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We get a super long recap of the entire season, beginning with the Rob promising to kick Russell’s ass at the Heroes v. Villains reunion.
“As long as you stack the cast with some of the stupidest people you’ve ever chosen.”
Jeff talks a lot about how Rob tried “loyalty” this season, which I will not justify, and then hardcore stereotypes everyone else on the tribe as characters in the Rob narrative. Man, if I hadn’t been making last-minute cocktails at this point on Sunday I would have already known who was going to win already. Also, Matt loves God and Zapatera isn’t going to win. Good Lord, let’s just start chipping away at this thing, huh?
Though I could watch this all damn day.
So Grant shows up on RI and he’s still shocked and probably genuinely really hurt. Andrea tells him that she least wanted to see him because he will be tough to beat. Everything Andrea says makes me SO angry because she had SO many chances to win this thing, so from now on I’m just going to ignore her no matter what she says. Seriously, she could be talking about the rice and I’m just reminded of Kristina and Phillip and everything she could have done on like Day 12 and I get SO worked up and need to go lie down.
And speaking of just lying down, we’re back with Ashley and Natalie.
Rob says he misses Grant because he genuinely likes him, but he actually understands it’s a game. He’s also worried about Grant’s being a threat, and he still hardcore wants to vote out Ashley.
Back at RI, Matt is trying to save some face as the duration winds down and starts talking about how much he loves RI and how it’s his home. I’m going to Andrea-ignore you too, Matt. Tree mail says last dual time!
But if you guessed there would be more prayer and more asinine talk about how much they’re going to miss RI first, you win a gold star. Matt wants to make sure we know that God deserves all the credit and glory. YES YES GOD YES WE KNOW. This is worse than those guys that ask for donations outside of supermarkets, because they can’t win challenges to keep coming back to you every week.
The challenge is balancing a vase with your foot, because now we’re taking challenges from old slapstick routines.
I didn’t think Grant would be able to look masculine doing this, and I was right.
After 20 minutes everyone starts struggling and Probst keeps yelling stupid advice. 40 minutes, more of the same. And then Grant’s vase falls. I bet THIS is worse than Divorce Court, eh Grant?
Sidenote: I read that the stupid Fallen Comrades Walk is online so you can go watch it if you’re so inclined. And if you’re so inclined, what the hell is the matter with you?
Matt is out next.
Ometepe (and America’s) reaction upon realizing how much time we wasted watching Matt cry and win duals this season.
So Mike and Andrea chill for awhile and then Mike falls, so Andrea gets to frustrate me to no end for at least another twenty minutes. Now we get to rapid fire lose three Survivor. Grant says he was given a gift in this game so his mission was accomplished. WHATEVER. Matt renounces his faith and buys a hooker. Oh, wait, he…thanks God and praises him. Mike says this isn’t what he wanted to happen and he’s disappointed. gg Zapatera.
HOW WILL ANDREA SHAKE UP THE GAME?
“Listening to Rob always worked, so I guess I’ll just keep doing that again?”
Back at camp everyone talks about how awkward this is, and Andrea decides to actually do something. She kinda tells the girls that everyone on RI is planning on voting for either Rob or Phillip (good idea, but she definitely could have sold it better), but as we will ultimately see tonight Ashley and Natalie are the definition of playing for second place, so instead they just sort of worry that Rob might be closer to Phillip than them.
Rob solidifies himself with Phillip and talks about how much he wants to get Ashley away from Natalie. Aaand challenge time!
“Actually Jeff, we’ve all sort of been competing to see who can help Rob win the most.”
Today we’re putting tiles in order from 1 to 100. Oh, give me a break. REALLY? That sounds challenging for all of us that have not yet graduated the second grade. Too bad we didn’t save Puzzlemaster Dave for this one, eh Sarita?
I was actually thinking about her the other day and wondering if she was still jamming random sticks into her gums.
Rob, Ashley, and Andrea are all in lead thanks largely to the balance beam aspect of the challenge. This is the most intense chronological challenge ever! It basically comes down to Ashley and Rob, which is pretty intense because we know that this will dictate whether Andrea or Ashley go home, and then Ashley wins. Let’s see an awesome scramble, Andrea! (He wildly hoped, forgetting who he was talking to).
Back at Murlonio. Rob calls together everyone but Andrea IN FRONT OF ANDREA and lets her know that she’s next. Rob says it’s because she’s genuinely a likable vote threat. Also, he’s got his idol for tonight. Minor misdirection from the editors making us think he won’t play the idol, but like Sandra he’s way too smart to go out that way.
So, just like the last two weeks, Ashley and Natalie talk about how tight they are and how Ashley is worried about Rob and so Phillip “goes into special agent mode” and grabs Rob to report on them talking. Andrea laughs about how crazy things are. FOR GOD SAKES CREATE PARANOIA YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
Andrea heads over to the girls and says she’s voting for Rob, and makes a pretty good case for the girls eliminating Rob. Which is all what they should do, but (spoiler alert) the girls’ later revelation at the reunion that they knew about Rob’s idol sort of changes this. It doesn’t let them off the hook for doing NOTHING strategically, but it does mean we should have been way more frustrated with them like nine days ago. Rob talks about how good he is. Natalie and Ashley speculate on voting Rob out, again which makes no sense given we now know they know about the idol. VOTE PHILLIP AND TAKE EACH OTHER TO THE END. Rob laughs about maybe not playing it again, and again I don’t believe him.
Tribal Council #1! Rob says he’s paranoid as always. Phillip reminds Jeff that he is the UNDERCOVER specialist and then straight up looks at Rob for permission to talk about the problems the three women are causing. Jeff Probst, in his infinite gender understanding, tells them that it could be “an easy one” because there are three women and two men. Andrea agrees and reminds them that the jury is “an intelligent jury” and would respect eliminating Rob. Again, all good points, should have happened early, Andrea makes me want to slit my wrists in frustration.
“Tell me more about what an intelligent jury we are.”
Natalie says something dumb and it wasn’t until tonight I realized how much I hated her. Rob talks about how much of a threat Andrea is, and now it’s vote time.
I feel like it’s been so long since we had an intense vote, but remember when we were all FREAKING OUT that Julie would side with Russell in like episode 3? That was awesome.
Anyways, Rob plays his idol and, as expected, it’s four votes for Andrea anyway. So long RI! Thanks for adding almost nothing!
If someone had told you this was going to be the Final Four after the first episode, you would have laughed in their face.
Night 37 back at Murlonio and Phillip says he suspected Rob had the idol but wasn’t sure, so he congratulates him. Stop being randomly really sane, Phillip! Ashley talks about how dumb Andrea is because she is still in the game and Andrea isn’t. Again, definition of playing for second. Hey, did you know Rob really wants to win? He says it again.
Another challenge! It’s a really epic maze you have to run through and then solve a puzzle, and it makes me wish all the challenges were like this instead of stupid fish puzzles. I really liked the blindfolded maze they did right at the end of HvV, too.
Everyone runs around looking goofy for awhile and then Rob finds the first station. Ashley has decided just to follow Rob around, because it’s worked for 38 days, right? Everyone gets one bag, and then it’s mostly just Ashley and Rob neck-and-neck and Jeff berating Natalie for like ten minutes.
Ashley and Rob get to the puzzle first and start working on it, and the music gets intense and quiet and Rob says they should work together. WHAT? It looks like Ashley gets all the words first but isn’t smart enough to put them together, and then there’s a cool sequence where they both clearly have a few words but they both pretend to be clueless. “You can work together all you want, but there’s only one immunity winner,” Jeff adds helpfully. Rob gets the puzzle together first and wins a million dollars! Oh, wait.
“Can’t we just skip right to my Early Show check presentation?”
So he gets really emotional and talks about Amber and how he is even OK now if he loses, but let’s just think about how crazy it is that he’s played four times and never ONCE been on a jury.
Back at camp they all celebrate Rob’s win, and Rob pulls Ashley aside and tells her it’s Phillip and pulls Phillip aside and tells him it’s Ashley. Awesomely, even Ashley and Phillip agree to play along and pretend they’re going home. Ashley says she knows Natalie would tell her if anything changed.
Ugh, WHY are they so unconcerned with Rob beating them in the end? Again, it’s like they don’t even want to win. I just don’t understand what they’re idea of a best-case scenario is, because their optimal strategies still seem to end in getting beat by Rob in the end.
Rob decides that he does want Ashley gone and tells Natalie, and she weakly protests. Damnit, Natalie, stand up for SOMETHING. Rob just tells her to be strong and this is how it has to happen.
So now Natalie lies right to Ashley and tells her everything is OK, which is great deception but I wish it was for a better cause. Also she loves Ashley and they’re going to hang out all the time after this and blah blah blah. She says she might rather lose this game than lose a friend in Ashley. I’m use to this annoying guilt talk during the finale (Ian, anyone?) but you are going to lose both, Natalie. How do you not see that??
Tribal Council. Ashley says she would feel way better if she had won. And now we do that stupid thing where we pretend that the guy with immunity is making the decision all by himself and everyone pleads with Rob. NO! Any two of them could force a tie! Why SHOULDN’T Natalie just go ahead and vote for Phillip with Ashley? It won’t be her ass in the fire-making challenge and Rob has no way of kicking you off after this. Yeah, it won’t help at all to bring Ashley to the finals, but you should have thought of this endgame way earlier than this.
Everyone votes, and Ashley is blindsided. See you at the bitter jury portion, Ash!
Back at camp, Phillip tells them how proud he is of them. He also shares the most awkward handshake ever with Natalie. Then he starts talking about how he learned it’s OK to tell the world about his great grandfather and his ultimate plan is to tell the jury how much better he is than them. More on this later.
Time for the delicious last-day breakfast, which for my money is just as dumb as the Fallen Comrades walk. Natalie talks about how proud she is of herself and how she learned she can do anything. Yeah, as long as Rob is carrying you through it. Speaking of, Rob hilariously tells Phillip how hard it was to carry him there. Rob also tells us he’s going to give Natalie bad jury advice but then he actually tells her to stand up for herself and her actions which is pretty good advice, so…maybe Rob actually did get a little swept away in genuinely liking and wanting to help Natalie? Man, I wish she had been playing him.
“I’m going to vote for you to win tonight, Rob!”
Then, because apparently there’s a new rule where something has to be burned in every finale, Phillip tells us he was never proud of his “plum-colored underwear” and makes a big speech about approaching his destiny and throws them into the fire pit. Also, his great grandfather Jessum Harring would be happy about this too. Man, this dead guy had been more engaged with this season of Survivor than half of the cast members.
Final Tribal Council!
This is the exact moment we realize that Phillip is not a secret genius.
Opening statements. Natalie says that her strengths were her social skills and sticking with Rob and being loyal to Rob. Aaaand it’s at this point we realize she’s really just happy sitting there next to Rob and probably genuinely has no idea how to win Survivor. Honestly, I think she might want Rob to win.
Phillip gives us the speech we’ve been waiting for all season, and it’s just as disappointing as we feared. He acknowledges that he had to change his strategy when he saw Rob, but then says that he let Rob carry him and thanks Rob, and then also takes create for Stealth ‘R Us and keeping the tribe together, except he also credits Rob.
Here’s the problem with both Phillip AND Natalie: They both told us why the deserve to be there but not why they deserve to win. Yeah, we get that Rob did all the work and you were smart to ally with him. Now why should we vote for you? Honestly, it’s because neither of them do deserve to win. They can’t say they cut him loose when they should have because they didn’t. Probably all they could do would be bank on a bitter jury and play up all Rob’s backstabbing, but I don’t think they’re even smart enough for that. Phillip, for better or for worse, is just as slightly unbalanced and ridiculous as we thought.
Anyway, Rob says Zapatera would have gotten rid of him immediately (nice ego boosting), and that he won lots of challenges, he was a hard worker, and he put together alliances. He’s such an old-school Survivor player. He keeps going with his really good speech about how all that matters is what they think, and then finishes it off with some stuff about how long he has wanted to win but ultimately he’s there for Amber and the kid. Yeah, yeah, Rob is the best. It should also be noted there’s an awesome lightning storm going on while they’re here.
Question time: Andrea is up first. She tells Phillip that he’s weird. LOL. Then, she asks who the real Phillip is. Phillip tells Andrea that she should already know by now and if she doesn’t, don’t vote for him. Wow, maybe the worst handled jury question ever.
Then Andrea says Natalie relationship with Rob was creepy (WORD, Andrea). Natalie says this was all in the game and she knew Rob was the best choice to get her to the end. Let’s just stop talking to Natalie, OK?
Ashley, because apparently we’re going alphabetically. She tells Phillip she has nothing to say to him so she will speak and he will not, and then Phillip hilariously starts talking over her about how he will comment if he has something to say, and the whole thing is a jury management disaster but still uber hilarious. Oh, Phillip, thank you for being you.
Oh, JEFF! He’s amused like us!
So Ashley thanks Phillip because now she knows she can get through anything, and Phillip calls her a whiny child. Then she moves on to Natalie and the betrayal, who basically just argues that it was back-and-forth and she was the bigger threat anyway. Ashley accepts this and moves on to Rob, telling him she doesn’t know him anymore and she doesn’t know if she wants to know him. Wow, are you breaking up with him? How long have you been dying to say that to a man, Ashley?
Speaking of breaking up, Grant is next. He basically asks Natalie and Rob if they were closer than Rob and Grant, which is the most depressing jury question I’ve ever heard. Natalie rubs it in and tells Grant that she was friends with him since Day 1. Rob agrees and says that it was the same relationship but Grant was a threat so he had to go. Grant whines about how he still wanted to go to the end with Rob, then trails off and sits down.
Ralph! He tells Natalie she can’t do anything without Rob. Natalie tries to defend it with loyalty talk but again fails. Remember when I said not to talk to Natalie anymore? Ralph tells her she “done great” and moves on. LOL. Ralph asks if Phillip likes him, and Phillip compliments him for like three minutes. Way to buy second place, Phillip.
Matt! Matt calls Rob duplicitous, manipulating, deceiving, and a liar. Someone won a thesaurus at RI! He asks Rob where the line is. Rob does the smart thing and owns up to the game aspect. Go away, Matt.
The Lex auditions were yesterday, kid.
Julie! Julie isn’t mad, she’s disappointed. Wow, and prepare for Julie to shatter all of our conceptions of her as the coolest person this season. She tells Natalie that her parents will not be proud to watch her serve Rob the way that she did and that she would not be proud if she were Natalie’s mother. Man. She tells Phillip he is only there because he won’t get any votes and he needs to start making his own son proud (he had a son? why didn’t we hear about this?). Phillip starts to protest that Julie always complimented his work ethic and then tells her to go to Hell. Best jury management ever. She then starts to tell Rob that he brought crazy people to the end, but Phillip interrupts AGAIN and tells the jury he kicked their asses socially by staying tighter with Rob than they were. Everyone goes “oooo” in a really sarcastic way, but Phillip takes them seriously. This is getting painful.
So Julie tells Rob to raise his daughter NOT to be treated like Natalie and Ashley. hehe. What happened to nice, off-to-join-a-church Julie?
Mike talks about building his faith and stuff and asks them what they learned about themselves. Natalie says she learned always to have Rob around. Phillip learned how to find missing laundry. Rob learned how to found a cult. Let’s move on, huh?
Steve commends Natalie on her age and Rob on his longevity, then tells Phillip he’s sorry for him and he’s a shameful man.
Finally, David tries to pull an Erik and speaks to the jury about how they should all vote for Rob because he played an amazing game. Yeah, we were going to do that anyway, David. Sit back down until you’re ready to propose to your idiot girlfriend.
Voting time, finally. We see David vote for Rob and Ralph vote for Phillip, so I’m actually pretty glad he’s going to get the 100k over Natalie. Jeff thanks them for the season as always and then heads off into the jungle. Then it’s live show time!
That magical time of year when we ask ourselves, ‘who the hell are these people?’
Jeff asks Natalie if she has a shot at winning and she’s like, uh, no. But Jeff forces her to say yes. Rob and Phillip both say yes. It’s one for Rob, then one for Phillip, and then the rest are all for Rob. Welcome to the top of the mountain, Boston Rob. It only took a cast full of novices and four tries to get you there.
Highlights from the reunion: Like half of the cast doesn’t get to speak. Amber and Rob are cute together and Jeff wants their baby to shut the hell up. Ashley and Natalie still hate Phillip, but Phillip and Steve are friends now and presumably go to his log-rolling league every weekend. Some federal agent sort of confirms that Phillip is legitimate. Russell is still a huge asshole and does actually want to play again. David proposes to Carolina from Tocantins (yes, who was first voted out) and she kind of seems like she doesn’t want to marry him but she says yes.
Next season is Survivor: South Pacific, and will follow the same format with two returners and RI. So the question I leave you with this summer: Who should the returners be? Thanks for letting me recap a great season with you!
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41 Comments
Great recaps, Moorels!
This season made me crazy. At first it was very intense wondering if they would get rid of Russell and Rob, wondering how Redemption Island might play out, wondering if Phillip really was as unhinged as he seemed. Then, at the merge, it suddenly became clear that this was going to be one of the most boring seasons ever! Luckily, your recaps made up for that!
Thank God Rob got the Tribe That Strategy Forgot. Good for him for winning, and let’s hope we never see him again.
As for next season, I was sad to hear that RI was coming back…and then PISSED when they said two cast members were returning. I HATE THAT GIMMICK SO MUCH! With the way that Jeff kept kinda poking Russell about coming back, he’s probably one of them…ugh…
I hope they figure out how to make RI better…and maybe include reward challenges again? And also not give them tools and cushions?
We’ll see!
Dave is a lawyer. Given he made Rob’s closing argument for him, I think Rob owes him one third of his winnings plus expenses.
The whole reunion time I could not recognize Natalie even when she was talking.
I think it would be great if one of the returning players on the upcoming season was Matt, only to be voted to RI in the first tribal.
I still don’t think Phillip is a Federal Agent, sort of like saying the person who works in the mail room at the FBI is a federal agent. Maybe my definition of federal agent is wrong, unless it just means someone that works for the Federal Government? I guess it is the Agent part, too many action movies watched.
So what did we learn this season, ladies and gentlemen?
1. That an experienced Survivor player can run roughshod over a bunch of newbies.
2. That we’re going to see Russell again sometime in the future.
3. That Phillip’s long dead grandfather has more power than Matt’s God.
4. That Matt’s God is a dick who “carries” him through challenge after challenge, only to “drop” him when he needs it the most.
5. That when all the aggressive players who’d actually consider strategy are voted out early the game of Survivor becomes insanely boring.
6. That RI is a stupid and pointless gimmick, a waste of air time, and is based more on luck than on skill.
7. That yes, Phillip really is bat shit crazy.
8. That Matt apparently has the ability to brainwash people when they spend a prolonged amount of time with him, making them want to become more religious like him. (Mike and Julie I’m looking at you!)
9. That Grant is the type of person who holds grudges, and is likely never going to forgive Rob for blindsiding him.
10. That from here on out we may see two former Survivors come back each season to compete with new players. Ugh.
I was hoping against hope that during the final tribal council Phillip would tell everyone that it was all an act. Rob clearly deserved to win since the other two basically argued that the only reason why they were there is because he carried them there. Funny that no one pointed out, what Rob himself did: why should he deserve a million $$ when his wife already one her own? The reason is that neither Natalie or Phillip pointed to having done anything other than ride Rob’s coat tails.
I don’t think Russell’s coming back to Survivor any time soon, based on this link, if it’s true, at least.
http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/ae/2011_May_16_russell_hantz_flipped
Philip’s argument to the jury should have been that he was on the outside of the majority alliance for the entire game and, as a way to stay in the game, crafted a villainous character that would be taken to the end. Also, at the point Rob was going to force Nat to vote off her friend, why didn’t the two girls vote off Philip? If they knew Rob had the hidden immunity idol, and they know this is the final TC before the final three, why not vote for Philip and split the vote?
Here’s hoping two women come back for Redemption Island next season. As little as I would want to see her again, the only person I could conceivably see returning under the guise of redemption would be Amanda Kimmel.
The only thing that surprised me about the entire programme was how hot Grant had become for the reunion….
Ah, Derek, would that be so. But when Russell’s show gets cancelled three episodes in, he’ll be back, hat in hand, ready to stink up Survivor yet again.
Aldrick, your list was great, but you forgot something essential about Julie: apparently, finding jesus means you turn into a nasty old narrow-eyed bitch who stamps on a teenagers’ self-esteem and spits on their mother.
Word, carol, about Philip being an “agent” only in the most technical of ways. One of the things he mentioned he did in the Federal service was being an adjudicator, and if you don’t know what that is, it’s definitely NOT an agent.
David was an annoying attention whore, not only in the way that he pulled an Erik when it was completely unnecessary and unwanted (you could tell he thought he was the coolest person on earth when he did it), but also when he proposed to Carolina (when they were apparently already engaged – again, attention whore).
Grant can go to hell for saying that the reason he played absolutely no game was because he’s SUCH a better person than Rob, and that Rob is such a terrible person for actually playing to win.
Survivor has become such a predictable, rinse-and-repeat show that I may not watch it next season.
From the promo, I thought it looked like Matt was one of the ones who comes back next season. This season that brought back two villans. What if next time they bring back two “good” guys. I think it would be cool if Matt and Mike (the iraq vet) came back.
And an open letter to Rob:
Dear Rob,
You have now won a show and a million dollars. Please stay the fuck off of my tv forever.
No love,
Snootchy
Well now that Rob is doing some OTHER stupid show, hopefully we won’t have to see him back on Survivor. But I’m glad he won – he was the king of the morons this season. The fact that he was never in real jeporday of being voted off is mind boggling. And as someone mentioned above, the fact that Amber already won a million dollars was never mentioned by these people. How many times in the past have we seen people voted off solely because they revealed they were already well off and therefore were not ‘deserving’ of the money in the eyes of their tribemates.
Uh, I don’t know if it was the worst season ever but it was one of the worst seasons simply because nothing happened. Rob deserved the money because nobody else did anything. I think the highlight of the season was when Philip played the race card. At that point I suddenly had someone to be repulsed by.
Survivors I liked: SEXY RUSSELL, Steve, Julie, Grant, Ralph, Mike, Andrea, Matt.
Survivors I didn’t like: Philip, Rob and the rest of them.
Russell finally got a show but it wasn’t what I expected. I think he would be great in a “fashion show.” One where we could watch him try on different outfits and then we could vote on which outfit looked best on him. It could be like a “fashion American Idol” but Russell’s the only contest. It could be called Russell Hantz’s Fashion. He could have theme weeks too: DENIM! Fringe. Plaid, construction worker week, HAT WEEK! etc.
Also, Russell would be a great host for that Man Cave show. I hope Russell builds a media empire to rival OPRAH.
Schoonie lucked out because I don’t know if even he, with all his writer-ly skills, could have turned this lame-o season into something worth caring about.
Thanks for all the recaps Moorels.
I loved this season. Yes it got a little boring due to Rob’s dominance, but I predicted he would kick ass and I love being right!! (It happens so rarely.)
Thanks to the producers for not showing the stupid walk where they remember the players.
Anyway the jury questioning which is usually very dull was EXCELLENT thanks to Phillip. He’s pure tv gold. “To hell with you” “Rob is the mastermind” “If you don’t know me by now-don’t vote for me”. Our house was cracking up.
I like Snooty’s idea of Matt vs Mike, but I would personally like to see this match-up: Phillip vs Shambo.
Omg… Phillip vs Shambo! LOL! It would be awesome until it got uncomfortable and then downright irritating. Much like Phillip and Shambo themselves.
Ha. They really should have a season in which the craziest Survivor contestants are brought back and put on a single tribe. Shambo, Coach, Phillip… yes… I predict, should this happen, time and space itself shall be ripped open causing a black hole, destroying the earth.
Mister Dangerous –
I agree. Russell should have his own show in which he’s the only contestant. Maybe that way he’ll actually win.
zerocool –
I have a feeling Matt will be back sometime in the future. I dread it with every fiber in my being. He turned into one of those dolls with the string out of their backs – you pull the string, they speak a pre-recorded message. Well… that’s exactly what Matt is. Pull the string, he speaks a statement about how he’s placed everything in God’s hands, and how he’s being carried, etc. etc. You could probably scrawl down every sentence he uttered this season that WAS NOT directly or indirectly related to his faith, on the back of a paper napkin and still have plenty of room left over.
He became a horrible caricature of a devoutly religious person; seemingly devoid of all other interests or personality.
You mean these ultra-religious types have a personality? I always picture them as soulless brainwashed robots. If they do bring back Matt, it’ll suck because he completely sucked as a player. In fact, he’s the epitome of why this season sucked: he was a lame player, and even though he kept winning those lame Redemption Island challenges, it all meant nothing. He still got canned on the jury.
I suppose I’ll keep watching Survivor. But I now look at it the way I look at American Idol or America’s Next Top Model. Which is not a compliment.
I would much rather listen to Matt than Russell any day. And it would be interesting to see if he steps up his strategy.
The religious intolerance has become so predictable. Everything claimed about Matt only having certain responses could easliy and correctly be said of all the religion haters here.
I hope Matt and Mike are brought back.
I honestly thought no winner could ever come close to Vecepia in terms of being absolutely pathetic, but Mariano is right up there with her. I’m sorry, but for the life of me, I cannot see why people regard him as such an amazing player. What did he do, honestly? Found a hidden immunity idol? Lots of other players have over many seasons. Was good in challenges? Many have been.
Real reason I believe he won? Shii Ann’s classic quote is the best description for it. “Stupid people. Stupid, stupid players.” Remembering back to Marquesas and Heroes vs Villains, I saw people actually playing the game and making an effort. Both cases, he gets voted out before the merge. The first All-Stars and this season, what do we get? Lemmings. Braindead lemmings. Seriously, what did he do this season? Other than finding an immunity idol and winning some challenges, whatever I saw or heard about went basically like this:
Mariano- “Guys, do this.”
Tribe- “Okay.”
Mariano- “Everybody, do that.”
Tribe- “Okay.”
Mariano- “I think this person should go. Let’s vote this person out.”
Tribe- “Okay.”
Mariano- “Sweet, now I can sit pretty and make witty comments and everybody’ll love me.”
That’s all I saw. It was All-Stars all over again. People just bending over backwards for this guy and doing nothing but whatever he orders, it was so pathetic. By the time anyone even thought of making or trying to make a move, it was far too little and way too late. Nobody ever even stopped to think about not having him in the finals, or how they could try to beat him in front of the final jury (already an impossibility because everyone was pathetically in love with him from day 1). I wonder if the casting people went by this season recruiting people with IQ of 30 or less. Nobody made an effort. This wasn’t gameplay, it was middle school shenanigans. I hate seeing Survivor where not a smidge of strategy even comes into play. This wasn’t Survivor, this was “Watch a bunch of retards hand a subpar player a million dollars just because they’re in awe of a guy who has lost five times.”
So, yes, overall? Mariano joins Vecepia in the rank of worst winner ever. And it took him four tries in this game. Out of a total of six changes CBS has given him for a million bucks, more than anyone else ever. That’s pathetic (I seem to come back to this word a lot when talking about this guy), just sad and ridiculous. Hopefully now that he won, he can take his stank attitude and stupid smirk and disappear from my TV screen forever.
Uh, I agree with Chris Velazquez.
@ Chris, I can’t take your statement about Vecepia seriously when Fabio is by far the worst Survivor winner of all time. Vecepia’s win, in large part, was a result of “the purple rock” incident, but Fabio is way worse than her! Anyway, I blame the other contestants for Rob’s victory; when he saw how malleable they were, he took advantage of it and beat them. Rob also got them to dispatch the contestants who were actually going to mount a strategy. (Francesca, Kristina). He made an effort; Philip, Grant, Natalie, et al did not. And, it showed in the voting (save Ralph).
There have been a lot of unworthy winners over the years. Rob might make the top ten, but I wouldn’t count him among the top five. I largely agree with you, though, Chris. The ONLY reason Rob won was because everyone else were complete and total idiots – including the Zap folks. You could just tell how they gave up and just waited to be voted out one by one.
Cattyfan-
Matt’s religion wasn’t an issue with me in the beginning. I found it somewhat cute. It made him appear innocent like a new born puppy. Yet, as the season went on… and on… and on… it was all that he talked about. By the end, I could predict exactly what Matt would say, virtually word-for-word before he said it.
Matt became a caricature of himself. There were plenty of other religious people on the show. Krista? She was clearly just as religious as Matt. She gave him her pink bible. Yet, she had a personality outside of her religion, even though it was deeply important to her.
Take away everything Krista said or did regarding her religion on the show, and we’d still have a pretty good picture of her as a player, a person, and a personality. Take away everything Matt said or did regarding his religion on the show, and we’d barely have any scenes at all. He is defined by his faith, and ultimately became a caricature of it – there are monks and nuns who mention God less per day than Matt.
So, my intolerance is not toward his religion – it’s toward him as a person. The fact that he was one dimensional – completely.
However, if we’re going to discuss religious intolerance why do we limit ourselves to Matt? There are plenty of other religious people on the show. We mock Phillip for his faith in his long dead grandfather. We ridicule him for it, and yet there is no reason to doubt (especially now) that he was any less sincere in his faith than Matt.
We’ve mocked Coach in the past as well, due to his faith. It’s easy to envision that we’d mock anyone who came on the show who wasn’t Christian but was devout toward some other religion. Devout Hindu, Shinto, or Wicca? How would we treat someone who wanted to pray to “Mother Goddess” and engage in some type of tree or forest worship? How would we mock someone who wanted to thank the forest for their bountiful fruit?
Would I mock them? Yes. I’d find what they believe ridiculous and silly. I wouldn’t hold it against them, as individuals, and largely my mocking would be lighthearted. Like Matt, I’d find it somewhat endearing. At least in the beginning.
Yet, somehow mocking Matt is different than mocking any of these other people… why? Because Matt’s faith is socially accepted and deemed “correct” whereas those other faiths are not?
To me there is no difference between any of them. Matt is no different than Phillip who claims to communicate with his long dead grandfather. I found it amusing and endearing in Phillip, which is one of the reasons I liked him. The difference between Phillip and Matt is that Phillip had other interesting things to say and do, and even if you took Phillip’s long dead grandfather away there would still be plenty of crazy to witness.
So, in the end, I suppose the question is this: Why is Phillip’s faith in his long dead grandfather acceptable to mock, but Matt’s faith off limits? Why is mocking one considered religiously intolerant and not the other?
Nope, I don’t think so, cattyfan. I’m pretty sure I rattle on about all sorts of subjects, not simply my contempt for religion.
And I don’t hate religion, but I do get tired of having it shoved in my face all the fucking time by a bunch of idiot reality tv fame-whores and their prattle.
Seriously, these fundamentalists have poisoned the reality television gene-pool. Makes me miss the likes of that skanky tattoo’d mohawk guy who was on Big Brother a couple seasons back.
But mostly, I’ve never ever said anything nasty about you or any other commenter here. How’s that religion thing work again?
Aldick…we ridicule Coach because he tells stories about being kidnapped and threatened by pygmies.
And itchy…I never insulted you. I did say that when it comes to religion and believers, your responses (and those of several other posters) are as predictable as Matt crediting God for all good things.
The season might have been much more interesting if Rob and Russell had started out on opposite tribes. Would the [?] tribe have catered to Russell’s will like they did to Rob’s, and would the [?] tribe have made just as strong a play to vote out Rob as they did Russell?
[?] because I can’t remember or be bothered to look up the names of the tribes.
Whoever said that Survivor has had many undeserving winners, WORD! To me, no past or future winner could ever be worse than Todd from China, but that’s just me, an there are so many of them that I don’t respect at all (JT from Tocantins, Tom Westman, Aras from Panama, Bob from Gabon, Chris from Vanuatu, and Brian from Thailand all follow Todd very closely).
As far as the way Survivor portrays religious people, whether you’re annoyed with it or not, I think it just goes to show how bad Survivor has gotten. They’ve stooped to such low and boring steps as to show excessive amounts of religious people praying or giving credit to God, with the strict intention of making us the viewers point and laugh at them. Matt wasn’t trying to shove his faith in our faces, the editors did. Other similar low and boring steps include recycling the same players many times (Rob and Russell primarily), and casting boring also-rand simply because they’re friends with someone on the staff.
Was Brian the pornstar guy? He didn’t deserve to win. Man…I don’t even remember who have these winners are…
Oh…and what’s wrong with Tom Westman?
I thought JT played a good game – being “charming”, hard-working and good at challenges is a legitimate way of winning. So is scheming and backstabbing. Rob was a little of both this time.
Fortunately for us all, this argument will be over in just a few more hours. Or so they say. Although the sky’s pretty sunny here in France.
Sorry Itchy, but you must know that America is the center of God’s universe, and the Rapture doesn’t happen until 6pm (possibly Eastern Time, though could be Pacific, depends on what shows Jesus wants to see one last time before He shuts the game down for good)… France will just have to wait… however many hours the time difference is…
love, J-Mo
I am still alive. How about you? Damn that was close, huh?
All I know is I’m flying in the air right now. Obviously there’s been some kind of mistake. Boy, will I be giving their customer service people are hard time! Fortunately, I speak fluent Hindi.
I hope that the posters here don’t fall into the Jeff Probst school of thinking that any man who is physically strong automatically deserves to win, while the women are pawns to use. In the end, the winners won, so they do deserve to win.
All these other winners pretty much took the least likable person so that they could beat them in front of the jury. Vecepia took Neleh, who the jury hated, Brian took Clay, Aras took Danielle, Rob took Philip and Natalie, Natalie took Russell, JT took Stephen, and Tom took Katie. That is the common bond amongst winners.
I miss Yul.
Stephen wasn’t the least likable person. JT took Stephen because they were friends. It was unfortunate for Stephen because he spent the game doing all of the thinking for JT, but no one knew it. Everyone thought JT was playing the great game when really it was Stephen. That is why he lost and JT won. And it really showed when JT came back for all stars and showed that he wasn’t exactly a mastermind.
Once JT sent a love note to Russell, he was dead to me.
Yeah I forgot how JT boned it during allstars. But still, it’s legitimate strategy to hook up with a good strategist and then take the credit.
@ Snootchy, to the jury (not the viewer), Stephen was less likable than J.T, which is the point. Whether they were friends or not, J.T. knew he could beat Stephen in the jury, because of the perception was that J.T. carried Stephen, although Stephen was more strategic than J.T., hands down. My only point is that, in each case, the winners of each season have a better grasp of the personalities on the jury over the losers.
@Derek – Maybe I misunderstood you. I thought you meant that they took the least likable person in the camp (a la Philip). Steven was definitely NOT that person. Not by a long shot.
I just don’t understand why Phillip thought being a jerk would win him the game? Doens’t he know that while 1 or 2 people may vote for who wins challenges, most peopel vote for the social aspect. Nicer people or the lesser of two evils ALWAYS wins survivor. ALWAYS!!!!!
Phillip thought being the villain would get him to the end with Rob. He said he then had a convincing argument for the jury to vote for him instead of Rob. It never materialized, though.
Rob really did play a brilliant strategic game: it’s just not as fun watching him beat the clueless. For final five, the three girls couldn’t band together, because Ashley and Natalie knew Rob would play the idol. For final four, the two girls could have voted for Phillip, but that would have resulted in a tie: and who would have won a fire starting contest, Ashley or constant fire-tender Phillip?
Still, Natalie making a move and showing loyalty to Ashley would have won Ashley’s vote and possibly some other jury votes – it might have even put her in 2nd place, which is 100K vs 85K for 3rd place. Worst case scenario, Ashley wins the fire starting contest and is in the final three. Natalie must have thought she could beat Phillip for 2nd place, but not Ashley. Or she was just terrified of turning on Rob.
It would be fun to have a season of all-strategic players if there are going to be returning players. It’s too lopsided with the usual combination of strategists, leaders, and sheep.