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Survivor

By B-Side | Wednesday, November 16, 2005 | 4:16 am | 42 Comments

gary_balancesEveryone was lying on the latest episode of Survivor: Guatemala, and yet no one was scheming. It’s the darnest thing. This season has yet to really get off the ground (might be too late at this point), and despite a colorful cast of characters, no one seems willing to really scheme. I place the blame on our sad minority alliance that’s done nothing but quietly wait for their numbers to dwindle. On a great season, there’s always that one mischievous bastard (or bastardette, if you will) who will stop at nothing to turn the groups upside down. Who can ever forget when Kathy from Marquesas brought Paschal and Neleh over to her alliance, stunning John with a surprise ouster? Or how about Amazon’s Rob Cesternino who basically orchestrated a coup every single episode? Even Jenn from last season managed to turn Ian and Tom against each other (a luck-of-the-draw tie-breaker challenge backfired on her though). On Survivor, when you’re down, you’re only out if you let yourself be out, and sadly, such has been the case for the shrinking alliance of Danni, Gary, Bobby Jon, and the now eliminated Brandon. C’mon, people! Scheme! Just a little! Now, if only I could get my urgings to go back in time and somehow make it to Guatemala. We can do a lot of things at TVgasm, but that might be beyond our scope. I think…Anyway, as you may remember from the previous Survivor, there was quite the dustup at Tribal Council when Bobby Jon called Jamie classless. Well, just because Jamie’s classless doesn’t mean that BJ can just go and say that! When the Xhakum tribe (or however you spell it) returned to their humble camp, Jamie lit into Bobby Jon once again, refuting the notion that he was classless. Poor Rafe tried to play peacekeeper by quietly suggesting, “Let’s just take tonight and sleep.” This was then followed by a nervous laugh and any other mannerisms you’d expect a gay Woody Allen to have. Still, despite Rafe’s pacifist pleas, Jamie would not let it go. And worse, he was no carrying on that his feelings had been hurt. “That was just because that’s how I felt at that moment,” Bobby Jon said, trying to explain his accusation.

“It broke my heart, it did,” Jamie replied. Awww. Poor Jamie. That “classless” remark really sparked something in him. Maybe he was verbally abused by a very classy father as a child. We then flashed back to Jamie’s youth as we saw an old, patronly stiff yelling, “You have no class! I shan’t be taking you to Picadilly Circus to wed Penelope. You are far too barbaric!” Young Jamie then ran away to Vienna where he rose from bootstrap to entrepreneur to eventually the toast of high society. But still, his father’s words haunted him. And in Bobby Jon, he saw his past.

Aaaand scene. It should be noted, however, that Jamie’s fictional father was played by Michael Gambon.

The next morning, the sun rose to the jazzy beat of Lydia mashing corn, and you know, I can think of no better way to wake up than to open my eyes and find my favorite fish monger making sweet music with the maize. Anyway, Bobby Jon, Danni, and Gary headed out into the jungle to hunt down that darned mini immunity idol, which meant we had to listen to some dumb story about how Gary once passed for three hundred yards in one quarter of a game against Detroit. Huh? I thought he was a landscaper!

Eventually, we headed out to the reward challenge which involved throwing an arrow with a… atladal? You know, I’m not even gonna look it up. I’m just that lazy. Feel free to correct me, anthropologists. Basically, this game was a mix between Jai Alai and archery. People had to throw an arrow and hit a target on the ground. The closest to a pole in the center of the bulls-eye would win first place in the reward. Now, here’s the catch. The reward was for food, but everyone would be eating. You see, first place would get a sweet-ass steak and lobster dinner, and from there, the desirability of the meals would decline, leaving the person in last place with a craptastic culinary selection. Oh, and one more thing. The winner of the challenge would also receive a clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol. Very exciting…

Well, Judd was up first and right out of the gate, he had a solid throw as his arrow landed close to the bulls-eye. In one of the happy perks of this challenge, we then got to see Jeff scurry out to the arrow and pound a wooden post at its location. Wasn’t there a PA around to take care of this? No one makes the Probst work!

Next up was Bobby Jon, who flung the arrow the way I’d expect Dakota Fanning to. Actually, she can probably fling an arrow quite well, seeing that she’s a robot and all. Point is, Bobby Jon’s throw was lame. Okay, I’m not going to detail everyone’s throws because honestly, it’s not terribly interesting to read about. I will say that I was surprised to see what looked like abs on Lydia (maybe she’s spending too much time with ab-monster Danni), and I also have to say that considering he was an NFL quarterback (who threw 300 yards against the Lions in one quarter, DIDN’T YOU HEAR?), Gary really put in a pitiful showing with this challenge. Yeah, using an ancient Mayan device is not the same as passing a football, but if I feel like being irrational, so be it!

In the end, no one could beat Judd’s awesome opening throw, and he claimed first place. Jamie ranked fourth, but after the previous night’s accusations of being classless, he decided to make a selfless gesture (all in the hopes of improving his image, natch) and volunteered to take the last place meal so everyone else could bump up a spot. Who knows what the motivations behind the move were, but it still meant a bunch of people would be eating better, so hey, let’s give it up for Jamie. Even Bobby Jon shook his hand to say thanks.

“We’re one tribe now. And I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner,” Jamie said as inspirational music soared in the background. This was more touching than ten episodes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Actually, it wasn’t. And when Jamie said they were one tribe now, I’m sure this meant he wouldn’t be voting on old alliance lines, right? Right? Yeah, that’s what I thought…

Well, it was time to feast, so the gang headed over to some thatched-roof dining room, and oh look! Puppies! Are they going to be Jamie’s dinner? Gross! Actually, the dogs belonged to the owner of this mysterious estate, but who cares about the dogs? Let’s check out the menu. We already knew what Judd was gonna get (steak and lobster, for all you short-term memory jerks out there). Second place Cindy had a lovely plate of chicken and veggies, and following her was Dannie with spaghetti and meat sauce. Not bad. Not bad. Steph nabbed a burger and a beer — also solid for a hungry Survivor — and Probst was more than happy to remind Jamie, “This is where you would have been in the line.”

“Nothing tastes better than my self-respect,” said Jamie, who was apparently noshing at the Hometown Buffet of self-respect. I’m surprised the usually testy Probst stood for this silly answer. He should have just reiterated “But this is where you would have been!!!!” over and over again until Jamie finally threw some punches. Anyway, next on the meal line was gary, who received a slice of pizza, and then Rafe, who happily greeted a ham and cheese sandwich with brimming optimism: “I’m happy! I still got meat!” I’m sure that’s not the first time he’s said that. ZING!

Bringing up the rear of the pack was Bobby Jon, who got a lowly baked potato, and then Lydia, who was served a little fish and some water. Amusingly, she began crying with relief as she confessed, “I expected a cracker!” Note to self: do not buy Lydia crackers for Christmas. It’s sardines all the way. Finally, it was time to reveal Jamie’s sacrificial meal: some nuts and boiled lake water. Tasty!

One thing I haven’t mentioned was the seating arrangement of this curious meal. Judd sat at a small table while everyone else was seated across from him at a long table facing him. Basically, it was construed so that everyone would have to stare jealously at the big prize winner. Making matters worse for some, Judd was then given the chance to pick two people to sit with him and enjoy the dessert menu and open bar. Had he been a good guy, Judd would have invited Jamie up, but then again, this is Judd — not the smartest guy and certainly not ruled by diplomacy. So instead he invited up Bobby Jon, which was a surprise, and Steph, which wasn’t a surprise, given that she was already soundlessly begging for him — kind of tacky, I thought. But again, Survivor‘s not the best place to turn to for class.

Well, everyone ate their meals; although, Gary was clearly still famished. When he was done with his slice of pizza, he stared down the royal three, passive-aggressively showing his dismay. Bobby Jon told us he tried to be respectful of the others and not over-indulge, but of course, Judd had no shame. He lapped up all the food and drinks in front of him, getting wasted off of the oh-so-manly beverage of vodka and cranberry. “When you make the vodka, double up on it. Throw a whole load of vodka and just a little cranberry,” he told the waitress. Here’s the thing. Getting drunk is fun. Sometimes even awesome. But if you’ve been starving in the wilderness and then the next day you will continue to be starving in the wilderness, it’s not always so great to get tanked. Again — asking a lot out of Judd. Whatever. I don’t care. He do whatever he wants. Makes for good TV.

Later, as the tribe returned to camp, a drunken Judd could barely walk, and even worse, he was quoting 50 Cent. Ahem, I mean Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson: “I love you the way a fat kid loves cake,” he mumbled to one unlucky tribemate. Hey, at least he didn’t tell us he was a “P.I.M.P. pimp” or regale us with scandalous tales of the “Candy Shop.” And if 50 Cent is famous for suffering numerous bullet wounds, Judd will now be famous for suffering numerous tree-trunk wounds. Yes, in a drunken attempt to wrangle some firewood, Judd tried to haul an entire 30-foot tree over to the camp. This led to him slipping, falling, and bonking his face on the tree. And of course, America laughed. Maybe even 50 Cent. I wonder, does 50 Cent watch reality TV? Maybe he reads TVgasm. Maybe he’s reading RIGHT NOW!

The next morning, the gang woke up to the warm stench of fresh JuddVomit in the shelter. When confronted rather kindly about it, Judd denied barfing, saying, “No, I got up, and I went over theres [sic] in the ruins.” Oh, well THAT makes it better! Nothing says respect like having a fat drunk guy booting all over archeological remains. Thankfully, Judd was simply lying (Exhibit A: the red, cranberry-infused vomit in the shelter); so I think the anthropologists can take a breather — for now.

Later, Judd read his special clue to the immunity idol and even shared it with Steph. The message said the idol was above ground in a tree or something; so of course Judd immediately addressed the group and announced that the idol was on the ground. Very sneaky, Judd! I suppose that’s why we then saw a green snake slithering up to the camera. You see, Judd is the snake. Get it? Get it?

Elsewhere, it looked like we were finally getting some scheme action as Rafe and Jamie kind of made a pact to protect each other. Sort of. Actually, it was just an opportunity for Rafe to tell us again that he simply does not trust Jamie. This has been going on for some time now. Is Mark setting up some big backstab or falling out with these two guys? It’s on my radar…

After this powwow, Jamie then talked to Gary who said, “I will vote with you today. I mean, I have to.” Before I could scream at my TV for Gary’s total lack of scheming, Jamie then went to his alliance and announced, “Gary told me he’s going to vote against me.” Huh? Was that a ploy of Jamie’s or did he seriously misinterpret what Gary had said. Believe it or not, Jamie was being dead serious. Just goes to show, it always pays to learn your prepositions: contrary to popular (READ: Jamie’s) belief, “with” does not mean “against.” Well, now Jamie was spouting off about Gary, which then caused Steph to tell us that Jamie was a loose canon who might have to go home. Please, don’t even try with the misdirection, Mark Burnett.

Eventually, it was time for the immunity challenge, and man, I can’t even describe this contraption to you. Just imagine your standard, elaborate Survivor balancing course. Basically, there were two phases that would whittle the playing field down to two people who would then go head to head in one last course. And everything involved balancing. Okay, it was essentially just a ropes course.

For part one, everyone had to balance across a beam and untie two boards. Almost immediately, Steph took a super nasty fall, but she was back up and right back in it. Jamie, meanwhile, decided to straddle the wooden beam and slide along it. “That’s gotta feel good!” said an expectedly sarcastic Probst. I don’t even want to think about the splinter/scrotum possibilities. We then saw Bobby Jon fall on his nuts — ouch — and after some heated balancing and untying, Jamie, Gary, Steph, and Rafe all moved forward to the next round.

Section two was fairly tricky. People would have to use the two boards they had untied in part one to create a makeshift rope bridge of sorts. The four players carefully plodded through this difficult challenge, and eventually Rafe and Jamie wound up victorious. For the last portion of the challenge, the two finalists had to walk along a tightrope, using only traverse lines to balance with (easy peasy for anyone who’s ever done a ropes course). Unfortunately for Rafe, he was unable to get a proper balance and wound up comically getting his head dunked in the water by our old friend Mr. Gravity. Jamie won immunity, which meant he’d be around another week. It kind of sucked because a Jamie ouster would have been the minority’s best chance at shaking things up, but hey, at least we’ve got his crazy paranoia around for some more fun.

Xhakum returned to their camp all sullen and glum, and if that wasn’t bad enough, Mark Burnett was playing the saddest, Mayan-inspired music EVER! Well, Jamie wanted to organize a movement against Gary, simply because of that one line he had misinterpreted, and because his alliance really didn’t care, everyone agreed that the ex-quarterback — I mean, landscaper — would go next. Hmmm… the producers would never tip their hand so easily. Something is up…

We then cut to Gary as he approached Steph about that evening’s Tribal Council. He asked if she’d tell him if he’s gonna go, to which she said, “If I know, I’ll tell you. All I know, the plan is Bobby Jon.” Mmmm… lying, deception — I like it!

Meanwhile, Bobby Jon and his crusty, infected, and generally nasty shoulders approached Jamie and Judd to find out what’s the dealio. Actually, he really wanted to campaign against Stephenie, saying that she’s a mastermind they had better beware of. Judd and Jamie politely listened, but then reassured him that he was in no danger whatsoever of going home that night. Hmmm…. So Gary is definitely going home and Bobby Jon is definitely safe? Clearly it’s the inverse. This is the worst misdirection of all time.

Well, Gary headed off into the jungle to do some idol hunting, and who should he happen to find? Judd. But here’s the thing: Judd was searching in the trees, not the ground. Kind of a weird thing to do if the clue says it’s on the ground. Oh, beware those quarterbacks. They’re very observant! I had to admit though, I was sort of enjoying Gary this episode. In the past, he’d pretty much annoyed me, but now for some reason, I was a little more pro-Gary than usual. Maybe it was because he was an underdog. Or maybe it was because he was showing some signs of sharpness. I didn’t know what it was, but I accepted it. Anyway, we didn’t see the results of this latest idol treasure hunt, but considering Steph then said, “It would be amazing if Gary found it,” I had a sneakin’ suspicion that maybe there’d be a quarterback sneak…

At Tribal Council, Probst posed some generic questions for the first few minutes, and then he asked Gary, “Have you told any lies?” Oh, that sneaky Probst! “No,” replied Gary. Oh that sneakier Gary!

Jeffy then moved onto Judd: “Judd, you lied in this game?”

“No, sir. Not yet. You know, it might happen, but as of this point in the game, no, I haven’t lied about anything yet,” Judd replied with wide, bulging eyes. Rule of thumb: if Judd has wide, bulging eyes, he’s lying.

Probst then asked Cindy if she trusted her fellow survivors, and she admitted that yes, she really does because gosh darn it, they’ve been through a lot together! Aww. Sweet, naive Cindy. She trusts the tribemates. So cute. Everyone pet the Cindy! Just adorable!

Well, the moment of judgment had arrived. Time to vote. Smell ya later, Gary. There’s no way you can get out of this now. But wait! What’s this? Gary found the idol! HE FOUND IT!! Dunh dunh dunh!!! I never would have thought (except for the painfully obvious misdirection and foreshadowing!). With this kink in the plan, everyone had to change their votes, and while person after person climbed up those pyramid steps, Gary simply watched with a deservedly smug smile. I hope this lights a fire under his ass. Play this game for real now! Turn those mofos against each other!

Anyway, as the unusually loud and vigorous drumming of the voting music played, we saw a few votes cast Bobby Jon’s way, and from there, it was just a wait for the inevitable. Jeff read the votes — Steph got two and wee Cindy even snagged one for herself — but everyone else was against Bobby Jon, and he was voted off the island. Hey, at least he’ll be on the jury this time. With great pride, he brought his torch to Jeff and said, “Thank you very much. I enjoyed it.” AGAIN.

It was a good run, BJ, and certainly much more productive than your tour of duty in Palau. But sadly for him and Steph, their images will be forever tarnished by this lackluster season. What do you think? Could Bobby Jon have done anything to save himself? Who will go next?

About

42 Comments

  1. 1
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 5:11 am

    Yes sitting around and doing nothing is always my favorite way to get ahead in the world. I was kind of hoping Judd feeding the (land)sharks would be more of a disaster. Like “Let’s get this pathetic drunk with bad grammar out of here.” I like Judd, but for the love of God, could we get some action up in this mutha?
    Gary was ok this week. Let me say one more time that the drama and excitement would have been increased exponentially if he had been allowed to present it AFTER the vote. Then Steph would have left and we might have had some competition.

  2. 2
    chick110
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 5:28 am

    This was my absolute favorite quote: “and Steph, which wasn’t a surprise, given that she was already soundlessly begging for him — kind of tacky, I thought.” I think it sums up this whole Survivor show this season. If you don’t appease Stephanie, she’ll make you regret it later by complaining unmercifully! No, wait, she’ll do that anyway because that’s all she seems to be able to do. That and curse the fates that put her on ANOTHER losing team… I just wish they would get rid of her and her weird eyebrows. I know there are salons all over the country just itching to fix those creepy things. But, if she does go soon, I won’t have anyone to complain bitterly about, so I guess I hope they’ll keep her for a few more weeks… ;)

  3. 3
    Seang
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 5:28 am

    Totally agree – the immunity Idol should be pulled out of someone’s ass JUST BEFORE the Probster snuffs out their flame – that’s FUCKING DRAMATICS, people! Not the pathetic attempt at misdirection they gave us. So silly, Mark Burnett.

  4. 4
    Den of Earth
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 5:34 am

    When Rafe the Wilderness Fairy managed to bravely suspend himself upside down headfirst in the water, well, I was howling with laughter. Kodak moment.

  5. 5
    Dana
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:22 am

    BJ was right when he said that Steph is the one to watch out for. I wondered about the editing b/c before the immunity challenge it looked like Steph had a black eye, but she obviously got it when she fell and slammed her face into that board. Oh well- it was a fun challenge to watch.
    I agree with B-side that Judd should have picked Jamie to sit at the winner’s table with him. He did have the crappiest meal (by choice) and he IS in Judd’s alliance. Don’t you want your own to be full and strong for the challenges? He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. I still like Cindy- she’s just laying low until the time is right. The lying about lying at TC was priceless. I want Gary gone next. He annoys me.

  6. 6
    Dana
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:24 am

    I had to add- WTF was up with that (arrow) throw Gar? You throw like a landscaper.

  7. 7
    chronic
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:37 am

    Judd – what a complete waste of space. Loved the way Gary effectively stared him down during his feast. And how pathetic was that when he went running right to Steph with the clue about the immunity idol. But I agree, the comment about barfing on the ruins was both appalling and priceless.

    I would’ve loved a screencap of Judd’s face when telling that lie at tribal council. Didn’t show the response, but I’m pretty sure no one was too convinced when he said that the immunity idol was definitely on the ground either. Judd = worst liar ever. I imagine he gets invited along to many a poker game.

  8. 8
    General Dreedle
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:55 am

    Judd’s wife: Honey, what was up with you and Stephanie? Were you trying to get into her buff?
    Judd:(eyes bulging) Noooooo!!!!

  9. 9
    Shoe-In
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:58 am

    I am getting so sick of Stephanie thinking she needs to eat every week and complaining about the lack of food. This is Survivor for God’s sake, not a vacation. I liked her the last go round but this time, real annoying.

  10. 10
    holyterror
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:24 am

    Even in a group of people who haven’t bathed for three weeks, Judd still manages to look like a bum.

  11. 11
    jack
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:25 am

    your intro said it all, b-side–SCHEME, PEOPLE, SCHEME!!! where was danni this episode? waiting around to get the boot? gary the quarterjerk rehabilitated his image quite a bit by showing a little shrewdness, sneaking out to follow judd and making a bid for self-preservation by promising jamie he’d vote with the asshole alliance (it may have backfired, but at least gary was trying to play the game). humble bobby jesus–too pure in palau to lie and backstab–made a limp effort at engineering a coup against steph, but obviously it wasn’t enough. his best move would have been to make an ‘us 3 to the end’ deal with the jerky boys, who had to have known at this point that their best chances in the finals would be against each other or one of the former yaxha, who would only have 2 teammates on the jury, and bobby jon would have been the best option, since they could argue that he didn’t deserve to win the game on his 2nd try.

    but this episode had its high points: rafe’s head-dunking tumble in the immunity challenge was better than vintage-SNL chevy chase, and twice as funny because it was unintentional. and, even though it didn’t dramatically reverse the direction of the game, gary whipping out the idol to save his own ass was good tv. judd’s puking incident was a little anti-climactic (when are these people going to learn to take it easy on the booze?). odd that he brought bobby jon to the table instead of someone else from his alliance, but it was probably better for jamie, whose penitent gesture would have been cancelled out if he’d ended up chowing down on steak and lobster and getting loaded while everyone else watched.

    but it’s going to take a miracle for danni or gary to break the asshole alliance, because only a fool would think he’d have a chance against two hard-working, kind-and-decent jocks of above average intelligence.

    i’m counting on rafe–who has displayed flashes of gaming instinct–to recognize that he needs to use gary or danni to help him break up steph and the jerky boys before they seduce lydia–who just seems like she’s along for the ride and has no plans whatsoever to win the game–into accepting a guaranteed 4th place finish.

    i can’t believe the way these people are letting steph play them. if she wins i’m going to puke in my shelter.

  12. 12
    ha!
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:31 am

    Your Jamie flashback made me think of one: “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding. You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat.” The fictional father in this case would be Christopher Plummer. Tres topical.

    Actually, the word is “atlatl”. And had you looked it up, you might have gotten a laugh. From dictionary.com: “A throwing device usually consisting of a stick fitted with a thong or socket to steady the butt of a spear or dart and extend the length it travels.” Heheh, ‘butt’ and ‘thong’. Sexy atlatl.

    Haha, Judd gots [sic] in the shelter. Silly Judd. So. Who cleaned up his [sic]? Ewww.

    I’ll tell you the scheming I want to see. If Gary is smart enough and ruthless enough, he’ll do his best to win individual immunity from here on out – even though he’s guaranteed to get to the final four with the hidden idol. Winning individual immunity (II) allows him to pick and choose who he wants with him. He can either keep II all to himself (angering the others) or give the II to someone else at TC – and still remain safe! That would be a first for Survivor.

    ha!

    P.S. Extra long episode of Lost tonight! Don’t forget! Set those VCRs and DVRs accordingly.

  13. 13
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:38 am

    What? You can re-use the immunity idol? Here I was thinking it was a one time disposable jobber like everything else in this world. That changes things big time.

  14. 14
    kerry816
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:45 am

    Something really needs to happen here….

    Ok, now Gary, Dani voted out….who in the remaining alliance goes first?
    Lydia & Cindy need to start scheming somewhere….Vote Judd out and who would Steph hang on to?

  15. 15
    ha!
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:53 am

    Lizardqueen,

    I thought that whoever found the hidden idol would be immune until the final four. That was my interpretation of it. I do remember the tree mail saying that the hidden idol could not be used in the game once there were only four left.

    Perhaps I misinterpreted and the hidden idol was a ‘one time only’ get out of jail free card. We’ll know more tomorrow night…

    ha!

  16. 16
    HicksPub
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 8:04 am

    Couple of quick observations…

    Is Judd really Judd or famous clown Emmett Kelly? You make the call:

    http://www.hickspub.com/emmettjudd.html

    Next, close your eyes and listen to Gary. He sounds exactly like Super Dave Osborne.

    I’m just sayin’.

  17. 17
    survivorfan
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 8:11 am

    ha!, I don’t think the immunity idol that Gary found guarantees him into the final four. I think that Probst said that he could use it anytime he wanted up until it was the final four. I think it is a single-use immunity idol.

  18. 18
    gregnNYC
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 8:28 am

    Rafe and Ropes are instant comedy. Remember his dying moth moment with the rope ladder in the second episode? And this time, his face getting dragged through the water slowly while his body is tangled in ropes above was awesome. Go Rafe! He’s one of my faves this season – especially if he really DOES betray Jamie.

  19. 19
    Ash
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 9:42 am

    I don’t think Steph’s eye was black, but it was definitely swollen, almost like she had a bug bite right next to it or something that cause it to swell… gross.

    For some reason I think Jamie really was lying about when Gary said he would vote with him. I think he understood exactly what he was doing, but I could be wrong!

  20. 20
    carol
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 10:10 am

    from cbs.com
    The tribe was stunned to learn there was a hidden individual Immunity idol somewhere in the jungle. The rule: In addition to any individual Immunity won at a Challenge, you can use the small stone idol to save yourself at Tribal Council. The idol must be used before the vote, and it expires when the tribe is down to the Final Four.

  21. 21
    The Dogg Pound
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 10:49 am

    Hickspub (#16), good call on the Gary/Super Dave vocal similarity.

    This was definitely Rafe’s episode to show his athletic ineptitude. A lot of people have posted about his falling in the water during the Immunity Challenge. But I’m shocked that no one’s brought up the way he tossed the atlatl. All I can say is that I haven’t seen a projectile thrown with such a limp wrist since Lamar tossed the javelin in “Revenge of the Nerds.”

  22. 22
    shelley
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 10:50 am

    “Rafe the Wilderness Fairy” f-cking hysterical!

    And I also thought the Hidden Immunity Idol was a one shot deal. Hmmmmmm…

    I still like steph, y’all. But i LOVE Rafe the Wilderness Fairy!

    Scheme Wilderness Fairy, scheme!!

  23. 23
    Melisa
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 11:02 am

    Watched Rafe over and over and over with Tivo. Best laugh in MONTHS! Slow motion with his expressions knowing that he’s going to get wet and make a fool of him self, but trying with every spec of his being to will it otherwise. LOL. Best fall ever! Rafe rocks! Go Rafe.

  24. 24
    BSideLover
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 11:26 am

    Where are all the pictures? You were stingy with them this time…and I need them as I don’t watch this show, just read it for your wittiness. And I really wanted to see cranberry vomit!

  25. 25
    chronic
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 11:56 am

    The Head Dunk was AWESOME! You can find the head dunk clip below. I loved the way everyone else was cracking up and that Rafe laughed it off in the end.

    http://p085.ezboard.com/fsurvivorsucksfrm1.showMessageRange?topicID=44433.topic&start=21&stop=40

  26. 26
    Victoria
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 12:20 pm

    My poor Bobby Jon-how I love him so-and how I hate hate hate everyone who is left. I truly don’t think any of them are worthy. This is so boring. Thankfully, we have these hilarious recaps to liven things up. If only we got them sooner…

  27. 27
    chick110
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 12:55 pm

    Carol, thanks for the quote from the rules, but it still seems a little vague. Nowhere does it mention that it is a one-time use thing, just that you need to use it before Final Four.

    And Dogg Pound, you had me ROTF with your Rafe/Lamar reference. Too funny!! All Rafe needed was the headband!

    Still hating Stephanie, but hopefully she’ll be leaving tomorrow night. (please??)

  28. 28
    juddfan
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 1:03 pm

    B-side!!!!

    Maybe he was verbally abused by a very classy father as a child.

    Absolutely love this!!!! Too funny!!!

    So . . . I thought this was the episode when one survivor loses all respect–hunh Jeff!? They led me to believe it was the puke incident, but alas, I thought they handled it well . . . despite the ralphing denial!!!

    Couldn’t believe he didn’t pick Danni–honey, if anyone needs a steak!

    Let’s hope Gary is smart enough to approach Rafe, Lydia and Cindy–it’s he and Danni’s only hope, and the best chance to knock out the jerky boys, but I still like Judd, how can I resist such a bad liar–so adorably helpless with those wide eyes!!!

    and pls pls pls let the hidden idol be a one time use, please!!!!!!!!!!

  29. 29
    Dana
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 1:12 pm

    Dogg Pound- I DID mention Gary’s throwing inability (comment #6). Are you from Cleveland? That explains it.

    Lizardqueen- I agree that the small individual immunity idol is a one-time use thing. It wouldn’t make sense to let them use it every TC until the final four. That’s why Jeff took it away from Gary when he used it. It’s no longer in play.

  30. 30
    Kimberly
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 1:17 pm

    The producers just had to of shown Gary (or pointed out the general direction) where the idol was. Otherwise, everyone would have know the whole episode that he would be the one to go so they showed him where it was for ratings.

  31. 31
    erin
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 2:12 pm

    First let me say, B-side, you are now officially my new hero. Everybody at work thinks I’m just the happiest person on earth for always laughing all the time. Little do they know the truth of what I’m laughing at, but hey, whatever works!

    Second, I guess I’ll be the archaeologist geek and tell you that an “atl-atl” is a device that was created by the Cro-Magnon hunters (which later became us) used to create better accuracy for spear throwing. Also, its ues allowed for less injureies as you could throw it from a distance and did not have to actually approach the animal for a kill shot. Basically, the precurser to the bow and arrow. Although, I don’t remember it’s use in the Mayan world in any of my classes. But who lets the truth interfear with reality TV? I personally think they should follow the Mayan traditions of blood sacrifice. Now wouldn’t that be one hell of a good challange?

  32. 32
    juddfan
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 3:01 pm

    Good one, Erin!!! Perhaps you’ll get your wish before long . . .I’m glad I’m not attempting to throw anything on TV–Atl-atl or not!!!! I would have to hope my wily ways would have their way with Judd the Stud, and I’d have been picked to dine on Lobster, Steak and Cape Codah’s (as they call them in the East) although, what’s worse, a girly throw, or some blasted gay guy drunkenly hitting on a married doorman . . . actually, when it comes to entertainment . . . this show could possibly use the twist!!!

  33. 33
    The Dogg Pound
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 4:21 pm

    Dana (comments #6 and #29), I pointed out Rafe’s inability to throw, not Gary’s. Guess that West Virginia education made you learn real good, huh? Hope that possum you ran over and grilled for supper tonight was real tasty.

  34. 34
    skeb
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 6:56 pm

    “It expires when the tribe is down to the final four” means that if it hadn’t been found by the time they were down to four, it’s null and void.

  35. 35
    too freakin funny
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 7:03 pm

    Judd’s lying eyeballs have had me chuckling all week — have you ever seen more white around a person’s iris? Why didn’t Gary call Judd on the lie about the location of the hidden idol? Is he saving that little piece of info for some later use? I like Judd but I would have loved to watch him squirm a bit more.

    The more I watch, the more I think Rafe the Wilderness Fairy is going to pull this thing off and win it.

  36. 36
    geewits
    Posted November 16, 2005 at 10:04 pm

    I’m surprised no one mentioned Lydia’s hair. She always looks like she just stepped out of a salon. My hair never looks that good. What’s with that?

  37. 37
    Dana
    Posted November 17, 2005 at 6:53 am

    My bad Dogg Pound, but I’m not from WV.- I’m from Pittsburgh. At least my football team reads Cleveland better than I do.

  38. 38
    juddfan
    Posted November 18, 2005 at 2:35 pm

    Can’t wait for the next recap, can’t imagine why! Hope no one minds a GREAT screen grab or two . . .

    ; )

  39. 39
    juddfan
    Posted November 18, 2005 at 2:37 pm

    Can’t help myself–can U believe Steph didn’t pull out the tweezers in that place!!!!!

  40. 40
    Dana
    Posted November 18, 2005 at 6:17 pm

    see ya in the next recap juddfan!

  41. 41
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted November 19, 2005 at 7:28 pm

    Geewits, I was logging on to say precisely that. Her hair is frozen in time, it never moves!

  42. 42
    juddfan
    Posted November 21, 2005 at 10:11 am

    I’ll be there!

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