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Tonight, on Survivor: The most miserable episode ever. You might as well ask me to recap Schindler’s List.On Day 15 at Foa Foa, it is. Still. Raining. Man, that is terrible. Jaison, Mick and the gang shiver inside the tent, pointing out that it has now been raining for five days. Can you imagine being out in the rain with no way to dry off for five days? Mick tells us that he was maybe a little bit jealous of Ashley, because she got to go home and be dry. Man, now that is some miserable shit.
Jaison makes a strange Captain Planet reference, pointing out that he used to make fun of the one kid who had the “Heart” ring, but now he sort of wishes that he had it, because his will to live is slowly being sapped from him. He has one of those moments that we’ve all had where you’re so tired and miserable that all you can do is laugh at how terrible everything is. That’s how I feel every time I have to watch an episode of Hank.
Meanwhile, the members of Galu have created a variety of tiny caves to hide in, made out of branches and leaves. It’s a pretty cool visual, because you can only see a face peeking out.
While Russell fishes and tends to the fire, the members of Galu complain that all this misery could have been avoided, had Russell simply chosen the tarp. Several of the people complaining were the ones who wanted the comfort in the first place. Because all the rain has put them all in a foul mood, they also complain about all the work Russell is doing, which is kind of like complaining about someone making your breakfast for you.
At Foa Foa, Mick has lodged himself in the base of a tree. “I know I look like a crazy person right now, but this is actually better than the shelter,” he says. Russell watches everyone shiver and be miserable and shakes his head judgingly. “These people are all wusses. They’re miserable because they’re a little wet?” he says, which is ridiculous. I’m pretty sure just about anyone who gets rained on for five days straight would be a little miserable. Shove it up your boxer briefs, BVDouche.
“This is why we lose the challenges. Everyone is lazy,” he says, disgusted. It couldn’t be that they’re losing challenges because Russell has spent all his time creating a culture of deceit and distrust amongst the members of Foa Foa, thereby keeping them from gelling as a team, could it? Nah, it’s definitely the rain.
Finally, it stops raining on the afternoon of Day 15. Erik, clearly stir crazy, tells us that he was talking to God and told him “I give,” and Jesus was all “Whatevs, now that you know I am the shit, we’re good” and then the skies cleared and now there is a rainbow and cartoon birds fluttered around and then everyone rode a unicorn into the sun.
Reward Challenge. Today, one person will be strapped inside a large sphere. Two blindfolded tribemates will then roll that sphere through a course with guidance from the person inside the ball. When the ball is successfully navigated to the end of the course, the person inside the ball will then help four of their blindfolded tribe members to navigate one of those table mazes that your grandma had lying around the house. First team to get their ball through the maze will win the reward, which is pizza.
But, there’s a catch: both tribes are going to Tribal Council tonight, and the winning team will get to watch the losing team’s vote while they enjoy their reward. Harsh!
Russell gets to pick who sits out for Galu. The team tries to get him to bench himself, and he refuses, sitting out the girls. When the challenge begins, Foa Foa maintains a pretty good lead the entire time, even though Galu bumps right into them a few times.
This has to be difficult for the people inside (Liz for Foa Foa, Laura for Galu), who have to be all disoriented and confused. During the first phase, you can see that Russell Swan is very clearly winded, stumbling around and looking confused. Foa Foa gets their ball to the end first and get started on the table maze. When Galu arrives at the end of the course, Russell wanders off and cannot seem to orient himself, despite the calls of his team members. When he manages to get to his corner of the table maze, he passes out face down and is unresponsive. Probst notices this and calls a halt to the challenge as the medical team comes rushing in. This is difficult to mock, so we’re going to move through it quickly.
Probst and the medical team call out to Russell repeatedly, and it takes him a few minutes before he is able to respond. He tries to tell them that he’s good and wants to keep playing, but medical won’t let him up. Medical takes his blood pressure, which is lower than Mike’s was when this happened a few episodes ago. When Probst hears this news, he tells everyone to take off their blindfolds and calls off the challenge. He announces that no one will win reward and that everyone still has to go to TC, whether Russell can come back to the game or not.
After the commercial, Galu discusses Russell’s injury, and they all seem to agree that he’s definitely not going to be coming back to the game. As we all know, Medical is the Grim Reaper of this show. Has anyone ever come back from a medical issue on this show?
To make matters worse, it starts to rain on Galu’s camp again.
Back at the challenge site, Russell continues to drift in and out of consciousness, and the medical team makes the call to take him out of the game. Probst delivers the news to him and he gets really, really upset (well, as upset as someone barely holding onto consciousness can). Probst is kind of an all-star here, pointing out that he’s tried to talk to him twice and he’s been unable to answer, and that he’s pushed his body too hard to continue. Russell lays there, helpless, and begins to cry. I feel pretty bad for him.
In lighter news (because everything is lighter news compared to that), we’re over at Foa Foa and it is still Day 15, because the entirety of this episode apparently takes place within the span of a day. Liz and Natalie agree that it’s going to be one of them going home, and they seem pretty cordial in agreeing to vote for each other. Liz tells Jaison and Mick that she’d like to stay, and they tell her they’ll do what they can. Jaison doesn’t really seem to care anymore about anything: ‘I wonder how many of us even have a shot at getting far in the game at this point,” he half-whines. He’s definitely one of those people who’s used to winning everything all the time, so when something doesn’t go his way he has no idea how to deal.
Over at Galu, most everyone seems to agree that Shambo is the next boot. Shambo talks to the Laura/Kelly/Monica cute girl alliance, and they pretend to have no idea what they’re going to do. Shambo gets all defensive, telling them that she fed them for the first eight days and kept them warm, conveniently leaving out the part where she lost their food and fucked everything up. Monica also points out that she’s the only one who voted for her last time, too, so who gives a shit. Shambo is very condescending and takes entirely the wrong tone. I think we’re supposed to feel like she’s being picked on by the prettier girls, but Shambo sucks, so: pick away. In the words of Wesley Willis, please Cut The Mullet.
Meanwhile, the guys of Galu seem to agree that Monica is definitely the weakest girl on their team. “People want to get rid of Shambo, but she’s no threat to anyone!” John says incredulously, apparently forgetting that she’s ultra-tight with the other team and has been vocal about it, which is reason enough to get rid of her. They also think that Monica has a lot more power because of her alliance, but I think that’s kind of bullshit. You can pretty much get rid of her down the line without any harm, but leaving Shambo in the game to join up with Foa Foa presents a pretty big threat.
John points out that they can have Shambo vote with the four of them and that will be enough to get rid of Monica, even if “Coach” doesn’t come back (referring to Russell). Why the hell would you call him Coach? Did you SEE last season? Oh my god, does Russell have a story about being captured by asshole-eating midgets too, and it just got edited out?
What follows from this decision to vote out Monica is a hilarious sequence where Erik and John take Shambo aside to hint that she should vote for Monica. She doesn’t get any of the hints they’re dropping, and the two of them are total dolts and think they’re much smarter than they actually are, so it is kind of like watching two drunk people talk about politics.
Tribal Council! Probst sits everyone from both tribes down together, interviewing them all in tandem. First, he tells them that Russell will not be returning, noting that it was the scariest moment he’s ever seen in the nineteen seasons that he’s been on the show, and I don’t doubt that. The only scarier thing I can think of is when Michael fell into the fire way back in season two, and Probst wasn’t present for that one since it happened at camp.
Probst asks Evil Russell if this is sort of a break for Foa Foa, and while he is evil, he is not terrible enough to wish injury upon others, so he tells Probst that he wants to beat people, but not like that. It begins to rain again while Russell is talking, and everyone just loses all hope at the same time. Jaison, in particular, looks like he wants to cry.
Probst notices the collective despair, asking about the mindset at both camps in the face of the unforgiving elements. Dave points out that Galu is completely dominating right now, so they don’t really have much to worry about. Russell takes issue with this, as he believes that Foa Foa has a shot at coming back. Mick tells Probst that they were ahead when Russell went down, so they’re taking today’s challenge is a victory. Man, how desperate do you have to be to view that as a win? “Hey, someone on the other team had a medical emergency. In your face, bitch!”
At this point, Probst makes an announcement: “Due to the unprecedented nature of today’s events, because the challenge was not completed, there will be no vote.” Everyone, particularly Liz, breathes a sigh of relief at this news. Probst dismisses everyone, telling Galu that they have to assign a new leader when they get back to camp. I would like to point out that there are still 13 people around, and we’re at the end of episode 6. That? Is a shitload. I’ll be interested to see how they make up for this down the line.
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Awesome recap, Schoonie. This season is great, even though this episodes was miserable. I like the contrast, though. Tocantins was an epic season even though it was made up of people who were mostly likable and whom led a fairly predictable game. This season seems like it’s going to be the opposite. A lot more gloomy, but maybe a lot more interesting, too.
Also, I don’t think the Samoa cast had a chance to watch Tocantins before they left, so they probably don’t realize who Coach is or how awful he is, so calling Russell that isn’t an insult.
As for having 13 people at the end of Episode 6, Cook Islands had the same problem. That season had two double boot episodes (Cristina/Cao Boi, Rebecca/Jenny) and a Final 5 finale in order to stay in the normal 14-episode season. Samoa has already had one double boot episode (Betsy/Mike) and I guess this was going to be the second before Russell’s injury. They’ll just have to push it back, but the season should play out normally, or knowing the luck of these Survivors, there might be another evacuation coming.
This was a pretty sober episode. Not too much to snark about. Even though I knew he was going to be OK, I found myself watching the Russell stuff wide-eyed. Man that *must* have been scary. Apparently, he blogged somewhere that it was hard for his wife to watch because it looked like he was dead.
I think Probst blogged that there were *only* 2 medical evacs this season so I guess that’s it and they did end up giving everyone pizza. I hope they give them drinking water.
Oh, I can snark. These people are idiots. THIS is Survivor? Sorry, this season sucks because the casting is so poor.
First off, Russell got what he deserved. The guy’s head has been getting bigger and bigger every episode, he let the Chief title tickle his pride too much (although the rest of the tribe seems to have gone along with it too). Russell was clearly trying to play the hero — the others wanted him to sit out during the competition and he refused. So his pride did him in and that means he’s another Russell who DOES suck. A good leader knows when to delegate.
A smart person would know how to drink rain water too (you just, um, drink it).
Another beef: there are a number of giant, hollowed out trees around — Shamwow’s smart (!) enough to make a shelter in one. So is Eric (probably following Shamwow’s example). But the rest of these idiots just sit out in the rain? They don’t even try to make a better shelter?
I started agreeing with Little Russell (anyone catch the reference to “Big Russell”? So I’m guessing they’ve all taken to calling the leprechaun like that).
You’re in a bad situation– suck it up and make the most of it. You CHOSE to be on this show. It’s not like you’re in the middle of the Rwandan genocide, idiots.
Also, while I understand that the decision to call off the competition was made in the heat and panic of the moment, generally when one team cannot compete a contest, they forfeit and the other team wins. So I think FuckaFucka were robbed. Sorry. But I do. They should at least have morale boost of the victory, if not the rewards.
At this point, the only person I’m liking is Eric, who seems pretty goofy but capable. (Oh, and he was praying to “Samoa” as well as ye gods…I thought it was funny that he said it took God/Samoa 12 hours to get around to listening to him. Guess God was busy developing the recipe for the tidal wave that wiped out Samoa a few weeks later. Thanks for the rainbow, Great Buddy!)
I think Mark Burnett must have a deal going with the Olympics committee. How else would he get his hands on such horrible Olympians (Crystal, Jaison)? Jaison is such a baby he makes me want to punch my TV every time his face comes on.
Also, Shambo’s mullet is STILL perfect after 5 non-stop days of rain. I’m flabbergasted. She needs to immediately come out with a hair care line for lazy people. She would easily make more than a million bucks.
Great recap of a difficult episode, schoonie.
Itchy, simply drinking rain water doesn’t hydrate you. The human body needs proper nutrition (salt and electrolytes) in order to process water and actually get any hydration from it. That’s why Gatorade is preferred over water to athletes.
Everyone out there was dehydrated and malnourished. Russell’s biggest mistake was working all the time and overextending himself (and not sitting out of the challenge). I agree, he did let the chief role go to his head, but no one deserves to have a near-death experience and leave the game like that.
And I really can’t remember any previous season where it rained for five days without a break. Exactly what are they supposed to do? Look chipper and healthy?
And your tsunami joke wasn’t funny. That’s pretty darn classless.
Good recap with not much to work with Schoonie.
I think the Galu guys are confident that now that she has some tribemates to align with she’ll stick with them, and also, Foa Foa is so down in numbers it would be foolish for her to flip, assuming there will be a merge soon. If at any point the numbers got to a point where Shambo flipping could threaten them, they could cut her loose. It’s not like they have to worry about her winning immunity or anything.
Itchy, LMFAO! Great post!
Uh, this made me laugh:
“Mick tells Probst that they were ahead when Russell went down, so they’re taking today’s challenge is a victory. Man, how desperate do you have to be to view that as a win? “Hey, someone on the other team had a medical emergency. In your face, bitch!”
Watching Dreadlocks Russell pass out a couple of times was VERY dramatic and I’m glad he’s okay NOW. Having said that I agree with SexyBack Russell. These people are a bunch of big pussies. They ALL need to “man up.” I don’t want to pick on Jaison because he’s SOFT AND SENSITIVE but it’s RAIN, bitch. GET OVER IT. Please try to act like a man.
Everybody on both teams needs to watch out for that SHAMBO. I think she’s smart enough to make it to the end.
Why don’t they fortify their shelters? It would seem they have some time on their hands, and plenty of leaves and branches. Why not try weaving the leaves or filling in the gaps of the roof? Or making a lean-to for the fire?
What about capturing the rainwater to drink? No better source out there.
Are the producers just editing the footage so that we don’t seem them attempting the obvious?
Well, user name, I guess we don’t agree on what’s funny, (even though I wasn’t making fun of the tsunami, I was making fun of the concept that there’s a god out there that’s controlling these things).
There’s no need to insult me, however.
But that’s okay. I’ll turn the other cheek.
Take your pick on which one. ;-D
Wait, I’m seriously confused (and more than a little frightened) here. Just plain drinking regular old water doesn’t hydrate you? You need what’s in Gatorade to get TRULY hydrated? Because I have never used that stuff one time when I have worked out. Am I about to keel over?
love (in my fading moments), J-Mo
BTW, Schoonie, I meant to tell you (before I expire) that I loved the recap and your work and you. Just thought I would… let… you…… know….
lv, J–….. 8X
Great recap Schoonie – There’s one thing I’m not understanding on Foa Foa. The two chicks – blondie and Liz. They’re just gonna roll over and let the ‘big strong guys’ vote them off? At this point, they’d need ONE guy to help them pick off a big threat. The team is clearly weaker than Galu, and it isn’t just in numbers. Getting rid of one of the stronger guys to save yourself is a smart play, knowing you’re just gonna merge anyway.
Instead, they’re just resigned to letting themselves get the boot.
I gotta agree with itchy too – I think that Foa Foa should have won by default, and I think tribal should still have voted people off. Foa Foa had to vote someone off after they already lost Mike as well… which I didn’t get – he made it through the challenge; Just make him the ‘voted off guy’. Eh. Anyway, miserable, interesting season.
Schoonie…great recap as always! One of the things that I think helps make a season good is to cast applicants, people who really want to be there, instead of “casting” players.
I thought the same thing about the rain…why not hollow out a coconut and collect rain water. I mean, even Gilligan had enough sense to do that. Boyfriend said the same thing about their shelter…why didn’t they weave the palm leaves to try and keep water out.
Finally…J-Mo, you made me spit coffee all over the monitor (at work) when I read your post! Love you!
bellicosebaby – I totally agree with you. You’ve got the time, why not try to make it better? As much as I don’t like him, Lil’ Russell had a point. Get to work, improve the shelter, and it will at least warm you up a bit.
And username now knows that itchy is the atheist of the group.
bellicosebaby–I agree 100%, the whole time I’m watching I’m scheming in my head how I would build a better shelter and protect the fire, and maybe even build a long hallway between the fire and camp with some protection–for reals, if it’s f’in raining constantly, what else is there to do–sitting and freezing like lambs in the slaughter?
Felt bad for Russell who ended up sucking, and I do agree, no one deserves to go out like that, but that tarp thing is a forever fail.
Probst should have just given both tribes tarps . . . c’mon, this epi sucked big time, don’t they want us to be entertained.
I also can’t imagine how anyone on Foafoa can survive a merge without winning immunity. There isn’t an obvious split in the other tribe that they could align with and outnumber.
Producers should shake up the tribes and even out the numbers–wouldn’t that be a new one . . . wouldn’t something unpredictable and unfair make it interesting again.
I hope somehow Liz can survive–she needs to get in Russell’s BVD’s and make him succumb and align with her. We all know Mr. D would . . .
Agreed Damian…I thought it was BS that no one was voted out. At the very least, make Foa Foa vote someone out.
Since things kind of suck and they need some shaking up maybe they’ll do the “drop yer buffs” and have everyone split into new tribes by picking new buffs blindly.
I don’t blame people for not wanting to do the show after seeing this shit. I wouldn’t want to sit in rain for 5 days straight and, ironically, dehydrate at the same time.
I always thought Survivor would be cool to be on. But, I think I’m more of The Amazing Race kinda girl.
And one other thing….how can Jaison complain about being wet when he plays WATER polo for Christ’s sake!
Oooooh, just had an inspiring idea. How ’bout a Real Housewives of Survivor? Toss all those crazy bitches on an island together for a month and whoever claws the most eyes out wins.
Schoonie …GREAT leprechaun in mobile, alabama reference!!
2muchbravo:
What a genius idea! Can you imagine Crazy Vicki from the OC on Survivor…or any of the Atlanta ladies? That would be ratings gold!
They can start doing reality show mashups.
Starring Bret Michaels, of course.
And zerocool? If you want to get technical about it, we’re all atheists. I just don’t pretend that I’m not.
Nice one, J-Mo. Hydration is more than just water. Russell’s salt balance was probably out of whack from poor nutrition, lots of sweating, etc. When the electrolytes get messed up, the kidneys don’t do such a hot job keeping water inside the body. That’s why Gatorade is so popular with athletes. Obviously, water is fine for people who aren’t spending that much energy and are eating a variety of foods regularly (instead of simply coconut). So don’t worry, I think you’re good.
Surely I can’t be the only one who likes Shambo…RIGHT?!
Juddfan, I don’t care how much money is at stake, it’s not worth getting into Li’l Russell’s BVDs!
It does give you a new perspective on Sham-Wow. After hearing all the moaning and complaining and seeing people looking like wet rats, there she is without a hair in place! Impressive!
About Shamwow-There’s always a top and a bottom of the class, even in the Marines. After watching her on Survivor I would not want to be trudging through a desert with her behind me carrying an M-16. “Whoops! Sorry my gun went off, wow you look hurt!” Can you say friendly fire? or “I opened all the MRE’s so they would be ready for us when we came back to camp. How did I know there was going to be a sand storm?” I agree with itchy, Russell should have sat out that challenge. Pride comes before the fall and that was a perfect example of it. I’m surprised the tribes haven’t started becoming disoriented and hallucinating. I’ve had to stay awake for 48+ hours before and you begin to lose touch with reality.
There must be a mullet god somewhere because mullets always endure. You can see an ocean of mullets at a three day Whitesnake/Poison/Black Sabbath concert and even after rain, mud, drugs, alcohol, and wild sex the mullets are still all good.
Dani, you’re not alone. I like Shambo too.
I read an article with Russell. He said his memories of what happened were not at all what actually happened.
He said he couldn’t believe what he saw.
He also said he was super pissed at Jeff for taking him out – until he saw the show.
Scary stuff.
As soon as I watched this episode, I went to read Probst’s blog to get the low down. Apparently there was even more with the Russell medical thing that wasn’t shown on tv. VERY scary! Oh and he doesn’t say it in the blog, but he mentions it in the comments: Both teams got to eat the pizza. They just didn’t have time in editing to show it.
I have a theory about why the TC vote was cancelled. Right now, there are 5 FukaFuka and however many Galu. If both were forced to vote someone off, there would only be 4 FukaFuka so they would definitely not be able to go into a tribal merge at a tie situation. It would make the rest of the series kind of suck. And considering that any “drop your buffs and mix” scenarios have to be decided before the season starts, they couldn’t just wing one of those in there. It would be one thing if there had been a clear winner/loser situation, but given what happened, it was the best way to go.
And for those of you who are seriously saying that they shouldn’t complain about being wet, you clearly are not thinking straight. I would bet that you have never been in a situation where you have been drenched to the bone where you haven’t known that you would be dry soon. I would love it for you to sit outside in your yard with no shelter, food, fire or water for FIVE days in the rain. Those of us who have been in those sorts of situations know that there is a cold that permeates your bones, saps your spirit etc. And for the clearly delusional person who equated this extreme situation to playing water polo… go take a nap. Or your meds. Because you are obviously not in your right mind.
Flip, wonderful recap as always!! (I know, I am a bit late with my recap reading this week)
Uh, it’s Schoonie who wrote the recap not Flipit but I’m sure Schoonie doesn’t mind being confused with Flipit.
Snootchy Bootches:
I am in my right mind and I am not on any meds nor do I need to take any. I was once caught on a camping trip (in late October) in 3 days of nothing but wind and rain, so I know what it is like to be wet and have everything you own soaked with no quick end in sight. We were stuck there until part of an earth-slide could be cleaned up and the road reopened. It was my first and last camping trip.
Any one who goes on this show and then complains about the environment should not have agreed to be there in the first place. Everyone knows it is miserable. Like I said in the comments, the show is much better when applicants are cast instead of the producers casting whomever they can find. When that happens, the show ends up with people who really don’t seem to want to be there like Jaison and Yasmine.
Then again, it seems some forget that this is a TV show and in the grand scheme of things, counts for nothing.
Sorry Snootch, but I have to disagree with you, well, sort of.
I mean, I agree, they have the right to complain, because it certainly is a shitty position they’re in.
On the other hand, they could at least do something about it while they’re complaining.
Like, um, build a shelter for the fire? Go fishing? Hollow out some more hollow trees? At least huddle together to share the warmth?
What really sucks is that I ended up agreeing with the leprechaun this week.
Marijai: I’m allowed to think someone’s comments are delusional without being unable to tell a reality show from actual reality. Trust me, I don’t give a hill of beans who wins the show… unless they are going to split the money with me! However, ther reason why I made a response to your comment was that the ONLY statement you made was that Jaison shouldn’t complain about being wet because he plays Water Polo. That statement was dumb. Sorry.
Itchy: Oh I absolutely agree with you that they could be doing something to better their situation instead of just bitching. I was just addressing those who seemed to indicate that the circumstances were no big deal. I think it would majorly suck.
Oh yeah… and SORRY Schoonie!!! I know you write these recaps and look forward to them every week! My only excuse is that I was behind on recaps and so I read 5 or 6 in a row including some by Flipit.
Thank you SCHOONIE!
(and Thanks Mr. D for pointing out my faux pas)