SYTYCD: And Your Four Finalists Are…..

Hiya Gasmi, it’s me again.  Are you ready to find out who our four finalists will be this season?  Or maybe you’re ready for an hour nap.  Either way, you’ve come to the right place!  Welcome! To So You Think Can Dance (dance…..dance)!

What the hell is Cat wearing?!?!?!

I guess Mary’s scary boobs last night made Cat’s to want to play peek-a-boo tonight?  Yikes.  Not YIKES at Cat’s boobs, I’m sure they’re lovely just like her.  Just a general YIKES to her outfit.

We start out (as usual) with a group routine.  Why is there is a giant flower in the middle of the stage?  Has there been an environmental mutation and plants now rule the world?  I’m so confused.

The piece was choreographed by Justin Giles.  He can stay.  I really liked this.

Ready for some memories?  Since we didn’t look back on the top eight last week, I’m going to start with those old routines and then go into the top six.  Hopefully you’re all okay with that.

In Season two, the top eight group number was a Broadway number choreographed by Sir BitchyPants.  OY.

Cell Block Tango

God, I hate Sir BitchyPants.  The only thing keeping me from saying this sucked monkey balls is the fact that this cast seemingly had the ability to make even the worst shit look great.  LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Season 3 brought us hip hop from Shane Sparks.

Get Up

I miss Shane.  Why, Shane, why?!?!?  You know who I miss even more?

Come Back, Come Back, Please Danny, Come Back!!!!!!

Sorry.  I just miss him so.

Season four’s top eight brings us another hip hop number, this time choreographed by Chuck Maldonado.

Universal Mind Control

This is another cast that could really pull it off.  I’m not sure if I like this number because it was good or if I like it because I love these guys.  I think it might be the second one.

Season five’s number brings us a slightly twisted version of “One” by Mia.

One

I remember being impressed at the time that Sir BitchyPants was able to pull off a fabulous Broadway number for once in his sorry life.  Then I found out that Mia choreographed this piece and it all made sense.  Still love it.  Of course it helps that I adore the musical, right?

For season six we have a Sonya number.

Pon de Floor

I don’t think I’ve ever NOT loved a Sonya group routine.  Have I?  Oh don’t bother checking, I’m sure I’ve not liked at least one of them.  It’s funny because some of the things that can be irksome about her choreography in a duet really work in a group dynamic.  I think she has even more room to play around with shapes the way she really likes to.  You may notice that Assleigh was not in this number.  I still didn’t miss her.

For season seven, we once again have two numbers since we lost one dancer at a time.  The first is another Mia number.

When We Dance

Still don’t care for this one.  Ade’s feather bra still weirds me out.  Plus this was the week we lost Alex.  {{hold me}}

The top seven group number for season seven was a crappy Sir BitchyPants’ Broadway number.  BLECH.

Charleston

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate Sir BitchyPants’ Broadway numbers????  Consider it said again.

Now that we’ve gone through the top eight routines, let’s get to the top six numbers!!  We start again at season two with a Mia contemporary routine.

Hide and Seek

Oh my god, could the crowd have been any more fucking annoying during this number?  That said, LOVE IT.  Can next season just be a repeat of season two?  PLEASE????

Season three’s number brings Wade back to us again.  Miss you SOOOOOOOOOO much, Wade!!!

2:19

I can’t believe I forgot about this one.  LOVE Wade – where the fuck are you Wade?  Please come back to us!!!

We’re going to switch up choreographers in season four.  This time around it’s a Mandy Moore contemporary piece.  I really love Mandy a lot, so I’m excited to revisit this one.

The Rose

This is another one I had forgotten about.  You know, Mandy and contemporary are usually a big hit for me and this number is no exception.  I really love this one as well; what a strong group of six we had this season.

Season five.  Sir BitchyPants + clowns = terrifying

Send in the Clowns

It was creepy then, it’s still creepy now.

The top six in season six were the finalists.  Blech.  The fact that Assleigh was in the finals still pisses me the fuck off.

And finally, we get to season seven again.  I cannot for the life of me find the top six “All That Jazz” number.  I found something that looks like it may have been from the tour, but not the number from the actual televised show.  NO FAIR.  If any of you can find it, please link it in your comments!

And finally, the do-over top six group number (because no one got sent home the week before) is Mia’s awesome (and Emmy nominated) “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”  SQUEE!!!!!

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

LOVE LOVE LOVE this number!!!!  You heard me! LOVE.  Also?  Allison is DA BOMB.

So.  Hopefully you are all still with me.  Sorry for the extended group number memory lane stroll, but there were a few top eight routines that I really wanted to make sure we got to see again.

Now back to our previously scheduled program.

Cat’s outfit is still hideous.

Christina is not here tonight.  I guess Nigel didn’t want to give her a say in who makes the finale.  Or maybe she wouldn’t put out for him.

Cat points out that the judges have been still making the final decision on who goes home.  Sadly she doesn’t seem as outraged by that as we all are.  BUT this week it is America’s vote alone that will decide who moves on to the finale since Nigel doesn’t want to reveal who the top two are.  I’m still annoyed that we didn’t get this happening at top ten like we should have.

Don’t care!  Nanny nanny boo boo!

Cat tells us tonight is PACKED with performances.  We’ve got that Pia chick from American Idol (way to be cheap Nigel), the Bad Boys of dance (OH YEAH!!!!), plus last year’s winner and runner up, Lauren and Kent.

Before we get to the results, Cat tells us we’re going to get to see one more performance from each of the top sex so we can see how awesome they are.  First up, Sasha.

It’s not boring, but I still think she has a tendency to be slightly frantic.  It’s a good solo, but it doesn’t blow me away like contestants have done in the past.

The judges give her a standing ovation.  Either that or someone has finally put the tacks I sent over to the studio on their chairs.  Sorry, Lil C!  You were supposed to be spared.

Next up, Caitlynn.

I really wish she had the ability to really move me when she dances because I think she is a gorgeous dancer; I just don’t feel it when I watch her.  I think she may be one to watch in years to come as she finds that thing inside her that will make people really connect with her.  Really.  Could I say really anymore in that paragraph?

The judges are on their feet again and I am wondering who I address the thank you note to.

Let’s move on to Melanie.

Need I say it?  LOVE.  I could sit and watch this girl dance all day.

Judges?  Standing.  I hope Mary wore flats tonight.  Ready for the guys’ solos?  Too bad.  First we all have to suffer through dance day clips.  UGH.

Can we get on with the solos now?  Nope.  First we have to listen to Nigel plug the new Fox show, Mobbed.  No, Tony Soprano is not making a comeback.  It’s flash mobs or some such crap.  That immediately makes me think of the phone commercial with the guy who suffers from premature flash mobbing.  WE ARE!

Anyway, guy solo time.  First up, Tadd.

Still the same solo.  Still love him despite that.

The judges do not stand.  Damn!  Who moved the tacks?

Next up, Marko.

I wish he would do something to really blow me away.  He’s great, but I’m still not wowed by his solo.

The judges stay in their seats again.  Lazy bastards.  Last solo.  Here’s Ricky!

This was by far the best guy solo of the night which is sad because we all know he’s most likely to go home tonight.  The judges STILL stay in their seats which is horseshit because his solo was better than Sasha or Caitlynn’s.  It’s penis discrimination is what it is.

We take a quick break and then it’s time for the first of our guest performances.  Lauren and Kent are to perform (or re-perform) their piece “Collide” choreographed by Travis.

Still love it.  Except for the kiss at the end.  Seriously, the choreographers really need to stop it with that.  It’s not that I’m against kissing or anything.  For real, I’m not.  I love kissing.  Some of my best friends are kisses.  I just don’t think gratuitous kissing adds anything to a routine like this.

Cat tells us Lauren will be back for the finale as an all star.  Also Robert, Mark, and season four winner Joshua.  Eh, Yay, YAY!!!

Ready for some results?  Cat calls the girls to the stage.  She goes through a recap of each girl’s previous night performance before getting down to it.  The first person moving into the finale is……..

DUH.

No surprise there, right?  If you are surprised by that I can only assume that you have not watched this season at all.  Or you have some rare brain disease.  Yeah, one of those things.

We won’t find out who the other girl is yet.  Instead, Cat brings out the three guys.  We go through their performances as well and then cat announces the first guy moving through is……..

DUHx2

Time for another guest performance.  This time it’s The Bad Boys of Dance!!

Why hello “Look at my crotch” pants.  Yes please, I think I WILL look.  Ahem, sorry.  I think I would have liked this performance even more than I did (and I DID enjoy it) if they had used a different piece of music.  I really did not like the music at all.

Also, why was a random girl performing with them?  That said, I’d love to go see these guys.  In fact, I had wanted to take my niece to see them but we had competition the weekend that they were performing at our theater.  Oh well, maybe next time.

Time for more results.  Cat brings Sasha and Caitlynn out on stage. But first Nigel has to blather about for a bit about how much he loves them both.  He thinks Caitlynn dances from her head, Melanie from her heart, and Sasha from her soul.  To him, it doesn’t matter who wins, he thinks the only winner is dance.  Oh, shut it.  I think we all know how this is going to go.

Yup.

Wow.  These guys look thrilled, don’t they?

Caitlynn gets her goodbye montage and then Cat sends her along her way.

We take another break and then have to suffer through a non dance guest performance before getting the last of our results.  Pia from American Idol is here because Nigel made her.

Girlfriend needs to lay off the tanning.  Unless the oompa loompa look is making a comeback.  You can tell she’s just starting out because she really puts her all into the lip syncing.  Hey, who says I don’t appreciate effort?

Let’s get to the last of our results, shall we?  Nigel can’t even be bothered to talk to the guys.  Not that I want to hear him talk or anything, but what a colossal asshole.  UGH.  HATE.

Anyway, I think I know which way this is going to go……

And I’m right.

I’m happy for Tadd and also happy because I am more excited about watching him in the finale than either Ricky OR Marko.

Ricky gets his goodbye montage, and that’s it for the show.  Cat reminds us that the finale is up next and breaks out the news that Katie Holmes will be a guest judge.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Why??? I will seriously hurt someone if she performs that godawful dance again.  HURT.

Why am I never picked to be a guest judge?

I don’t know, Hugh, I just don’t know.

It’s unfair, isn’t it?  Although, it’s probably for the best because I’m pretty sure my recap would be nothing but a second by second screenshot of every moment of him.  You may think I am joking.  Nope, not.

So, that’s the show, Gasmi.  No surprises, right?  What did you think?  Are you upset about any of the results?  Excited for the finale or ready to be done?  I’m excited to see what they bring to the table, especially Melanie and Tadd.  I hope that we get some really terrific dances.  I want my socks knocked off dammit!!  See you there……

SWAK, PottyMouth