Take My Breath Away

Survivor

By B-Side | Tuesday, September 27, 2005 | 12:32 pm | 45 Comments

bobbyjon092705Lots of interesting developments on this week’s Survivor. Operation Quarterjerk hit a major snag as people began to wonder whether or not Gary really was a quarterback, and Blake’s health problems escalated from mere thorn injury to full-blown respiratory failure. Oh, and the hungry members of Yaxha enjoyed a luncheon of ants and grasshoppers. Believe it or not, I’ve actually eaten ants and grasshoppers, and they’re really not that bad. Then again, mine were sautéed in garlic and herbs as opposed to being plucked straight from the dirt of Guatemala, so I guess that can kind of change things. Okay, okay, garlic or no garlic, I’m sure some of you are already puking Survivor-style by now. I’ll just get on with the recap.This week’s episode began not with a crab scampering along a beach nor a scorpion burrowing in the dirt. No, the big Nature Star was a night-vision shot of a tarantula creepy-crawling across a leaf. I don’t know what it was, but I kind of felt like we just caught the critter about two seconds after it had taken a spider shit. It sort of had this look like “Oh, um, hi. I didn’t realize you were there.” Nevertheless, while the tarantula tended to its tarantula business, Nakum slogged through the jungle in a bumbling attempt to find their camp. Luckily, they managed to find it (I don’t know how these people do so well in the dark) and upon arriving, we immediately got down to a sacred Mayan tradition: barfing everywhere. Yes, Bobby Jon instantly began his internal retching mechanisms, but thankfully, Mark Burnett spared us the sight of vomit cascading in every which direction. Actually, I’m not sure if this was discretion on the part of the producers, or simply the result of these guys having nothing left but air and dust in their digestive systems.

Things were much better over at Yaxha. In fact, I’d be inclined to say they were super, thanks for asking. The next day, impromptu pep-squad member Brianna chirped, “We all have different qualities. We have an amazing tribe.” Ah yes. Early season optimism. Always so fun to watch the brittle reality of the game harden their once lively and idealistic hearts.

Nevertheless, Jamie carried the pro-Yaxha torch as well: “We’ve got the most diverse group.” Yes, definitely: light white, tan white, medium white, semi-white. Very diverse indeed. Actually, Lydia seems to be of some ethnic background (CBS.com says she’s at least half Puerto Rican), and we can’t overlook the cast’s sole African-American, Stephenie. Oh wait, she’s just got the deepest, darkest tan of all time. I guess that’ll happen with back-to-back Survivors.

To be fair, when Jamie mentioned diversity, he was really talking about everyone’s backgrounds and how different everyone seemed. For instance, let’s not forget Gary, the wacky old landscaper. And by “landscaper,” I mean “former NFL star.” That’s right, the world’s most unnecessary ruse was still in full force, and no one could have been prouder than Gary himself. I wish I could tell you what he said about it, but his voice had just the right amount of lazy drawl, deep texture, and quiet soothingness that I found myself instantly lulled to sleep. This guy’s more potent than a rag full of chloroform.

Anyway, in case we couldn’t tell, Yaxha was just fine and dandy (except for Morgan’s face which had unfortunately broken out into as many zits as Danni had abs. And in case you didn’t see the show, that’s a very high number).

morganacne

Over at Nakum, we had some problems. Blake, the man famous for suffering a thorn injury like none other, was now struggling to breathe. Yes, turns out braving Survivor was a bit more of a challenge than expected for this once-spry commercial real estate broker/model. And yes, that’s his official title. (I’m pretty sure the “commercial real estate broker” only extends to his experience playing SimCity.)

Moments after Blake first informed us of his breathing difficulties, we saw the full extent of his malaise. First he stumbled, then he wallowed. Then he heaved. Then he moaned. Um, did Blake get shot when we weren’t looking? Because I’m pretty sure he’s dying.

blake_pain
“Too… pretty… for… breathing…”

Luckily, it never takes long for an injury backlash to kick in, and Brandon got things going for us by noting, “You just gotta man up.” Listen Brandon. Maybe you should spend less time looking creepy and more time looking pretty, and then maybe you can understand Blake’s plight. Insensitive bastard.

Well, bad news for Blake. It was time for the reward challenge, and it looked somewhat rigorous. Tribes had to one at a time climb over a ramp, run over a net, grapple across a rope spider web, untie a dangling bag, drop into some water, and run back to the start. Everyone had to go through the course at least once, and the first tribe to grab all its bags would win fishing supplies. Okay, simple enough. The competition got off to a fun if rather average start as both teams seemed relatively neck and neck. The only noteworthy moment came when the camera momentarily glanced at Danni’s extensive set of abs. Honestly, her abs have abs.

After a few rounds of these shenanigans, it was finally time for Blake to step up. But how would he perform? He can hardly breathe, right? Funny, he was not only fine, he was a small monster in the challenge. That’s odd. Did this mean his breathing problem was purely psychological? NO! I don’t believe it!

While Blake may have been having a resurgence of energy, one person on the opposite end of the spectrum was the so-weak-he-falls-over-when-you-blow-at-your-TV Rafe. The soft-spoken wilderness guide hardly made it past a few ropes of the spider web before he fell unsuccessfully into the water below, and that’s when the real fun began. The dude couldn’t even climb up the ladder to get back to his team. Watching him struggle filled me with a delicate mixture of pity and haughtiness. Apparently there are no ladders in the wilderness. He could only pull himself up one or two rungs before his body spastically contorted in one way or another, causing him to fall back once again into the water. It was kind of like watching a little boy trying to climb a ladder in a tornado, except less skillful.

rafe_ladder
You should see Rafe when he tries to get into bed…

Meanwhile, on Nakum, Lydia and her sneakers of fury zipped through the course, and I decided that she was now my favorite Survivor, if only because she looks like every high school foreign language teacher rolled into one. Plus, I really liked how her team cheered her on by yelling “C’mon FISHMONGER!” Nevertheless, as the competition neared an end, the two teams remained neck and neck, despite the ladder’s anti-Rafe agenda. In the end, it came down to Brian vs. Blake. Surely Brian would win. After all, Blake had a well-documented upper-respiratory problem that had prevented him from doing such simple tasks as walking, sitting up, and helping out around camp. But no! Blake once again proved to be a fierce competitor, and despite his mystery ailment, managed to win the reward for his team. And then ever so conveniently, almost as soon as Probst announced Nakum’s victory, Blake bent over and suddenly couldn’t breath again. Funny how that happens. As we faded out to commercial, we then saw the winning tribe walk off, with Danni holding their flag in her hands. Kind of surprising. I thought for sure she’d simply wedge the flagpole between her abs and let her stomach do the rest. I guarantee her abs are stronger than a snapping turtle’s jaw.

The next morning, Nakum got up at the “butt-crack of dawn,” as Brandon said, and attempted to do a little fishing. Amazingly, they did pretty well, catching several delights from the depths of the Guatemalan waters. As for BlakeWatch ’05, turns out the ailing model was doing much better and able to participate in the morning’s fishing excursion. Well, good for you, Blake! Looks like you’ll be in tip-top shape now…

Meanwhile, faring not so hot in the food department was Yaxha, who had grown tired of their steady corn diet. Luckily, wilderness guide Rafe put nightmares of ladder climbing into the past and set his eyes on finding nutrition for his tribe. He poked around the jungle a bit, and unfortunately, his wilderness training didn’t seem to go beyond, “Uh, this looks okay to eat.” By that definition, I’m like a wilderness superstar. To his credit, Rafe did catch a rather large grasshopper in his fingers and volunteered to eat it. This brought commentary from Amy who said, “That’s a huge grasshoppah!” Gotta love the Massachusetts accent. Never underrepresented on reality TV.

Elsewhere in the camp, we got our first inklings of the traditional Survivor laziness. Morgan became the first official castaway this season to earn the dubious moniker of “the lazy one.” This of course led to the obligatory grumblings around camp, but hey, give her a break. She’s clearly going through Proactiv Solution System withdrawal.

Lydia, meanwhile, got to work procuring more non-insect protein for the camp. She dug a little inlet to trap some minnows, and I tell you, she didn’t just catch fish. She caught my heart. Rafe and Gary, meanwhile, moved on from grasshoppers to ants as they took an entire nest and dropped it in a bucket of sorts. Just an idea, guys: cook your bugs before you eat them. They taste much better. And in case you’re interested in partaking of your own insect meal, I recommend Typhoon Restaurant in Santa Monica. Look, I’ll do anything to get inside the mind of a true Survivor. I’m like a Method blogger.

Oh, and for the record, homegirl Lydia caught ten minnows with her inlet. Not too shabby, Madame Fishmonger.

News alert! News alert! We now return to BlakeWatch ’05. Back at Nakum, our boy Blake was panting once again. Looks like his early morning breathing was only a temporary return to proper health. As Margaret doted on this dubiously ailing castaway, Judd looked on with angry contempt. “Damn, how much more relaxing does this dude need?” he asked. Did I mention that I’m starting to like Judd? Anyway, he then went on to say, “I wanna be the hero next challenge of immunity. You know, I’m gonna be the hero!” Well, if the challenge has anything to do with wallowing in mud, then it’s all you, my man.

Meanwhile, Operation Quarterjerk (that’s the uncreative name I’ve given to Gary’s attempt to hide his identity) hit a major snag as Ab-Lounge expert Danni revealed that she actually recognized him. After all, when not doing sit-ups and crunches, she actually works in sports radio. But don’t think she was intimidated. Quarterbacks aren’t very athletic, she was sure to mention. Ouch. Status of Operation Quarterjerk: DANGER DANGER!

tugowarOkay, well, remember how I made that joke about the immunity challenge having to do with mud? Well, turns out that’s exactly what it involved. Tug-o-war over a giant bed of mud. To be fair, this was the most convoluted tug-o-war game of all time. First, both tribes would be tethered to ropes. The first tribe to reach a flag on their side of the mud pit would win immunity. At any time, someone could run to the other side and try to dislodge an opponent. Oh, and if after fifteen minutes there was no progress, the game would advance to one on one rounds. (I think they added that part in later after they realized the group tug of war yielded nothing.)

Anyway, Jeff, who should have a sponsorship with some deodorant company, raised his hands above his head and did his “Survivors Ready? GO!” thing. The two tribes immediately dug into the mud, and it didn’t take long for Bobby Jon to make the sort of completely deranged face we’ve come to expect from him. Brian made an attempt to wrestle Danni, but it was fruitless, and as the round dwindled to a close, all we were left with were many, many blurred-out butts.

So now it was time to go one on one. Basically, the first tribe to get three victories would win. Sounds good. Let’s get this thing started. First up was Judd vs. Gary. If we know one thing about Judd, he loves his mud. Therefore, it was no surprise to see him dominate this challenge early on. As he slowly tugged Gary, Danni yelled out a curious thing: “He’s a quarterback. You’re like a linebacker. C’mon!” Operation Quarterjerk: ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

As he lost more and more of the lead, Gary then decided to do a wonderfully illogical thing: he ran over to Judd’s side and tried to tackle him. Would have made sense if only it didn’t completely allow Judd all the more power to advance towards his flag. Plus, the rules of the game were that at the end of the round, whoever was closer to his or her flag would win it. So while Judd never actually touched his flag, by the time the clock ran out, he won it because he was obviously was closer than Gary, who was on the exact opposite of the mud pit as his flag. You see, the tackling strategy is good if you’ve got the whole group behind you tugging. But when it’s one on one, it literally makes no sense. Did Gary think he could tackle Judd back over to his side? This guy is an embarrassment to the NFL.

Next up was Brandon vs. Jamie, and once again, we saw the same dumb strategy, as Jamie tried to tackle Brandon. Surprise, surprise, with no slack on the rope, Brandon was able to easily grab his flag, putting Nakum at a 2-0 advantage over Yaxha. In the end, it came down to Jamie vs. Judd, and while no one was enough of a moron to do the tackling strategy again, Judd was able to make a huge surge at the end, securing victory and immunity for his team. Looks like someone was the hero after all!

Well, it was time to scheme over at Yaxha, and Stephenie nervously told us, “You always have to be on your toes. You always have to be watching.” We then cut to a monkey watching. Yes, THE MONKEYS KNOW ALL!!! Turns out Steph’s paranoia was warranted as Jamie suggested she be voted off first. Yes, this was a dumb move, but after his performance in the tug-o-war, we haven’t come to expect much from Jamie. Honestly, I’ve known bowls of Jell-O that have more smarts than him.

Then suddenly in the midst of the scheming, Brian suddenly asked, “Gary, were you a former NFL quarterback?” MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!

Gary replied with a simple “Me? No.” Well deflected! He then said it was all pretty funny, got up, scratched his ass, and walked off. Operation Quarterjerk: WE’RE GOING DOWN! I REPEAT, WE’RE GOING DOWN!!!

Later, the spotlight fell off of Stephenie and onto Morgan and Lydia. A bunch of the tribe members, including Gary, all pondered which of the two women should be voted off. Morgan was good at challenges, but Lydia was a workhorse at the camp. Um, how about Rafe? The guy couldn’t climb a ladder! Alas, his name amazingly was not even mentioned, and I feared that the momentum was going against Lydia.

Luckily, Brian was a big Lydia fan, and he quietly alerted her that she better start campaigning. And that’s exactly what she did, but we all know Mark Burnett misdirection. Lydia was surely a goner. Rafe meanwhile told us that he just wanted the tribe vote to be unified so as not to disrupt camp life. Shut up, Rafe. You’re on Survivor, not a tour of the Magic Kingdom.

Well, it was finally time for Tribal Council, and overall, the proceedings were a bit dull. Jamie drawled on and on, and I realized that I’d love to see him and Bobby Jon have a conversation. It would take two hours for them just to get past opening salutations. Nevertheless, Jamie had a very salient point about Stephenie: “She’s not like a girl. She’s more like a boy.” He then added, “Purple is a real purdy color.”

Anyway, this sleepy edition of Tribal Council pretty much went along without incident, and soon it was voting time. “Believe it or not Lydia, this is gonna be one of the hardest decisions that I make while I’m out here,” said Morgan as she voted for Lydia. Incidentally, it was also one of the last decisions Morgan made because she was voted out of the tribe with a 5 to 1 vote. Wow. I really thought Lydia was a goner. And poor Rafe looked like he’d just seen a butterfly die. As Jeff snuffed out Morgan’s torch, we then cut to Lydia who had transformed from cuddly fishmonger to eeeevil bitch. Yes, she had an expression that seemed to say, “I plan to poison you all in your sleep tonight.” Was this a sign of things to come? Will Lydia be the dangerous player everyone should have gotten rid of in week two? I hope so. I want to see the Revenge of Lydia!

morgandone
Morgan is shocked…

crushedRafe
Rafe is saddened…

evillydia
And Lydia is EVIL!

As the hour came to a close, we saw my favorite new feature, the Febreeze family moment. “I’ve got a spa appointment waiting for you!” said Morgan’s mom. Uh, how about hitting up the dermatologist first…

What did you think about this week’s episode? Did Yaxha vote off the right person?

About

45 Comments

  1. 1
    EdHill
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 12:44 pm

    Instrewad of asking Hoagieboom, or higgenbottom, or whatever his name, if he was in the NFL they should ask if hes ever been a butler to a creepily dark family by the name of Addams.

  2. 2
    cunning_linguist
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 12:54 pm

    Brandon had it wrong; I think the “butt crack of dawn” must have been when they played tug-of-war.

    Rafe is a “wilderness guide”? Must be a virtual reality wilderness guide. Most pathetic ladder-climber ever! And Rafe’s pained expression at tribal council must have been due to the realization that Morgan was taking the fall for him. She might have been worthless, but he was less than worthless. He, Brandon, “Idiot” Jaime and “hypersensitive” Judd can go form their own tribe on some other show.

  3. 3
    Victoria
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 12:55 pm

    LOVED Operation Quarterjerk–that is classic. That and Rafe falling off the ladder were the best parts of the show. I was laughing so hard when Brian asked Gary about it. The well-laid schemes of mice and men… Like the dork I am, I’ve been calling people I know who watch the show to discuss it and starting off with “Excuse me, are you a former NFL quarterback?” My sister said, “No, But Gary from Survivor is.” Surely he was second-string? Rafe has got to go. He is seriously getting on my nerves.

  4. 4
    Victoria
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 12:58 pm

    EdHill: I completely agree! He is creepy. And apparently the NFL didn’t pay enough to cover dental back in the seventies, because he has some f***ed up teeth.

  5. 5
    HicksPub
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:03 pm

    Were Lydia to hold a Furby, would you be able to tell which is which?

  6. 6
    kimmy
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:07 pm

    Blake is a pussy. My 90 year old Grandma could do better than him. pussy!!

  7. 7
    Todd
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:18 pm

    There is no way that Danni recognized Gary Hogeboom. I don’t for second doubt that Survivor fed her that information.

    Gary retired in 1989…she is 30….Gary was predominantly a backup his entire career. There is just no way she would have looked at him and said ‘hey he looks like a backup up quarterback from 16 years ago.’

    And now I’m angry about this all over again. Damn it.

  8. 8
    AbMaster
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:19 pm

    Danni was a Miss Teen USA and Miss USA contestant:

    http://www.misskansasusa.com/ ks_formers/boatwright.html

  9. 9
    Pamsey
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:33 pm

    Thanks for the re-cap B-side!
    I actually was quite proud of Judd in the one on one tug of war. He waited for Jamie to take a rest and then BAM! He’s my new favorite, at least this week.

  10. 10
    nhanimal
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:37 pm

    Clearly someone had been listening to some hot 80′s jams before writing their recaps…

  11. 11
    carol
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:40 pm

    I am guessing the reason behind the big huge mud pit was because they had to fill in the water hole/pool from the day before.

    I want to see an alligator. They said the water was full of them, but all we see are those nice nature shots. Makes me think that there might be some cbs help going on in the water.

    ? – does anyone know if any of the survivors have been bitten by anything (spider/snake/etc.) on any of the past seasons?

  12. 12
    shelley
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:43 pm

    Gary’s obnoxious. If you played in the NFL for a decade, you have enough money.
    Let’s give others a chance to get some too Gary, K?

  13. 13
    amygirl
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:45 pm

    I agree, Todd (#7) I thought that immediately. It seems like too much of a stretch. And B-Side, you ARE a method blogger! You are the greatest! Excellent recap as usual.

  14. 14
    Jess
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:46 pm

    Was I the only one who was quasi-disturbed by the crotch shot of Stephenie while she braided Morgan’s hair?

    Rafe definitely shoulda been the one to go. Wonder why his name never came up??

    My family and I rewound and slo-mo’d Judd bouncing off the net and then nailing his breadbasket on the platform for his stint in the spiderweb. HA! I love Judd.

  15. 15
    Todd
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:52 pm

    RE: Shelley (#12)…I don’t believe that contestants should be removed (or advance) based on need. I always hated that line of thinking.

    They did that on all stars too…they decided that were immediately voting out all of the previous winners because they didn’t ‘need’ the money.

    With that said, Gary as a back up in the 80′s probably made a nice living but, he was not making anywhere NEAR the kind of money athletes make today. That is a relatively new phenom…

  16. 16
    beth
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:55 pm

    Thank you for restoring my faith in the TVGasm recap. (I just got finished reading J-Unit’s OC recap.) This was hysterical (as well as concise and not littered with typos).

  17. 17
    shelley
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 1:57 pm

    Todd:

    Relatively new phenom? Don’t think so…athletes in the 80′s did very well.

    Anyway, I don’t like it when people compete for money on a show when they’re well off enough to begin with. (i.e Brian the Porn Star)

  18. 18
    NB
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 2:10 pm

    I’m not usually one to pull the sexist card since, you know, I’m a guy, but would everyone really be questioning Danni’s ability to pick Dan Quarterjerk out of a crowd if she were a fat and ugly man? Huh? Huh? What do you think of THAT? Gloria Steinem RULES.

  19. 19
    momo
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 2:22 pm

    i’m sooo not winning the survivor pool, i voted for rafe to come in second. in his picture he doesn’t look like a total pussy!

  20. 20
    todd
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    Shelley-
    I guess this comes down to the definition of ‘very well’ then…The NFL average was somewhere between 80-150k during the mid 80′s. You are talking about a career backup…he most likely had one decent contract (little endorsement money) and a couple of min (or close to) one year deals. Like I said before, He did fine but, its not like he is driving bentleys and counting money in his spare time. The guy most likely DOES need to work still.

    NB – I totally would have called BS if Danni was a man. I knew the name and remember his career but, I would have never spotted the face. Football players don’t show their faces as often as other sports and you are talking about a backup from years ago.

  21. 21
    NB
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 2:29 pm

    I don’t know how I got myself in the position of defending Danni since she (and her abs) vaguely annoy me, but she’s not a joe-schmoe off the street recognizing football players willy nilly, she’s in sports broadcasting. And not the Lisa Guerrero T&A wing of sports journalism either, she had a sports radio show. Not that I listened to it.

    Don’t shatter my Survivor dreams, people. IT’S ALL REAL. IT HAS TO BE.

  22. 22
    Papercuts!
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 2:41 pm

    I hope for the next Survivor All-Stars they put Rafe and Katie (from last season) on the same team. That way they can have trouble swinging on ropes and climbing ladders TOGETHER.

  23. 23
    Carl C
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 3:09 pm

    Gary is going to go “Sling Blade” on this tribe before this thing is over. Jeff should tell him he has just been benched in favor of Danny White. This guy is more of freak than the guy who finished 2nd on Amazon

  24. 24
    geewits
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 3:40 pm

    Yeah, we didn’t get Blake’s dramatic recovery thing either. And I was proud of little Brandon for pointing out how stupid it would be to vote off Lydia. It’s weird to see the voice of reason come out of a mouth you wouldn’t expect.

  25. 25
    jack
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 4:58 pm

    gotta back up todd on gary’s NFL pay scale. he certainly got paid a lot more than he deserved, but it probably wouldn’t average out to more than the annual incomes of any number of former survivor contestants, which have included a number of doctors, lawyers, owners of successful businesses, executives, etc. i’m sure he’s rich, but it’s fair to say that, even if you factor in inflation, hogeboom never made anything close to the kind of money even the backup QBs are making these days.

    and let’s bear in mind, gary is not really what i’d call a former NFL ‘star.’ admittedly, you have to be an exceptional player to even get drafted, much less to start at QB. but gary was sort of a chump back in his playing days–briefly running the offense for the cowboys at the nadir of their post-staubach/dorsett decline, and then fading into obscurity in indianapolis back when the colts couldn’t beat their own dicks.

    nevertheless, i hope he gets the boot, and i think this whole quarterjerk conspiracy is going to bite him in the ass. the fact that he feels the need to hide it suggests guilt more than strategy (if i were in the game, i’d consider gary the perfect person to end up against in the finals, since the jury might share the opinion that he’s already loaded and doesn’t need the money).

    lucky for gary, stephenie could kick every other guy on his team’s asses (with the possible exception of jamie), so they’ll probably need him for a while just because he’s big and strong and fatherly. but his ass is grass as soon as the merge comes, if he makes it that far.

  26. 26
    suebee
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 9:48 pm

    Morgan’s statement about the “hardest decision she will make out here”…OK, it’s like five days into the game. What does she know about hard decisions at this point? She went with what she thought was the group decision. Ha!

    And what were those guys thinking when they tried to tackle their opponents in the tug of war? Obviously they didn’t understand the rules of the game.

  27. 27
    Victoria
    Posted September 27, 2005 at 10:47 pm

    Why wouldn’t a professional sportscaster recognize a professional football player, no matter how old he is or how long ago he played. I could tell you things that happened in Nascar history before I was born, and it’s not even my job. I just love the sport.
    I think the people here debating whether Gary really needs the money are forgetting the main other reason people come on this show: exposure. Gary and Danni both are looking for exposure so they can parlay this turn on Survivor into other TV gigs–most likely in sportscasting. Depending on how Danni does, this could work well for her. As for Gary, good luck, you’re no Troy Aikman.

  28. 28
    Todd
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 5:28 am

    Victoria – Its the age of the contestant more than anything, not her career. He RETIRED when she was a Freshman in High School…Whether or not its her career, there is no reason she would be able spot him on site. At least not someone that obscure.
    And also, are we sure what type of sports radio she does?? Not to pass judgement or anything, but there are ton of people in sports radio that are not sports historians. I mean, Topanga from Boy Meets World has a sports radio show…..

    I feel like I’m defending Gary now and attacking Danni….I don’t like either of them equally :)

    I just think that Survivor fed her the information. And if Tvgasm goes to the wrap party for this, I want that question asked!!!! (PLEASE!)

  29. 29
    TV-Eyes
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:02 am

    Todd, I have to agree with you that it’s awfully fishy that she would recognize his face. If he was using his real name then that would make sense, but how would she know his face? It’s not like he was ever on a Wheaties box or anything.

  30. 30
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:12 am

    Carol (#11) – The only time I can remember off hand is when a couple of people were stung by jellyfish. Unless, of course, you count the millions of malaria infested mosquito bites they have all endured.

    LONG LIVE SURVIVOR!!

  31. 31
    GregnNYC
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 6:23 am

    The Febreze moment is also one of my new favorite moments of the show. Morgan’s mother with dyed-red bangs sat by Morgan’s camera-shy father in what looked like a Zen meditation room. She said she missed Morgan and she already had a spa appointment for her…….WHA??? What an odd thing to say. Do they run a spa? Judging from Morgan’s mom’s crispy-fried turkey-neck, they must; she must tan ev-ver-ry day. Also, is balancing things on her head part of Morgan’s job at the spa? If I remember, Morgan balanced large bags of corn on her head thorughout that entire 11 mile hike.

  32. 32
    33jones
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:18 am

    Re #11: Robb was bitten by a fish during the ShiAnn season. His reaction would have been appropriate for a shark bite, but the actual wound looked like a guppy bit him.

  33. 33
    realityjunkie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:18 am

    I almost fell off of my chair laughing and my co-workers think that I’m losing it (well, more than usual). Great recap- worth the wait. The Rafe pic w/ caption almost sent me over the edge, and the Quarterjerk comments are classic!

  34. 34
    Carrie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:22 am

    And didn’t Richard Hatch get bitten, appropiately enough, by a shark on All Stars?

  35. 35
    Carrie
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 10:25 am

    By the way, did Rafe ever get his left shoe back?

  36. 36
    d
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:27 am

    i just graduated from brown with rafe. he’s a student, not a wilderness guide. he did some outdoor leadership program at school. he didn’t get the boot cuz he’s gonna take it to the end!

  37. 37
    Niffy
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 11:54 am

    Sigh. Rafe is my unfortunate pick in the office pool. How sad is it to want your own player to be voted off first. I’d rather lose my money than have that big baby win.

  38. 38
    TWilliams
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 12:24 pm

    Who was Morgan? Did she even get one confessional in this episode other than her saying voting for Lydia was a hard decision? Has this EVER happened before — the boot without a single confessional?

    Rafe — climb.

    The immunity challege was dumb. It didn’t work and the idiots that ran onto the other side allowing the other team to be closer to their flag . . . come on. Were these guys for real? Which brings up the obvious fact that these two tribes cannot possibly compete against each other in physical challenges. Look at the two teams. One is much stronger than the other. Stephanie appears to be the ONLY strong one on her tribe. Sadly — the smarts department doesn’t seem to be working in their favor either. With two Ivy League grads you think they’d be a bit brighter.

    I didn’t agree with your initial description of Lydia as being everyone’s foreign language teacher “rolled into one” because my Spanish teacher was clearly an evil warlock that caused a solar eclipse one day while I was sitting in her class. But then you showed Lydia’s picture at the bottom of the recap and I had to agree with you — evil indeed.

    Rafe — climb.

    And as for Danni — I am from Kansas City and you guys don’t know your KC football fans. We don’t always have a team to cheer for but, believe me, they know football. It is totally believable that she could know who Gary was. And B-Side, sorry, but you were wrong about when Danni does her sit-ups and crunches — I believe that she actually does them while working on sports radio as well.

  39. 39
    Liz
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 2:03 pm

    Great re-cap. I missed the first half. Thank the sweet, sweet Lord for TVGasm! I was instantly annoyed by Quarterjerk (or as they are calling it in D.C. “Quarterjerkgate.”) WTF? So stupid. And Gary’s voice is a timbre which renders it nearly unintelligible. Like all the grown ups in Charlie Brown cartoons. At any rate, this is my first Survivor with TVGasm and I am exceeding excited! I do have one complaint about the show. It has driven me insane since the very first edition. I can not STAND it when Jeff Probst says “I’ll go tally the votes.” He doesn’t go tally the votes. He goes and gets the votes. Then he tallies them. He doesn’t do a secret vote count and then come back. Somehow I want to bitch slap him every time he says it. Anyhow, love the show, LOVE the Gasm!!!

  40. 40
    TWilliams
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 7:19 pm

    Liz — I have actually read that Jeff does indeed go “tally the votes” and he leaves the tribe sitting by the fire sometimes for up to an hour while they determine how best to reveal the votes. I read Morgan’s parting words the other day on a website and she made reference to how awkward it was waiting for the votes to be presented to the tribe. Sad — putting 8 votes in a specific order is more complicated than brain surgery.

  41. 41
    suebee
    Posted September 28, 2005 at 8:13 pm

    Hi Liz, I’m with you on this one. I always thought that was weird that he would say “tally the votes.”

    Interesting comment by TWilliams. It does seem that they always show you the votes that were revealed to the camera during voting as being the first ones out of the box.

    I would love to know more about the behind the scenes of these shows. I wonder if there is a lot of waiting around for the right shot. Like, stay here in the jungle until we are ready to have you walk out. I wonder if the cast gets frustrated like Morgan did with all the technical issues of producing the show.

  42. 42
    jenny10girl
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 10:41 am

    B-side: I can’t believe you didn’t mention Rafe’s missing shoe! All I kept thinking of was Eddie Murphy’s Delirious when his Aunt fell down the stairs…”My Shoe!!” Classic…

  43. 43
    Mr
    Posted September 29, 2005 at 3:43 pm

    I live in Rafe’s hometown appartently he was voted most likely to be on Survivor in 2001, upon graduation form highschool. He’s also a genius he and his brother scored a 1600 on hteir SAT’s

  44. 44
    Dianne
    Posted October 2, 2005 at 4:10 pm

    I found this site by ‘accident’ and can’t believe the things being said about Morgan who also happens to be my neice! First let me clear up the ‘Febreeze’ moment. For some reason, the TV crews cut out the rest of the family, her brothers, her grandparents, and HER mother. That ‘turkey-necked’ woman beside the camera shy dad is actually Morgan’s step-mother who is one of the nicest and most caring woman I know. And yes… they do own a spa but it is also has physical therapists onboard too. Considering how many people do business with them, who are you to judge? Then the comments about Morgan’s face were shameful! How many young people don’t suffer with acne sometime in their life? The heat/humidity caused this to be severe for her as it could anyone. Since she is back, the acne has cleared up and she again has beautiful skin. Laziness? From what they showed, somewhat, but please remember before judging, that Survivor has been known to edit players a certain way. Knowing Morgan, I highly doubt that she just sat around the camp and let everyone else do all the work. And remember who was shown out front during the 11 mile hike encouraging the tribe! Anyway.. there is so much more I would like to say but highly doubt if most people will believe what I know. Only the family members know the real Morgan.

  45. 45
    Carrie
    Posted October 4, 2005 at 1:34 pm

    Where is the recap of last week’s Survivor? Is there somewhere to look that I’ve missed?

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