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Monday, April 5, 2010
7:58 pm
42 Comments
Thanks a lot, Jerri.It’s Day 16 at the Villains tribe, and Rob is worried. “For the first time in the three seasons I’ve played, I was shocked last night,” he says. “The more I think about it, something just doesn’t feel right.” He looks genuinely concerned, like he knows things are going bad quickly. I think this confessional comes from later in the episode. Spoiler?
Rob lies in the shelter with Courtney, Sandra and Jerri, telling them that it’s time to get rid of Parvati and Russell. Courtney is simply amazing talking about Russell: “He is a bandy legged little troll who sort of, like, scampers around with his tooth missing and is in and out of the bushes and never washes,” she says. Yeah, that’s pretty much how I see him too. If I were not already in love with Courtney, I would be now, if only because she just used the term “bandy legged” to describe Russell.
“And Parvati? She clearly has no problem flirting with clearly anything that walks,” Courtney continues. The editors very adeptly insert a shot of Parvati running toward Russell shouting “My hero!” and jumping all over him. Rob hears them laughing with each other, suspecting that something is up because they’re not bothered at all by the fact that they’re supposedly outnumbered. “It makes me wonder if there are two people with me in the tent with them, and the joke is on me,” he comments, adeptly.
After the credits, we’re back with the Villains. Jerri talks to Russell, who spends a lot of time trying to get her to switch sides. Russell thinks that Jerri respects him for the move he made last week, which is completely wrong, because it’s Jerri doesn’t trust Rob at all. Rob’s the Devil You Know, and Russell’s the mystery, which makes Rob predictable, so I have no idea why she would switch, but whatever. Danielle and Parvati work her too, promising her final four; Jerri voices some trepidation about working with Parvati, but Parvati tells her she has a history of loyalty, keeping her promises to the girls she went to the final four with last time. Of course, when you make promises to everyone, there are by default a subset of people to whom you actually keep that promise. That’s not evidence, that’s the exception that proves the rule.
Over at the Heroes tribe, Colby and his denim outfit get up in the morning. I bet he just wears denim everywhere he goes, like, he has a denim tuxedo for formal events.
Rupert talks about how Colby needs to step up, because Rupert bears no responsibility for the losses, I guess. All Colby’s fault! Burn him!
Reward challenge. Three members of each tribe will swim out to retrieve a ball, and will have to swim back and sink it into a basket. It’s basically the same challenge we’ve seen a dozen times this season, except in the water. Maybe I’ m in a bad mood or something, but I really have no desire to watch another stupid wrestling/basketball challenge. Do something else, show.
The first team to three wins a “healthy meal” at a waterfall, so even the rewards are boring in this episode. At first, Colby keeps shooting and air balling, but he eventually takes down Coach and sinks the first point for the Heroes. In the second round, Colby assists on another point for the Heroes by totally owning Jerri, which I found hilarious.
In the third round, Russell and Rupert end up going at it with each other, making a lot of noise and contributing nothing to the team effort, which I thought was a nice little metaphor for how those two exist in general. While Russell and Rupert are having a battle to the death (personally, I’m rooting for some sort of underwater sea creature to emerge and swallow them up), Colby gets after the ball and scores the final point for the Heroes, giving them their first win in awhile. Their celebration is typically lame, as you would expect.
When the Heroes arrive at the reward, they find a clue for another immunity idol on the table with the food. The team tries to put it to the side and read it later, but Amanda can’t help herself and reads it to the group. JT proposes that they all go look for it together and “use it against the Villains”, which a) will never happen and b) allows JT to retain the status quo, which conveniently means he gets to stay in the majority alliance.
Back at the Villains tribe, Jerri has made the decision to side with Russell. The problem now is that Russell also needs Coach, who’s thrown his lot in with her. He promises Coach and Jerri that they will go to the top three together. “I walked over and Russell was spinning a pure line of gold,” Coach says, “And Jerri was buying it hook, line and sinker.” He says that he and Jerri are “honor bound” to play the game together, so he says that if she’s decided to go with Russell, he really has no choice.
Coach gets Jerri alone, telling her that he doesn’t trust Russell and has problems playing the game with him. When Jerri responds by telling Coach that she doesn’t trust Rob, Coach tells her that he played a different game last time, and this time he’s done everything he said he would. “When I look at Coach, I see a guy who just doesn’t…get it,” Jerri says. So, Jerri has a pretty basic understanding of how Coach works, then. Then again, her people reading skills led her to align with Russell, so maybe it’s back to square one, there. Don’t talk to strangers, Jerri!
Immunity challenge. Three tribe members will race along a ropes course to retrieve puzzle pieces, and then two other tribe members will race to solve the puzzle first to win immunity. Man I love the simple challenges.
Because Courtney, Sandra and Parvati sat out the reward challenge (they had to sit out three ladies, but I have no idea why they did it that way when they knew immunity was coming up), they all have to play today. This leads to some hilarious pratfalls by the Villains as the Heroes build up a nice lead when the puzzle portion begins.
You’d think that because there are puzzle pieces involved that this lead would be erased, but no! It isn’t! The Heroes actually win an immunity challenge and send the Villains to Tribal Council. And without James around, at that! Hmm. Could it be that without him bitching and bullying everyone, the Heroes were able to finally work together? Nah, it’s totally Colby.
Back at camp, Coach seems to think that Courtney or Sandra should go because of her poor performance at the challenge. When Coach talks about Sandra, we get a spectacular shot of her tripping over a hole in the sand and falling resplendently on her face, Lisi-style. It’s amazing to watch, mostly because she cannot stop laughing afterwards.
Russell sits down with Rob, Sandra and Courtney. When Rob asks him who should go, he points at them and goes “one of these”, and they start laughing at him. “Not a way to gather friends, buddy,” Rob says, laughing. “I think he’s right, personally,” Courtney says amazingly. I seriously just want to hang out with the three of them and make fun of everyone else in the entire world. Could someone please pay me to do that?
Rob then asks Coach what they should do, trying wisely to make it look like they’re a team. Coach thinks that they should either blindside Parvati or get rid of Courtney, which Rob responds to by asking Coach what makes Parvati more threatening than Russell. When Coach can’t directly answer, he agrees that Russell is the right move. “Let’s get that little bastard out of here,” Coach says, smiling. Remember that.
Afterwards, Coach finds Jerri lounging around with Team Russell, who appears to have successfully annexed her from Team Rob. Russell really, really wants to get rid of Rob using Jerri and Coach as swing votes, and Jerri is more than down to make it happen. Coach has his reservations, however, because he promised Rob that he wouldn’t vote for him. Russell makes the hilarious argument that Rob doesn’t make the team better, and that he and Coach could beat any of their guys. What’s he going to do, hide in his tree and throw Fudge Stripe Cookies at them?
Coach is still hesitant, and the editing shows him saying “I’m with you a hundred percent,” but there’s clearly something missing. In confessional, he looks like he’s about ready to cry. Maybe he has PTSD and Russell gives him flashbacks to the midget thing, I don’t know.
Later, Rob sits in the shelter, already aware that Russell and Parvati are coming after him. When he asks Jerri about it, she pretends not to know anything, but Rob can see that she’s clearly lying. In fact, he knows exactly what she’s about to do. “I’m at your mercy, Jerri,” Rob says. “You have to do what’s best for you, and I understand.” That’s a pretty impressive thing to say. He tries half-heartedly to convince Jerri that the best thing for her to do is to come along with him, but it’s easy to see that he knows this is already a done deal.
Sigh.
Jerri looks legitimately confused before Tribal Council, telling Coach that she’s aged five years and recapping what Rob told her about doing what’s best. Coach once again reiterates his opinion that Rob should be kept for challenge purposes, but Jerri is too busy feeling sorry for herself. “I’m not a good villain, she says.” She has no idea how wrong she’s about to be.
Tribal Council. Probst starts out by asserting that the Heroes have been “destroying them”. Apparently, an episode’s worth of losses constitutes getting “destroyed”. Probst wants to know whether Tyson’s ouster has anything to do with the loss, and Rob argues that the lines have now been drawn in the sand. Russell disagrees with him, I think just to be contrite and rub it in. “I could have blindsided anybody, but I made the best move I could,” Russell says.
Could someone explain to me how what happened last week was anything other than blind luck? Explain to me a scenario in which Russell could have blindsided “anybody”, and I will buy you a nice new pony, and here’s why: If Russell did, in fact, orchestrate Tyson’s ouster last week, he would have known that he needed a member of Team Rob to switch their vote from Parvati to Russell, or vice versa. This means that he would have needed to know who was voting for whom, and if Jerri or someone had told him that, would there be this much waffling this week? What happened last week was almost entirely luck. There was no strategy on Russell’s part to masterfully eliminate Tyson. Russell stumbled upon the right thing to do by accident. When he gave the idol to Parvati, it was not the final piece of his plan to eliminate Tyson; it was a concentrated effort to make himself look like a badass, and nothing more. There is literally no way Russell is responsible for what happened last week, whatsoever. Granted, this week is a different story, but I refuse to participate in propagating the myth of Russell the Great.
Anyway. Rob tells Probst that people are paranoid because they’re thinking in terms of keeping alliances strong, instead of keeping the team itself strong. “How is voting for me last week keeping the team strong?” Russell says. When Rob argues that Russell isn’t loyal and causes strife within the team, Russell argues that his move last week was loyalty at it’s finest. Obviously it wasn’t, but it’s pretty deft of Russell to try to spin it that way, and I give him credit for it. “You don’t have the GUTS to do what I did,” Russell says needlessly. To do what, exactly? Luck out? Talk a bunch of shit? Make a move that draws a lot of attention? Because Rob invented all of that shit, and he was doing it back when you still had all of your teeth, Gimpy Joe.
Anyway, time to vote. Rob votes for Russell. “It’s game over, either you or me,” he says. We don’t see anyone else’s vote, including Russell’s, which I thought was a little suspicious. When the votes are read, it’s three for Rob and three for Russell. Then, what appears to be a random vote for Courtney but is, in fact, Coach being a complete and utter pussy by voting Rob out without having the balls to actually vote Rob out. When the last vote is for Rob and he’s out, he hugs Jerri, respecting that she was forward with him, and then shuns Coach. “You’re a little man,” he says, completely correct.
I’m not happy that Rob’s gone, but let’s be frank: that was happening at the merge anyway. This vote pisses me off so much because it means watching Russell for the rest of the season, and I really, really don’t want to do that.
Here’s the thing: I am not going to deny that Russell did some very strategically sound things in this episode. I’m not going to deny that he’s a good player. However, the amount of bragging he does is in no way proportional to his actual skill, and I will never, ever enjoy watching him for this very reason. Russell is very obviously both threatened by and scared of Rob, so he went gunning for him, which is all well and good. There’s still more evidence against Russell than for him, but I won’t deny that this is a good move.
However, it’s Russell. Think for a minute about what we’re going to have to listen to for the rest of the season: all the gloating, using this move as evidence. The exact same shit we just finished watching last year. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in another season of that. This is the first time in the history of Survivor that I actively do not enjoy watching, and it’s not because the people I like are losing: that’s happened many, many times before. Survivor’s all about the journey, about the thirteen or so episodes we get to watch every year. If those thirteen episodes are a marathon of boring bragging and useless talking? That shit is boring.
The only thing keeping me going through this slog is the inevitable tears of a bandy-legged troll. Because when Russell gets second place again, and he will, I am going eat it up like it’s a Chinese buffet, and I hope you all will join me. Wontons for everyone in about two months!
TV Social
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42 Comments
I said this in the forum section, but feel the need to repeat it:
I’m so bummed the Hobbit On Crack is still on while Boston Rob got the boot.
So much for Coach’s famous honor and loyalty. By making the wussy move of putting Courtney’s name down, Coach can still make very weak protestations about how he never put Rob’s name down, and therefore was technically true to all his promises…but he knows (and so does everyone else) that his vote guaranteed that Rob was voted out, while hideous Russell is still safe.
This show just became far less intresting.
“personally, I’m rooting for some sort of underwater sea creature to emerge and swallow them up.”
And while that would have been great, Schoonie, I was just glad to see those two dirt balls in the water. Maybe they inadvertently got clean for a change.
Ugh, all Troll all the time. Sadly he even has to appear in your recap. Maybe you should do the recap without ever mentioning him at all. Discuss the whole show but leave him out completely. I am really disappointed in this season and don’t even know if I’ll finish watching. I just hope when the troll loses I won’t ever have to see him on my TV again!
Funny recap though, thanks.
Haven’t read the recap yet but I have to get this out first.
The show just won’t be what it could have been w/o Rob. Coach is a huge puss for throwing his vote away because he made packs w/2 alliances and couldn’t make a decision. Now he’s gone from annoying to somewhat interesting to simply useless. Worst part is that stupid Russell believes he somehow orchestrated Rob’s ousting all on his own…this show is now limping towards the finale.
And back to the recap!
Ugh, this whole episode made me want to shoot my TV. Seriously, as much as I hate the little douche, Russell does make some bold, and even strategic moves sometimes. Why do I hate him then, when I love Boston Rob? Cuz I have to watch his bullshit confessionals that truly show how many issues the little man really has.
Onto the Heroes though, I was truly enraged with Rupert (but then, what else is new), when he was saying how Colby had to step it up. Wait, what? Why the hell is it Colby’s fault that your team has lost up until now? Ugh, Rupert.
And lastly, Russell and Rupert’s pussy-shoving match was almost too hilarious for words. Seriously, what was that?
I was also pissed that Rob was voted off. I’ll likely keep watching, if only to see Russell eventually get his comeupance. But if Sandra and Courtney go next (as I fear) then I’m probably done. Thanks for the recap, it could not have been much fun to write.
Schoonie, you are the most wonderful man in the world and I realize it can’t be easy to write these recaps when the person you hate the most is what the show is all about.
I wouldn’t feel sorry for Boston Rob though. As soon as he gets home his rich wife can buy him something “purty” to make him feel better. I would recommend she buy him a set of balls. Rob can start with the peanut size and then work his way up to the standard peach pit size.
1)The only thing I regret about Russell being on this show is that he has shown how UTTERLY STUPID these casts are. Let me tell you something, Boston Rob is no Dr. Manhattan but if Rob can’t get rid of Russell who can? Coach? Coach is too scared to do anything. Courtney and the Cockroach? They’re coattail people, baby. They’re not smart enough to do anything. The only person I can see getting rid of Russell is Parvati and only because she has a SEXUAL hold on Russell that could confuse Mr. Hantz. [The good looking doctor and Jaison are brainiacs compared to the idiots on the Heroes and Villains teams.]
2)I wish Russell could physically assault these people. Nothing would make me happier than watching Russell grab Coach by the hair and bitch slap him OR watching Russell crush the cockroach under his BIG MAN FOOT. I want more physically violence on this show. [We're getting a lot of anger in the recaps. I want some of that anger in the show.]
I would say the “best man won” in the Rob/Russell THUNDERDOME but to be honest there was only one man in that fight and it was KING RUSSELL.
It was a great recap Mister.
Great recap, Schoonie (as always!)
I refuse to jump on the Russell hatewagon, even though his testimonials are annoying. Rob got himself voted off. As much as I like BR–he should know better. “Keep your enemies closer…”
And as far as Coach goes–you are absolutely correct–throwing his vote away like that is WORSE than being a man and writing the name down. BR’s words to Coach will haunt him for years…
Go Colby/Candice/JT–a boring final three, but at least they work hard and are the least delusional out of this group…
i’ll go ahead and agree russell lucked into the tyson ousting. although, you do have to give him a little credit for trying to plant the seed in tyson’s head that he was going to vote for parvarti, thus encouraging tyson to switch his vote. i’m not saying he didn’t require luck AND tyson’s stupidity to work for him all at once, but some people might not have made the extra effort to have that conversation with tyson and just rolled the dice that he gave the immunity idol on the right person.
that being said, i enjoy russell more than most, but in a matchup versus boston rob, i’m ALWAYS choosing boston rob. the one thing about rob’s game this year is he got caught up in the ego game. you expect russell to thump his chest and do his douchey thing, but rob got suckered into playing down to that level. let russell keep talking and be the boston rob of old. that’s how he could have burned him. and i’m sorry, but choosing two incredibly weak players as your core allies is never a good idea. it makes you the go-to target of your side of numbers. courtney and sandra, for all physical purposes, are useless. and schoon, i know you love sandra, but i’d debate whether she didn’t win her season strictly by default (i know she never got voted for, but still. definitely a worthwhile debate.)
Why would anyone want to get rid of Russell? Except for us the unfortunate viewers who have to listen to his annoying douchbaggery week after week. If I was playing a game for a million dollars I too would want to keep the most pompous annoying player around with me to the final two
Schoonie:
Often, your recaps are so funny that my co-workers wonder why Monday (or Tuesday) morning is so entertaining. This one, while not in the same league as some of the more hilarious ones you have written, was actually very thoughtful about the nature of this show. The show really is about the journey – how do you get from week one to week 13 and hopefully convince the people that you have lived with (and usually betrayed) to sit back and say “gee, I think you should win $1 million.” In the past, the journey has been interesting because of the group dynamics. This season (and the last two seasons), I think the show has too much focused on one single individual: Coach, Russell, and Russell (again). Because I don’t care that much about the people that the show has highlighted, the journey has not really been that intersting. It’s like a cross country flight where you are surrounded by crying, self-centered three year olds. (Wait, sorry to highlight Russell in my own post!) You just want it over – and you don’t really care how you get there.
But I’ll stick with the journey because at least I can look forward to your inflight announcements!
Nooooooooooooo!! Russell didn’t bother me much before (he’s like a little gnat you keep trying to swat but miss), but now that he got rid of my precious *sob* Boston Rob, he can eat dirt for all I care!!!
Russell’s only strategy (besides finding hidden idols) is to team up with pretty young things; it’s obvious smart/older women and actual men scare him silly. There’s no way Rob could have aligned with him if he had wanted to. I hope Parvarti eats him alive.
Yeah, Boston Rob was just too good, and these people are starting to feel that merger coming. There’s no way they’d want him anywhere near individual immunity, he’d kick everyone’s ass. So the time to get rid of him was now.
This didn’t have much to do with Russell, other than being a suitable lightning rod to gather around to get the job done. No doubt Parvati (who is looking more and more like Wallace n’ Grommit every day) is the true force behind the ouster.
And I agree, previous seasons were much more magical, in that they never focused as intensely on specific personalities. But that was back when the show was cast, not recruited.
There’s no way Russell would still be around if the other players had had the opportunity to have seen his season — he would have been the first to be voted off, without question.
Which is why watching him this season is especially frustrating, since he is once again receiving a producer assist.
Why the producers have decided to glorify a true douchebag is beyond me, but it spells the end of Survivor as an interesting game show.
Think about it: the fact that Russell gets so much air time is going to ruin the next several seasons to come. Because we’re going to be subjected to all manner of posers acting out just for camera time.
I don’t think they’ll keep Russell to the end though — my guess/hope is that he makes it to final three or four.
“There’s no way Russell would still be around if the other players had had the opportunity to have seen his season — he would have been the first to be voted off, without question.”
That’s exactly what Boston Rob said in his interview with People magazine.
I miss what the game used to be…with people who applied to be there, and then had to face some elements of needing to survive. Now it’s all recruits who are given plenty of tools to make the game easy. Or is that plenty of tools recruited who make the game look easy…
From what I saw, the “little man” comment was directed at Russell not Coach. I mean look at the picture, he is looking RIGHT AT Russell when he says it!
Boston Rob was a asshole. Period. Granted, he was a little bit less so this season, but he is no better than Russell or anyone else. He got outplayed. If he was so great and Russell was so terrible, he wouldn’t have gotten outplayed. So there you have it. Life’s tough. Get a helmet. :p
No, Russell would be around even if people had seen his season because Russell is SMARTER than all the other survivors combined.
I suspect Russell will be around a little longer simply because the Villains have seen what happens when someone goes up against Russell. The villains, I suspect, are afraid of Russell at this point. They should be.
Oh, and by the way, if Boston Rob wasn’t so BITTER he wouldn’t be making excuses for getting his ass kicked out of the game by Russell. Man up, Rob. Stop being such a complaining little bitch.
mmmm . . . I love it when you guys get into it here!!! I totally think, if Russell went instead of Rob, it would become more and more boring week to week. With that little bandy troll in the mix, week to week will be exciting, esp after the merge. He will be targeted every week, and it will be some doin’ if he manages to survive it.
When Parvati finally sticks in the knife, you will all be so gratified, even those that like him, because it will just be too sweet. She will too, unless she really thinks she can win next to him. IMHO if lil’ russ sits in final two, he will win. these are pros here, if he truly outplays them, they will give him props, and if Parv goes for the ride, she wont get a Natalie–since everyone sees her as so strong, no way she can win on coattails . . . her best move will be to conquer the common enemy, they will all applaud her for that, (IMHO again)
Totally agree that teaming with Coutney and Sandra wasn’t the best idea . . . I find it personally interesting that neither Rob nor Russell could see the wisdom in working together till the right moment to F the other. Courtney or Sandra should have clearly gone this week. Don’t get the Sandra love, she’s like a lazy and useless slug to me, and she talks a lot of shit for someone so useless . . . Courtney, I’m with you Schoon, don’t know why she’s so under the edit, coz she’s truly refreshing. Her attitude rocks, and she does not suffer from delusions that she’s a good player.
I enjoyed the bitch slapping with Rupert and lil russ–there’s another showdown I’m relishing . . . and one I again hope Russ will dominate. He is insufferable week after week with his delusions of greatness, but he would not have played that immunity idol like that without knowing 100% Tyson was voting that way. Absolutely no way. (I bet he bribed him-he’s supposed to be rich, right?)
I just think he’s enjoyable to watch and hate and , ahem, be repulsed by . . .
And Mr. D, my my . . . I usually enjoy your comments, but that violence thing . . . to each his own, but I hate it when they pit them in the violent fights, and even when it’s a hoot, like watching Jeri get served, I still don’t like it. I hope you get a chance to attend the finale party and get to meet your King in person, I’m sure he’d have no problem giving you some rough play!!!! hee . . . .
Sorry for the image everyone else . . .
I really want to know why we haven’t seen one person say, “Who the hell is this Russell guy?” when no one has seen him before. Do they just assume or were told that he won the last season that H vs V cast hadn’t seen yet? Even if they were told, I can’t believe no one has discussed how he might have played. It’s really buggin’ me.
Thank you Snooty Bootches and Mr. Dangerous!!! You hit the nail on the head.
Ahhh how quickly we forget that Rob was a major douche on his previous two forays on Survivor. Good riddance.
Schoonie, I had to say I’m disappointed at how clearly biased your article was. We all know you hate Russell, but your diatribe against him is only entertaining as long as you don’t start making up facts.
First of all, we CLEARLY see Rob in a shell shocked state, literally hiding under his blanket, talking about how “something doesn’t feel right” with a cracking voice, and you merely describe him as “concerned”. When Russell bitchslapped them on the beach, it’s obvious they were taken aback by the audacity of his comment, yet you pretend they laughed it off as part of their game. You describe Rob’s weak plea to Jerry as effective strategy when it was clear as day that he should have tried a lot harder to prove himself a better ally than Russell who just rocked everyone.
On the flip side, for the second episode in a row you keep describing Russell as being afraid of Rob when CLEARLY it was the other way around. Russell was so confident he practically laughed in Rob’s face on the beach and at tribal council.
In short, I think you really need to take a step back and lay off a bit on twisting facts to make your article flow. Otherwise let someone else have a shot at it.
The thing that truly boggles my mind here is this: how on EARTH does Jerri think this was a good move for her? Russell’s & Parvati’s “we’ll take you to the end” speech was obviously crap given how awfully they’ve treated her thus far. If she’s thinking she can make it to the merge and find new allies .. get serious. Colby? Rupert? Those two despise her. Amanda will likely take whatever tenuous spot Jerri now has in the Russell/Parvati/Danielle alliance. She has a past relationship with Parvati, her main Hero allies (Cirie, James) are gone and she’s constantly wary of JT, Candice, & Colby, and she just seems to fit more into Russell’s “dumb girl alliance” plan. Of course, Jerri can’t know the dumb girl alliance part, but come on woman! Look at the rest of the picture!
Arg. There are plenty of sites filled with sycophantic recaps just ripe for Russell-worshipping. Head on over to EW, for example, you can all hold hands and sing the joys of the second coming of the douche.
Thankfully, here at TVGasm, Schoonie calls it like it is. Russell’s a douchebag, in addition to being a blowhard and a mediocre player.
And he’s most likely a producer’s plant anyway.
Now that the show is once again shifting its focus to that bandy-legged troll, the season’s going to grind to a borefest, just like last season.
itchy said it better than I could have…so…
What he said.
JuddFan:
Have you been drinking? Russell’s MINE and I don’t share my men. You need to stop thinking about Russell NAKED.
Sorry, you were offended by my comment but I still want to see Russell bitch slap Coach AND step on the Cockroach’s head. What would be really great is if Mark Burnett let Boston Rob come back to the show so Russell could kick him off again! THAT would be SWEET.
Lets face it. Boston Rob has never been anything but a douche… no wait, he is also a crybaby douche whenever he doesn’t get his way. He has shown that in the two previous seasons and she showed it this season. He is fine as long as everything is going his way. But as soon as that doesn’t happen, he can’t deal with it. He is like a big toddler basically. Now I’m not saying that any of the other contestants are much better, but don’t hold Rob up as some sort of icon of purity. The guy is a dick.
And calling Russell a little man on the way out? Total lack of class. Hope he stays home next time Survivor calls.
arta said it better than I could have…so…
What he said.
Schoonie, I have a lot of respect for you as a recapper, and it’s apparent that you have a good grasp of the players and the game, but yeah, I agree with everything arta said in his/her post. I don’t like Russell any more than you do, but when you play down the strategic moves he has orchestrated (and he IS clearly making the decisions and leading his alliance at this point) it makes me wonder if you are so biased against him that you aren’t able to recognize good game play, or if you simply refuse to acknowledge his game play because of your dislike for him. I’m pretty sure it’s the second option. There’s no need to glorify Russell, I just don’t want your recaps to become a work of fiction based more on what you’d like to have happen, rather than what is happening.
But Rob’s a fairly intelligent, interesting dick that at least tries to play the game. I get really sick of watching the hanger on’s that only go with the majority. At least Rob was playing it.
Schoonie don’t listen to them! Even if I disagree with your opinion you’re allowed to have one, writing these are so much work. And it’s way more interesting to read the non-objective recaps on this site than some other boring sites.
Forgot to mention, I was bummed when Rob got voted out, but I think it was actually a good move on the part of the other players. If you have a chance to blindside a strong player like Rob you take it. Now I would like to see the teams merge and have them vote out Russell. I doubt that will happen though, because Russell has enough supporters now who have no option other than to side with him (and he has no reason to betray them for some time) that his alliance is going to remain strong.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read recaps on this site that were the polar opposite of my POV. And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve laughed my arse off despite that fact.
I would NEVER presume to tell Schoonie, or any of the other hilarious recappers here, how to write their recaps, or what angle they need to take. Really now! Read it or don’t read it, enjoy it or don’t enjoy it. But don’t tell the man how to do his job when he is clearly sooooo entertaining! This site is not an unbiased journalistic mecca, nor has it ever pretended to be. Enjoy it for what it is!
Sarcasm is an indicator of the evolved soul. It was never made more clear than the time when the two cavemen were running from the T-Rex and caveman #1 turned to caveman #2 and said “Are we having fun yet?” When caveman #2 stopped to ponder caveman #1′s comment he was very quickly eliminated from the gene pool. What this has to do with Schoonie, Survivor, or this site I don’t really know, but I do know Russell the Troll has really short legs and I guess I’m just hoping for a little Island justice.
All this talk of strategy, insight and intelligence…
Read the script.
Scene 1 – Heros are suffering as there numbers are low and morale even lower. (enter stage right) Hero Colby to save the day – balance the show out and give the viewers of the USA something to believe in.
Scene 2 – Showdown at the OK Corral. (Cue Good/Bad/Ugly theme music)BR vs. Russell with Coach starring as the damsel in distress tied to the railroad tracks. A twirl of the moutsache later and BR is outta here.
One other note – “hidden” immunity idols are KILLING this show. Burnett will keep them because how else would Russell advance??
Between the Hidden Immunity Idols, Russell and the soap opera writing – get ready Fonz it’s time for the jump.
I’ve got to agree, Schoonie, that your hatred for Russell seems to be coloring the recaps too much. I agree that you should have your opinion, but changing facts to fit your opinion is very Fox News of you.
Case in point, James saying nasty things a few weeks back during TC is a horrible thing. But Rob saying something nasty on his way out (because he got ousted by Russell) if great!
Simple fact is — the past couple of weeks, Russell has managed to pull some strategic moves.
This week’s move against Rob is a direct result of last week’s move against Tyson (which, though it took some luck, worked out in his favor. He gambled that he could convince Tyson to do something stupid. And he won at that bet.)
The “villains” were afraid of Russell after that coup — especially the wishy-washy Coach and Jerri. After saving Parvati last week, he has her in his pocket (at least for the short-term).
He played all of that to his advantage. No hidden idol. Just, for a change, good strategy.
Will it work in the long-term? No. He will be lucky to get second place again.
But you can’t change the facts just because you don’t like him.
HEY!
Don’t be picking on Schoonie.
Things to remember:
1) This is free.
2) This is Schoonie’s interpretation of what happened.
3) This is not the New York Times.
4) Don’t be picking on Schoonie.
Okay, I’ll bite.
I’m just curious, what “facts” have been changed? Those of you who say I’m making things up then go on to talk about differences of opinion, not fact. Those are two different things. Any of you who think I’m not giving Russell credit may want to re-read those last few paragraphs, in which I give him credit several times. In fact, my whole thesis there is “Hey, I cannot deny that he is strategic, but I still hate his ass.”
In short, just because I saw it one way and you saw it another way doesn’t mean that I’m “making things up”, it means we disagree, in which case: Welcome to the internet. Hey, have you checked out Hamster Dance? I hear that shit is HILARIOUS.
What Mr. Dangerous said.
Love you Schoonie!!!!! Keep up the Russell hate – I’m right there with you.
SWAK, PottyMouth
What Potty, Mr. Dangerous and zbird said!!!
I don’t come here to agree with everything, and I think the reason there’s so much discussion here is the differences of opinions. If you think facts are bent, you are entitled to comment with your angle, but I don’t think anyone should dis the good graces of anyone capping here!!! You guys all rock my world–and I love it when it gets all heated and back and forth. I’m always coming back to check on the flow . . .
and on that note, Mr. D–I thought I already gave you King Russell–my wishes for you at the finale party did in no way indicate my lusting thoughts. Just like we can’t control Schoonie, you can’t control my eyeballs–but he’s all yours, kiddo! I just like to watch . . .
“In short, just because I saw it one way and you saw it another way doesn’t mean that I’m “making things up”, it means we disagree, in which case: Welcome to the internet. Hey, have you checked out Hamster Dance? I hear that shit is HILARIOUS.”
What is this “internet” you speak of?
Enough with all the Russell hate. He’s a douche; we love him; we hate him; we love to hate him. I just want to thanks Schoonie for all the fabulous methaphors I come back to read every week!
“What’s Russell going to do, hide in his tree and throw Fudge Stripe Cookies at them?” Wouldn’t that be an awesome challenge, if Probst gave each team a box of fudge stripes and see how many idiot cast members they can beam in the head!
“Maybe Coach has PTSD and Russell gives him flashbacks to the midget thing, I don’t know.” I’d pay the producers $5 if they aired Coach curled up in the fetal position mumbling things about Russell and assholes.
Back to the game. I’m a bit disappointted with BR. It appeared he knew he was going home and gave up by giving the power to Jerri to choose (because face it, Coach will never be man enough to have the power…not even the power of grayskull). While Russell’s strategy may be half assed, his ability to think on his feet and scramble with what appear to be last minute decisions/schemes and stay unpredictable has kept him there. BR should have assessed the situation and restrategized. Instead of forcing Jerri and Coach to pick who’s the more trustable untrustworthy asshole, suggested a different route and rally to vote off Courtney or Danielle (who are both virtually useless anyway). If BR thought he was going home, he should go into survivor mode and exhaust every option and he just gave up. Sure if he voted off Courtney, he would have shrank his alliance, but at that point he should only be trying just to make it to the next week and help his team get immunity the following week and then get to the merge and reassess.
I laughed so hard at this line of the recap: “In confessional, he [Coach] looks like he’s about ready to cry. Maybe he has PTSD and Russell gives him flashbacks to the midget thing, I don’t know.”
—
To answer your call: “Could someone explain to me how what happened last week was anything other than blind luck?”
Answer: It’s quite simple, but it was difficult to see from the way things were edited. Things make sense if you read one of Tyson’s interviews.
Basically, Tyson is the one who told Russel about Rob’s plan. Tyson was trying to stay loyal to Rob, while at the same time hedging his bets with Russel.
When Tyson told Russel what was going down, he knew there was nothing Russel could have done. He could have played the idol in which case he was saved that Tribal Council but on the block the next. He could have given the idol to Parvati, in which case he would have went home instead. He could have chosen to keep the idol and not played it, which would have resulted in a tie. Those were the three options facing Russel.
Tyson was overly confident in his position. When Russel approached him about changing his vote to Parvati, Tyson believed him. It would have broken the tie, and saved Russel from having to play the idol. It would have allowed him to play the idol at the next Tribal Council, allowing Tyson to do some maneuvering of his own during that time. It gave Tyson breathing room to try and slide out from under the shadow of Rob.
As Tyson wished to improve his relationship with Russel, and keep him as a sort of fall back position / prevent Russel from targeting him in the future, Tyson switched his vote. If Russel had done what he promised to do (vote for Parvati) it would have been nothing more than a gesture of non-hostility toward Russel. Tyson could have used it to his advantage.
His mistake was trusting Russel. In trusting Russel, he was betrayed and ultimately voted himself off the show.
Russel took a gamble. It was a 50 / 50 shot that it’d work. But he really didn’t have any other cards he could play. He could have done as he promised Tyson. However, he would have been required to play the idol at the next tribal council, and / or be faced with being voted off. After that he was vulnerable and almost certainly would have went home.
Russel needed to shake things up. The move that he made is directly responsible for Jerry coming over to his side, and is what allowed him to get rid of Rob.
Russel is a good player when it comes to strategy. However, his methods ultimately undermine his ability to actually WIN Survivor.
To put it simply, he’s an asshole. He gets what he wants through intimidation and bullying. He does not really make friends, as promise not to slit people’s throats. It’s kinda like making a pact with a little demon. You know it’ll turn on you eventually, but so long as you are useful to him you’re safe.
Russel is not the best player the game has seen. He is above average, it’s true. There are many, many, many shitty players who have been on Survivor. Russel isn’t in that category. He is at the very least competent, which is not something that could be said for 80% of those who play.
Russel has two main weaknesses that can be easily exploited. Both are highly visible for all to see. His first is paranoia and his second is his ego. Anyone who knows how to use either one of those things can easily lead Russel around by the nose.
Furthermore, his inability to actually have people like him effectively ensures that he’s going to have to fight an uphill battle to win.
Russel is a villain for a reason. You’re supposed to hate villains. He gets a lot of face time because he’s an interesting individual who is a constant source of drama. If some of the others were less bland they’d get more face time as well.
Boston Rob got a great deal of face time. Coach got a great deal of face time. James got a great deal of face time. Why? Because they were interesting individuals that were a source of drama.
I think it’s silly when people try to claim that the producers are giving Russel an edge. Conspiracy theories might make people feel better, but they are still silly. Virtually anyone with half a brain should have known by last Season that a hidden immunity idol would be hidden somewhere in camp. This season it is clear that the producers worked much harder to limit the factor of the idols. Russel only found the idol he had in his possession because he was the only one looking. And he spent a great deal of time looking for it.
Anyway, I like Russel as he is a source of drama. I’m not really fond of anyone, but if I had to root for someone to win at this point in time it would be Parvati. I’d pay to have her stab Russel in the back – in large part because she has such a powerful hold over him. When he is blind sided by her, his face would be one of sheer shock and horror. As Russel stands up to ask his Jury question he’ll have to ask her why – because it will eat away at him not knowing the truth. Then I’d want Parvati to flash her smile, and with a twinkle in her eye and the little giggle she does when she’s being bad simply say, “Sorry, they didn’t make me a villain for no reason.”
However, I am not sure which outcome would be sweeter. To see Parvati stab Russel in the back, or to see him make it to the final two a second time and lose again. Both would be soul crushing… but I am slightly afraid that if Russel makes it to the final two and loses again that he might actually be driven to suicide. His ego wouldn’t be able to stand it.
I’m glad people are seeing my point of view instead of jumping all over them. Yes the Survivor recap is not supposed to be a bland recap transcribed from a CNN teleprompter. It doesn’t change the fact that purposefully twisting events (and REACTIONS to events) to suit your own bias lowers the quality of the article and enjoyment reading.
I remember reading this column back when the Aiga tribe was led by Yul and even though that writer was diehard for them to orgasmic heights, they NEVER missed opportunities to call them out when they did something stupid, neither was the other team slanted on all the time despite how despised they were.
So yeah, I won’t repeat my previous post but it’s stuff like that that brings down the article a tick. And I would never ask you to pretend you don’t despise Russell, just take a breather before writing your next article. Cause even comedy articles, hating someone is funny, hating ON someone isn’t.