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We here at TVgasm really don’t like to bore you with the details of our lives in Los Angeles, but when we have an interaction of some sort that would be interesting to our readers, we feel we need to report. Some people say that blogs are nothing but a bunch of people linking other people and commenting about boring shit. While that is mostly true, we here at TVgasm are willing to put our journalistic credentials on the line with the best of the Nobel and Peabody award winners. We did a lot of legwork this week to get you some dirt on the celebrities that almost nobody else would care about. Read the saga after the jump.OK, so when I said that we did a lot of legwork, that is kind of a lie. We really didn’t do any leg work, people just happened to show up when we least expect it. For instance, B-side, S-lo, and I were on our way to one of our favorite breakfast places when we walked by Alex from the Amazing Race walking his dog. B-side momentarily thought about saying something, but Alex looked angry and bothered, even though the weather was beautiful, and so he decided to let things go. After breakfast, we noticed that somebody had left a package marked Quentin Tarantino in black letters. It was hand written, but there was no way to know if Quentin or some lackey would pick it up, so we moved on.
I know, I know, that Alex from the Amazing Race and a non-encounter with Quentin Tarantino don’t mean much, but what happened later that night, while not spectacular, is some mildly decent reality celebrity dirt. While having a few drinks at a bar, S-lo mentioned that she thought some guy looked cute, which is no surprise because she gets crushes all the time. When I looked back to see who it was, I confirmed that it was the sort of douchebag that she would be seen out and about with. No offense to her, but she just goes for the guys that are short or goofy. It is, however, a source of great entertainment.
While this particular douchebag was fairly tall, he did have the visor and sunglasses on at the same time. It was the non-chalant surf-hipster look that becomes popular as the days get longer and the weather gets warm. When B-side decided to join us, he immediately recognized the douchebag. It was Burton, from Survivor: Pearl Islands. No wonder he looked so familiar to me.
I really can’t stand Burton, even though one of my good friends loves him (Haaaaaaiiiiiii Michellle!). When he was voted out of Survivor, the deciding vote was cast by Lil, who he had previously made an alliance with. He couldn’t believe that she backstabbed him, and held a grudge because of it. Not so bad, but when you realize that Burton had also tried to backstab Lil off the island that SAME VERY TRIBAL COUNCIL, his complaints make him seem like a big idiot. But all of that was in the game, and like I’ve said before, we can write about what people are portrayed like on television, but their true character you have to see live, or even better, in person.
None of this mattered to S-lo, who was trying to get the attention of Burton and his group the whole evening. When she finally got his attention (after a couple of smiles, some shoulder shrugs and a few blown kisses), she went over and did what she does best – socialize. Our girl is a flirt, and Burton and company were happy to oblige. Although he tried to be smooth, you couldn’t help but notice that Burton’s hands tend to roam, and he even pulled the “oh, did i drop a quarter down your jeans? I need that to pay my meter” trick to get a little more of a grope on. But what can I say? The pickings were slim that evening, and I guess subtlety is not the answer for some.
Burton left, however, and so S-Lo decided to make out with his slightly less douchebaggy friend. When Burton came back, he was clearly disappointed that his friend was already making out with the hot girl but didn’t try and ruin his friend’s game. When we took a picture to commemorate the event, Burton even pointed at his friend and laughed. If you call your friend out for some PDA in a random bar with a random girl, you are OK in my book. Good job Burton. You may not have all the game we expect, but you drink your beers like everybody else – one bottle at a time. I can’t hate on that. If you are wondering what happened with the rest of the story, Burton and his friends didn’t take advantage of our drunk friend, and she spent the night passed out in the TVgasm offices, trying to sober up for her press junket the next day.
That would have been the end of the story, but B-side and I had another celebrity encounter later that day. After doing so much drinking, we were hungry, and B-side was craving tapas. We made our way to Cha-Cha-Cha and those wonderful goat cheese and guava quesedillas they serve. While there, we bumped into Maggie Gyllenhaal. Do you care? Probably not, but after seeing her listed as the 58th hottest woman on FHM’s latest list, I just have to say that she is grossly overrated, by about, well, 500 places.
Tune into the next Dateline TVgasm for more some more semi-interesting tales of the glitter we run into during a night out in Los Angeles.