MiniCap: Survivor


By PottyMouth | | 12:08 pm | 42 Comments
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, Survivor

There sure was a lot happening on last night’s Survivor!  First we had to deal with the fallout after Hope’s boot from the game.  Eddie is convinced she was voted out because she was the prettiest and ReynoldsWrap is over everyone.  Again.

I said I would snuggle you, what else do ya want???

Shamu has more body heat than you do.  Sorry!

We also get a reward challenge AND an immunity challenge this time around!  I know, I was shocked too.  And worried that the episode was going to be boring.  Thankfully I was worried about nuttin. 

So the reward challenge happens and involves platforms in the water and getting two people across forming a sort of bridge.  At the end of it everyone has to climb a platform and end up all on the top for five seconds in order to win.  And the person who let everyone on their tribe pile on top of them totally mishears Jeff and thinks they won.  Hahahahaha!  Denied!

The reward is a little bushman of their own. 

He teaches the winners how to properly cook rice in bamboo, fixes up their shelter, and cooks them dinner.  They repay him by standing around watching him do everything and remarking about how adorable he is.  Oh, and with kisses.  So I’m betting he didn’t mind being called adorable.

We also have a medical emergency.  Yup.  Someone is hurt and has to leave the game.  But not before being a total prick and annoying everyone on their tribe.  Now I feel like I gave it away…..

The immunity challenge involves swimming, jumping, and hitting tiles, but ultimately it all comes down to a carnival game once again.

Really?

Meet me back here is a few days and we’ll discuss Eddie’s obsession with cuteness, how much you have to rub your eye before you get dents on the cornea, and the ever increasing probability of a balloon dart throw challenge.

See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

 

PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

42 Comments

  1. 1
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    The scenes for next week have my curiosity extremely piqued.

  2. 2
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    I’m very disappointed in the female fans. You’d think they would’ve watched seasons where women in their peer group have won and crafted a better strategy than being pretty and getting picked off because of it (Allie/Hope) or being strategic and physically weak in challenges (Laura). Female winners like Danni Boatwright and Kim Spradlin were a balance of both and the female fans should’ve emulated either woman. Because Julia is this season’s Carter, I’m going to root for Sherry. With Shamu and Laura gone, I’m not sure how she’ll recover from her Plan A alliance and Plan B alliance all gone in one episode.

    In a nutshell: After the unpredictability of Phillipines, this season is turning into a bust. My captcha code is “so-so.” How appropriate.

  3. 3
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I liked what the bushman was wearing. I liked the peek-a-boo butt part. I don’t think they sell those where I live.

  4. 4
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    The older woman kept saying that they didn’t need to keep the two strongest kewl guys because they kept losing even with them there. How come nobody pointed out that the last immunity challenge loss was TOTALLY because of HER?

  5. 5
    lindaw205
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    I wondered that too, crankyguy. I don’t know, even with the “emergent I’m hungry so I didn’t take out my contacts” medivac this season is just boring.

  6. 6
    Chicken Lips
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Ugh – I’m finding I can’t stand the Fans, partly because I can’t stand Eddie and Reynolds. Reynolds is such a douche and Eddie is the nozzle to Reynolds’ douche. If either of them was suddenly struck mute, I wouldn’t be sad. They are so annoying, they don’t even make good eye candy they way they think they are. Honestly, they may really not be good eye candy anyway, but I can’t get past their jackassery enough to really investigate.

  7. 7
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    I’m quitting right along with Shamoo. I didn’t scratch my eyeball, but I’m tired of lame contests and of being jerked around by producers. What pissed me off is that after all the tension leading up to the eviction vote, where we were led to believe that the vote would come down to somebody betraying the “nerd” alliance, what we have is the ENTIRE alliance, except for the evicted player, betraying the alliance. And what is the next challenge gonna be? Pin the tail on the donkey? Bobbing for apples?

  8. 8
    ChaCha
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    I thought that if someone got kicked out due to a medical issue, then there was no elimination on their team if they lost the immunity challenge. WTF happened this time??? Do the producers just want to get rid of all the fans so their faves can play the game?

  9. 9
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    @crankyguy,

    “where we were led to believe that the vote would come down to somebody betraying the “nerd” alliance,”.

    Since when do you allow yourself to be led to believe anything? Do you have a fever?

    ” And what is the next challenge gonna be? Pin the tail on the donkey? Bobbing for apples?”

    Rock, Paper, Scissors comes to mind, too. Picking straws wouldn’t be such a stretch either :-)

  10. 10
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    @Robin — is it my fault that I am a trusting person? They led me down the garden path, and I followed. No more. I’m not even watching next week to see Li’l Hantz dump out the rice, but I will just read about it here.

  11. 11
    nashuaf
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    I was wondering if Sherri is afraid of heights. The way she jumped off looked like someone who is afraid.

  12. 12
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    “Robin — is it my fault that I am a trusting person? They led me down the garden path, and I followed. ”

    Yeah..OK. I think you have a fever.

    I can’t wait for Hantz to dump out the rice next week! It looks like he does much more than that. ..looking forward to you not watching next week and us talking about it afterward. ;}

    TC

  13. 13
    carol
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    All I have to say about this episode is HAHAHAHAHAHA, karma is a bitch and all it takes is a grain of sand to beat a monster.

    I don’t know what game the producers are playing. First they give us separate reward and immunity challenges, a “medical” emergency, and some game play. But then they have the best ‘coming next week’ of the season so far. Is it sweeps time for tv ratings? As soon as I saw the previews, I almost forgot all about what I had just watched simply because I really want to see the meltdown.

  14. 14
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 7, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    The Little Bushman was more cute than Eddie and Reynoldswrap combined. Where in the world did they get such high opinions of themselves?

  15. 15
    PinkTop
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 12:32 am

    Did Reynold really say “it’s magic time, baby” before proceeding with his part of the carnival game? Douchiest phrase ever.

  16. 16
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 1:02 am

    The little feller was the best part of the whole show. Watching STFUShamooo getting his ass beat by a little grain of sand was the best part of the whole show!!! OK, I thought it was a tie. It just goes to figure that po widdow STFUShamooo would figure out a way of geeting off early. You stick your finger in your eye how many times before it finally gets an infection??? Ask STFUShamooo he can tell you.

    I have to agree that this season has been a real snoozefest for sure. With having to watch STFUShamooo laying around for 19 hours a day and all. With him gone though there isn’t much room for it to get worse. Is there??? With the other side having such strong personalities like Andrea, Cochbite and Agent Pink. What more could you ask for??? Besides maybe Brantz going off the deep end and dumping out all the rice and whatever else the crazy, lying little bastard is going to do. He did say he was going to pee in everything. Not just dump it out. I was kind of looking forward to Pissfest 2013!!!

  17. 17
    sweetblondie
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 6:52 am

    I found myself rooting for the Fans at the last challenge…I’m a sucker for underdogs I guess.

  18. 18
    hot cawfee
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Oh Lordy—my cap code is……tastes like chicken

    And for some Cawfee reason, I am compelled to comment——-yes, we have way too many carnival games here—maybe this is the calm before the *&% storm that we viewers are entitled too. I am hoping that merge will be a blood bath——thats what I tune in for. I have absolutley no eye-candy this season.

    @15 Pink Top– I think he did say that—eewww. I have a feeling he uses that phrase alot in various moments of life. I will leave it to the group to ponder said moments.

  19. 19
    carol
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 11:09 am

    **SPOILER** (do we still need to note that?)
    I almost forgot, Shamoo posted on his fb after this episodes aired -
    “Survivor was such a once in a lifetime experience. I’m glad I was able to take part. Sucks how I went out tho. But did you know there are 500 active duty Navy Seals currently and only about 400 Survivors ever. #Elite”
    Um, not quite sure what to say to that. He now thinks he is better than a Navy Seal.

    @ChaCha – the rules of people leaving vs voted off is totally up to the producers. A couple of seasons ago, remember after one person left because of medical stuff, I think that tribe was allowed to choose if they did the immunity challenge or not. That way if they won, someone from the other tribe would go home, but if they lost they would lose another person. I’m evil but I think someone leaving with medical should not change the game unless it is down to the final three, but even then I would still cackle a bit.

  20. 20
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 11:36 am

    @Carol, I sincerely hope Shamu actually meant that being cast on Survivor was similar to being a Navy Seal only in the sense that being chosen for either one is extremely rare and unique.

  21. 21
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    “But did you know there are 500 active duty Navy Seals currently and only about 400 Survivors ever. #Elite”

    Posting that is way douchier than Reynolds Wrap saying, ““It’s magic time, baby.” And, Reynolds really is a beast on those tossing games. He would have won for sure against the other team if he didn’t have so much lost time to make up thanks to the old franchise-owner lady.

  22. 22
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    @Derek Hazelton, do you really think that, or are you just trying to be extra generous with giving somebody the benefit of the doubt?

  23. 23
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    @crankyguy : You should know by now that this show relies heavily on red herrings — they will ALWAYS hone in on one possible scenario prior to Tribal Council, really getting your hopes up — and it will ALWAYS be the opposite scenario.

    I’m glad Shamoo’s gone. On the French version of this show, when someone has to quit because of medical reasons, they bring back in the last person voted out – they should do that on Survivor too. It makes for an interesting dynamic (although that person often gets voted right back out again).

    And yeah, what’s with the lame skill booth challenges this season? Really sucks that it comes down to knocking a bunch of blocks off a shelf.

    It’s also really frustrating to watch how little strategy these so-called fans have. Reynoldswrap and his dweeb partner should be scrambling to get back into the good graces of the others, and working on setting up a new alliance. Instead, all they do is double down on their douchebag routine.

    Meanwhile, Phillip is an idiot. I wish he’d get voted off. And Brandon clearly has planned to do this shit from the very beginning — I suspect it was in his contract. I’m starting to think this show is fixed.

  24. 24
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    @crankyguy: I want to believe that Shamu’s assholishness was amplified on the island, mainly because his post-game interviews seem really reasonable and calm and, dare I say, RATIONAL. Plus, I can’t imagine being 300 pounds on Survivor, dehydrated, and surviving on two scoops of rice. I don’t give him a total pass, but I can appreciate Shamu’s out-of-game personality.

    Plus, I have to say, with Shamu, Abi-Maria, and Colton, Survivor has a better cast for Heroes v. Villains, should they go to that well again.

  25. 25
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    @itchy, things add up. The red herrings, the reuse of the same locations, the lame carnival challenges (Want to see what you’re playing for? An adorable stuffed bear to cuddle with in your shelter at night!), and bringing back a Hantz. I been watching this show for a long time, and it’s not getting better or even staying the same; it’s getting worse. It’s now at the point where even I have better things to do than watch any more of this, and I am not claiming that my time is all that valuable.

    I really did think that Renolds getting to stay was a long shot, dependent upon the slim chance of getting a few members of the majority alliance to turn against one of their own. But it was a fucking BLOWOUT. Even old franchise-owner lady turned, who had been acting like she was running the show.

  26. 26
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Well the “weak people” alliance was obviously counting on the producers pulling a tribe mixup over the next couple of days — I’m betting we didn’t get to see the part where Jeff was telling them that wasn’t going to happen just yet, so they better start trying to win a few challenges. So yeah, they had to dump Laura, who should never have been allowed on this show in the first place. What a drip.

  27. 27
    lindaw205
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Neither Laura or Allie weighed more than a buck and a half and had obviously not even tried to bulk up. I’ve said it before but how could they think they could manage the challenges. Were they hoping people would said Aw, but they’re so cute we can’t vote them out.

    And Sherri DID lose that last challenge for them. Also, the first challenge they lost she did poorly in and got them way behind.

  28. 28
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    How I would make Survivor interesting again:

    1.) NO MORE HANTZES. EVER.
    2.) A NEW location. The islands off the west coast of Canada. Where there are grizzlies. No supplies but a machete. Now go figure it out (like they used to.)
    3.) NO MORE HANTZES. EVER.
    4.) Instead of wildly obvious “strength” challenges for the first half of the game, make every other one a brain game. Now you have to weight the balance of the team instead of just voting off the old and the skinny first every season.
    5.) NO MORE HANTZES. EVER.
    6.) I would prefer no more HII…but if there IS one, then really hide it. Leave clues that have to be either won or at least figured out. Or make the HII pieces, so if more than one person finds a piece, they’re forced to work together…or can choose to keep someone from succeeding with it.
    7.) Have I mentioned NO MORE HANTZES. EVER.
    8.) No more casting through recruitment.
    9.) Better cast balance. One of the best (and most memorable) contestants ever was 72 year Rudy from season one. Let’s see more smart casting choices like that instead of filling “personality” roles…or worse yet, manipulating players to achieve the desired “personlity.”
    10.) Lastly, NO MORE HANTZES. EVER.

    As it stands, I am close to abandoning a show I used to love. Seasons one through three were fantastic. Now? I’m bored and disappointed.

  29. 29
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    11) No more Coach.

  30. 30
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    How ’bout if if we make 11 “no more delusional, pathetic losers.” That would cover all Hantzes, Coach, Agen t Pink Panties, and all their certifiable brethren.

    Bring on the fresh delusional, pathetic losers. (Or…maybe cast someone interesting for a change.)

  31. 31
    PinkTop
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    12) No more prayer circles.

  32. 32
    lindaw205
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    All of Brandon’s outbursts have looked very staged to me and the preview for next week looks no different. He was brought in for this very reason and was coached well by Russell, I’m sure. If I wanted to watch Jerry Springer I would.

  33. 33
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Survivor is no longer a game of survival. Why is this??? It is because people can no longer fend for themselves!!! The last person I saw that was really able to take care of himself without any help from anybody else was Ozzy. They get these fruit cakes out there who have no idea how to fend for themselves and nearly starve them to death because they have no survival skills what so ever. They give them fishing gear but nobody goes fishing. Or the ones that do have no idea what they are doing and come back empty handed. Nobody does any kind of hunting or gathering of any kind. Except for maybe firewood. I personally never cared for the taste of firewood. The last number of seasons have had just a couple of people that had any idea what to do. Then they wind up getting voted off because they are a huge threat to the others.

    I get why people would give up on this show. It’s not about survival what so ever. It’s all about social tension with a complete bunch of idiots playing carnival games while starving half to death in the process. In my mind the first thing to do is scout the area for anything that can be beneficial to Food, Water and Shelter. Those are the basic needs for survival. I would spend my day hunting, fishing and looking for anything that could be ate like berries and nuts. I damn sure wouldn’t be hanging around camp trying to get people to like me. So in turn I wouldn’t last very long. I could see Tribal now.
    Jeff: Who is the person that is disliked most???
    Team Mate: Umm, Jeff, I would probably have to say Mike. It’s not so much that we dislike him so much. As it is we don’t even know who the hell this feller even is!!! He ain’t never at camp and wont even eat with us. So we gotta vote him off because he is a big threat to the rest of us!!!
    So there ya go. I’m done before I even get started…..

  34. 34
    Johnny'sRocket
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    @Mike I agree 100%. I would also include Rupert in comparison to Ozzy. He at least got out and fished and made himself useful (annoying as he was). I also agree with you on the camp life. I would be out all the time looking for food, improving the shelter, etc. I guess the other members of the tribe would think we have something going on.

    My captcha is \Love Me\ hmmm?

    @cattyfan Please copy and past your post into an email and send it to jeffprobstandotheridiots@cbs.com
    Thank you!

  35. 35
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 8, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    In the meantime, My MVP Cockring..sits back and watches the fun!

  36. 36
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 9, 2013 at 1:12 am

    @Robin: Read back what you just wrote… better yet, have your husband read it outloud to you a few times…

    So are we the only ones who have been complaining about this show? I don’t get out much in the cyber-world, but surely there are others complaining that this show has turned from soup to dishwater?

    Or is it just that the masses of complacent idiots who truly believe this style of the show is more entertaining is such a crushing majority of the show’s viewers?

  37. 37
    lindaw205
    Posted March 9, 2013 at 2:03 am

    I visit a Survivor forum and the overwhelming majority (99%) agrees that it has turned into a giant shit show. Although, they are (were) true die hard fans. Maybe the casual viewer just doesn’t care but I don’t think really think that’s true. Some of the interview questions asked of Jeff this year haven’t been kind or at least as soft ball as they usually are. I get the feeling that Jeff and Co are counting on next week to bring in the viewers for the Hantz meltdown. I don’t watch Survivor for that kind of drama.

  38. 38
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 9, 2013 at 11:01 am

    @lindlaw (post 32) – I completely agree. It’s very difficult to act angry and many professional actors fail at it. I’m sure it was something small that “set him off” and his tirade was scripted by Russell before he left for the show. “Be sure to dump the rice, scream at people, push over chairs…”

    Lame.

  39. 39
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 9, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Jeff is definitely trying hard at Tribal to start shit among the members of the tribe. I started noticing a couple years back that he was doing it. He might have been doing it before but I just didn’t pay that much attention to it. Even if he was it was no where near the intensity that it is now. It’s all for the drama. So does this mean that the show has become a Soap Opera with Carnival games??? I can’t wait for the BB Guns and Ducks!!!

  40. 40
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 9, 2013 at 11:17 pm

    I know this season has been hit or miss. One episode is good, the next one..not so good. Alot of folks are blaming it on the “cast”. I was of the same opinion for awhile. But I changed my mind and I think that if they just challenged the people and made them actually survive the game it would be a better show regardless of who was there.

    Make them actually Earn food. No more resort like atmosphere. If you win reward you get a dead chicken and are grateful for it. Figuring out how to divide the chicken would be another test and would be a perfect way for folks to decide who is tribeworthy and who is not. They should not be given one grain of rice or one fish hook until they earned it. I mean really earn it.

    The challenges are made easy for most of them because most of them have seen those beat down re-used piles of wood and carnival games before. They can’t come up with a new idea on a challenge to put them off guard a bit?

    PS, Itchy whatever do you mean.? I stopped needing someone to read to me when I was four. ;}

    TC, Robin

  41. 41
    Mike Hunt
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 12:18 am

    @ Robin I’m pretty sure it was the way you wrote it. Cockring sitting back and watching the fun. Was he sitting back and watching the fun on his Cockring perhaps??? That’s how I perceived it anyways…..

  42. 42
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 12:31 am

    Somehow I find it hard to imagine that “cockring” was part of your vocabulary at the age of four. But you never know!

    I think people should start spamming the comments section of Jeff Probst’s ass-cleaner… er I mean, the question and answer column at EW … and demand that they make Survivor SURVIVOR again. Maybe they’ll start to listen.

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