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Hi Gasmi! Wow, you guys have been on fire this past week. Glad to see I wasn’t the only one completely creeped out by Lil Hantz, and I don’t know about you, but for me the dude just keeps getting creepier and creepier. He really makes my skin crawl.
We’ll get more into that in a few minutes. First, we rejoin Christine as she arrives on Redemption Island. Christine tells us that she thinks her tribe was not ready for someone who wanted to play the game right out of the box.
Semhar asks her what her tribemates we like and Christine tells her that Coach was a big fat pain in the ass and that he thinks he’s King Farouk. I don’t see the comparison. Wait! Did King Farouk also survive against butt eating pygmies?
She’s happy that Redemption Island gives her another chance to get into it. She tells us it’s not over yet. The fat lady has not sung.
Back at Loopholo, Mikayla is still in shock from what happened at tribal. She still has no idea why Lil Hantz was so set on getting her out. The jerk can’t even let her have two seconds to talk to Coach! Is he afraid she’s going to work her Jezebel ways on poor, defenseless Coach?
I need all the hugs for me.
He tells us he was almost 150% sure that Mikayla was going home. He blatantly lied and he regrets it (yeah, right). His intentions were to play a different game than his uncle; Russell is known for being a villain, Lil Hantz wanted to be a hero.
Where I come from heroes throw stones at women that give them boners
He’s guilty of the way that he acted, and he reaps what he sows, man. Oh, if only that were true.
We get the shortened credits again this week, so something exciting may be headed our way. Then again, we’ve got the duel to cram into the show as well, so it could be just that.
Speaking of the duel, Loopholo gets their invite to watch the battle, and Coach decides he wants to go. Stacy is going too. I wish they wouldn’t even let any of the tribes go to see them. At least at the end of it they’d have no idea how anything played out before the person rejoined the game. I still hate this whole Redemption Island bullshit, but adding the element of surprise at least would make it more interesting, don’t you think?
Anyway, it’s time to get down to the duel. Jeff wants to know if Christine is harboring any ill will toward Coach and Stacy for voting her off. Obviously Christine knows Stacy didn’t vote for her since they’re friends. She tells Jeff that Coach didn’t like her from the get go.
I don’t understand why. It’s not like I said he was a temporary player or anything.
Jeff then asks Semhar what it’s like at Redemption Island. She tells him it was scary to be alone. Good thing she had her shitty poetry to keep her company.
Now that Jeff has fulfilled the obligation to speak with each of them, he’s ready to get to the duel. It will require concentration, and balance. We’ve seen this challenge before (I think in Samoa?). It involves balancing a totem on a pole and every few minutes another length of pole must be added. First person to have their totem drop from the pole is out.
They take their spots, but instead of getting down to it, Semhar takes some time for an impromptu spoken word performance. An obviously pre-prepared spoken word performance. You just never know when you’re going to need to breakout a poem about stripping for your man and not taking drugs during childbirth.
I crave attention so I will mention things that may cause tension and certainly show my pretension.
No more rhyming now, I mean it!
PAnybody want a peanut?
Desperate cry for attention over, we are ready to start the duel. Semhar and Christine successfully balance their totems on top of their poles in the first two rounds, even after adding another section of pole. Semhar has a shaky moment as she adds her third pole piece, but is able to recover.
The secret appears to be in the pirate face.
Good thing she didn’t try spoken word again; the totem probably would have committed suicide. Christine also has a wobbly moment, but in the end Semhar’s totem drops first and so she is the one to go. I have to admit I’m happy about that one because I don’t think I could sit through another one of her poems.
Jeff asks Semhar what’s the emotion. Well, when she got sent to Redemption it brought back a lot of memories from her past. Poor thing. I didn’t realize she was dropped in the wilderness as a child! I blame the poetry. She doesn’t understand how people can be so cruel, how can people be so cruel. It’s easy to be hard. Easy to be cold.
Her tribe brought up all those old feeling again. Jeff points out that she DID sign up for all of this. Exactly, she tells him. She never gives up.
Unless there are coconuts and throwing involved.
Jeff sends Christine back to Redemption Island to await her next opponent. She gives Stacy a thumbs up as she leaves and tells us she is hoping to pull a Matt. I’m assuming she’s stopping at when he got back into the game and not continuing on with his dumbass moves that got him voted immediately out once more.
There must not be a lot going on over at Savaii because we’re back once more with Loopholo. Lil Hantz sits staring into the fire and tells us that this morning God was chastising him big time. Is anyone else concerned that Lil Hantz appears to now be hearing voices?
I don’t think I’d want him near fire. Or stones. Or the machete. Okay, I wouldn’t want to be near him period.
He thinks God is upset with him for lying and he is upset with himself for the same reason. Nice to know they’re on the same page. He doesn’t want to lie or play games anymore. He waits until they’re all together on the beach and decides to take off his shirt and reveal to them his Hantzness.
Dude. The tribe has voted. Never take your shirt off again.
He assures his tribe that he may be Russell’s nephew, but he is completely different person than him. Most of them are shocked by this revelation, and Mikayla thinks that it explains a lot about his treatment of her. She thinks he’s looking for an easy way out of his bad behavior and tells us she does not trust him. She thinks he is a sneak. Poor Mikayla still doesn’t realize he’s even more sinister that that.
Lil Hantz tells us he’s him. He loves God, he loves Jesus Christ and he shouldn’t be ashamed that he’s a different person than his uncle. True. But he definitely should be ashamed that he’s a creepy stalker who hides behind God as a way to justify his creepiness. The Frollo parallels that some of you made last week are spot on in my opinion. This guy makes me want to take several showers because one is never going to be enough to get the yuck off.
Coach and Lil Hantz go for a walk and Lil apologizes to Coach for not giving him a heads up about his plan to out himself as a Hantz. No worries, Coach tells him; he commends him for his honesty. That’s to Lil Hantz’ face. To us, he says it was a bad move. Lil Hantz is still in his alliance, he still trusts him, but maybe not with both feet now.
I won’t be wearing any sexy outfits around him though.
We’re finally heading over to check in on Savaii. Papa Bear swings in the hammock alone and bemoans the fact that he doesn’t fit in with the majority of his tribe. Well, swinging alone isn’t going to help change that, is it? In fairness to him, I don’t think it’s really his fault. It seems like this tribe has bonded into a young and fit clique (plus Jim) and a misfit remainder.
I always dreamed of being a dentist!
He says every challenge is important to him because he does not feel safe at all.
On the opposite side of the safety fence is Ozzy. In fact, Ozzy feels so safe3 that he’s decided he should tell someone about the immunity idol he found. And this is why Ozzy sucks at this game. Why share? Keep your mouth shut and use it when and if you need to. All you’ve done by sharing is ensure when they’re ready to boot you out that they can plan for the idol factor as well. Dumbass.
He picks Keith to tell because they have sort of a brother bond going on and as far as Ozzy knows, Keith is trustworthy. Yes, it’s so easy to tell after a week the level of a person’s trustworthiness.
He told me he really likes my hair so I totally think I can trust him
Of course Ozzy tells Keith he can’t tell anyone. Keith immediately proves how trustworthy he is by running off to tell Whitney. But she can’t tell anyone, mmmkay? Anyone wanna bet how long it is before she tells Elyse or Jim?
Also? Keith is now annoyed by how much power Ozzy has in the game. That’s completely ludicrous. I never get how people don’t understand that having the hidden immunity and having power do NOT automatically go hand in hand. Many a person has been outed from the game while holding an idol. It’s not that fucking hard to do, especially when the numbers are so big.
After a brief respite from Creepy McCreeper we head back to Loopholo. Mikayla asks Brandon to go for a walk with her so she can find out what exactly he has against her. Now would be the time for him to tell her that he thinks she’s a harlot and a temptress and that she’s trying to use her feminine ways to wrap all the guys around her finger. But Creepy doesn’t do that. Instead he tells her it’s because of this…..attitude.
And the fact that all the blood in my body is currently rushing to one area.
He doesn’t even know why they’re having this conversation because she still doesn’t seem to be getting the fact that he’s trying to apologize to her. Is he fucking kidding?!!?!?!? Did I miss the apology part? Someone tell me if I did.
Mikayla is just as incredulous as I am and then he tells her before he even did anything people didn’t trust her. He’s not the only one that wants her gone. Yes, the voices in his head want her to go too.
He then turns around and tells us that Mikayla was going after him like a bulldog; like she was gonna attack him. Oh PLEASE. He fucking wishes she would attack him. That would give him wet dreams for the rest of their time out there!
But he’s a Christian, so he knows he should be humble and meek. So naturally he should get the entire tribe together so that he can yell at her in front of all of them about how she doesn’t have much of an alliance. Does anyone else have anything they’d like to say?
No thanks. I’ll just stand here and look hot.
Creepy wants no more of this from everybody. He wants them to keep him out of the drama that he is causing. There you go. That’s it. They should vote his insane ass out of there as soon as possible.
Sophie tells us they were all in shock after that. She thinks Creepy is a loose cannon. She thinks he’s really torn between following whatever crazy religious things he believes or going with what’s in his bloodline, which is being a devious jerk. Oh Sophie. No one said the two were mutually exclusive.
Meanwhile, Mikayla has gone off to sit on the beach alone and cry. I feel really bad for her because I think she came into this game knowing that she was strong and hoping to form a great alliance with other strong players. Now this kid has thrown a giant wrench into her game play because he is a crazy stalker who dreams of sticking it to her.
Creepy sits by the fire and tells us he was told by his pop pop and his dad not to lose his temper. He let his flesh get the better of him and tells us it’s a constant battle for him every day, good vs. evil. He really wants to do good.
So he’s given himself fake boobs for fondling. Now he’ll have to plot to vote himself out.
Does anyone else think the whole sitting by the fire crying and letting yourself get covered in ash makes him even more creepy than he already was? Me too. What the hell? Is he hoping that we’ll feel sorry for him or something?
Coach is greatly concerned about this situation, as he should be. For someone who talks so much about being honorable, I would have liked to see him stick up for Mikayla as Creepy was picking on her. Wouldn’t that be the honorable thing to do?
Are you crazy? Do you think I want that directed at me?!?!
He says it is the epitome of snafu and he’s worried that Creepy’s outburst causes uneasiness in the tribe and uneasiness in the alliance. Well, you could fix that by voting his ass out. You already have Edna on the side, bring her into the five. Or Mikayla for that matter.
He hopes that Brandon will not have any more blow ups (yeah, hope in one hand and shit in the other, Coach; see which one fills up first). He says it’s a different kind of aggression than Russell had, but it’s an aggression none the less. Uh, yeah. That’s a bit of an understatement. I didn’t like Russell AT ALL, but he never scared me. This crazy fucker scares the pants off me.
Time for the immunity/reward challenge. It’s another complicated one. One person from each tribe will race across a floating bridge/plank thing, carrying a body board attached to a long rope. At the platform they’ll grab a bag and then hang on to the body as the rest of the tribe cranks a giant winch pulling them back to shore.
They’ll need five bags, and once they’ve retrieved them all the remaining team members will use grappling hooks to haul each of the five bags up to the platform where they will then use the puzzle banners contained inside to form their team flag. Confused yet?
Not only will they be playing for immunity, but also reward which includes coffee, milk, sugar and cookies. In addition, the winning tribe will win another clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol. Of course everyone thinks it’s worth playing for and so we’re ready to begin.
Jeff doesn’t mention that the teams also need to let out enough flack for the runners to cross the floating bridge, but this proves to be a vital portion of the challenge and Savaii’s inability to slack off enough costs them a lead for Ozzy right off the bat.
In truth, the teams switch leads and stay pretty close throughout this section of the challenge. A couple of things to note. Dawn does really well here, much better than I had thought she would do. This challenge is a great opportunity for more shirtless Albert.
And Creepy continues his annoying streak by pointing heavenward at one point while his team pulls him back to shore. He and I have different viewpoints about divine intervention. He sees his team pulling him ashore as God lending a helping hand. I think if God got involved at all he’d drown this creepy mother fucker. Tomatoes, tomatoes.
Are you there God? It’s me, PottyMouth. Please smite this creepazoid mo fo.
At one point Ozzy’s team winches so hard that they pull the body board out from under him! The teams go into the grappling section head to head. Coach and Whitey are handling the hooks, and although Whitney does really well, Coach is some sort if idiot savant when it comes to the grappling hooks and is able to pull ahead. From there, it is a hop, skip and a shuffled puzzle banner to the win.
Damn! I was hoping they’d lose and boot off Crazy McCreepypants, but maybe if he sticks around a tiny bit longer he’ll hammer that final nail into to his own coffin. Over at Savaii, Jim is already talking about how much Papa Bear sucks and needs to go. In fact, he now thinks that they probably should have voted his old ass out first.
Back at camp, Ozzy, Keith, Jim, Whitney and Elyse get together to talk about who needs to get the boot. CockRing and Papa Bear look on sadly and Papa Bear obviouses to CockRing that they are up a creek. Ozzy’s alliance decides to vote out Papa Bear, because he was the worst at the challenge. Ozzy tells CockRing they are voting out Papa Bear, but they’re going to tell Papa Bear that they are voting for CockRing.
CockRing is disturbed that his name is coming up at all. He’s not sure if Ozzy’s telling him the truth or if he should try to scramble to save himself. He’d rather not scramble since his tribe is already looking at him as the paranoid, super-nervous one.
I will try to look relaxed and fail miserably.
Jim and Ozzy tell Papa Bear that CockRing is going home, but he does not believe them at all. He decides to head out and try to find the hidden immunity idol. And by “head out” I mean run hilariously into the woods.
And he’s off!
The fact that Papa Bear never runs and is running now draws Elyse’s attention, so she and Jim decide to follow him. They spy him digging frantically around and talk about how bananas it would be if he actually found it. Ozzy, Keith and Whitney know that this is an impossibility but they don’t enlighten the rest of their alliance.
Papa Bear knows that there is little time left for him, and so he does the next best thing to finding an actual idol.
He makes a fake one!
Now, I love me a fake idol, but his is not that convincing. He does give it a good try though and makes sure to look super happy as he makes his way back to camp. CockRing tells us that he came back with a huge smile and an extra bulge in his pants; it’s clear to him that Papa at least wants them all thinking he has the idol. He’s hoping the tribe sees through this ruse because he knows that his name is the next one on the list.
No more time to ponder Papa Bear’s bulge because they’re off to tribal council! CockRing makes sure to point out to everyone that he really hung in there this time around and reeling that winch right along with everyone else. Jeff wonders if CockRing is super defense in life. He doesn’t think so, but then again, the criteria in which other people judge you isn’t solely based on how strong you are.
Jeff asks Papa Bear what CockRing’s biggest problem in the game is. He thinks CockRing is a physical threat to himself. There’s some talk about how the leader of the tribe is and Ozzy is the one they land on. Of course Papa Bear is a leader outside of this game and is a little disconcerted that he hasn’t been able to fit in better with his tribe and carve a niche out for himself.
Dawn thinks that people have grouped together, but she thinks that the groupings are shifting throughout the day; she doesn’t see it as locked. Papa Bear says she knows they’re not in the five and that it’s okay to say that because they know it’s real.
You’ll never fit in! You’re a misfit like me!
Jim disagrees and tells Jeff that he thinks Dawn is right on and that Papa Bear is trying to stir things up because he thinks he’s on the chopping block tonight. Jeff wants to know if Jim is worried about the idol. Of course he is. He is quick to point out that using an idol this early in the game is really only going to buy you three more days. But he does concede that that is what the game is all about and you’re surviving out here one day at a time.
Jeff brings up the fact that Ozzy was voted out while holding onto an idol.
Thanks man. I can’t hear about that often enough.
Ozzy knows whenever someone talks a walk everyone else is keeping their eyes peeled. Jeff wonders if CockRing thinks he could find it. He thinks he probably could, but the bigger question he ponders is should he? He knows that it’s not always so great to have the idol and that it can make people look at you and see you as a threat. He thinks you have to weigh the pros and cons of it.
Time to vote! We see Jim vote for CockRing just in case Papa Bear has the idol, and CockRing votes Papa Bear. I’m assuming Papa Bear is voting for CockRing, but they don’t show his vote so that’s a little weird.
Time for Jeff to read the votes. First is Papa Bear, then CockRing, the Jim (aha! He voted for Jim!), than all Papa Bears until Jeff tells him he’s outta there. As Papa Bear heads out to Redemption Island Jeff says to the remaining tribe members is that their tribal council decisions have been decisive. The band news is they’re down one person and he wonders if they are making the right decisions.
Personally, I always like to see the nerdy guys go. But that’s just me.
And off he sends them, back to camp.
Arriving at Redemption, Papa Bear tells us that no votes when they are against you are fair. He doesn’t think he deserved to go home today; he thinks CockRing should have been the one to go. He says that if he does get back in the game, he’s going with Loopholo because he certainly isn’t going to go back with the people that voted him out. We get a gasp from Christine as he arrives, and then we’re done.
What did you think this time around Gasmi? Did you think sending Papa Bear home made the most sense? Were you hoping Loopholo would lose and vote out the Creep? Is he scaring anyone else as much as he is scaring me?
It looks like CockRing steps up his game next week and tries to mastermind a move. Meanwhile, Creepy continues to live up to his nickname and is paranoid about Mikayla, Albert and Sophie. I wonder how many more gray hairs Coach got while he was out there?
I can’t wait to hear what you all thought!