Survivor Recap: A Question of Loyalty

Hi Gasmi!  Are you ready for another round of Survivor?  I know I’ve been dying to see how Ozzy is going to handle his hammock buddy getting voted out.  Well, we won’t have to wait long, because instead of showing us the customary arrival on Redemption Island pre-credit footage, we jump right over to Savaii.

Guess what?  Ozzy feels betrayed.  He asks us how you can trust someone when they go behind your back.  After all, it goes against everything an alliance is supposed to be.

Now who will I snuggle with during nap time?!?!?

Ozzy is such a fucking baby.  He’s not content to tell them he’s annoyed or betrayed, oh no, not Ozzy.  He goes on, telling them that he is now what you call a free agent.  He’s playing for himself, they can play for themselves.  Oh, and by the way, he has the immunity idol.

Nanny nanny boo hoo hoo

You know, I always knew Ozzy was not a great strategic player, but I never saw him as a total fucking idiot.  Until now.  WOW.  Talk about self destructive.  All because your cuddle buddy got the boot?  Get over it, man!

He tells his tribe there’s a whole other side to this game that they’re forgetting and that’s redemption.  Keith awesomely counters that if he wants to go there he should just let them know.  Hee!  I love it.

You’d think after some sleep Ozzy would realize that blowing up at his entire tribe was maybe not the smartest thing to do, but NO, he’s STILL pouting over it the next morning.

My mask is filled with my crybaby tears

He tells us he’s just trying to be the provider and lead by example; if his tribe wants to win challenges they’ll need him.  Meanwhile, back at camp, the rest of the tribe is discussing what a crybaby Ozzy is and that he needs to get over it and apologize.  Or, as Whitney likes to put it, fricken man up and get over it.

Jim is overjoyed by Ozzy’s reaction, knowing that it was an eye opener for other members of their tribe.  As for telling everyone he has the immunity idol….Jim thinks Ozzy could not have made any worse moves than he did.

If Jim is overjoyed, CockRing is ready to throw a party over Ozzy’s behavior.  He knows Ozzy acting out like this is good for him.  He tells us, “The less pleasant he is, the better it is for me. So I hope he continues being a crybaby.”

It’s not easy to make me look good – thanks Ozzy!

Hilariously, CockRing tells the rest of his tribe that Ozzy is behaving like a stupid bitch.  LOL!  Everyone laughs while Ozzy sits on a rock by himself looking forlornly out at the ocean.  Possibly crying some more.

Let’s see what’s happening over at Loopholo.  Coach is feeling good about his position in the game, especially because he has the hidden immunity idol.  He reminds us that only Sophie and Albert know that he has it, and while he feels bad that Hantzypantzy doesn’t know, he’s not sure that the crazy person can be trusted with this knowledge.

I don’t want that crazy turned on ME!

He knows that at some point Hantzypantzy is going to feel betrayed, but that’s further down the road, right?  Not if Hantzy has anything to say about it.  You see, he has decided that since the idol is soooooooo important in the game, it might make some sense if he looks for it.  After all, it helped his uncle, right?

The Hantz blood seems to have an uncanny way of sniffing out the idol and/or clues, because in what seems to be a short amount of time, Hantzypantzy finds the hidden clue.

Coincidence?  In the blood?  Or producer payoff?

He runs right to Coach and Albert to share his good news with them.  Coach is less than thrilled because HE has the idol, but he hasn’t clued His Hantzness in to that fact yet.  So now he’s feeling bad at withholding information from his alliance mate, even though he is a nutbar.

Coach reiterates that he intends to pay this game as Christian men, just like he told Hantzypantzy.  But he wonders if withholding information is the same thing as lying.  He thinks it’s a gray area.  Ha!  It’s only a gray area because it benefits him!  I’m pretty sure that if the situation were reversed he would call an act of omission the same thing as a lie, doncha think?

Anyway, His Hantzness wants all three of them to look for the idol and report back to each other if they find it.  Coach and Albert pretend to search, but really, they are keeping an eye on Hantzy.  Coach continues giving himself a guilt trip over not telling that he has it, but Albert wisely counsels him to keep his damn mouth shut.  He knows that Hantzy is gonna lose it when he finds out that Coach has had it and not told him.

You know I’m right, Coach!

Coach watches how Hantzy is searching for the idol and this gives him flashbacks of Russell doing the same thing.  He tells us it’s reminding him of some horrible nightmares that he lived through on Heroes vs. Villians, and it scares the crap out of him.  Yeah, I think he should be scared of Hantzypantzy; that boy definitely has a screw loose.

It finally dawns on Hantzy that someone may have already found it.

What was the question?

Huh?

Let’s head over to Redemption Island.  Ozzy and Keith are there to observe for Savaii, while Sophie and Rick are there to represent Loopholo.  Jeff starts with Elyse saying it’s a big difference being in the game one day and out the next, huh?

Thanks for rubbing salt in the wound, Jeff

She says it’s bittersweet because you wanna believe that the people you spent time with are rooting for you and want you back, but they’re also the ones that decided it was time for you to go.  Oh, it sounds like she thinks Ozzy may have been in on the vote.

Next Jeff asks Christine how she is doing and she starts crying and says it’s really difficult; she appears to be strong and she is, but Redemption Island can break you.

Damn.  I didn’t know she’d start in with the crying.

He’s ready to get to the challenge.  Basically, they’re playing shuffleboard.  Each player gets four pucks on the board.  The goal is to knock the other player’s pucks off before they knock yours off.  Last person with pucks wins.  Loser is going home.

Ready?  Okay!  Elyse wins rock, paper, scissors and decides that Christine should go first.  She misses all the pucks.  Elyse takes her turn and connects with the pucks.  Barely. Rick tries to encourage Christine and says, “Go Christine, you can do it.” Her response?

Ahhhhhh, the old nose scratch flip off.  You gotta love how bitter she remains.  They go back and forth a couple of times, neither one knocking the other’s puck off the board.  Christine is the first one to get on the board, then Elyse ties it up.  Christine gets another Elyse puck and Elyse then knocks off one of her own pucks.

Christine could win it right here.  She doesn’t.  Elyse gets another one of Christine’s pucks off, then Christine misses again.  Elyse gets another one, so they are now tied with one puck each left on the board.  Christine gets the puck and wins her fourth duel which means Elyse will be going home.  I hope someone brought tissues for Ozzy.

Jeff wonders what Elyse is going to take away from this.

Aside from the foul taste of Ozzy in my mouth?

She is going to take away a real sense of accomplishment because she gave it her all and she never would have known she could do this if she hadn’t have been here.  She’s stronger than she thinks she is.

That’s nice.  Now get the fuck out of here.

Bye Elyse!

As Christine heads back to her camp, Rick calls to her to stay strong.  She ignores him.  He thinks that if Christine comes back she is going to flip in a hurry.  She’s gonna have fire in her eyes and be ready to kill them.  That Rick is so astute, isn’t he?

When Rick and Sophie get back to camp they fill in their tribe mates about Christine’s bitterness.  Honestly, none of them should be surprised by this at all; it’s not like she ever even pretended to be friendly toward them.  Sophie thinks that Christine would be the worst person to come back from Redemption Island.  Oh, that’s only because they haven’t sent Hantzypantzy there yet.

Coach and Edna spend some quality time together searching for coconuts.  She tells us that ever since Hantzypantzy told her she’s not really in the alliance she’s been trying to stay close to Coach.  She wants him to know that she has not wavered in her relationship with him.

I’m saving that for later

Does anyone else think that Edna could get a little crafty later?

Of course Coach would never in a million years imagine a teeny tiny Asian woman would ever get the drop on him, so he tells Edna how adoooooorable she is.  UGH.  She tells him that they make a great team, one that their tribe might not even expect.  See?  Crafty, she is.

Coach tells us he really likes Edna and he thinks she’s the one person here that would lay down her Survivor life for him.  Oh my god, I REALLY hope she stabs him in the back.  And in the front.  What a pompous ass.

She is most honorable and would never want to win for herself.

Coach assures Edna that he has her back; Mikayla will be the next to go and she is totally safe.  Edna admits that makes her a little less nervous for the next tribal council.  She knows that he could be lying to her, but for now she feels reassured.

Meanwhile, as Ozzy and Keith are walking back to camp after the duel, Ozzy realizes that he made a mistake by losing his temper and having a hissyfit.  He tells us he still wants to try and make something happen with this tribe because you have to have some people you trust if you want to make it to the end.  No shit, Sherlock.

It’s hard to be a free agent when there’s only one team to deal with

Ozzy and Keith talk it over and Keith tells him that he thinks they can still work together and by doing so they both have a good chance of making it to the end.  Ozzy (still full of himself) says he can overlook what happened at tribal council.  They share a chuckle as Ozzy says it probably wasn’t the smartest move to tell everyone he has the immunity idol.

When they get back to camp, Ozzy apologizes to the rest of the tribe for his overreaction.  He tells them he wants them to be a big happy tribe again.  Jim knows that this is because Ozzy has finally realized he has nowhere else to go right now.  Jim is happy about this because Ozzy helps them win challenges and is a bigger target than him, especially after the merge.

What else could a guy hope for in this game?

Time for the immunity/reward challenge.  Oy, this one is complicated.  Ready?  Each team will race to assemble a wheelbarrow that they then have to maneuver through a series of obstacles, stopping along the way to collect two loads of coconuts.  Once that part is completed, they dump the coconuts into a trough.  The remaining tribe members then take the wheelbarrow apart and use the pieces to build a slingshot.   THEN they use the slingshot to fire the coconuts at targets.  The first tribe to knock down all their targets wins.

I still hate the fact that we’re not getting separate reward challenges.  I know, I should get over it, but I like to hold onto things.  Sue me.  Anyway, besides gaining immunity, the winning tribe will also get a trip to a natural waterslide where they will enjoys a picnic lunch and getting rick shards up their asses.  Oh, and of course, another clue to the hidden immunity idol.

Loopholo has one extra member so they have to sit someone out.  Shockingly, they choose Edna.  I know!  I gasped out loud at that one.

Why does this always happen to me????

They get a minute to strategize, and then we’re ready to go.  Ozzy, Dawn, and CockRing are starting out for Savaii, while Rick, Sophie, and His Hantzness are leading it off for Loopholo.  Both teams get their wheelbarrows built fairly quickly, but Loopholo is better at maneuvering through the course, giving them a nice lead over Savaii.

It looks like Dawn and Ozzy are having a hard time working together to steer the wheelbarrow, and they do so poorly at it (or Rick and Sophie do so well) that Loopholo has their coconuts dumped into the trough before Savaii can even collect their second batch of coconuts.

Albert, Coach, and Mikayla get to work building their slingshot, and are ready to fire coconuts in no time at all.  Savaii finally gets the wheelbarrow to their trough and then has a little trouble dumping the coconuts.  In fact, Albert already has a target knocked down before they are ready to go.

Mikayla and Coach both take turns without either of them connecting to the target.  Finally Savaii is ready to shoot their coconuts and Jim goes first, missing.  After another round of Coach and Mikayla missing, Coach has decided that Mikayla is done; she’s not even getting it off the target, he tells Albert.  Dude, you haven’t gotten a shot either!

Keith scores first for Savaii, while Mikayla tries to shoot one handed.  UGH.  Why is she doing that?  That’s not gonna help her case.  Coach asks her if she wants to just rest for a while.  Nope, she’s not tired.  Meanwhile, Albert knocks down another target.

Mikayla goes one handed again (while Coach says two hands, babe from the sidelines), and she misses again.  The sad thing is that she’s hitting the base of the target, so you’ve gotta think she’d do better if she’d just use both her damn hands, right?

Coach again asks her if she wants to sit out.  She does NOT.  Jim knocks over a Savaii target and they are tied up again.  Albert gets another down, and quickly after Keith gets another one for Savaii.  Coach and Mikayla continue to miss.

Jim gets another target down while Coach shakes his head in frustration at Mikayla’s refusal to sit out.  With Savaii in the lead, Keith knocks over another target.  Albert misses his next shot and then, with only one target left, Jim hits it and wins the challenge for Savaii.

Savaii celebrates while Coach pops a vein in his forehead.  He is so mad.  Of course he’s not gonna be mad at himself and his inability to hit a target.  Instead he’s is livid that Mikayla would not sit out when he told her to.  He tells us that if he is going to coach this team he needs people to listen to him in the heat of battle.

I’m the boss; they have to do what I tell them to do

Mikayla didn’t listen to him, so she’s gotta go.  You know, if Coach wasn’t such a self important asshole I might agree with him.  The fact that Mikayla kept shooting one handed was not helping them at all, and she should have been open to the suggestion that she use two hands.  But for Coach to lay the entire lost at her feet is ridiculous.  It’s not like he was hitting any targets either.  By his logic, he should have been sitting out as well.  Jackass.

After a quick break we join Savaii at their rock slide reward.  They are so happy to see the spread of food laid out for them that they get together for a Savaii cheer.  Dawn tells us this win could not have come at a better time for their tribe.

A win is always a great time to mend fences, and Savaii does this as they laugh and eat together.  Ozzy thinks that having a reward like this really brought them all back together and he is now so PRO-Savaii that he says even if he doesn’t win the million dollars he hopes that someone from Savaii does.

And I will firmly believe this until the next time I get blindsided and throw a temper tantrum

As they take turns sliding and diving into the water, CockRing is a little anxious.  He tells Dawn he is not physically or emotionally capable of doing that.  She asks is he not a water person?  Uh, no.  He replies that he’s a sparkling water person.  LOL, I like that one, CockRing.

CockRing decides to go for it and bolsters up his courage to slide down the rocks.

Ow ow owowowowowowowoowowowowow

He lands face first in the water while his tribe claps for him.  Looks like they are all having a great time!

Not having such a great time is Loopholo.  Hantzypantzy wants none of the individual “I did this, you did that” stuff.  They lost as a team.  Period.  End of story.

Except for the fact that it was Mikayla’s fault.

Coach tells us it’s all Mikayla’s fault they lost; she wasn’t coachable in the challenge and she doesn’t follow orders.  As far as he’s concerned, she is going home tonight.  Albert’s got something different in mind.  He tells Mikayla that he wants her to stay and Edna to go so he’s gonna try to talk the rest of the tribe into keeping her around.  He thinks Coach will listen to him.

Mikayla doesn’t understand why this is even an issue.  Why would they think about keeping Edna who is weaker and older over her?  Albert has another reason for wanting Edna gone.  He thinks she is a sharp, smart player who is going to be tactical.  He thinks that she is way too dangerous to keep around.

He makes sure to bring up these points as he tells Sophie and Rick that he thinks she needs to be the next to go.  They agree.  So Albert and Sophie approach Hantzypantzy.  Hantzypantzy is actually starting to like Mikayla more.

It helps that she’s looking a little grungy lately

He thinks Edna has been acting too too sweet to not be playing everyone right now.  He does not like the look she has on her face; he doesn’t like it at all.  He doesn’t know if Edna is fooling him or what, but he’s starting to not trust her.

That should be it then, right?  OH NO.  You see, Hantzypantzy wants to be a radical for God when it comes to doing right and doing good.  So just when Albert thinks he has him, Hanztypoo tells him he will not go against his word and vote out Edna, even though he really wants her to go.  He’s gonna stick to his word even if it costs him the game.

Let’s just vote his crazy ass out.

Oh, you know she’s thinking it!  Albert and Sophie know there’s no point in arguing with crazy, so they go to Coach, hoping that they will be able to change his mind.  Albert tells him he thinks keeping Edna is a mistake and that she brings nothing of value to the challenges.

Coach is not going for it.  He says Edna is more loyal and obedient that Mikayla which makes her a more valuable asset to their alliance.  He says he lost the challenge today because no one listened to him.  He TOLD Mikayla to stop shooting and she didn’t.  Therefore she must go home.

He says Mikayla hasn’t done anything for them lately, while Edna will do anything they (HE) tells her to.  He says that after the merge if he were to tell her to follow Ozzy everywhere, even when he goes to take a shit, and wipe his ass for him, she would do it.    WOW.  I really hope she screws him over.

Albert thinks she is the weakest person on the island and he thinks she’s playing them when it comes to loyalty.  He knows the real scoop on why Coach wants to keep Edna; Coach thinks he has her directly in his pocket.  While he tips his hat to Coach for that strategy, he still thinks keeping Edna is a bad move for them and for his endgame as well.

Awwwwww, I think Albert needs a hug.  Take your shirt off first, Al!

Coach pulls Rick aside for a man to man talk.  He pitches Edna’s loyalty to Rick and says his gut is telling him to get rid of Mikayla.  In case he didn’t already get it through his cowboy hat, Albert tells him the vote is going to come down to him.  Rick is no dummy, so he’s not happy about being the swing vote.  He knows whichever way he votes it’s going to piss someone off.

This talking thing’s for the birds

Time for tribal council.  Coach has got to bring up the fact that Mikayla didn’t listen to him during the challenge.  Mikayla doesn’t remember Coach telling her to stop, and points out that even though Al was hot (as he always is) that Coach didn’t sit out either.

Jeff moves on to Edna next, wondering what message she thinks her tribe is sending her when they sit her out of the challenge.  Again.  She admits that she’s perceived as the weakest person on the tribe.  Deprived of the drama he was hoping for, Jeff goes to CrazyHantz knowing he’s sure to bring it.  Jeff wants to know if there’s much talk about the merge and being up or down with the numbers.

YES.  They have GOT to be up in numbers at the merge.  This next challenge is absolutely detrimental to the way the game plays out.

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

Jeff points out there are two sides to that coin: keeping players that are strong and can help you win challenges, or keeping people who are loyal.  Hantzy says you gotta get there, but you have to get there with people who are loyal.  What’s numbers if one or two people are not loyal?

Albert disagrees.  He thinks if the one person that helps you get to the merge isn’t the MOST loyal, he thinks you need to compromise because in this game it’s most important to get to that merge with numbers.  In other words (Jeff reworks for him) you can’t worry about loyalty after the merge if you don’t GET to the merge.

Sophie agrees with Albert.  Hantzy rolls his eyes while Jeff astutely observes that the tribe seems to be divided on this matter.  Of course Coach is going for loyalty because it serves his purpose.  Albert points out that loyalty can be faked while you can’t fake strength.  Basically, he thinks Coach is being conned by Edna.

Hantzypantzy has had enough rational discussion.  He says last tribal council they were talking about loyalty and now they’re talking about it again.  He wants to know why they’re split.  They ALL made a pact to have six people that were going to make it and stay together.  They chose to keep Edna.  He tells Mikayla he loves her (HAHAHAHA) but he wants to keep everyone to their word.

Did we have a signal for switching the vote to CrazyHantz?

He says there should only be one vote being voted tonight.  I guess that means he thinks Mikayla should vote for herself?  The split in their tribe concerns him because that is not loyalty; that’s a house divided.

Albert butts in to say it’s a difference of opinion.  Loyalty and opinions are two separate ideas.

Don’t try that crazy logic thing on me!

Hantzypantzy says Albert is not understanding.  They cannot be divided AND have loyalty.  He tells them to vote him out today if they are going to play disloyal because money you can throw in the fire and it’s gone; character you live with for the rest of your life.

Thinking that Mikayla might be stupid, Jeff points out to her that it looks like she’s in the middle of a divided tribe.  Is that what she’s hearing as well?  She says Hantzy has had something against her from the beginning.  He butts in saying that’s because he doesn’t trust her or Edna strategically.  Honestly, he wants to keep Mikayla but because he said he wouldn’t vote for Edna, he can’t vote for her.

Jeff now points out that Hantzy told his tribe to vote him out if they’re not going to play a game that’s based on loyalty.  He wants Coach to explain to Hantzypantzy the downside of telling someone you’re going to vote them out before the actual vote.  Coach says there’s a point of being too honest and you have to remember that there are some parts that need to be revealed and some parts that you keep hidden for a time.

Like the fact that I let you search all afternoon for an immunity idol I already have……

Just because you don’t tell EVERYTHING doesn’t mean that you’re being disloyal or dishonest.  Wrong!  Hantzypantzy says.  He says people nowadays thinks it’s okay to tell a little bit of a lie.  It’s NOT.  That’s lasciviousness.  And it is not okay.  There is no gray; it’s black or white.  Period.  Guess Coach knows now how Hantzy is going to feel about him withholding idol information.

Time to vote.  The votes we see are Hantzypantzy’s (Mikayla), Mikayla’s for Edna, Albert’s for Edna, and Edna’s for Mikayla with a comment about how she hopes this helps Mikayla’s modeling career.  In the end, it’s split right down the middle with Rick being the deciding vote, just as we all knew he would be.  And the sixth person voted out of Survivor is………..

I still think they should have voted out Hantzypantzy.  Jeff sends them on their way but not before telling them that loyalty, as honorable as it may be, is not always the answer.

Now get back to camp and start ripping each other to shreds

When Mikayla gets to Redemption Island she lays all the blame for her booting at Hantzypantzy’s feet.  She hopes the next challenge is physical so she can laugh when they lose.

Next week, Ozzy will go to Redemption if he has to, and Coach may be catching on that he’s gonna need to cut Hantzypantzy loose.  Until then, what did you think about this week’s ouster?  Were you hoping for Edna to get the boot or are you okay with it being Mikayla?  What about Ozzy’s temper tantrum?  Anyone else wanna kick Coach in the balls?  Can’t wait to hear what you thought!

SWAK, PottyMouth