Okay, so Sugar might be sort of awesome.
We are back to Nobag (and no, I will not be making any jokes involving the lack of a scrotum this season) (well, besides that one) on night twenty-seven. Randy, Corinne and Bob are predictably freaking out. Corinne knows that Kenny and Crystal are running the show right now, so she knows that she has to somehow create a rift amongst the remaining members of that alliance. Seriously, how did this happen? Kota was so dominant during the first half of the game, and yet an alliance of Fang members is running things. I guess this is due to Susie and Sugar turning, so the failure is the Swimfan Alliance’s for not being more inclusive. This season is odd.
After the credits, it’s a new day at Nobag. It cannot be said enough that Nobag is the WORST TRIBE NAME EVER. Sugar really, really wants Randy out of the game. She talks to Bob in the woods, and he decides to tell her that he was unable to find the idol when he went to Exile. Sugar, knowing that Bob and his alliance don’t know that she has it, pretends that she couldn’t find it either. Bob also tells Sugar about his well-designed fake immunity idol, which Sugar is suitably impressed with. I don’t mean to be critical, but it would have looked much better had he glued some macaroni.
Randy and Corinne discuss the fact that they’re screwed, and have little to no chance to dig themselves out of the hole they’re in. Randy’s new strategy is to just be a giant asshole (well, a bigger asshole), and just be mean to everyone. He also wants to work Matty, since he thinks Matty’s the first man out in their large alliance. It should also be noted that Randy’s clothes are dirtier than anything I’ve ever seen on this show.
He looks like Pigpen.
A treemail comes which hints that it’s time for this season’s auction. Corinne has a plan for the reward challenge. “I won’t spend a dime unless it helps me in the game, ” she tells us, clearly forgetting about the fact that there could be popsicles involved.
Auction time! This season’s rules are that each Survivor gets 500 bucks, there is no pooling money, and you can’t share anything you win with anyone else whatsoever. The first item is beer and peanuts, and Randy and Sugar get into a bidding war that culminates with Randy buying it for 180 dollars. Sugar laughs, telling Kenny that she didn’t want the beer at all and was just upping the ante. I’m not sure that dehydrating beer and salty peanuts would be something I’d want in a situation such as this anyway. Then again, Randy may have lost his sense of taste during the lobotomy, so nevermind.
The next item is covered so no one can see it. Randy and Kenny go back and forth until Randy doesn’t have enough money to compete with Kenny, who wins the item for $340. There’s a scroll under the cover, and reads it aloud to the class. It allows him to send whomever he wants to Exile Island and take the remainder of their money for himself. Kenny opts to send Bob, presumably because Bob’s bow tie will shield his neck from the elements.
The next item is also covered. Randy wagers all 320 of his money off the bat, and Sugar goes to 340 just to spite him, I think. Sugar ends up winning chocolate and peanut butter.
“I hate Randy!”
A hot bath and new clothes is next, and Sugar and several others are trying to prompt Ken to bet on this item, so I’m thinking he must smell pretty bad. Susie ends up winning the item for 340 (noticing a pattern?). Sugar further harasses Kenny. “That’s too bad, Kenny, I’d cuddle with you if you had some new clothes.” Maybe you can lend him that hideous overalls burlap sack monstrosity thing that you wear.
I’m so tired of looking at this thing.
After Matty wins a hamburger, Susie announces that she’s going to get out of the bath because she’s hot. Everyone thinks she’s crazy, but would you want to sit in a hot tub of slowly browning water when you’ve spent the last 30 days sweating your ass off? The next item is covered too, and Kenny ends up “letting” Randy buy it for 280, because he thinks it’s going to be the requisite crappy item that they have each year. It ends up being a spaghetti plate, to Kenny’s dismay.
Jeff holds up a bottle with a note in it as the next auction item. The note gives it’s winner an advantage at the next immunity challenge. Corinne immediately bids 500, meaning that Ken is the only one with enough money to beat her. He decides to let her have it, which seems unwise to me. Didn’t Danni from the Guatemala season win something similar and end up winning the whole game, even though she was the only one left from her alliance at the time?
Jeff is feeling generous, so he says that the first person to bid 20 dollars wins the next item for the entire tribe. Randy quickly bids and wins, and Jeff unveils cookies. “These are all for me?” Randy says, not listening. “These are for the tribe, Randy,” says Jeff in his condescending dad voice. Randy, clearly not getting it, carries the cookies over to everyone else, acting all in-charge and like he’s doing everyone a favor be deigning to give them a cookie. Sugar refuses to take one from him, and it devolves into a one big third-grade regression as Randy continues to act like an asshole, and then Sugar pays him back by taking the last cookie (meant for Randy) and turning around and giving it to Matty so that Randy doesn’t get any cookies. I can’t believe I just typed all that out. What am I recapping, an episode of Sesame Street?
Someone’s going to have to stay in the room at recess.
With that, the auction is over and Jeff sends everyone back to camp. On the walk back to Nobag, Matty thanks Sugar for the extra cookie, causing Randy to get all indignant about how he didn’t get a cookie and how Sugar took his and OH MY GOD. “I’m broke, full, half-drunk and pissed off.” You know how Gary Busey got into that motorcycle accident, and all of a sudden he woke up crazy and getting into fistfights with farm animals and stuff? I think the same thing happened to Randy when he hit his head.
This one captioned itself.
Randy bitches to Matty and Corinne about how no one likes him. Perhaps if you’re unhappy about that, you should try not acting like an asshole. Matty has no sympathy for him. “You set yourself up for this, man,” says Matty. “Maybe you should drop the attitude.” You know you’re probably in bad shape when the guy who laughs like Biff Tannen thinks you need to stop being such a jerk.
Randy tells Matty that Kenny, Crystal and Susie are clearly the final three (which, no), so Matty should switch sides to work with him, Crystal and Bob to “make something happen”. And what would that something be, a tie? “Hey, fifth place ain’t bad, Matty,” Randy continues, clearly forgetting the math of the situation. So, to review the things that his lobotomy has handicapped: sense of taste, ability to relate to others, sharing, logic, arithmetic.
Bob arrives at Exile Island, choosing the clue. The map leads to where he was last week, so he decides to go on a little safari instead of wasting time looking for the idol. I think he’s probably figured out that Sugar has it.
Back at Nobag, the consensus is to get rid of Randy next, since no one can stand him. Matty advocates for getting rid of Bob instead, because he’s a threat in immunity challenges and Randy and Corinne are better bets to take closer to the end. Sugar thinks that Matty wants to take Randy to the end to have a jerk up against him, which I don’t think is Matty’s plan, mostly because Matty himself is sort of a jerk.
After another commercial, it’s Day 30, and Randy has a plan. “I’m going to crash and burn, and just do diabolical stuff to get them to vote for me. Then, when Bob comes back with the idol, we’ll blindside ‘em.” He means “slash and burn”, but poetic justice being what it is, he’s actually much closer to the truth. Corinne seems to think that this is a great plan. I love how all of them are completely discounting the idea that Sugar has the idol. Their plan is to vote out Susie, which is how you can tell that they haven’t really thought this out. Even if this plan works, they’re still going to be outnumbered 4 to 3 in the next round. It’s…incredibly idiotic, this idea.
Randy begins his “crash and burn” by complaining a bunch about the cookies some more, and then telling Susie to shut the eff up for no reason in the hut. Crystal tells us that Randy is acting like a two-year-old. Yes, Crystal is actually judging someone else for throwing a tantrum. That’s like Colin Farrell telling someone that they drink too much.
Randy’s next move is to tell Matty that he “whored himself out” to get farther in the game. To Matty’s credit, he just laughs in Randy’s face, because the guy who sucked right up to Marcus after the switch is telling him that he’s a whore.
Immunity Challenge! In round one, it’s a race to carry three bags filled with “puzzle blocks” (which are really just blocks) across a balance beam. The winners will then race to stack the blocks like dominos on a platform that’s attached to some trip wires that they have to navigate, and when they brush up against one, the blocks fall over. The first person to get all their blocks set up so that they fall like dominos and raise a flag at the end of the platform wins immunity. Corinne’s bottle allows her to skip the first round and go right to the end, so the first two to finish round one will battle her in the finals.
Matty and Kenny (who has really good balance, apparently) open up a huge lead on the other contestants, so they end up in the final round against Corinne. The second part is difficult to describe, but it’s really cool to watch. It’s basically the most intense domino-stacking competition ever, as Corinne, Matty and Kenny attempt to stack all the blocks without tripping over any of the ropes. They end up trying to set their domino lines off at the same time, and Matty’s and Corinne’s are stacked improperly. Kenny’s works, however, so he wins immunity. I’m sort of curious about how long this took in real time, because it looks pretty difficult. Also, for those of you keeping track, your individual immunity winners so far are Kenny and Susie, unbelievably.
Back at camp, Sugar and Bob discuss the upcoming vote. Sugar tells Bob that she has his best interests in mind, so it might behoove him to vote against Randy. Sugar also tells Bob that Randy would probably fall for the fake idol he’s made. “It would also be hilarious,” Sugar says awesomely. Bob tells us that he’s willing to do anything that would get him even a little bit farther in the game, so he’s open to the possibility of just about anything, including fooling Randy.
Corrine approaches Bob separately to try and get him to give what she thinks is the real immunity idol to Randy. Bob tells Corinne that he’s probably going to do just that, but I’m mostly just distracted by his scary-looking bike shorts.
Bob wraps the idol up and gives it to Randy, who is overjoyed. “The only thing I can promise is that if you’re in the finals and I’m not, you’ve got my vote, man.” Randy walks away, smiling his ass off. Sugar and her heinous overalls walk up almost immediately afterwards, excited that this is actually going to happen. “Tonight’s Tribal Council is going to rule,” she tells Crystal, who has been strangely absent from this episode. If someone doesn’t refer to themselves in the third person soon, I might lose it a little.
Tribal Council. Sugar recaps the Great Cookie Affair for Probst, who is of course interested in the thing that makes these people look their stupidest. Randy tells Jeff that he was actually putting Sugar to the test to see how nice she was, which makes no sense. “Those cookies were mine, I could have thrown them on the ground and stomped on ‘em if I wanted,” he says both douchily and incorrectly. “I was actually a benefactor in the situation. I offered them to her twice.” He does not seem to understand that he wasn’t doing them a favor by giving them the cookies, since they were for the tribe anyway.
Susie tells Jeff that she hopes that Randy does not act like this in real life, telling Jeff that she feels sorry for Randy if that is the case. What is her deal? Is she just terrible with people? Crystal says that if Randy is real, that would be cause for a slap in the face from her. I have a feeling that setting the oven to preheat at the wrong temperature is cause for a slap in the face from Crystal.
Time to vote! Corinne votes for Susie, saying that “payback’s a bitch”. True, in theory. Sugar then votes for Randy, and what she says deserves to be written verbatim: “You are a disgusting, old, hotheaded, chauvinistic, alcoholic bigot, and you need to grow up before you die alone.” Then she makes a totally awesome face and says “Loser!” right into the camera. Okay, Sugar is the shit. I’m officially pro-Sugar at this point.
Randy votes for Susie and says his vote is strictly personal. Crystal goes to vote, writes Randy’s name down, and then shouts her explanation: “You have made my life hell from day one. FORGET YOU, go home, goodbye!” She is so ridiculous. Everyone makes these great “holy shit, she is insane” faces at each other.
Jeff goes to get the votes and asks if anyone would like to play the idol. Randy gets up with a smug look on his face, thinking he’s about to totally face everyone. Sugar cannot stop laughing at Randy, knowing what’s about to occur. Corinne winks at Charlie and Marcus on the jury, thinking she’s got a leg up.
Jeff draws out the idol ceremony, announcing that the idol is not real and then throwing it in the fire. At this point, Sugar completely loses it and just laughs in their faces. This might cost her a few jury votes, but it sure is awesome.
The votes are read, and Randy is voted out 5-3. Sugar continues to laugh in his face, which would be a little old if it weren’t Randy and Corinne we were talking about. Randy’s torch is snuffed as Bob attempts to look inconspicuous. I was thinking, Bob should pretend that he found that idol where the clues led, and that Sugar planted it where the old one was. That’s the only way he can keep his allies, I think.
The previews for the next episode are really interesting. It’s a scene where Bob is telling Corinne that when Marcus threw the idol into the ocean a few episodes ago, he took it and hid it “around camp” and that he knows where it is. Now, this is another joke on Corinne, because there are so many reasons that this can’t possibly be true: They’re currently at Fang’s old camp, and Marcus was never there. Also, why would Bob go through all the fake idol stuff and search so diligently at Exile if he knew the location of a real one? It just doesn’t make sense.
Either way, we’ll have to wait two weeks to find out, because next week is a recap show. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!