Hiya Gasmi! I can’t tell you how good it feels to be back! Before we get to the recap, I have to give a shout out to PearlBlackDragon for her incredible coverage of last week’s episode. I had bile of my own to deal with, and I was so glad she was able to sub in on such short notice. Thanks for the awesome recap, Pearl!!
As I said in the minicap, I’m still feeling a bit shell shocked from last week’s episode, Gasmi. I spent most of this episode waiting for a karma smackdown for a certain jackass……but noooooooo.
The immunity idol thinks Colon sucks as well
Even the editors are grossed out by Colon and don’t really want to visit with Manono after last week, so we start the evening out with some Salami. They’re feeling good about surviving another day (even if it’s because the guys are morons). They are sure a merge is coming and vow to stick together to the end.
Be afraid, be very afraid
Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. Somehow these all girl alliances never seem to last on this show. If scientists were to do a study of it I’d guess the cause to be syncing cycles. Shit, my poor dad had to deal with three of us in one house and he’s lucky to have made it out alive!!!
Troyzan passes by and the Sabrina wants to know whose idea it was for the guys to give up immunity. I think she wants to send the lucky guy a cookie basket. Troyzan spills the beans, saying it was Colon’s idea and everyone else just went along even though they really weren’t too sure of the plan. Sabrina’s glad the guys are a bunch of idiots since it saved her tribe from having to go to tribal council. She points out that they’re much more of a mess than the girls thought. Alicia thinks the guys just handed them a million dollars. Oh honey, it’s way too early to be talking like that; there’s still plenty of time for your stupid to rear it’s ugly head.
Time for the reward challenge.
The tribes arrive and Jeff has a little surprise for them; they are switching tribes. Yep, drop yer buffs because a mix up mash up is about to happen! Jeff explains that it will be a random switch and then he pulls out a bowl of eggs that will determine their tribal assignments.
Troyzan wants to eat the eggs, but they’re filled with paint; blue for Salami, orange for Manono. Once they all have their eggs, they smash them against their bodies to find out which tribe they are now a part of.
So Michael, Sabrina, Kat, Kim, Jay, Chelsea and Troyzan are on the new Salami tribe, while Tarzan, Colon, Christina, Alicia, Monica, Leif and Jonas make up the new Manono tribe. You know, normally I would not be a fan of the way this tribe switch turned out, but given that Colon is on what is arguably the weaker tribe? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
A little taste of karma
Time to get to the challenge. For each tribe, teams of four will carry a large bucket to a water tower where they will fill it. When carrying it back, they will work together to plug the holes (hehehe….he said plug the holes) in the bucket that are leaking out all the water that was just collected. When they arrive at the finish platform, they will dump the water into a container and the next group will head out. First tribe to fill their container and raise their flag wins reward.
The winning tribe gets fixins for PB&J sammiches. More importantly, they get to continue living at the One World beach while the losers have to move and start all over again. Ready? GO!
Monica, Jonas, Leif and Tarzan go first for Manono. They fill their bucket quickly and start to head back to the trough, but Monica keeps getting knocked on her ass. It seems like the guys are barreling over her, and she finally just steps aside.
Meanwhile, Kim, Jay, Troyzan and Michael are the first group for Salami. They take a little longer at the water tower, which gets them more water in their bucket. They also take more time heading back, trying to minimize the loss of water.
The second group out for Manono is Monica, Colon, Alicia and Christina, while Jay, Troyzan, Michael and Kat head out for Salami. These groups get back to the trough at the same time, but it looks like Manono brought back more water that time around. Back to the first groupings again; Tarzan wants to hurry up and get back to the trough quickly, while Monica wants to take some extra time and get more water. Tarzan wins out.
Salami decides to take the time to get more water and……..
It pays off
So they get sammiches and the right to stay at the existing camp. HAHAHA! LOVE it.
Jeff wants Colon to give him a hard truth about the new division of tribes. He says it’s like Greeks gods versus peasants. Christina and Monica are all “Excuse meeeeee” and he says he’s just kidding.
I’m totally not kidding
Jeff sends Salami back to their camp and throws Manono a map to their new home. Have fun building a new shelter!
Once back at camp, Salami hunkers down to enjoy some grub and the afterglow of victory. Sabrina is so excited to be on the same tribe as Kim, Chelsea and Kat. She comments, “I can’t believe four girls within the five girl alliance are on the new tribe. Priceless!”
Meanwhile, Colon is not happy. HA! Good. He was really hoping to be on a tribe with Sabrina, Jay, Troyzan and Kim. I cannot say enough how happy I am that that did not happen. While Christina, Leif and Monica are trying to make the best of the situation by being positive about the new beach and supplies that came with it, Colton vents, “Not only did I get on a tribe of people that I don’t want to be on a tribe with. I got on a tribe of people who suck.”
You being the biggest SUCK of them all.
UGH. Hate. Him. Of course he finds the other icky person on his tribe to align with. Yep, Alicia is his new best friend. It’s like they can sense the rot in each other’s souls or something. Barf.
While everyone else works at building a new shelter, Colon runs around trying to make sure everyone knows he is on THEIR side and reminding the women that he always wanted to be a part of their tribe. They all buy into his bullshit. Monica is the only one who seems to have any sort of reservations, saying she hopes he’s telling the truth. If Colon is lying she feels like she’s the strongest of the three girls, which means it would probably be her first.
Things are looking good over at Salami. Michael and Chelsea catch a bunch of crabs (edible ones that is, not the itchy kind) Shit, those things are HUGE. They return from fishing in time to help Troyzan capture a rooster. He tells us it reminded him of his old football days.
While the others are busy cooking the feast or cooling off in the ocean, Jay chats with Troyzan and Kim. He thinks that he and Troyzan should make an alliance without Michael. He asks Kim about Chelsea, and Kim assures him that Chelsea can be trusted. So a foursome is formed.
We could just have a threesome and let Troyzan watch….
Kim is happy to keep her options open, especially given that the tribe switch has split the girls onto separate teams. ”If sticking with the girls works best for me in the long run, I’ll stick with the girls. And if we get to the merge and we don’t have the numbers, Troy and Jay are my alliance all the way.” See? It’s the quiet ones ya gotta watch out for!
Colon is still working it over at Manono. He starts chirping in Alicia ear about how he doesn’t trust Christina, and you know she is ALL OVER that shit. Well, the not trusting Christina part. She does NOT agree with him that Christina should be the first to go.
He doesn’t give up, telling her that they’re safer with Tarzan and Jonas than with Christina. He also warns her not to tell Monica what they’re talking about. Yeah, I think he knows she’s not an idiot like this one.
Alicia tells him the women are loyal and don’t make these crazy kinda moves like the guys. She’d really rather keep the girls so she can rejoin her original alliance once the girls are back together again. But…she admits, “If we have to get rid of some girls, it will be Christina or Monica, but definitely not me.”
I’m sticking with the girls, just not the ones I’m on an actual tribe with.
Later, Jonas confronts Colon and asks him what he was talking to Alicia about. No worries, Colon assures him; he’s still with the guys. Jonas is amazed that Colon can get away with not helping build the shelter and instead spend his time playing the strategic game. BEACAUSE YOU ALL LET HIM DO THAT YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!
I mean, he acts like Colon is some master game player and how brilliant it is of him to do that, but the fact of the matter is that Colon is a lazy entitled ASS that everyone is sidestepping around for no other reason that I can see except that they’re afraid of his immunity idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And why is that? They could vote his ass out and the idol would be back in play, or he’d play it and then they could vote him out the next time. I truly do not understand how they’ve all given so much of their power over to this creep.
The next day, Kim decides to take advantage of the fact that everyone is off doing their own thing. She decides to look for the hidden immunity idol. And guess what? She finds it. Then promptly hides it in her crotch.
Is that an idol in your crotch or are you just happy to see me?
She tells her friend Chelsea who helps create a distraction so that Kim can excavate the idol from her nether regions. Teamwork at its best! Kim reveals, “There’s no one I trust more in this game than Chelsea. So if I’m going to do this with anyone, it’s going to be with her.” She asks Chelsea not to tell anyone else and says they probably shouldn’t spend too much time together so they are not viewed as a pair. See what I mean? This girl is one to watch.
Over at Manono, Alicia spots a chicken next to the box trap that they have set. She tells Monica who runs over and traps the chicken under the box. Celebrating ensues, but not for long. Before can say chicken lo mein, that rascally bird has flown the coup.
See ya suckers!
How did that happen? The girls wonder. Colon sits on his ass and comments, “These people suck at Survivor.”
I, on the other hand, suck at life.
He thinks they’ve got ZERO chance of winning an immunity challenge against the other tribe. So, since they’re going to lose anyway, he decides that he should be targeting Monica because she’s stronger and has more friends on the other tribe.
He takes this new plan to Alicia, but she’s still not on board with one of the girls going first. After all, why should she put her trust in guys she doesn’t even know? Colon assures her that he is in control of things over here and as long as she works with him and trusts him, she’ll be safe.
Oh, and did I fail to mention that as soon as I don’t need you anymore I’ll slit your throat while you sleep?
Alicia is a dumbass therefore Alicia agrees. Colon does what he does best, which is look smug about the entire thing. My palms itch to smack that smirk right off his fat face.
Colon is so fucking full of himself as he tells us he’s been getting rid of the head of the snake this entire game. Matt, Bill, now Monica. He (of course) finds himself to be brilliant. BARF.
Time for the immunity challenge.
For this one, three members of each tribe will race to get a ball in the water. They will then try to shoot the ball into a basket while the other tribe tries to stop them any way they can. Oh goody! There should be some ass whooping in this one!
Each basket scores a point. First tribe to score three points wins immunity; losers go to tribal council. Ready? Okay!
The first round is three guys from each tribe. Tarzan defends the goal for Manono, while Michael defends the goal for Salami. Colon matches up against Jay, Jonas has Troyzan. Jeff starts the round by throwing the ball in the water.
Jay immediately pushes Colon (LOLOLOL) and then Jonas down on the way to the ball. He gets it and throws the ball to Michael, who is wide open and easily makes the basket on his first try. Next round is two girls and one guy. So, Sabrina, Kat and Michael compete against Christina, Monica and Leif. As the round begins, Michael runs out from the goal to get the ball. He practically throws Leif out of his way while trying to make the basket, but Leif does a good job of trying to defend the goal.
Dude! Did you just fart in my face?!?!? That’s fucked up.
The ladies have all made it down to the goal now and it’s a bit of a free for all there until finally Michael makes the shot scoring yet another point for Salami. Third round is all women. Kat and Christina defend the goals and Monica and Alicia pair off versus Sabrina and Chelsea. It’s another tough round, but in the end Monica scores a point for Manono.
Fourth round is all guys again, and it’s the original pair ups, but this time Colon is defending the goal for his tribe. He also takes off after the ball against Michael, and actually gets there first. Michael tries to get the ball from him, but Colon is holding onto it with a death grip.
Help me! Help me!
You know, normally I’d feel bad for the guy almost getting drowned during the challenge, but this time? Not so much. I may have even been cheering for a drowning at some point during this exchange. What? Like you weren’t doing the same.
The guys put up a hell of a fight this time around, but in the end Michael scores another basket winning it for Salami.
Too bad, so sad.
Once back at camp, Manono consoles each other on the loss. Jonas thanks Monica for at least getting them one point in the challenge. Alicia is as hateful as ever, telling us we are about to see Oscar worthy performances from her and Colon for the best blindside ever played.
I’m so awesome; let me tell you all about the wonders of me
Ugh. Colon tells Jonas the vote is for Monica and he’s just happy it’s not going to be him. Once again I wonder why they’ve let him take control of them game when they could so easily get his ass outta there. I hope they get demolished by the other tribe.
Meanwhile, Alicia tells Christina to vote for Tarzan ‘cause he’s old and weak. Christina is totally on board with that and shares the news with Monica and Jonas. Jonas plays along, pretending that Tarzan is going to be the one to go. Monica is surprised that the men are okay with voting out one of their own, which results in an equal number of men and women in the tribe. It’s that kind of logical thinking that’s getting her ass voted out of here.
Jonas doesn’t trust Leif because he had revealed their plans in the past to Bill, so he tells him to vote for Tarzan. But later Colon finds Leif and Tarzan together and tells them the vote is for Monica.
Got it. Marsha it is.
Oh, yeah. Maryann.
No, no, no, no. Monica. Mon-i-ca. Yep, okay. Martha. Colon is worried that Tarzan will write down the wrong name. I guess it’s too much to hope that he gets really confused and writes down Colon, huh?
As Manono walks out of camp on their way to Tribal Council, Colon hopes that the tribe will follow through with his plan. Colon vents, “It’s really hard being the leader of a bunch of idiots.” Have I mentioned lately how much I hate him?
Time for tribal.
Jeff confirms that the majority of the group thinks Salami is in better shape than them. But Monica is trying to look on the bright side. She says the tribe is eating well and really enjoying their new home. Colon rolls his eyes. Alicia points out that Monica is great, she really capable and competitive, but she’s also a big threat. Rut roh. Alarm bells should be going off for Monica right about now.
Monica doesn’t thinks she’s a threat; she’s trying to help the team. Leif thinks she’s one of the hardest workingest women he’s ever seen. Thanks Leif.
Jeff moves onto Tarzan who is speaking gibberish about lonestars and dropping his assertiveness. This is all so that Jeff can segue into a discussion about what an awesome vocabulary Tarzan has. Leif thinks Tarzan is a very complex, very wisdom kind of guy. Good thing Tarzan is so good at explinating what he means.
I’ve never met a guy with such a huge……vocabulary before.
Jeff wonders what Tarzan has shared with the others about his life outside of the game. He shan’t share; the game is afoot. The tribe starts listing what they do know about him and it’s revealed that he has aphasia. Well, a nominal aphasia to be exact which gives him trouble remembering people’s names. And then he goes through the tribe and we see that he has some difficulty remembering them.
Time to vote. Colon mouthasks Tarzan if he remembers what to do.
Jeff, who is that strange boy talking to me?
We only see Monica vote for Tarzan and then Jeff goes to tally the votes. First vote, Tarzan. Then Tarzan, Monica, Monica, Monica, and…..
So there you have it, Gasmi. Colon continues to be the king of buffoons and Monica is axed. Jeff thinks this was an interesting strategy considering they are only on day 14. Monica tells us she blames herself for trusting Colon. I know itchy said he’s happy to see her tennis ball boobs go, but I felt a little bad for her; she may have been the only likeable person on that tribe. Oh wait, there’s Leif as well. So he’ll probably go next.
What did you all think of this episode? Were you happy with the way the tribes shook out? Are you hoping to see Manono grow some balls and vote out Colon? And more importantly, just how painful do you think it was for Kim to walk around with an immunity idol stuck in her cooch?
See ya soon!
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