Welcome to a brand new season of Survivor, Gasmi! As you’ve probably already heard by now, this season’s gimmick is Fans vs. Favorites. Or should I say “Favorites”? Because, really? Whose favorites are these guys???
I’m my own favorite!
Of course you are. I’m not gonna lie, when I found out that HantzyPants was going to be on this season I almost called Flipit to say no fucking way was I recapping this time around…
But then I found out that Malcolm and his magical abs were back for another round.
Yes, I am totally shallow like that. But really, y’all already knew that, didn’t ya?
So we’ve got ten fans vs. ten people getting another shot at a million. The returnees are: Hantzypants, Malcolm, CockRing, Dawn, Brenda, Andrea, Crazy Ass Phillip, Fransisqua, Corinne, and Erik the Ice Cream Scooper. We’ll talk more about them and the newbies in the full recap.
As soon as everyone arrives Jeff is down to business. They are going right into a reward challenge in which the winners will get flint and a twenty pound bag of beans. Because nothing says “how do you do?” like massive bean farts on the first night at camp. A tribe that farts together….
The challenge is a physical one involving running in water, grabbing a ring, and trying to do whatever they can to keep the other team from scoring points.
Malcolm almost loses his pants. And not for the first time….I wish Survivor aired live.
What??? Like none of you have ever thought that.
Later, there is debate about the importance of fire vs. shelter in the newbie camp, while Fransisqua and Phillip talk about how much they still don’t like each other. Alliances happen all around, but a cuddle session may put a target on a couple of people’s backs early on. Ya can’t even feel sorry for them because they’re so fucking stupid.
Meet me back here in a couple of days and we’ll talk nicknames (some of these people are just handing them to me!), the return of pink manties, and whether or not people that say they will eat a rock if something happens should indeed eat the damn rock!
See ya there….