MiniCap: Survivor

Survivor

By PottyMouth | Thursday, March 8, 2012 | 2:00 pm | 41 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Survivor

Um…………..yeeeeaaah, where to begin?  Last night’s Survivor was a doozy.  Just when you think you’ve seen it all, along come a bunch of idiots to prove you wrong!

It all started simply enough; the men return from voting Matt out, the Frat Pack is in disbelief that one of their own was picked off, math clearly not being their strength.  Tarzan and Douchezan agree that Bill should go next because he’s just too damn likeable.

Meanwhile, Salami is still on a high from their win and now they’re all laughing and braiding each other’s hair and giving pedicures and shit.  The guys hope to capitalize on the good moods and ask to borrow their fishing net while repeatedly saying they don’t care whether the girls say yes or no.

Fooling no one.

The girls may be in better moods, but the guys should know that women have looooooong memories and they’re not forgetting that the guys haven’t been so helpful to them.  So, that’s an ixnay on the borrowing of the netay.  Douchezan thinks the women’s emotions have turned wacky.

The reward challenge involves coconuts, slingshots and a giant game of connect five, which the ladies surprisingly dominate.  Tarzan calls this victory “lucky”.  Them grapes they is sour.

But the real insanity of the episode happens after the immunity challenge.  I’m not going to give away what happens (we’ll go into all the gory details in the full recap), but let’s just say collective stupidity is something I never thought I’d see on this show.  At last not at this level.

Also?  Colton is an asshole.  And a classist.  But he totally has an African American housekeeper in his life who is like paid family, so he’s definitely NOT a racist.

I don’t understand why I couldn’t bring Mammy as my luxury item.

Thanks so much to TheProfessor for awesomely subbing in for me last week – LOVED the recap!!!  Hope y’all will join me in a few days for the full recap where we can REALLY get into the nitty gritty of the episode.  See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

 

PottyMouth

When she isn't screaming curses at various dance show judges or washing her OWN mouth out with soap, PottyMouth is a proud mama to a gorgeous little boy. And yes, she knows everyone says that about their kids, but it's true when she says it. YES IT IS. Fuck you. She also laments throwing away the chance to be a trophy wife, and would like to find a rich husband so she can sit on her ass all day long and watch TV. If you are fabulously wealthy, look like Hugh Jackman (or ARE in fact Hugh Jackman), and are turned on by foul-mouthed, mature, slightly smooshy women, then she just may be the gal for you. Please send picture, references and your latest bank statement for review.

41 Comments

  1. 1
    waterlover
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    I could not wait for this to show up so I could say “I really HATE Colton!!!!!”

  2. 2
    LdyJne114
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Can’t wait for the full recap…what a disgusting display from Colton. Shameful.

  3. 3
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    PottyMouth, what an episode to have you back! I am definitely looking forward to reading the full recap and will save my main thoughts until then. I’ve tried to defend Cunton in the past, but between his classism and Emily’s (The Challenge) blackface mockery of Ty, last night’s reality TV had me wishing I was above it all, as I count the days until Mad Men starts its fifth season.

  4. 4
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Holy crap. I normally stop the show after the challenges and FF to the Tribal Council to watch the end (watching a bunch of vapid people talking about nonsense when nothing really happens doesn’t really excite me), but holy CRAP I’m glad I didn’t do that today.

    People were like 75 different kinds of stupid this episode.

  5. 5
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Ugh.

  6. 6
    waterlover
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    @Derek Hazelton – Mad Men! Mad Men! MAD MEN!!!!!

  7. 7
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I’m embarrassed to have Colton as my Fantasy Survivor MVP.

  8. 8
    Moli Moli
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Last night was the night of racism at its height, is this 2011 or 1911?

  9. 9
    Moli Moli
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I’m also sorry PM(love you) I’m referring to the Challenge as well.

  10. 10
    tvdiva
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I was so disgusted w/Colton. So hoping he won’t be around much longer.

  11. 11
    Theo
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    I don’t even know where to begin… Colton has to be the most despicable person ever to play Survivor. He is a priviledged, arrogant, racist, petty, cruel self-righteous snob. He has absolutely no redeeming qualities. His treatment of Bill was shameful. I don’t know why he didn’t like him, but i never saw Bill do anything to deserve such cruel, humiliating treatment. And this was from the same asshole who spent the first two weeks crying about how he didn’t fit in and how the men were so mean to him. He is a total piece of shit. I don’t know if i can even continue watching this season. And i’m gay! I HATE Colton.

  12. 12
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Richard, Brandon, Ralph and Todd were all great gay peeps on this show so I won’t say that Mark Burnett is gunning for gays but Colton IS a crappy human being.

    Bill is too nice of a guy but if I had been in his shoes I would have kicked Colton’s ass all the way to hell and back. Colton really is a terrible person. I feel sorry for the maid. I hope she gets paid a lot.

  13. 13
    Chicken Lips
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Holy. Cow. When Colton said what he said about the housekeeper I screamed “Oh no he dinnit!” I’ve never seen anything quite like that on network television. Crazy!

    @Mister_Dangerous – I don’t think Burnett is gunning for the gay guy. The gay guy is ruining himself – you can’t edit that into someone, you can only catch the gold on tape and roll with hit. Colton is a terrible human being no doubt.

  14. 14
    carol
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    As much as Colton says that his hatred of Bill is not racist, it is. He was not an ass towards Jay who is a “model” or Monica who actually lists her occupation as a wife of an ex-nfl player. Also, what Colton was saying about Leif was disgusting. This was the first time I have ever seen Jeff baffled and not trying to play the game but to actually see what the hell Colton was talking about. It was interesting to see how much the producers left in of the crap that was coming out of Colton’s mouth. In a way he reminded me of Perez Hilton before the whole stop-bullying campaign started. Can’t wait for the full recap.

  15. 15
    Pikey
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Colton can’t get off my screen fast enough. I am disgusted by hisdismissal of Leif and his racism toward Bill. I am going to vote for Bill as fan favourite – that would really eat Colton’s shorts! Looking forward to the recap, PM!

  16. 16
    Theo
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    I’m also disgusted with the rest of the tribe. Not one of the men had the balls to stand up to Colton, either when he was running around camp like a dictator, or when he decided to friggin GIVE UP IMMUNITY to the team who lost, or when he went on a racist, degrading rant towards Bill. Seriously, nobody called him out, or even disagreed with him. THey all suck. And so do the women. They all suck. This season sucks. I think i’m going to quit watching.

  17. 17
    ChaCha
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Colton is nothing more than one of those horrible white she-dogs in The Help. Someone needs to feed Colton a special chocolate pie!

  18. 18
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    I’m surprised he didn’t giggle that the other blacks in his life work at the country club where his family are members. He is the epitome of a punk ass bitch.

    Nobody has learned anything about what happens after you throw a challenge to a remove a player? Essentially this is what they did. Remember when they tried to do that with Russell? I am not Russells biggest fan, but Bill and Leif are nowhere near the danger that Russell was and certainly not worth the stupid move they made.

    We shall see how that gals react. I can see them patting themselves on the back about how smoothly they took the idol from the guys because the guys are DUMBER! YAYY. Kat will continue to jump into the water during challenges for no apparent reason, forget things she just saw 1,796 times before and the special ED teacher will say things like “I done that, yesterday” and annoy me.

  19. 19
    eellsinoc
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    My disdain for Colton cannot even be expressed. What a disgusting human being…..and no matter how much he protests, his actions, comments and treatment towards Bill were racist.

    His treatment of Leif was just as bad…..his name calling was appauling to me. If someone had referred to Colton as a F**, then the producers I am sure would have bleeped that out, yet for him to call Leif a “munchkin”, and more was just fine? I truly don’t see the difference. He truly sickened me when he went on his rant about Leif.

    Colton doesn’t give gay men a bad name – he gives human kind a bad name…..disgusting!!!

  20. 20
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    @eelsinoc,

    Although I was pretty tired of the prayer circle in the last season, I have to give a big “AMEN” to your post.

  21. 21
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I thought that I was going to like Colton, or rather Kurtz. Flaming Kurtz. Flaming Republican racist bigot idiot Kurtz. I was wrong. What an eye-rolling, holier than thou, idiot. And I hate hating on people. I don’t like it when people get destroyed on the internet for reality show mistakes. But, hell, this dude needs an eye opener. And almost had to stop watching as it just seemed beyond the pale to give up the tribe immunity for such nonsense. Russell Hantz is laughing his arse off at this. None of that team deserves to be there, except for Bill. And let’s start this now – BILL FOR SURVIVOR FAN FAVORITE!!!!

  22. 22
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Someone on the TWOP forum dubbed him KKKolton. *snickers*

  23. 23
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    It would be embarrassing if you picked him for MVP AFTER last night’s EP. You didn’t know he was going to be a (insert adjective) when you made your picks.

    Just like we didn’t know that flipit would make us wear a big blue dress with jazz hands and a come hither expression, or you with your pointy sleaved dress with terrible shoes, respectively.

  24. 24
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    What was more disgusting than Colton’s rant was the fact that not one guy came to Bill’s defense. Not one. That’s the thing about bigotry, most people witness it happening and keep quiet, thinking it has nothing to do with them.

    “First they came for the ________
    and I did not speak up because I wasn’t ___________.”

    And Tarzan coming to Colton’s defense? Awful! I hate how people say we live in a post-racial country, their proof? “We have a Black president.” Everyday we are reminded that Obama is Black because some councilman or official is emailing photos of the president depicted as a monkey. Post-racial, my ass. Just say the conversation makes you uncomfortable..but don’t generalize that Colton can look at Bill and not see his color just because we have a Black president. And the fact that he defended Colton and not Bill speaks volumes. I would’ve preferred he stayed silent like the others.

    I think I’m also mad that certain convos were edited out. I get that Survivor was going for the surprise factor, but we knew Colton wanted Bill out and saying Leif was going home was a ruse, so why couldn’t us viewers see it play out with the men all deciding to pretend to be mad at Leif at council, yet vote out Bill? We see them yelling at Leif and then vote out Bill..show us the inbetween..we knew leif wasn’t going home, but I’m more curious to see how quickly everyone caved to KKKolton’s demands. Especially the tall dude with the square jaw. I thought he, Matt, and Bill were friends.

  25. 25
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Also, since the forums aren’t up yet, posting this here.

    You can change your MVP at any time this season on Fantasy Survivor TVG. Last year if your MVP left you were SOL.

    This year, if you do not want a particular person as your MVP, for whatever reason, you can change it. This comes with a price however. Particularly if you are changing MVP’s and they are both still in the game; (it’s a no brainer to change if your MVP is gone).. As it stands you recieve 10 points for each task succesfully completed multiplied by how many weeks that you have had your MVP. For example, if you had your MVP for 4 weeks on Weds, they earned 40 points for every task completed.

  26. 26
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 12:14 am

    At least my avatar has three eyes. And wings.

  27. 27
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 12:24 am

    I think Tarzan was saying something else, that HE wants people to look beyond race and he thinks people ought to get beyond this. I’m being generous to him.

    Except he blew up like this while defending Cunton — which I read as Tarzan defending Colton for being wealthy (presumably as a plastic surgeon Tarzan has a few bucks stuffed away himself). It’s hard to read Tarzan. He acts like an idiot. But somehow he made it through med school.

    I’ve read suggestions that Cunton is putting on a show. He’s playing the Hantz card, that is, he’s trying to be so despicable that everyone will want to take him to the final two — except that he’ll turn around and reveal his assholatry as a strategy, to try to win this.

    This doesn’t explain why he’s such an ass to the camera, however. So for now I’m going to believe he really is this much of a prick. Hope the public is destroying him these days.

  28. 28
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 12:37 am

    And Horns!

  29. 29
    mere2142
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Colton can leave yesterday. Has there ever been a more unlikable, disgusting person on this show? And how the hell did a team full of Alpha males let Colton talk them into this crap? I was equally disgusted with Tarzan trying to justify Colton’s actions.

  30. 30
    LOSTbean LOSTbean
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Just remember…people that dislike themselves try to make others look bad. Colton clearly has his own demons, not to mention those that will haunt him when he gets back in the real world…

  31. 31
    Jacquelyn Cuciti
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

    There are no words for this episode…or Colton….
    I am not 100% sure – but I might say its a safe bet that no other team on survior (or any other reality TV competion show) would go to tribal council BY CHOICE! I mean – not even throw the competion – but just ASK to go! COME ON!!!!
    the first few weeks I thought this show would be a blow out win for the men – b/c these women are DUMB! But jeesh! These boys are giving them a run for their money. It would be such a close race in a competion to see who is the worst reality TV players…just aweful!
    and Colton…come on…honestly I felt a little bad for him in the begining when he was crying and lonely – but now – what an evil prick – how can he be so racist and mean… I am sure as a gay man at some point someone has made him feel bad or he was judged for his sexual orientation – so clearly he lacks apathy…
    What a douche canoe…
    yay for Jeff P. asking him WHO in his life was black! and even more classic was his answer…just wow! He probally should have lied and said a friend or something…
    also – I do not understand why the whole men’s team is bowing down to him? He has an immuinty idol -so what – they should all vote for him – tell them they will, then he wil luse it and they will flush it out – then next week kick him out… they are acting as if he is the King of the tribe and they can’t survive without him….

  32. 32
    pretty good year
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Monica’s occupation was just listed as “housewife” in the first episode, but they changed it after that. I think the show is trying to capitalize on her status as the wife of an NFL player. I don’t think she is bragging about it, and there was a behind-the-scenes clip where she said she was keeping it a secret. I don’t have any ill-will towards a woman who chooses to work in the home as a wife and mother, especially one whose husband can more than afford it.

  33. 33
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    I like my terrible shoes! Plus, I think my tongue has a face at the end of it. Jealous?

  34. 34
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    I know I can change it – I chose not to. :)

  35. 35
    doc5467
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    you are absolutely right on absolutely everything you say here! And I too was MOST outraged by the lack of response to Colton’s bigoted vile commentary from any of the other guys! I was sure they were uniformly (except for the Tarzan character) going to vote out Colton and that Colton wowuld be so sure of his own power that he would not use his Idol. But no! These cowardly pr**ks just filed up and voted out the entirely innocent Bill, after hearing his honest decent defense against Colton’s racism.

    I have no use now for any of these cowards. Let the ladies win it all!

  36. 36
    Moli Moli
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I wouldn’t mind being a housewife, hey take us back to the 50′s…but with women having the same rights we have now and I’m there!

  37. 37
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Quick! Somebody slap the fuck out of me for EVER defending that bigoted, elitist, narcissistic asshole. I keep thinking of the SNL skit: Really? REALLY?

    @itchy: Totally agree Tarzan was not defending Colton. He lost his cool seeing everything always being about race race race, when in truth we should ALL be color blind.

    @Jacquelyn: I thought the same GD thing! Why, for fuck’s sake, are these IDIOTS acting like Colton is running the show? Just make a new alliance and BE DONE WITH HIM. He only has one idol, and the self aggrandizing jackass could probably be taken out with it still in his pocket…he is just that DELUSIONAL about his “power”. Let’s all cross our fingers the preview of next week’s ep really was on point, and Colton is taken down a notch or two. Or twenty.

  38. 38
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Anyone know what was under that cover thingy Jeff was about to unveil in the preview? It couldn’t have been new buffs already, could it?

  39. 39
    Moli Moli
    Posted March 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I think the tribes are merging nest week, They teased us with ‘things will be shaking up’ preview.

  40. 40
    itchy itchy
    Posted March 10, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Hell, I’d be happy to be a house-husband. As long as we can keep our cleaning lady.

  41. 41
    Buffy
    Posted March 10, 2012 at 2:30 am

    @Sarcasatire – i agree that Tarzan came off as racist while defending KKKolton’s (love it!) racism. Any time someone uses the “My best friend is black” card you know they’re about to say something stupid to prove they aren’t racist. And Tarzan using the “we have a black president” card to imply that America is unanimously “over” racism is A JOKE. And it was gross that no one opened their mouth to call KKKolton on his shit, but whatevs, for some reason they’re terrified of the idiot. Did it not occur to ANYONE on the tribe that the less of them there are, the greater the chance that they are going home? it was stupid, and i see know strategy or sense in any of it.

    @itchy -it’s funny that you say that you’ve read maybe KKKolton is putting on a show, because when i was watching him at Tribal Council i was thinking “he cannot be serious”. Eh, maybe he is though because i can’t imagine someone wanting to go on Reality TV and pretend to be racist and classist.

    @AmyOops -i don’t think we should be “color blind” because our ethnicities and cultures shape our experiences and our country. I do think we shouldn’t form opinions on each other based on our ethnic or cultural background.

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