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Thursday, March 29, 2012
10:02 am
13 Comments
Tagged: funny, jeff probst, POOPY PANTS!!!!!, pottymouth, recap, spoof, Survivor, Titty-caca, tvgasm
Last night was our first Colonless episode, but it seems as though there is still some bile lingering around camp. Mainly inside Tarzan’s undies. But more on that later.
First we join the recently merged tribe as they arrive back at camp to find a feast complete with champagne waiting for them. I will never understand why they jump right into boozing it up when they are all already fighting dehydration. Alicia in particular is getting her drunk on and slurring to us about how Colon screwed her over by not giving her his idol before leaving.
She’s bitchy and she knows it.
The next morning they decide to name their new tribe Tikiano which means year of the god. Titty-caca sounds like a better name to me, so that’s what I’ll be calling them.
Titty-caca arrives at the reward challenge where Jeff splits them up into two competing tribes, but assures them that this is for the THIS CHALLENGE ONLY. They shake out like this: Chelsea, Alicia, Jay, Sabrina, Troyzan and Christina are on one tribe, Kim, Mike, Leif, Tarzan, Kat, and Jonas are on the other.
The challenge involves digging in sand, crawling under tight spots, and solving a puzzle. On tribe starts out with a huge lead, but loses it. Doesn’t matter because they still end up winning the reward of beer and pizza.
Yum. Nothing like coagulated grease and fermented hops to fill those empty bellies!
Of course, Alicia’s belly is already filled with bitterness and hatred, so she’s got plenty in there to sop up all that grease.
Later at camp Jonas and Tarzan get into a stupid argument and stupidly stomp off to stay mad at each other. Also, someone finds a hidden immunity idol, using knowledge that was granted as part of the reward win.
The immunity challenge involves balancing balls on a platter, and this turns out to be much more difficult than it sounds. But we get to hear Jeff say “balls” a bunch of times which never fails to crack me up because I’m immature like that.
At camp, Chelsea and Jay want Salami to stick together and vote out Manano. Looks like Jonas may have the target painted on his back until Tarzan decides to throw a pair of poopy pants in with Chelsea’s laundry.
Yeah, I totally trust him, don’t you?
Hilariously, he also tells her he knows all about microbes and it’s not that contagious. LOLOLOLOL. Guess who Chelsea now wants to boot? I can’t say I blame her; I wouldn’t want my clothes washed with his stinky ass undies either, poop or no poop.
At tribal, Jonas announces he’s voting for Mike (because he’s strong) which pisses off Tarzan who decides to announce that NOW he’s voting for Jonas. Wrong! He was planning on voting for Kat, Jonas spills.
Did he say me? Or did he bring a pet cat that he’s voting out? I’m confused.
Come back in a few days and we’ll talk about all the poop that went down, and I’ll give you a play by play of how everyone handled their balls.
Until then….
SWAK, PottyMouth
13 Comments
In his CBS bio Tarzan says he is inspired by Scaramouche because he is “empathic toward the needs of women.”
Tarzan needs to realize that women don’t want his nasty ass underwear in with their wash.
Tarzan took on the COLON role for this episode.
So glad I wasn’t the only immature one watching. When Jeff said something about Mike (I think) having 2 balls hanging on each side of his disc….I just about lost it! lol
What I found grossest about the whole laundry thing was they were boiling their clothes in the same pot they cook in. When did washing and scrubbing in the ocean with drying in the sun become not enough? These people don’t have soap to bathe or toothbrushes/toothpaste but they want to boil their clothes in their rice pot??
Also, they blur out butt cracks and guys shorts when they get a little to low, but why oh why are they not blurring out Alicia’s boobs? That is one of the worst tops in survivor history. And how has she not lost any weight? Some of the other girls are already wicked skinny.
And I snorted Coka Cola out my nose when i read titty-caca. It’s what Edina calls Saffie’s oriental friend in AbFab.
Someone else called this last week, but notice how all of a sudden Alicia has turned all meek and pleasant without Colon around? Ech.
Also, I’m really liking the Kim/Chelsea duo right now. If they can keep this up, they might make it to the final.
And I get the feeling Leif is functionally challenge — going head first into the sand trap?
Lastly, Tarzan’s no Phillip.
This may be slightly off-topic, but SINCE THERE ARE NO FORUMS, I don’t know where else to whine about how I got zero points in Fantasy Survivor, not even a measly 10 points when I had to change my MVP last week because of stupid Colon and his stupid colon. Waaah.
Balls and disks challenge made me giggle, because I’m 12.
Tarzan’s poop soup manties made me gag. Ickkkkkk.
I read somewhere that while Tikiaño would be year of the god, Tikiano is year of the assholes. HAHAHA.
With Colon gone, Tarzan is the new big douche of the season. I’m really getting tired of his Tribal Council speeches, too. At least with him stupidly letting everybody know he’s a surgeon, he’s got no hope of anybody voting him any more money.
Something tells me Troysan knew this when he suggested it.
Tarzan is the new Phillip, and I want him gone. I’m so thankful Colton was removed, because could you imagine them both in the merge? Everyone would be scrambling to sit next to them in the final three, because doing so would be an instant-win, and thus we’d be stuck with them both all season.
It kind of cracks me up that Tarzan clearly is used to bosses everyone around in RL and seems quite baffled that here no one will listen to him. When Jay was making coffee, Tarzan was giving him directions on how to make it for him and then the look on his face when Jay told him he wasn’t even getting any was priceless!! Clearly he is not used to be told No.
I don’t think he’s going to last as long as Phillip did, he has no Boston Rob to keep him around.
@crankyguy: I was thinking the exact same thing. What a dumbass for sharing that he’s a highly paid DOCTOR, a surgeon, no less. I’m a bit stressed they didn’t immediately write his name down.
C’mon guys! It’s Survivor 101 that the wealthy go BYE BYE sooner rather than later. Grrrrrrr.
I thought it was mean that Jay didn’t share the coffee but Tarzan is an asshole, so I guess it was okay after all! I have no one to root for. It is a disaster as usual but I still love the show. What the?
Love the scenery, Jeff P, the drama. Bring it on!