Minicap: Survivor

35 Comments

1. 1
   Pyper
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 4:00 pm

   Just read online that this season had the lowest viewers EVAH….
   Best part of the whole show last night was the crab montage of them waving at each other

2. 2
   Pyper
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 4:01 pm

   * season premier that is…

3. 3
   Catherine
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 5:17 pm

   I love how Brandon fell into his same sctick of ‘vote out the harlot woman’ right in the first episode.

4. 4
   Considerthis
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 5:48 pm

   Did love the waving crabs. Was cracking up at the “Hottest Survivors” alliance – really??

   Hope all gasmi go into snark overdrive when dealing with “I’m the best looking guy here” douchebage whatever his name is.

   Agree 100% that Burnett’s definition of “favorites” is like ABC’s definition of “stars” in Dancing with the.

5. 5
   lindaw205
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 5:51 pm

   I hit FF through most of the discussions about who should be voted out. And I really don’t like the cool kids club who think they should stick together because they’re the prettiest.

   The best thing about this season is going to be playing fantasy survivor again.

6. 6
   Chicken Lips
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 6:41 pm

   I was so glad to see that Special Agent Crazy had time to stop by the pinky panty store on the way to the airport before he hit the beach because you can’t have SAC without baggy pink drawers! That is just good clean fun no matter how you slice it!

   Other than that…ugh. I’m not sure I’m going to be able handle an entire season of this show. We’ll have to see.

7. 7
   blazergirl
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 7:27 pm

   All other obnoxious people aside, I forgot how much I loved Crazy Ass Phillip. He is certifiable, but damn if he isn’t entertaining!

   Great to have you back too PottyMouth!

8. 8
   KJN
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 8:45 pm

   I wanted to smack the smug smirk off of the male half of the “best looking people out here” soooo bad. What a tool. Grow up A.C. Slater, you ain’t in high school no more.

   Damn, I really wanted to see Franscesqua, Franchestcwa, Frantessca…let’s just go with “Fran”, actually get to play the game this time. She’s funny, personable and smart and I think she could’ve gone far. Well, she did make Survivor history, even if it wasn’t quite how she would’ve wanted.

   Brandon is crazy. That is all.

   My absolute favorite moment of the night was that little creature suddenly appearing, pouncing on that insect? lizard? before taking off and having himself a snack. My husband and I seriously watched that like 10 times. I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. Whatever that thing was, I love it and want one. The crabs were great, too. All in all, I would say the creatures definitely stole the show from the humans last night.

9. 9
   Derek Hazelton
   Posted February 14, 2013 at 9:02 pm

   Fran goes down as the worst Survivor of all time. I almost think the Favorites voted her out first so that she would have that dubious distinction. Malcolm couldn’t even look at her as she was getting her torch snuffed. You could tell she was completely pissed. However, she made the mistake of leading the charge against someone without securing the numbers prior to letting the tribe know who she wanted eliminated from the game. If she had targeted Andrea only, she might’ve been able to convince Dawn/Cock Ring and maybe Brenda to vote for her, but everyone wants to pull a Boston Rob and go to the end with the Pink Panty.

10. 10
    Mae
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    @KJN, That’s a Tarsier eating a grasshopper

11. 11
    crankyguy
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    @KJN, that cute little fucker is a tarsier, and you can’t have one as they are endangered and don’t do well in captivity in any case.

    And how can Fransisqua be a favorite when she was voted out first in her season?

12. 12
    PinkTop
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    I hope the “hottest people here” alliance (consisting of very mediocre looking people) gets voted off first. Seriously what a bunch of tools.

13. 13
    J-Mo
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 12:10 am

    YAY Pottymouth! Girl, I’m so glad you’re back, I’m excited to see more manties dotting your recaps!

    It never ceases to amaze me how these model-esque shallow-types align with each other over and over again while touting their good looks and perfect gym bodies, and the rest of us watch and say “God, what a bunch of douche-lamps, I hate conceited people!”… and yet they still continue to act like it’s high school all over again, and then they are flummoxed when they get voted out and they don’t win Fan Favorite. These people have to be watching, too, and I’d bet you dollars to donuts they’re saying the same shit as the rest of us and reassuring themselves “If I got on this show, *I’d* never act like that…” I guess what I’m trying to say is: pretty people seem stupider than the rest of us.

    Of course, if I got on this show (not that I ever would because there is no way I can go for 20 MINUTES without food, much less 39 days) I would probably be guilty of trying to build a Team Rainbow from the get-go with the other gays, fashion glitter and disco-balls out of island materials, organize a dance night, and thus incur the wrath of all the religious people like Dawn and Hantzypantz. But I’d go Philip one better and bring a thong, just to cause CBS to have to spend money pixellating my crack out all the time.

    love, J-Mo

14. 14
    KJN
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 12:19 am

    *stomps feet* But, I want a tarsier! I want one now! Oompa Loompas were endangered too, but Veruca’s daddy said SHE could have one! Sooo not fair!

    The way it came out of nowhere and slide down that pole and BOOM! there it was reminded me of Batman. For some reason I can just hear it saying “I’m Batman” in a Christian Bale voice. Don’t ask me why. I just do.

15. 15
    itchy
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 1:27 am

    J-Mo, there’s a reality show for you! It’s called Castaway, it was on the BBC and it’s completely ridiculous (not saying you’re ridiculous, of course) — you’d love it. Because most of the show is about the castaways throwing parties for each other…

    Fran got voted out again because she sucks. She’s got kind of this weird passive whiny “please don’t kick me – ouch – please don’t kick me again” vibe to her, while she’s scrambling way too hard too fast to make deals. As Philip points out, better to relax.

    Of course, it’s easy for him to say, since it looks like he’s going to play the same “goat” strategy he played last time. A really unlikeable character. Not quite as bad as Hantz, of course.

    I refuse to call these people Favorites. They’re IDIOTS (for the most part). And who decided Malcolm was a favorite? This season was filmed before the last season even aired, right? So none of the “fans” know him from Adam. Even though I did like him as a player, he’s kind of a fish out of water here.

    I really wanted to root for the Fans. But there are too many idiots on that tribe too. I like the hipster alliance though, we’ll see how that goes.

    Seems to me that half of this episode was taken up by nature shots. Look, if I want to watch National Geographic, I can do that. I want to watch Survivor not some fucking crab dance.

    Although, speaking of which, there’s a video showing how they got Probst on that rock in the opening sequence. Amazing. Guys got balls, I’ll give him that.

16. 16
    Lurker
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 2:04 am

    All this talk about Tarier’s had me searching the internet for cute little picutes of them, cuz I agree they are cute. In fact I was more interested in them then in the actual show. Any hooooo, I found this hilarious Youtube vid and just had to share it with anyone who was interested. Maybe it is just late and I am tired, but I sure thought it was funny!

17. 17
    cattyfan
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 5:20 am

    I had the misfortune to catch Malcolm attempting to act on The Bold and The Beautiful this week. (Wednesday’s episode, timed to coincide with the Survivor premiere.) He had as much charisma as a styrofoam cup. I sure hope that isn’t his career of choice .

18. 18
    msjacqmills
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 7:18 am

    OMG that video on the Tarsier was hilarious. I watched the one on the Echidna too, which was equally hilarious.

19. 19
    Tx gal
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 7:27 am

    J-Mo, I don’t play for your team but totally want to be on Team Rainbow! That would be fun to watch. Your pitch could be its AbFab on the island.

    I love the nature photography parts on Survivor. I stopped watching years ago and only recently started watching because the cinematography is soooo good.

20. 20
    Pyper
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 8:00 am

    I want to see Frannie eat that damn rock she said she would if she got the boot again….

21. 21
    hot cawfee
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 8:27 am

    Hurray !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can settle in for the long cold winter and watch the delight known as Survivor. Oh my good Lord–I totes forgot about manties. And I did love Franny’s pixelated ass crack–way to leave the show on a high note.

    I cannot stand Andrea–I am throwing that out there—that is a hell of alot of eyeliner to wear first day out. How on earth will you get all that off????? Unless she plans to go full on Blance Hudson and just re-apply daily. Maybe that is the drinking game–whenever the gals reapply make-up . Or maybe for any manty viewing, or pixillating???????

22. 22
    reality
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 8:58 am

    I didn’t even know it was on, so missed it and dvr didn’t pick up either. It should be called fans vs. alumni, not favorites.

23. 23
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 9:21 am

    Pink Panties lying to Probst about how he could say Francesca’s name all along but chose not to as some sort of hidden secret agent code.

24. 24
    KJN
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 10:05 am

    That video is hilarious! I’m trying to drink my coffee and almost lost some of it. That narrator is too funny.

    MALCOLM acted? I don’t have to watch it to know he sucked hard. He has no personality, charm, or charisma. He’s a bit of a dullard. I don’t hate him or anything cause, well he’s just too “there” to actively dislike.

    I totally agree with “favorites”. Whose favorites, exactly? Not mine.

    I am glad they brought back Philip and his pink panties. I was afraid he would actually get voted off and I need his crazy to make this at least a little interesting.

25. 25
    sweetblondie
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 10:47 am

    I got last round draft pick for my survivor pool…and Pink Manties was last choice. Now I have to actually root for Secret Agent Sledge Hammer. Yay.

26. 26
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 11:28 am

    @sweetblondie…. I’m sure he’ll be carried to the end, like last time, so there’s some small reward.

27. 27
    PinkTop
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I hope AC Slater (nice!) goes first. He’s so not the hottest guy there. I doubt he’s the hottest guy anywhere. He’s an average looking meathead douche that works out a lot. Big deal. His ass is also terrible. You have to have a nice ass in order to qualify as a hot person.

    I can’t stand Agent Panties. He makes my skin crawl, but it’s almost worth it just to see everyone else react to him.

    I’m still scratching my head @Favorites. More like Tools vs. Idiots.

28. 28
    carol
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    As much as I love Malcolm’s abs, the only way this season could redeem itself would be for the ‘favorites’ to go to every tribal and all be voted off one by one. The producers would never allow that to happen but it would be great. You know as soon as three more people are gone the tribes are going to be mixed up. I dislike tribal merges. Remember that one season where that one girl had to go to every tribal until her whole tribe was gone? Those were the good days.

29. 29
    Johnny'sRocket
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    The shots of the wildlife are great, this show has always done well with cinematography. Almost makes me want to watch Planet Earth. But not really.

    Favorites…Are you kidding me? I rolled my eyes so hard they bled. Micronesia was a great cast of favorites, except for Amanda and John (I refuse to say “FairPlay” Fuck, I just did).

    The “Hottest Survivors” are delusional.

30. 30
    itchy
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 1:16 am

    We just finished watching the French version of Koh Lanta, which ended just a week ago or so. There’s just no comparison.

    The French version remains much truer to the original Survivor format — they really do make the people “survive”. And the challenges are far more organic — they’re usually running through the woods, or splashing in the waves, things like that. None of these ridiculously overwrought towers and bean-bag tosses Survivor’s been using these days. Half the time, people on the French show collapse from exhaustion after a challenge.

    I don’t really like the French style of gameplay — they’re all about concensus, and they really suck at strategy for the most part. But at least it doesn’t feel like a backwoods version of American Gladiator. Which is what Survivor has become.

    I really don’t have high hopes for this season. Too bad, because last season was pretty good for a change.

31. 31
    crankyguy
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 9:47 am

    @itchy — I need to know. Are the French Survivors “hot”? And if so, are they as hot as the hot Survivors on the current U.S. season? I want to see a U.S. vs. French hotness smack-down.

32. 32
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    The favorites, we agree, are not, and I wish Survivor would not try and go to the well and water down one of the best seasons with some of the most cutthroat play we’ve seen ever. After seeing Francesca go down in a ball of infamy, I’d like Survivor to try a season of “Firsts vs. Worsts,” or a season of ten winners (first) versus ten first outs (worst), with Francesca as the quintessential worst and Sandra as the quintessential first as the team captains.

33. 33
    itchy
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    No, the French survivors aren’t all that hot…they seem to go out of their way to use only “real” people (and they spend a lot of time each show showing people in their home/work environments too). And at least half of this last season were over 40, with most over 30, and only a couple of nubile young’uns. But since they all end up starving, none of them look all that hot by the end of the season!

    But we were saying with my son the other day, they ought to organize an International Survivor Smackdown, taking winners from all around the world to compete against each other. My money would still be on Parvati. Of course.

34. 34
    crankyguy
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    Parvati scares me. Really.

35. 35
    Robinez
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    I truly hope that Agent Pink Panties and GI Shamu stay long enough for the merge. Of course they won’t do anything productive, but can you imagine the fun we will have watching them piss all over marking their territory with their ego’s? ;}

    Robin