Time for a Hail Mary?

Survivor

By B-Side | Monday, November 28, 2005 | 3:53 pm | 72 Comments

gary_neckhairAh, Survivor: Guatemala. It’s only been about three or four days since you’ve last aired, and yet, I can barely remember a single thing. I’m pretty sure I recollect who got voted out, and I’m pretty sure I remember the reward challenge. But darn it! That’s about it. Maybe it was the turkey-induced haze of Thursday night or maybe it’s just the general ennui this season has forced upon me, but I just can’t get this silly reality show to stick in my head. Luckily, I diligently wrote down notes Thursday night; so that should help me piece together this almost exciting, but ultimately anticlimactic episode. Before I begin though, I have a simple message for all future Survivor contestants: SCHEME, DAMMIT!This very special tryptophan episode kicked off with the ominous sight of a snake slithering through the darkness — surely a symbolic nod to the scheming and backstabbing that would come! Well, not so much. Having just booted Jamie, the tribe returned to the camp where Stephenie announced, “That was some crazy shenanigans,” but alas, the expected Judd blow up never occurred. You see, Judd was the only one who wasn’t in on that whole “Let’s bamboozle Jamie” vote; so surely he would be enraged by his team’s duplicity. But no. Instead he coped with his outsider status the way any maligned survivor would: by resorting to the third person. “Don’t feel bad for Judd because Judd doesn’t even feel bad whatsoever,” he said. Oooh! Does this mean Jamie passed his crazy onto Judd? (Crossing fingers for an episode full of loony, third person Juddisms.)

Meanwhile, Lydia cozied up to Gary and admitted, “I’d rather have you here.” And in Mark Burnett Survivor-ese, that usually translates to “I’ll be voting you off.”

The night finally came to a close with a happy Rafe declaring, “I feel like all is right in Survivor world!” At which point, several adorable birds began chirping by his shoulder, two rabbits fluttered their eyes at each other, a squirrel strummed a guitar on a nearby rock, and an owl looked at the camera and said, “Hoo Hoo Hooray! Goodnight boys and girls!”

The next morning, we found the survivors asleep and in the case of Judd, snoring (I wonder, can you snore in the third person?). But not everyone was passed out in a world of Guatemalan slumber. Gary and Lydia were up and trading secrets. Okay, maybe just Lydia was. Gary basically asked her a series of questions as to who was in charge around camp, etc., and Lydia merely nodded or shook her head, quietly revealing that Stephenie was running the show. Unfortunately, the two weren’t listening carefully to their surroundings, otherwise they would have realized Judd’s porcine snoring had ceased. Yes, the doorman had woken up and was now surreptitiously spying on Gary as he culled info from Lydia. Eventually, Judd made his presence known, thus ending the Garlydia union, but the damage was done. When Steph and Rafe found out about this early morning scheming, they were pissed, especially at Gary, who they now perceived as a snake. I mean, seriously. How DARE he try to scheme his way off the chopping block! JERK!

“I don’t even want him to get the reward,” Stephenie told us. But let’s be serious. Stephenie never wants anyone to have the reward.

As for Judd, he was annoyed because last week at the Folgers Coffee reward, Gary said he wanted to get rid of Lydia, but now he was clearly trying to win her favor. “That’s a big lie!” huffed Judd. And if there’s anything we know about Judd, it’s that he’s clearly a man who places the utmost emphasis on honesty and integrity…

At the reward challenge, the survivors had to answer trivia. Each person who had a correct response would get to bash a hanging jug (filled with corn, natch. Why? I don’t know). Now here’s the thing. Each person had three hanging jugs to their name. When all three were destroyed, they’d be eliminated. The winner would be taken to a hot springs waterfall where he or she would enjoy skewered meat, shrimp, beef, chicken, mojitas, and a massage. Shockingly, no Folgers Coffee would be involved. I know. I can’t believe it either.

The reward challenge started on a relatively goofy note as Probst asked what the names of the stones were on which Mayans wrote their hieroglyphics, with one option being “origami.” Man, I so wanted someone to choose “origami.” You know that if Jamie or Bobby Jon were still around, they’d totally pick it. Alas, “origami” went unloved, and after the first round, several people had the opportunity to bash pots. This, of course, meant instigating commentary from Probst. When Judd took a violent swing at Gary’s pot, Jeffy commented, “Nothing subtle about that!!” Shut up, PROBST!

As the challenge progressed, we learned all sorts of silly tidbits, like the fact that the Mayans used human heads to play “courtball.” Upon hearing this, I was instantly saddened that when the teams played this game a few weeks ago, the Survivor producers did not fashion some sort of ball from Rupert Bonham’s stupid head. Probably would have been too hairy.

Anyway, things became suddenly tense when Lydia took out Stephenie’s pots. Asked why, she replied, “I haven’t eaten. Steph ate three times.” To which Stephenie seethed, “So did Gary. So did Danni.” BABY WANTS HER REWARD!

Well, Cindy took Gary out; Danni took Judd out; and then Rafe took Danni out. As for Lydia, well, she lasted a while, but eventually she too fell into Rafe’s wobbly, uncoordinated crosshairs. Poor fishmonger. She looked like she wanted to cry. Ultimately, the competition came down to Rafe and Cindy, with Cindy ultimately persevering. And now the moment of truth: who would she pick? Odds that Stephenie will beg to be taken on the reward? Oh, about 3 to 2. Anyway, Cindy pondered and pondered… and pondered some more. PICK SOMEONE DAMMIT! I’m surprised Jeff didn’t lambast her for being so indecisive. He’s always in a rush, you know. Must get back to his rigorous schedule of turning his skin into leather.

Eventually, Cindy picked Rafe to go with her to the hot springs, and as the rest of the team returned to the camp, we found a crocodile on the loose. Uh oh! Might this be the untimely end for one tribe member? You just know those crocs have been checkin’ out Lydia ever since she arrived in Guatemala. Fresh fishmonger is like caviar to crocodiles.

Actually, the biggest threat to Lydia was Stephenie who was now on a rampage about the whole reward thing. You see, Princess Steph didn’t like being called out and was now on her throne of defensiveness. Don’t make her sound like she’s the only one getting fed, she snapped, noting that several other people have also partaken in rewards. Later, Steph told us, “There’s a winner and a loser in this game, and if you’re gonna be jealous, then you’re an idiot.” She then added, “I’m the only one who gets to victimize herself.”

steph_hand1
“Oh my gawd. I can’t believe you accused me of eating!”

steph_hand2
“Speak to the hand, bitch!”

Well, this whole fiasco did nothing but further isolate Lydia from her group. And luckily for us, we saw cracks in the veneer. “Everyone is putting Stephenie up on a pedestal,” Lydia told us. “Everyone is, knowing that Stephenie is the biggest threat, but nobody’s doing a thing about it.” YES LYDIA! Join the other side! Turn the game on its head!! Unfortunately, even if Lydia were to join Gary and Danni, it would still be an alliance of three against four. Their best bet would be to turn Judd, make him feel like the outsider of his group. Make him paranoid that of the final four, he’s number four in the pecking order. Oh, but who am I kidding? That would entail way more scheming than anyone on this season is capable of.

Meanwhile, over at the reward, Rafe and Cindy were greeted by two Guatemalan servants, who may or may not have been Jeff Probst’s personal sex slaves. Nevertheless, the two winners settled down for some grub, at which point Rafe told us, “It was a flood of strategy!” Not that we got to see any of it. Grrr. Instead, we spent most of the time watching Rafe and Cindy cavort in the water, with Cindy offering fascinating observations about how the water was hot AND cold! WOW! But most importantly, Rafe got to experience something new with the zookeeper: “I am a really touchy person, and Cindy’s not. So it’s nice to kind of feel that touchy-feely connection with Cindy.” And honestly, isn’t that what Survivor is all about? Having a touchy-feely connection at a waterfall? To be fair, Rafe is happy to have a touchy-feely relationship with a piece of cloth on the side of the road; so this really wasn’t that special.

Well, nothing else too interesting happened at the hot springs — that is if you don’t count the odd interview with Cindy from under the massage table — and with flowers in hair, Rafe and his new touchy feely victim returned to camp. As usual, Steph and her crew were perched on the ruins (that’s the cool table in the lunchroom) while Lydia sat down by the campfire, humbly slurping some nasty fish stew she had concocted. When Rafe and Cindy walked by, Lydia offered them a taste of this mucky soup, but we all knew it was just a sly way of saying “Thanks for making me eat this crap, BITCHES!” You gotta respect passive aggressive soup.

littlelydia
“Please sir, can I have some more?”

The next morning, the über-clique returned to their perch, this time with coffee, and while they comfortably sat above their lowly counterparts, Gary and Danni decided to turn Rafe. Not a smart move. Seems like the logical choice on the surface, but Rafe doesn’t want to backstab, and why would he betray his current alliance for another one that promises the exact same things? I’m telling you, go after Judd! (I say this as if I could somehow have any bearing on the outcome, despite the show being shot, you know, months ago).

At the immunity challenge, Probst announced that he would be telling a story. Once done, the players would have to run over to various shacks, piece together a question, choose one of two boxes and blah blah blah — first person with all their flags would win. Okay, let’s just get this thing started. Probst then settled in and told a long, meandering story about some moon goddess slut who basically had illicit affairs with every celestial being in Mayan culture. I mean, she even got killed, and she still came back from the dead to have affairs.

With storytime done, everyone went scampering to the shacks to get their various flags and whatnot. Probst was more impatient than usual though as he barked, “This is for immunity, LET’S GO!” Seriously. You’re in the Guatemalan jungle. WHERE DO YOU HAVE TO BE??? Just calm down, enjoy a mojito, and watch the game!

Anyway, Gary took an early lead by virtue of not missing a single question. Wow, what a great memory. It’s almost as if he’s had experiencing memorizing things. Complex things. Like… playbooks!!! Or, to be fair, plants. Yeah, probably plants. He is, after all, a landscaper.

Well, Gary may have been doing well, but Rafe beat him by a hair and won immunity again. “Who would see this little gay Mormon and think he’d win all these immunity challenges?” Rafe asked. Even more ironic was Judd’s proficiency with the unaired “Shop ‘Til You Drop!” and “Madonna Forever!” challenges. Just goes to show, you never know what’ll happen on Survivor!

Back at camp, Steph kvelled to us about her alliance, saying, “It’s perfect. It seems too good to be true.” Hmmm… Might this be the groundwork for some major backstabbing? A surprise ouster? I mean, this was prototypical Mark Burnett misdirection. “It feels weird because last time I felt so powerless, and this time I feel so powerful,” added Stephenie. Oh, my misdirection radar is going off the charts…

As for Lydia, she knew her time was up. “I’m screwed,” she told us, thus ensuring that she was not in fact screwed. C’mon Mark Burnett. We’re not gonna fall for that one. Meanwhile, Rafe told us that he simply did not trust Judd, who he believed has lied many times. Gary tried to pounce on this, but as a thunderstorm rolled in, it became obvious that this was going to be between Gary and Lydia, not Gary and Judd (or Steph, for that matter). Well, Lydia already said that she was screwed, and that’s too obvious a statement to make, so clearly this would be Gary’s big goodbye. Damn that obvious Survivor logic.

At Tribal Council, we saw our old buddies Bobby Jon and Jamie, both sporting hairdos that might get a lot of ladies at the roller disco. Before we could even ogle at their dumb hair though, Lydia began bad mouthing Stephenie, saying that everyone’s been putting her on a pedestal and whatnot. She then explained her actions at the reward challenge, saying that it wasn’t personal, but she wanted to give others a chance to try for the reward challenge. Well, this did not make Steph happy, as she balked, “If you’ve got something to say, say it to my face.” Um, didn’t she already? Several times, in fact?

Sensing a seam he could burst wide open, Gary jumped into the fray, saying, “There are some people here that are star-struck by her. That’s not her fault, but they all can probably get her autograph after the show.” Aww DIS!! And with that, Judd quietly pulled back the pen and paper he was just about to give Steph.

Actually, Judd didn’t do that, but he did box himself in by telling Probst, “To be honest with you, I don’t think I’ve lied yet.” Well, look out, Judd! Gary’s going down in flames, and he’s gonna take whoever he can with him.

“This is a lie: ‘hey guys, the idol is on the ground. That’s a lie!’” he said. OH DAMN! Yeah, that’s right Judd. You got SERVED! Gary style!

With no defense, Judd simply confessed, saying, “Okay, alright. I lied about the damn idol.” He did qualify the statement though by saying it was the only time. What a tool. Eh, but it’s part of the game. I can’t beg for scheming and then hate on Judd for lying. You see, if I had been Gary, I probably would have just started a bunch of rumors around camp and turned the dominant four against each other. I mean, that’s what it’s all about.

sexybj
Hey, who’s that pretty girl sitting next to Jamie?

Okay, enough stalling. Let’s get to the voting. We only saw Judd’s ballot (for Gary, obviously), and then it was time for Probst to read them. Vote 1: Gary. Vote 2: Cindy. Cindy? What the? Okay, so clearly this won’t even be close. Cindy didn’t even come near the realm of ouster possibilities. Maybe if Lydia or Stephenie or even Judd had shown up, I would have been excited. But Cindy? Whatever. No need to prolong this. The next three votes were for Gary, and so he was voted off the island. Or country, really. And yes, Lydia and Danni voted for Gary. I hate that. What’s the point? I hate when the people on the fringes kiss up to the power players as if that’s really gonna help them.

Perhaps the biggest disappointment of all though was that Gary did reveal his true identity to his tribe members. I mean, how could he deprive us of that moment? Maybe he’ll reveal at the jury inquisition. He better! Because by the reunion show, it’ll be too late, dammit.

What do you think? Could Gary have saved himself? How can Danni and Lydia turn this game upside down?

About

72 Comments

  1. 1
    HicksPub
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 4:15 pm

    Here’s a Steph soundbite:

    “What the hell? (chomp) I don’t eat all the (slurp) time! Oh my Gawd, I (burp) don’t get any more to eat than (gromphf) anyone else, dammit! Pass me more (fart) corn, Pissant. (munch) I mean Lydia.”

    Steph, honey, that arguement might be a wee bit more convincing if you weren’t shoving a massive amount of food in your, uh, food hole.

  2. 2
    volcat
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 4:24 pm

    Is it me , or is Steph beginning to sound more and more like Fran Drescher each week? Oh my Gawd!

  3. 3
    katieshole
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 4:28 pm

    Steph got her Jersey all up with the hand gestures and screeching. Being from NJ myself, I think I know this girl, or at least her type. Loves to say ‘you know what I’m saying’, but never really says anything, usually in stretch pants and fake tan.

    I had no idea Cindy was even on this show, she has gotten no camera time, and I have no idea who she is. Miss Big NJ mouth hogs up all the screen time with her constant kvetching.

    Bobby John (BJ named that for a reason) did look especially girly, I think I saw a tampon string dangling…..!

  4. 4
    Mr. Negativity
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 4:33 pm

    I Love Stephanie

    Plus I know that scheming can be cool, but aside formt the first season an alliance really hasnt lasted the whole way by itself. In Vanuatu the women’s alliance could have gone all the way before turning on each other but instead they let that stupid Chris eventually win hte whole thing. So it was actually smart they voted out Gary. I was getting scared they would screw the whole thing up and let him win.(I am not one of those people who thinks Gary didn’t deserve to be on Survivor because of his finacial status either. When it comes to Survivor “deserve” is the most stupid word out there. No one “deserves” to be on Survivor it’s a game show not Three Wishes) It’s actually a marvel that an alliance will barring Danni winning immunity to save her butt will go to the final five or four.

    Man, in Judd’s words, Lydia really bothered me. I am all for winning in any way you can and Lydia employed the coattails strategy pretty well. But why did she flip, there was no reason two, she could have convinced them to put Cindy out before her but instead she broke two of Steph’s pots and someone elses (I think Rafe’s?) while Cindy solidified her alliance.

    I don’t see the jury voting for Steph but I hope she makes the finals. I really want to see Cindy win this thing. She’s one of the best players in a long time. I also want to see Danni outlast Judd.

  5. 5
    Timmy
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 4:57 pm

    stop hating on Steph. I bet every one of you loved her last year like the rest of America. I bet everyone of you said if she only had a realistic shot you would love to see it. She’s playing a great game. Even if it entails taking advantage of her popularity. She’s befriending everyone and staying in the majority which is the key to survivor. I gurantee you she is the one making the best moves when they get down to 5. Suck it up haters, cuz chances are she’ll be around till the finale.

  6. 6
    juddfan
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 5:01 pm

    Must get back to his rigorous schedule of turning his skin into leather!!!

    Another classic, B-side!!! You Rock!!!

    and BTW, when Judd did his 3rd person, “Don’t feel bad for Judd because Judd doesn’t even feel bad whatsoever,”
    He had those wide eyes, those wide lying eyes, coz I think he loved Jamie–now who can he bear hug!!! Or cuddle with and snore onto . . .

    I could see Cindy and Rafe being the switch hitters, with Lydia a possible, to knock out Judd (nooooooo . . .) or Steph, though they made it look like Lydia courting Judd.

    B-side, you also read my mind with the vote predicting . . . imagine, an entire episode dedicated to mis-direction (not at all desperate . . .)

  7. 7
    juddfan
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 5:05 pm

    “Please sir, can I have some more?”

    Classic again!!!!

  8. 8
    Brick Tamland
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 5:23 pm

    Steph is a totally different player this year. She lost her charm and is being looked at with a different edge. People liked her as the loveable loser but not as the strategist. She is a great player.

    I think Judd’s eyes bulging out of his head last week when Jamie got voted off is one of the top clips of the season.

  9. 9
    Katrina
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 7:08 pm

    I liked Steph last season, but now that she is on a winning streak, she has turned into a snotty bitch whose ego is way too big. I wish she would go. Now the only ones I could stand winning would be Rafe and Cindy, they are the only ones left who are worthy.

  10. 10
    mac
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 8:16 pm

    All I have to say is How Dare Gary For Calling A Liar A Liar. Didn’t feel so good when it was directed at you, now, Judd, did it?

    And how dare Gary play this game to win. I guess he was just supposed to be on to be the window dressing.

  11. 11
    Lisa
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 9:37 pm

    I liked Steph last season… b/c she seemed sweet.
    But now since she’s on the winning team.. her true colors are being shown and we’re now seeing her as the big ole whiney bitcharoonie she is.
    I swear.. getting mad over a freakin REWARD challenge. It’s not like Lydia cost her the game or anything by smaching her pots.
    I can’t wait till Steph goes.
    I hope it comes down to Rafe and Cindy at the end with Rafe being the winner.
    I don’t understand why people don’t like him. Sucks that he follows Steph but meh… I hope he ends up kicking her ass off the show.

  12. 12
    Victoria
    Posted November 28, 2005 at 11:05 pm

    As much as I am dying to see a coup against Stephenie, I don’t think I could stand Gary one second longer. HicksPub, thanks for pointing out how Stephenie says she wasn’t eating too much while stuffing her face. I can’t stand her now, and I didn’t much like her last season either. I’m aBobby Jon girl all the way. Which brings me to the best part of the whole episode: when Gary made his autograph comment about Stephenie and Bobby Jon and Jamie grabbed each other and giggled. Oh my Bobby Jon, how I love you!

  13. 13
    Trumpoline
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:23 am

    when Gary made his autograph comment about Stephenie and Bobby Jon and Jamie grabbed each other and giggled.

    Yah, just like in a buddy movie. Group hug with Gary next week.

    Steph is such a bitch, her eyebrows are more disgusting than Ashlee Simpson’s nose.

  14. 14
    jack
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 5:46 am

    steph was easy to like last season because everybody loves the underdog. but this time around she has whined constantly despite getting a lot of breaks. and while she deserves some credit for building a solid alliance around herself, her position in the game is mostly the result of dumb luck: her original tribe was in a tailspin when the tribe shuffle gave her a fresh start. then judd decided almost immediately to turn on what was left of his original group, giving steph a controlling majority. then danni and bobby jon foolishly opted to boot blake–probably their tribe’s strongest challenge competitor–because they thought he was spoiled and annoying, rather than amy, who could barely walk, giving steph’s tribe a huge advantage in a season where the challenges have overwhelmingly favored strength and quickness over determination or cleverness. then jamie went nuts, causing the others to focus again on getting rid of a bothersome nitwit rather than a greater threat. she also benefitted from the fact that the yaxha minority were all athletic, relatively smart, and extremely likable–i.e., tough people to beat in challenges or in front of a jury. it might have been more fun to watch, but it would have been stupid for rafe or cindy to put themselves in an endgame situation against the likes of gary and danni rather than judd, steph, or lydia. steph’s bitchiness and status as a former player probably helps her at this point as well, since judd, cindy, and rafe probably think they have as good a chance in the finals against steph as anyone else: there’s going to be some steph-envy on the jury for sure, and it would be easy to argue that she doesn’t deserve to win because of her 2nd-chance status.

    as for the eating: i can feel lydia’s pain, but she needs to face facts. she could have been chowing down after a hot shower if she hadn’t single-handedly blown her group’s lead in the mud-pit challenge, and, while steph did overdo the me-me-me begging when judd got to share his feast, judd would have gained nothing strategically from sharing his food with lydia, who has been dead weight pretty much since the beginning. bobby jon was an odd pick for judd, but steph made perfect sense.

    i’m over hating steph, but it just drives me crazy that these people are all but giving her the game.

  15. 15
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 6:08 am

    I missed this because I was nodded out in a trytophan stupor (Ok, it may have been the smack. Whatever.) I woke up and actually convinced my brother to turn it on. It was the Steph bitching at everyone part. He immediately turned it off and disowned me for wasting time on such idiocy. Some people really don’t get it, do they? Thank you B-Side for this hilarious rendition. Too much funniness. The screenpics are priceless. “A lot of ladies at the roller disco” indeed! Hottie-Jon looks like he may be turning to the Rafe side of the force. If I’m not mistaken his daintily crossed legs are freshly waxed. Smooth, baby. I wish the third person Judd had called himself Man. “Man, would you please manipulate a mannequin with Mandela’s mandibular, man.” {Thank you Judd, from last week ;) }

  16. 16
    gregnNYC
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 7:07 am

    I think Rafe is playing a great game.
    I don’t hate Stef. She has gotten a bit whiney. But I think she probably deserves to be where she is. Everybody loves the underdog, that’s why Bobby Jon has maintained his good-guy status, where people are hating on Stef now.
    I like Danni, but she hasn’t really stepped it up.
    Judd‘s an idiot.
    Gary was playing hard core, but I never really cared for him.
    Cindy isn’t the strongest player, but I like her. She’s just had a lot of bigger personalities to contend with.
    Lydia shouldn’t be that pissed off and bitter since she really hasn’t played the game since day one. As far as I can tell, all she’s done is sit around, grind corn, and vote the way everybody else votes. So why should she be surprised when she finds herself no longer on the inside?

  17. 17
    Dana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 7:50 am

    I still like the zookeeper. I knew she was gonna win that reward when the last q was about crocodiles. The ‘touchy-feely” moment with Rafe was just EW though. Once again- EW! Rafe is a much stronger player than he seems though. Just keep the ropes and ladders out of the challenges and he’ll be good until the final 3. I don’t think that there’s any way for Danni and Lydia to turn the four against each other now. If Rafe/Cindy/Steph/Judd DO make it as the final four, the interesting thing will be who turns on who then. Remember last year when they all wanted to turn on Tom at that point and he kept himself in the game by winning immunity. I think that Steph will have to do the same thing b/c the other three should vote her out then.

    Props to you B-side for getting this recap up so quickly! Love ya’ man! :)

  18. 18
    LoveTheJerseyGirl
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:36 am

    Amen Timmy, Amen.

  19. 19
    Misty
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:38 am

    I’m sad that Gary is gone. I had high hopes for him, dammit.

    I can’t take too much more of Steph. I liked her last season well enough – she wasn’t my favorite by any means, though – but this season, her sense of entitlement is killing me. No one owes her a damned thing. She should consider herself extremely lucky to have been given the chance to play this game again, because there are well over 100 other Survivors who didn’t win, either, and America liked a lot of them, too. This ain’t All Stars. At least Bobby Jon was humble and appreciative, where I just don’t get that from Stephenie and never have, all season. I wish they’d blindside her – that would be CLASSIC.

  20. 20
    Lubin Odana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 8:44 am

    I want to see those Madonna Trivia and Shopping challenges where Judd surprisingly won. And don’t forget that he also won the Cheerleading, Make-up Application and Broadway Musical Challenges too.

  21. 21
    September
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:13 am

    Love the name of the file you used for the picture of Bobby Jon and Jamie “Sexybj”…You never stop do you, B-Side? So damn funny. And I agree…this season is totally forgettable.

  22. 22
    TheApprentrix
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:13 am

    jack – Your comments are as interesting to read as the recaps. That’s saying A LOT since I think B-side is a little slice of heaven here on earth. I look forward to your insights as they are usually spot on target. Cheers to you!

  23. 23
    Pamsey
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:43 am

    “You gotta respect passive aggressive soup”
    nearly wet myself on that one

  24. 24
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 10:09 am

    Dana, how funny that you found it EW! I guess Rafe is a little EW! but I like that he’s doing so well, and not having to go to extremes to get there. Cindy too.

    Has anyone noticed how Steph’s popularity in the CBS poll drops every week–Bj’s on the rise too (and poor Judd, I don’t think he’s ever passed 5%–now I really do feel alone . . . : (

    Come on Danni, Rafe and Cindy–let’s shake it up people while there’s still some room for switching . . . ( I say, like B-side, as if I could influence a show already in the can!)

  25. 25
    holyterror
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 11:15 am

    If there were any women in “Deliverence,” I think they would look and act like Cindy. Does she carry around a jug of moonshine with three X’s on it?

  26. 26
    carol
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 11:41 am

    Watched “Survivor Live” yesterday on cbs.com. Gary is a cool dude. He actually had the hidden idol for a couple of days before he used it. He said the only person out there that did not drop pounds was Steph because she was always eating. He sort of let it slip who is going next and tried to cover it up with some other comments. He did not do the show to get any fame from it, he does nto want to become an actor/sports reporter, he jsut wants to go home and be a father and husband.

  27. 27
    Dana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:30 pm

    juddfan- I found it EW b/c I guess I’m not really touchy-feely either, but if I was gonna be, a gay Mormon wouldn’t be my first choice.

    the Danni/Rafe/Cindy coup would be a good one. Those three could vote out Steph and Judd. I just don’t think that’s gonna happen.

  28. 28
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    Carol, you forgot to mention landscaper

    ; )

    And Dana, you never know, there could be a world full of hot gay mormons, Rafe just doesn’t happen to be one of them.

    I’m a hugger myself, but I respect when people aren’t and generally don’t force them to like my mauling!!! Guess they left out the diary entry where Cindy says, “EW, Rafe was all huggy with me. Yuk!!!” or more likely, like the day of Danni’s bday visit, when she said, she didn’t think they should go, but she went . . . “I’m not a hugger, but Rafe is, so we hugged.”

  29. 29
    janie
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:45 pm

    I think this whole season has been devoted to StephaMe making it to the end and winning. When her team, which should have been stronger, started losing everything they pulled the switcharoo early so she would be on the winning side. Probably they would have switched again it she still kept losing.
    Unfortunately for MB he didn’t take into account her whiny, arrogant, bossy personality. I don’t see anyone voting to give her the money…even against Judd(who won’t make it past this week probably). If Cindy and Rafe want to make final two they need to hook up with Lydia and Danni and get rid of the queen-in-her-own-mind now!

  30. 30
    Lauren
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks B-Side!

    LMAO- “And with that, Judd quietly pulled back the pen and paper he was just about to give Steph.”

  31. 31
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:52 pm

    amen, Janie. I love StephaMe!!!! (the nickname, I mean)

    And the amen’s to MB and Co switching things around to make StephaMe be on the winning side. Couldn’t agree more, we’ll see how they slant these last few immunities etc. (I’m going to guess, not suited for Judd or Lydia, the less brilliant and athletic in that order)

    I only wish Rafe and Danni had had a chance to bond, or Cindy and Danni, it would seem more likely for them to align with her in that case. Chances are C and R know they could beat S or J, so they may be just fine with things . . .

  32. 32
    Dana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 12:59 pm

    how can you call yourself juddfan and dog your boy out like that? LOL j/k

    Danni needs to make sure they vote Lydia out next, then pull Cindy and Rafe in to oust Steph.

  33. 33
    Andy
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:03 pm

    I didn’t like Stephanie last season either. I think it’s her voice – it bugs me. Anyway, I like her even less this season and these people are so freaking stupid and need to get rid of her!

    I don’t particularly care who wins now. I was cheering for Gary. I guess, out of the rest of them, I hope Rafe wins.

    Hate Judd. HATE!

  34. 34
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    Dana,
    It’s not Judd’s brains she wants to get crushed by. Right Juddfan?

  35. 35
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:09 pm

    This just in: Judd’s favorite group = Manfred Mann
    Ba dump bump

    Hello? Is anybody there? Mom?

  36. 36
    Pamsey
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:15 pm

    Lizardqueen – Can’t you just hear him, “Man I love Manfred Mann, man”

  37. 37
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:24 pm

    Oh, Dana, I know you’re kidding . . . but . . . I’m not dogging him, just stating the obvious (and I did think I put it nicely : )

    And, Ms. LizardQueen, despite your crack habit, you are still perceptive! Since I seem to be the only juddfan, baring a juddfan2 or 3 to join us, I will gladly get crushed by his manly girth and hope for a resounding chorus of “Man, oh man, oh man . . . ” ( and “Blinded by the Light” would be a wonderful theme song!)

    Sorry to those of you who just had a mild upchuck at that image . . . ( and Dana, b/4 you say I’m dogging my boy, I’m merely reflecting the majority opinion-I gleefully dare to differ from)

    And, LQ, just for the record, you can call me she, her, girl or any feminine pronoun you like, but I’m actually a Computer Artist Fairy!

  38. 38
    Juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:28 pm

    BTW, since I outed my Computer Art skills, why oh why can’t I learn to remove those blur-outs!!!!!

  39. 39
    Yaaarg
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:32 pm

    StephaMe (HEH)…I liked her the last time she was on the show. I loathe her now. My take on it, is that as a loser her last season her complaining seemed fairly understandable. This season her unsportsman-like behavior when she is the overlord seems ludicrous.

    She expects to win everything and if she doesn’t she gets scarily childish/petty. Especially, when she is not at fault for the loss. If you listen to the after-challenge comments of Stephanie and Bobby Jon you get a pretty stark contrast in character. Stephs image this season could be maginified by CBS editing…but I don’t think so.

    PS- Why do people on the “knock out your teammates” challenges actually show their colors so much? I would never try and answer a question correctly to avoid the potential for confrontation…..

  40. 40
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 2:01 pm

    Way to fly under the radar, yaaarg! I still think Lydia could have pulled it off with a wink and a smile, and a, “you’re not gonna win this time . . . ”
    I also think, when they need to pick a second for a reward, I would just go with who came in second and say that’s why . . . wouldn’t that ruffle fewer feathers!? (though, I confess, this season, there’s not been as many, “Why didn’t they pick me’s?”

  41. 41
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 2:35 pm

    Oh, since I’m last again, LQ, I hope we get a juicy episode to inspire another of your delicious rants!!! Almost more fun than Judd in his undies!!!

  42. 42
    Dana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 3:17 pm

    Man oh man you guys are funny! You a like a manna from Survivor heaven LQ. Juddfan- I choose “Maneater” as your sex romp theme.

  43. 43
    juddfan
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 3:25 pm

    Dana, I stand corrected . . . “oh oh here she comes!” lol!

  44. 44
    Dana
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 3:37 pm

    you “are” I mean.

  45. 45
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 7:14 am

    juddfan, I am feeling your love and I am sorely regretting not being born a beefy drunken oaf of a doorman so I could crush you this very moment. Here’s to an exciting Thursday at 8 pm.

    By a show of hands – Who thinks jack#15 is also TheApprentrix#23?

    ;}

  46. 46
    shelley
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 9:45 am

    Go Steph!

    I have to say again, as much as she complains, she’s a fighter and she’s determined. Those qualities will take her far. I like and respect that.

    I think it’s hilarious when people say this time “she’s showing her true colours. Steph has the kind of personality that could swing in either the “hero” direction or the “villian” direction. The producers figured they needed a “villian” this season and picked Steph, that’s all.

  47. 47
    juddfan
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 10:17 am

    LQ! Guess you got my number!

    ; )

    Can’t wait till tomorrow!!!!

    as to the show of hands . . . well, if we suddenly see a juddfan2, who’s competing for a hot crush session with a beefy, drunken oaf, guess we’ll know it must be me, as I seem to be alone in this world of doorman love . . . but that doesn’t mean jack is adulating himself with self love–and even if he is, at least he paid prop’s the the B-side!

  48. 48
    Victoria
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    I doubt jack is also the person praising jack. I, too, enjoy jack’s comments, not just here, but on the Lost page, also, and wherever else he pops up. juddfan, I am afraid you are alone in your juddlove. I don’t think I am alone in my Bobby Jon love, but I refuse to call myself BJfan. ;)

  49. 49
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 12:30 pm

    Hey man, I was just teasing man. I didn’t think any of you mans would really RSVP, man. Let’s stop prevaricating around the bush shall we? I’m a tiny bit of a jerk. But only here. In real life I run a group home for one legged orphans who aspire to be pirates. I figure they are part way there already, what with the peg legs and all. So I’m not all bad.

    P.S. I’m sooo glad it’s “man” and not “dude”.

  50. 50
    Laura
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 12:34 pm

    Okay, I’m just curious – why is StephaMe so revered from last season. Yes, it was sad she was on a losing team but if memory serves, she was overly competitive and whiny then, too. I can’t say I remember her eating this much, but she was over the top then, too. We just didn’t get to see much scheming since her tribe never won!!

    Juddfan – I can’t take the Juddfan2 moniker but I hope he wins of the people left in the game. I’m not hot for his bod – but gotta love the oafishness that is so far working for him. Nice misdirection in the previews with Judd going crazy over the Jamie outing. Did he even notice??

  51. 51
    chronic
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 12:39 pm

    Ah, I’m with Lizardqueen, he didn’t really say anything that great. And people, once and for all, it didn’t matter they got rid of Blake! The next episode was a double elimination, and I doubt he could’ve helped beat Judd/Jamie in the reward challenge, whereas Amy did kick ass. Next episode only required two people with strength (Bobby Jon and Brandon) to haul puzzle pieces, and that was only a minor element of the challenge. Brandon had bad luck, but there’s no way of knowing if Blake would’ve done better.

    And if they wanted to make sure they’d have someone beatable in the final two, Lydia/Rafe/Cindy would have been better off keeping lunatic hothead Jamie or boorish liar Judd, than “ace” player Steph.

  52. 52
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 1:13 pm

    Is jack Victoria too? Am I turning into Jamie? Does anyone want to play mancala? Actually I just went over to the Lost region of the site to do some more research (the orphans are napping). jack is a stitch. But that is beside the point. I found out that there is a little cat fight-orgy going on over my boy EdHill. I thought he and I had something special. I mean, I’ve been defending him from bullies since grade school. I’ve been singing his praises since the shit storm came flinging his way! And he still hasn’t invited me out with him and sg-dub for a night of “Let’s pretend we’re Dylan Thomas on a bar stool”. What more can a girl do?

    As for jack – He’s a dude’s dude, dude.

  53. 53
    Victoria
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 1:26 pm

    What I can’t figure out is why Stephenie is always called “The Strongest Woman To Ever Play Survivor” when she has never won an individual challenge and was part of a team the times she did win.
    If you believe the conspiracy theory that this whole game has been geared toward Steph, you could say during the giant puzzle pieces challenge, they made that last piece almost unfindable for Brandon’s team. I have believe that myself.

  54. 54
    Victoria
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 1:28 pm

    I meant I half believe that myself. What about you LQ-believ in any cospiracy theories? You would if you were Jamie.

  55. 55
    juddfan
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 2:35 pm

    Oh victoria, I think BJfan would be an excellent name!!!! LOL!!! That one had me rolling. I’m glad you all are so tolerent of my questionable taste in men!

    As to the strongest woman, maybe they’re going by eyebrows, which as we know, StephaMe wins hands down! I do recall her doing well on challenges last season, though.

    Thanks Laura, for at least not being a hater, even if you’re not exactly a lover, of the Judd Studd. Funny though, do you think the oafishness is an act . . . now that would be slick–perhaps even emmy worthy. (and before Dana says I’m dogging my man again, I’ll state for the record, “I admit it, I like beefy, oafish, drunken, bad-lying big-eyed guys! All of them!!! I liked Sarge, I like Judd, hell, I even like Bob Hoskins . . . Should I curse the sky, should I take after LQ and lose myself in a crack/smack oblivion (If I haven’t already, ie) What I should really do is invent a “gay wand” with which I could tap my beloveds and make them not only gay, but into me too . . . is that too much to ask!?”

    Ps. LQ, good to see you back in action! Do I have to start watching Lost to take in all your quips and witticisms!!! WHY CAN’T you be another hapless big guy . . .sob . . .

  56. 56
    Lizardqueen
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 3:12 pm

    I’m down with conspiracies. Is Steph really the strongest gal ever? Hard for me to say since I’ve only seen about half of the seasons. I agree with your last two posts Victoria. I mean we are really fooling ourselves if we take the “reality” idea too seriously. Maybe more “based on a true story and guided, provoked, and edited with your entertainment pleasure in mind.”
    My favorite guy ever? One Rudy Boesch. I wanted him to win so badly. Not that child beating tax evader Dick Hatch.

  57. 57
    juddfan
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 3:42 pm

    Despite my confession, I have to agree LQ, never liked Mr. Hatch!

    On thinking, they probably call her the strongest, as she out lasted her entire tribe . . .

  58. 58
    chronic
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 4:02 pm

    Speaking of that dastard Hatch, I seem to recall Kelly Wigglesworth winning a buttload of immunity challenges, physical and mental. So suck on it, Steph.

    (Yeah, Rudy fo sure would’ve been awesome, but I thought Kelly was robbed in the end, as the jury felt more at ease rewarding the consistently unlikeable Dick Hatch. Mind you in the first season, the whole thing with lying, manipulation, backstabbing, and self-interest was still pretty novel at the time. Awwww, it was adorable.)

  59. 59
    Dana
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 4:38 pm

    Rudy was your favorite over Rupert LQ? I mean we (the fans) gave Rupert a million dollars! My fave Survivor ever was Ethan b/c he’s hella-sexy and seems sweet. He’s whoring himself out to reality fame now. Rupert comes a close second b/c he is just a cool dude.

    I don’t buy into the conspiracy theories. I do praise MB for brilliant editing though.

  60. 60
    juddfan
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 5:06 pm

    Glad you knew about the whoring, Dana, have you read any of their blogs on CBS, their being he and Jenna, his betrothed.
    They seem very excited to live out their Reality star dreams!
    I actually thought they were going to be the secret survivors, as I expected their televised nuptials to follow . . . guess I am a fool!!!

    and also, since you don’t believe in conspiracy, do you think Tom and Katie are really in love . . . just kidding!!!

  61. 61
    Dana
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 8:20 pm

    LOL juddfan. I do read that Survivor blog. I think that Coby is in love with BJ though (or is it BJ’s). :)

  62. 62
    Lizardqueen
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 6:04 am

    Yeah, Rudy was my guy. I liked the way he talked. Not necessarily the content but the cadence. He also had that “wow this guy’s a freakin’ idiot but if you listen to what he’s is saying you realize he’s actually quite intelligent” quality. I find that so charming. I get that feeling about some people with southern drawls and certain garbage men.

    I can’t wait for tonight. I have decided to put all my eggs in Rafe’s basket. My kids (the real ones, not the pirate orphans…) are rooting for Judd. We were just discussing who was left and we all forgot about the existence of one certain zookeeper. I think that’s all part of her plan.

  63. 63
    Laura
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 7:56 am

    juddfan – not to hate on your boyfriend, but I’m not sure Judd could pull off faking oafish!!

  64. 64
    juddfan
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 9:57 am

    Not hating at all, Laura, we all have our gifts and weaknesses! I have a weakness for oafish men, and a gift for going after all the men I can’t have!!!! Lucky for me LOL!!!

    And LQ, funny that your kids with real legs like Judd . . . though I’m guessing their reasons might be different than mine!

    Looking forward to a juicy episode–I’m hoping!!!!

  65. 65
    TheApprentrix
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 10:06 am

    LizardQueen – I may be a johnny-come-lately in the realm of retorts, but I am definitely NOT “jack”. I just have really admired his comments here. I enjoy them as much as I enjoy reading the recaps. Imagine! Intelligent, thoughtful, grammatically correct comments on Reality TV… sigh, what more could a lonely girl ask for?

    jack rocks and it was HIGH time someone stood up and said so!!!

    Signed,
    jackfan
    (a.k.a. TheApprentrix)

  66. 66
    Lizardqueen
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 10:26 am

    Word. I am a convert.

  67. 67
    Victoria
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 11:43 pm

    juddfan, can you wave your “gay wand” over Bobby Jon and make him not gay? That cartwheel looked pretty graceful for an oaf.

  68. 68
    Seth
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 2:59 am

    “Please sir, can I have some more?”

    …says the erotic little sex gnome.

  69. 69
    juddfan
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:36 am

    Perhaps using a reverse whammy will give me more power for the real conversions!

    And yes, very graceful cartwheel! I’ll wait for the re-cap, but must say, what a bummer that Judd came off as fairly nice the whole episode, then at TC, he say’s “no one can wait for someone to go”

    Never in all my survivor days have I heard someone say that! Scumbag!

    Looks like his wife is the blonde, female equivalent of me, so at least he’s found his match . . . she seemed nice to me, and I hope to believe that Judd does, deep down, have a good heart!

    didn’t we all know by the monkey and the snake . . . c’mon MB!

  70. 70
    Lizardqueen
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 10:53 am

    juddfan I just remembered that you’re a boy. Duh! Now it all makes sense. Yes I guess I can wait for the recap. However I’m tapping my toes on The Amazing Race one for days! That lovely B-Side mentioned getting to it, but I fear EdHill may have taken him on a hookers and crystal meth romp that’s lasting for days!!! Wait a minute, that can’t be it, different coasts. Who knows.

  71. 71
    juddfan
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 12:12 pm

    Yes, I’ve been trying to catch up with the AR blog, perhaps today, esp. if there’s some literary gems from your fingers!

    And yes, I’m a boy . . . but inside, I swear I’m all girl!!! (but emotionally, not a swish–though I embrace my feminine side always)

    Saw my man Judd on the morning show, nothing to restore him to his former glory, I’m still reeling from the “Everyone can’t wait” comment–ugh! I’m still happy he’s got a nice wife though . . . now whatta ’bout that twin!?

  72. 72
    Dana
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 5:34 pm

    Sorry juddfan. I just remembered you’re a boy too! LOL. Maybe you’ll find yourself a nice mormon who likes hugging and getting touchy-feely. He could be rich soon too!

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