After last week’s Tribal Council, Holly feels on the outs and bad about voting for Wendy. “I know it’s part of the game to lie, but I don’t like it,” she says. Appaerntly it’s also part of the game to wear a terrifying paisley top.
She’s coming for your mom’s curtains. RUN!
The next morning, the Espada tribe has had enough of their shelter and decide to start from scratch. Jimmy J takes charge, of course. I’m not sure whether he’s doing this because everyone’s expecting him to or what, but it’s already a little old to be hearing all his pep talks and it’s only episode 2. In another move you can see coming from a mile away, Jimmy T starts talking about non-shelter related fishing issues in an attempt to take control of the conversation. When the whole tribe tells him to STFU so they can finish the actually relevant discussion, he gets all butthurt and stomps off to the water to throw a tantrum. Is this footage from the last episode? Because I feel like this is footage from the last episode.
La Flor. Sash and Naonka (I know, I had to look it up too), decide that since they’re both minorities, it would make sense for them to go to the end together. Sash also wants to bring Brenda into their plan. I mean, nevermind that she’s generally shady and annoying and will probably screw you over: she’s not white, so she must be trustworthy! Then Na Onka walks around with her hair up in one random scene, just to give the whole thing a hint of Erykah Badu craziness.
“I better caaaaaallll Tyroooooooooone. Wait, he’s on the other tribe, nevermind.“
NaOnka also speculates that Kelly’s artificial leg is going to fall off once they get into a challenge involving a race. She means a footrace, by the way, not ethnicity. But based on the way she’s been talking, I’m sure she also expects Kelly’s leg to randomly fall off when she wanders within eight feet of a non-white.
Back at Espada, Jill (the red-haired ER doctor we saw a bit of last week) eats some snaiils. They’re edible but they probably don’t taste good; when Holly sees Jill making disgusted faces and choking down the snails, she decides that they’re not edible, yanks the bucket out of Jills hand, and dumps them all out into the ocean. Jill is all “WTF?” (as she should be), telling the rest of the tribe how crazypants Holly has already become by Day 4.
Holly happens to wander by while the rest of the tribe is discussing the fact that she belongs in the nuthouse; she overhears Dan (the guido looking guy) calling her “crazier than shit”, so she does what any crazy person would do: she steals his very expensive looking shoes, fills them with sand and dumps them into the lake. “I wanted to do something to release my anger,” she tells us. Translation: “I saw Russell last season, and I wanted to do something to get myself on television.”
As is the case with most things, I blame this on Russell Hantz.
While Dan wanders around camp looking for his shoes (which were sixteen hundred dollars, by the way), Holly decides that she’s a terrible person all of a sudden. She calls a meeting, grabs Dan’s feet in a strange show of aggression, and tells the whole tribe that she took Dan’s shoes, recapping the process in grizzly detail, just in case they all weren’t quite ready to completely hate her yet. “It’s a good thing you’re not a guy,” he tells her, apparently because he would knock her out if that were the case. I don’t know, your shoes were sixteen hundred dollars and she’s wearing a paisley one-piece off the rack from Kohl’s. I think you win.
“Oh shit, it’s about to get all Misery up in here.”
“Every time she speaks, it becomes more evident that she’s crazy,” Tyrone tells us. Tyrone might be kind of awesome.
Yep, pretty much.
Back at La Flor, NaOnka is missing her socks and totally loses her shit about it, because we’re only twenty minutes in and we haven’t quite seen enough crazy yet, I guess. “Bitches,” she mutters at the rest of the team before deciding that the best course of action is to steal someone else’s socks. She ends up wearing Fabio’s, and when he comes over to ask her why she took them, she blows up at him, even though she has stolen his socks. I know. She even throws in an “I can get loud too!” which is just absolutely blasphemous to Sandra.
Don’t worry NaOnka, he’ll probably kill himself before the end of the season.
Espada. Jimmy J pulls Holly to the side to give her a pep talk, because if he does not give a pep talk every seven minutes, the bomb rigged to his back will explode. He manages to quote Vince Lombardi in this one, so whoever had Episode 2 in the “Jimmy Quotes Vince Lombardi” pool can collect your winnings now. When it’s over Holly feels better, but even she is all “I wonder if this temporary sanity will stick? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
Immunity Challenge. La Flor has concocted another elaborate entrance involving marching in lockstep. Today’s challenge goes like this: Four people people from each tribe will race through a mud pit and search through stacks of hay for a ball. Once all four balls have been collected, the rest of the team will use wooden shields to bounce the balls into a barrel. First team to get all four balls into the barrel wins the challenge. The winning team will also get a reward: they can choose between a tarp and fishing gear. Today’s Medallion of Power perk is that one ball will already be in the barrel, so only three balls will have to be found and bounced. After some deliberation, the older team decides to go ahead and use it.
The advantage turns out to be good for the older tribe; even with the advantage, the younger tribe finds their four balls before the older tribe can find their three. The teams are even as the ball tossing starts; it’s down to the wire and the older tribe pulls it out a split second before the younger team, so now La Flor has to vote someone out. Turns out the Medallion of Power is actually somewhat interesting! As for the reward, Espada chooses the fishing gear, even though they were just complaining about their shelter. Typical old people.
“WHO GOT ALL THIS MUD ALL OVER THE PLACE? Younger tribe, you’re grounded.”
Back at camp, Espada celebrates their win and checks out their reward, which contains another immunity idol clue. They post it on a tree and work together to decipher some of the clues. When they figure out that the idol is buried 15 yards west of a tree, people start digging near random trees, which is essentially pointless. Jill figures out that the clue means to dig 15 feet west of the treemail (somehow equating “treeman” to “treemail” which: worst clue ever). She decides to tell Marty, since she wants to be in an alliance with him, and sure enough, he finds it pretty quickly.
“I’m so excited I could middle-manage something! Fetch me a TPS report.”
Meanwhile, La Flor is moping. Shannon has collected a group of five people to vote off Brenda, including Chase. On the other side of camp, Na Onka admits that she was wrong about Kelly’s artificial leg, which is the lone bright spot for her in this episode. Now, back to acting like an ethnic stereotype! NaOnka and Brenda sit in the water discussing the vote; they have decided that Shannon is the ringleader of the people against them, and they want to get rid of him. NaOnka also tells Brennda about Sash’s idea to form an alliance of minorities, and to her credit, she laughs uproariously at the ridiculousness of the concept. Brenda thinks she can get five people to get rid of Shannon, with their three, Kelly Purple (seriously, that is what they are calling the other Kelly) and Chase.
Speaking of Chase, he’s decided that something is off about Shannon and that he can’t be trusted (YES), and narcs him out to Brenda, telling her that people are gunning to vote her out tonight. Alina overhears this conversation (probably because no one knows that someone named “Alina” is even on the show), telling Shannon and the rest of the group that Chase is betraying them to keep Brenda around.
Tribal Council. Get ready for some bullshit, y’all.
Probst begins by asking Shannon a general question about camp life, which he takes as an opportunity to start talking a bunch of shit about Chase. ”He’d better hope his girlfriend stays with him tonight, or he’ll be going home next.” How, exactly? Shannon clearly knows that he’s screwed here, so he continues to fire at Chase, who tries to defend himself by telling Jeff that he’s been working with them both since the start. “I’m just letting him know he goes next,” Shannon keeps repeating. How is that, exactly? He’s magically eliminated by default? A meteor falls on him?
“Logic is for gays from NEW YORK.”
“You’re pretty much digging your own grave,” Sash tells Shannon, who just will not. Stop. Talking. “I’m gonna ask you something, are you gay?” Shannon randomly says. Sash smiles. “I’ve probably gotten more pretty girls than you,” he tells Shannon, “I’d like tos ee you work your magic in New York.” Shannon’s response? “New York is full of gay people.” Where did they find these people this season?
Fabio tries to get them to calm down, which draws Jeff’s ire, for some reason. “Get your head out of the trees, Fabio,” he says, digging all of the drama going down. When NaOnka starts yapping about something or other, Jeff accuses her of being in the trees too (he only has room for one insult in his head, you see), and NaOnka tells him she doesn’t want to be in any fictional tree with Fabio, thank you very much, because she hates him. This face gets made:
To recap, we’ve spent the last ten minutes watching a guy from Louisiana act as ignorant as possible, then watched a black female act as bitchy as possible. What other stereotypes can we reinforce during this hour? Maybe Brenda can drive her car into a telephone pole or something, I don’t know. Jesus, show, get it together.
“Can we vote?” Fabio begs, because he is the only person here with any dignity left, strangely. After something boring from Kelly B, Probst obliges him. We see Fabio vote for Brenda, we see Brenda vote Shannon and vice versa, and we see Sash vote Shannon. When the votes are read, there are three for Shannon and three for Brenda before Shannon gets all the rest of them, and he is thankfully done early. Nicely done, everyone. I appreciate it.
Also, the exiled contestants now have to exit through a graveyard. A little too on the nose, show.