…..aaaaaand also letting them escape.It’s the night after the last Tribal Council. Jaison is relieved to be rid of Ben, and it’s not quite the big weight off of his chest that he’d hoped. He’s still hungry, and tired, and regretting things a bit: “Frankly, I right now believe that coming here was the worst decision I have made in my entire life.” Hey, things could be worse: you could have been cast on Big Brother.
“I really think that if Ben had stayed, Jaison would have quit. What kind of man is that?”, Russell says, apparently forgetting that challenging someone’s manhood requires you not to be so insecure about your own that you boast all the time about what a badass you are. “The fact is, whoever I want to be gone is gonna be gone!” Russell says. Yeah, except for that last time.
After the credits, it’s Day 9 over at Galu, and Shambo is not happy to be back: “Foa Foa has a huge appreciation for Shambo,” she says, referring to herself in the third person and therefore instantly becoming Dead To Me. Erik (I know! There’s someone named Erik! I had to look up a lot of names during this episode) takes Shambo out into the woods and makes an offer: he knows she has a clue to the immunity idol over at the other camp. Since the rules of Survivor state that things are more interesting when the Immunity Idol is easy to find, he theorizes that the clues must also apply to the location of the idol at their own camp. Before Erik can finish his thought, John walks up behind Shambo and says the same damn thing, except it is more annoying because it is coming from John.
“Before we actually attempt to find the idol, let’s discuss the attempt and then plan the discussion and then have some brainstorming sessions about that plan that we’re going to meet about later.”
So Shambo doesn’t even think twice: she just pulls the clues right out of her mullet and tells them that the idol is in a tree and low to the ground. She then tells them that they’d better give her their votes if she makes it to the end, when there are still sixteen people left, and then takes off immediately like she’s the Road Runner, leaving them in the dust, confused.
Back over at Foa Foa, they receive an ambiguous treemail that tells them their chief must choose two people to go on a “quest”, and there’s a map to the destination. Mick says he wanted to choose one guy and one girl in case there are different elements to the challenge, so he takes Russell and Natalie with him. The Russell Who Does Not Suck brings Shambo and Dave along with him.
Turns out that the map leads them to a big circle on the beach. There’s a cage full of chickens marked “reward”, and they all stand around and glare at each other, John Wayne style, waiting for Jeff to show up. When it becomes apparent that he will not be arriving, Shambo makes a beeline for the chickens, and she’s actually got a couple by the neck and she’s ready to leave with them when someone finally discovers a set of directions for a challenge lying around.
This is the most likely scenario involving Shambo and chicken choking I can think of. Well, if are not a mullet enthusiast.
The challenge is simple: they put a stick in the ground, and then they have to throw balls and get them as close as possible. It’s basically Bocce Ball. The team with the closest ball after they’ve all thrown wins the reward, which is the chickens. This will all be done without the aid of Jeff, who I’m guessing is off trying to bang another past contestant or something.
There is…lots of ball rolling. Oh challenges, how I resent recapping you. Mick’s ball is closest by the very end of the challenge, and it’s down to Tiny Russell and Dave to close it out. Tiny Russell nails one really close to the flag, and it’s up to Dave to win it for Galu. Mick tells us in confessional that he’s really, really psyched to win a challenge, and it looks like they might actually bring one home. That is, right up until Dave nails it and actually hits the pole with his final ball. With that, Galu wins yet another challenge. Shocking! I do feel bad, though: now that Ben’s gone, I actually wouldn’t mind if they won a challenge. “We can’t even pull of frickin Bocce Ball!” Mick says. Yeah, but when that 52 Card Pickup challenge comes up, you guys have a shot!
The closest Foa Foa will ever come to getting any sort of ball rolling
Meanwhile, back at Galu’s camp, Erik is taking the opportunity to search for the idol while people are away at the challenge. Erik searches around camp, digging and sticking his hand into various nooks and crannies, including one that looks like it probably contains a large contingent of bees, which would scare the pants off of me.
Seriously, what if you don’t get the hand back?
John wakes up and sees him searching around, but just kind of shrugs it off and goes back to sleep. Finally, Erik climbs up in this big tree and roots around in the branches, and: there’s the idol. So, we now have two people having found the idol with no real clue as to its whereabouts. You may want to actually think about hiding the idols somewhere less obvious next time, production staff. Either that, or just put it right in the center of camp next time, or hide it inside of Probst’s baseball cap.
This is probably not how they planned it.
As the members of Galu drag the chicken coop back to camp, Shambo volunteers to take care of the chickens. I hope she knows more about chicken care than fishing. Everyone, particularly the women, freak out and act excited. Shambo immediately sticks her face right up to the cage and starts clucking at them, apparently trying to bond. She even shushes the other tribe members when they attempt to ask what the hell she’s doing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my twenty-six years on this Earth, it’s never to question someone with a mullet.
“I learned THIS little trick from the lead singer of Winger!”
Over at Foa Foa, it begins to rain, hard. Jaison, who’s not exactly at a high point, starts complaining some more about how tired and hungry and thirsty he is, which I’m sure is going over well with everyone else. Russell begins to recognize that Jaison may not be a long term option for him, so he decides to reaffirm his alliance with Natalie. “She’s gonna ride my coattails because she’s too stupid,” he says. This blatant disrespect and underestimation of everyone is what’s going to come around and get him later. I bet he’s a total dick to the people at the grocery store.
In the morning at Galu, Shambo checks on the chickens. And then, guess what? One gets out! I know you are shocked that Shambo has perpetrated an error surrounding the collection and care of sustenance and sustenance-related paraphernalia.
“Emergency! Emergency! Escaped chicken! 911!” she shouts at the other tribemates for, and I am not kidding you, at least twenty seconds while the chicken runs farther away. She is coming up with new and innovative ways to be incompetent. I am wowed.
“Attention everyone! I am a total fuck up!”
Erik goes chasing it around the camp, and all of a sudden, BAM! He gets KTFO by the clothesline. And it? Is spectacular. It’s too bad that I don’t hate him, or that could have been as good as Lisi Falling.
Hey, did you hear that Lisi fell?
So anyway, the chicken, having completely outsmarted both Erik and Shambo (with an assist from the clothes line), is now safe up in the branches of a tree. “I had no idea they could fly!” says Shambo, while Russell looks at her like she’s an idiot, pointing out that things that have wings often do fly. I will be honest, I thought chickens couldn’t fly, either, because they were too fat or something, but I guess these are wild chickens that can fly or something. My point is she’s probably not as dumb as they’re making her out to be, but also: don’t claim to be some kind of Chicken Whisperer if you do not know such things.
As the members of Galu all sit around and stare at the escaped chicken up in the tree, helpless, Shambo is all “Can I just get a break?” at exactly the wrong time, which is anytime that a bunch of really hungry people are staring at food they cannot eat. She points out that “she” got them an egg, so they should cut her some slack. Did she lay it? Incubate it in her vast nest of hair? I am confused.
Later that day, Kelly (I know! Someone named Kelly!) works on opening a coconut to enjoy the milk, and Yasmin wanders over and plops down right next to her, hoping to get in on the action. “I am SO sick of Yas doing nothing all the time,” hot, hot Kelly says as she rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t help around camp, she sleeps all the time. She’ll be the first to go if we lose.” But then who will tell the other team what pansies they are?
“Who cares, I’m tired.”
Immunity Challenge! Galu looks monstrous, with all their people when you compare them to the now tiny Foa Foa group. Today’s challenge requires the players to carry sets of wooden blocks across and obstacle course, and then stack the blocks one on top of another to form a large tower. There are two stages, and the first team to stack the final tower wins. Galu actually has a small lead after the first stack, but Foa Foa is able to catch up to them on a rope bridge portion of the course, when Monica (Que?) is all slow and shit. The two teams are basically neck in neck at the last stacking post, and when Kelly drops some of her blocks, Natalie is able to capitalize and Foa Foa wins their very first immunity challenge! Yay! But only because this means no more Russell for the rest of the episode!
Back at camp, The Russell Who Does Not Suck complains that Monica didn’t do well at the challenge, and thus he wants her gone. Meanwhile, the rest of the tribe wavers between getting rid of Shambo because she sucks and loses their food or getting rid of Yasmin because she sucks and doesn’t do anything. They settle on getting rid of Yasmin, mostly because they find her useless.
Over in another section of camp, obvious outcasts Shambo and Yasmin decide that voting for Monica is the best way to go. Yasmin tells us that she hasn’t done anything around camp on purpose so that she would be fresh for the challenges, which is complete BS, of course. If you want to penalize me for stepping up, so be it!” she says, because that makes sense? I don’t know, it’s best not to think about these things too much.
Meanwhile, Erik has picked up that some of the tribemates are going to be voting for Yasmin and he takes this information to Russell, because he’s apparently become some sort of lieutenant. Russell is incredulous about it, demanding that the rest of the team bend to his will: “These people? They have to listen to me, or there’s gonna be some serious ass kickin.” Hmm. Sounds like some of this leader thing maybe may have gone to his head. I hope I don’t have to change his name to The Russell Who Also Sucks, because that would be sort of sucky. Three terrible Russells in one year of reality television is way, way too many.
Tribal Council. Probst, having watched the footage and done his homework, asks about camp life immediately. Brett (I know! We are all learning so much today!) points out that Yasmin is lazy as shit. Yasmin, missing the point, is like, “Anything anyone has asked me to do, I’ve done it, so how can you say that?” which is exactly his point, of course. “Maybe I don’t belong here because I have on heels! I wanted to look pretty for you, Jeff,” she says over a long, lingering shot of her feet. What the fuck, did Quentin Tarantino direct this episode?
Next, Yasmin will murder everyone in the room while a song from the jazz era plays in the background.
After some brief complaining about Monica’s performance at the challenge, it’s time to vote already! We’ve had a busy week meeting all of these people, so I guess there’s no room for Tribal Council in this episode. We see Shambo and Russell vote for Monica, and we see Monica and Laura vote for Yasmin. When the votes are read, it’s two for Yasmin, then two for Monica, and the rest are for Yasmin and she’s outta there! Can’t say I’m sad to see her go.
And also, what I would not give for some cameras at that Ponderosa where she will have to stay with Ben.