Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Sorry you’re stuck in the projects, pasty losers! Maybe you should try having a DREEEEAAAMMMMM.
Susan’s friend tells us (from Susan’s favorite place, a bar) that Blackburn is a close knit community and people there look out for each other. At least I think that’s what she said. She sounds like a low rent Dinner Theater actress playing Eliza Doolittle in Act 1 of My Fair Lady. I’ve heard so many fake ass accents over the years that the real thing sounds marble mouthed and ridiculous. Shots of the neighborhood. I’m depressed. Everyone’s overweight and cold. And they give old ladies black eyes there!
Stop Senior Abuse
Susan goes back home for this special all dressed up and made over. Bad move, as you can see in the pic below. A jealous poor person chopped her hand right off.
Marble Mouthed Friend tells us that Susan was a gorgeous child with good hair. There were signs of deviancy though early on. Here’s a pic of her molesting a bear.
Someone’s been listening to Tommy too much.
Violin music starts to play. Susan comes on the screen and tells us that she had a slight disability as a child that made it hard to trust people. Disability? Being shy isn’t a goddamn DISABILITY. Man, it sure didn’t take her ass long to become American.
She says that her “disability” made it hard to make friends, cuz she couldn’t trust anyone. That led to people making fun of her. The violins swell. I feel bad for a second. Here’s a disabled person that’s always been made fun of and here I am making fun of her. But I have a disability too. I’m very, very bored. WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Watch out. You’re hair’s about to bite your forehead off.
Performing saved Boyle’s life, k? She got her start by going to bars and doing Paula Poundstone routines.
When Poundstone’s alcohol and child abuse charges started flowing, the only other option was singing.
Singing in clubs attracted some super classy dudes to our lady.
Ernest Goes to Blackburn.
Susan’s mom died in 2007, and Boyle lost it. Aw. I will not make fun of that. After crying for a couple years, Susan finally went to her now infamous audition for Britain’s Got Talent. The hosts say that when they first met her they said “uh oh another one of those.” Funny, cuz that’s what I said when I saw them. They meant “crazy person”, I meant “hacks relegated to reality hosting because their fart app didn’t get approved in the app store”.
Pull my finger.