indeed!
AWESOME screencaps by the way – Peekaboo had me in stitches!
I lost count keeping up with the various commandments and gospellish rules Dawson broke this episode. Always a pleasure.
And I really wish they’d have forced Ave Meshugenah to play — she’d have gotten her ass kicked on that one. Anyway, there’s no way her tribe would keep her over RC, who is clearly one kickass competitor during the challenges.
I was surprised Denise didn’t step up to do the puzzle — she’d have had that in five seconds.
Oh yeah, and Penner said in an interview that he purposely beefed up in order to come into the season with a good fat supply. Pretty smart, now that you think about it.
itchy: You might be interested to know this, but in Dawson’s “day after” interview on the CBS site, she mentions how she liked how the “Survivor” experience got her away from her family and her church. I think she’s young and she’s probably still coming into her own.
I know in the scheme of things she’s just “Random Red Tribe Cannon Fodder #2,” but I liked her. She was plucky and funny and interesting. It wasn’t a wise game decision, but her trolling Jeff Kent about his baseball career in the shelter was hysterical. So was her slightly creepy crush on Probst. Her exit was awkward and hilarious.
The early boots are bringing it this season. Usually by now they’ve gotten rid of people who make me go “who?” but so far everyone has really had a well-defined character by the time their torch is snuffed. Can’t imagine that’s going to happen to the guy with the Ellen DeGeneres hair, though. Has he spoken yet?
Katie also surprised me in this episode by actually having an edit and by being able to competently articulate strategy. I never expect that from the obvious model/actor recruits. Too bad she sucks in challenges. To be fair, though, Jeff Kent sucked as well. He was slow getting over the obstacles, and he gave up on chopping the log. Probst would never call out one of the show’s celebrity gimmick contestants, though.
Oh yeah, Dana got sick and left. Meh. Can’t say she ever left an impression on me.
I haven’t watched this trainwreck for personalities since season 1 but love your captions-especially the last one.Comparing goody 2-shoes with Cloris-one of the most under-rated actresses of her time-a classic.
Yep, I noticed that Probst was being quite gentle with the suckier male players.
And I agree, I’m being too hard on Dawson — I don’t think she ever brought up her religosity on the show, did she? So yeah, my bad. I still prefer looking at Miss Delastacked anyway.
Oh, and also, Denise has a definite Moe thing going on too.
itchy: Oh, you’re not being hard on her. I think it’s genuinely interesting when people come out of the “Survivor” experience changed. I’ve just never heard someone say, in a positive manner, that it made them step outside of the box of their religious community. I find that fascinating and I wish the show would explore the character’s psyches, lifestyles and backgrounds a bit more.
I’m really enjoying this season. It’s been a right good while since I’ve had this much fun watching the show.
When I was a fat teenager in the early 90′s, I had a biology teacher who measured our body fat with skin calipers and then made us calculate how long we could survive on our body fat stores if we couldn’t eat. While my classmates could all live a few weeks, Enrique’s Mole could have lived for months without eating. As I stood in front of the class wanting to die, her words of consolation to me were, “At least you’re a survivor!” Thanks, bitch! Where’s my million?
I did feel sorry for Dana. Probst sure wanted to make her say she was quitting of her own volition, which I guess she was, but if you’re sick, you’re sick. Prior to this ep, I kind of hated Jonathan. Now he’s growing on me…like a fungus.
@Enrique’s Mole That’s horrible! What a bitch! I hope karma got her good and now she can’t leave her bed without the jaws of life. Would serve her right!
Dawson’s exit was epic. She was staring at Jeff the whole time he was giving his little goodbye speech and snuffing her torch like she was going to jump his bones at any second. When she actually went in for the kiss, my husband and I nearly died. Bizarre and hilariously awkward=awesome t.v.
Denise: Tough, Determined Lady
Dawson: obsessed freakazoid
Dana: BIG PUSSY
Who does Blair’s eyebrows? They’re very Joan Crawford.
Dawson was one of the characters I wanted to see more of, and about . . . .so I’m pretty bummed the second she’s actually speaking and being featured, she’s gone.
Glad Denise made it through . . . she’s poised to make a pretty good run at this . . . .
Happy Travels Potty!!!
I got the impression Dawson only came on the show to get close to Probst. But now it makes sense why she’d have recognized the baseball player — maybe she’s a bit celebrity obsessed?
It would have been great for her to have a couple more weeks with Denise, who definitely would have helped her step out of the fog of the cult she was raised in.
I called it last week…I knew the producers would split up Malcolm and Denise.
@Itchy, Dawson said on the first episode that her ex was a huge baseball fan, and that she recognized Jeff immediately. I expected her to out him when she left.
@caligal: Yeah, I was wondering why she didn’t out him when she left. Might as well get back at him for voting her out, right? At first I thought that that’s what the dramatic torch-snuffing pause was.
Denise is my favorite. She seems very sharp and she’s a beast in challenges.
Oh, I could understand Dawson’s ex recognizing him, sure, if he was a big fan. But her? How many years later? She didn’t say that she was a fan. I found that part weird. But then, she kind of proved she’s a strange bird with the whole Probst hug-and-kiss scene.
I especially liked it when Probst closed his eyes and whispered softly to himself; Mmmm. Colby.
Jeff Kent only retired from baseball in 2009, it’s not like he’s been gone a long time. And he was pretty special while he was playing it. An asshole, but a special player. Literally one of the best second basemen of all times. I admit I’m a big baseball fan but there’s some guys you just don’t forget. Don’t like basketball, but would still recognize Jordan, Magic, Byrd, Kevin G and lots of others.
Well, there was that one guy with the tattoos on his face, I’d probably recognize him. Maybe.
Dana is lucky that TJ Lavin isn’t hosting this show – he hates quitters.
Probst missed his opportunity – Dawson was DFT.
DFT = Definitely a Fucking Twit?
Dawson not outing Jeff was lame and disappointing. I guess he will be outed on finale night, unless someone on the other team recognizes him after the merge.
@Enrique’s Mole ‘Probst sure wanted to make her say she was quitting of her own volition, which I guess she was, but if you’re sick, you’re sick’
I found that whole exchange sooooo uncomfortable. I was yelling at the TV ‘just let her be, she is f-ing sick!!! What does it matter if she says she’s out or if you say it?’
But it matters greatly. I guess Probst needed to make absolutely sure SHE stated herself that SHE was taking herself out. Had he been the only one who did, a lot of unpleasantness could have ensued.
After being taken on the boat, given meds, nice bed, food and warm clothing, she might have decided that she does feel better, or even ‘miraculously returned to health’, and demanded to be put back in the game. She might have even tried to claim that she never wanted to be out, she was just ‘too weak’ to understand what was happening, and did not even realize ‘they’ took her out against her will. People are assholes, especially when a Million $$ is involved. I would not be surprised if somebody in an earlier season tried to pull crap like that, because it seemed like a lesson had been learned in the past, and Probst was just crossing all the Ts and dotting all the Is.
I CAN’T STAND Ave! She gives off a serious nutcase vibe. She seems like the type of woman who starts all the fights in her relationships, both personal and professional, and has no qualms about being physically violent and emotionally abusive. Plus, I suspect she may have some undiagnosed Bipolar issues, if not the full disorder. Her violent temper tantrums, flying off the handle, and imagining slights where there were none and going after the person she deems their perpetrator are truly hard to watch, and actually scary. With this type of knee-jerk reaction personality you just never know what the flash point may be.
I could also not stop giggling when they showed Juggs’s reactions to Ave’s blowups and the poor woman had NO CLUE what train just rode over her and why. Now all her swagger, her ‘cool’ appear to be just put ons, a for-TV-persona, while the real person underneath is sweet, sensitive, naive, and too nice to realize an A’hole train is coming towards her.
@Enrique’s Mole : Word. And hugs.
In grade seven they made all the girls line up in front a scale in the gym…then the gym teacher called out everyone’s weight…
Mine was 110lbs…I will never forget it. Fucking asshole gym teacher…
Yep, still bitter!
Sweetblondie:
Gym Teachers-In 10th grade we all had to do some kind of flip over the other person’s shoulder,standing,after seeing it once. My partner dropped me. No padded mats. Gym teacher said,”you ok?” I said , “no.” Do it again.
I did it again. She dropped me again. I’d flipped her even though she outweighed me by 20 lbs. I never really went back to school again after that.
There are a lot of assholes in the world. It explains all the shit we have to shovel.
I had an English teacher who was describing a character who was odd,and unloved, and taunted by the entire town because of his strange ways and personality flaws- and one of the boys stood up behind me and said, ”
Just like xxxxMy name” and the whole class laughed including the teacher. Bullying is as old as time.
Yup-Still bitter.There are things you never get over or rise above.I’m willing to bet that that gym teacher wasn’t your one and only unwanted moment in the limelight.
Jeff only despises male quitters, like Osten, but I guess that’s the double-edginess of Jeff’s blatant misogyny. Dana, though, gets a pass because she was sick and was probably going to leave the game once the twelve hours was up, anyway. If you listen to “Rob Has A Podcast,” Dana mentioned that she was severely dehydrated and didn’t get back to “normal” for six weeks after returning home. In the wake of Kim Spradlin’s successful “Vagina” Alliance, I was surprised to find out from Dawson/Dana that another all-female alliance was in the works and the target to go home this week before everything happened was actually Carter. @PGY, had that actually happened, I think Carter would have been the last boring person to go home.
Lemme ask you somethin. If you find out you’re going on Survivor, what do you do? Immediately lay down on the couch and get on the internets and just veg, while losing as much weight as possible and getting as many tattoos as you can afford? Because I’d be leaning to make a fire out of air and sand, packing on like 50 pounds, and running around like crazy trying to lengthen my stamina. Also? If you can sit through that many tattoos, why can’t you withstand a bellyache? I’ve been in labor three times and had several gallbladder attacks, and no damn bellyache is gettin me down. Blow a fart for cripe sake, you’ll feel a lot better. Ugh, these whiny youngsters.
@Pam
I really liked your post
TC, Robin
Thank you, @Robin. I’m not usually so harsh…but, y’know, maybe I am.
