SYTYCD: Crazy, You’re a Starr

Time for the second round of auditions, Gasmi.  This time around we’re stopping in to see what Utah and New York have to offer.  Are you ready?  This!  Is So You Think You Can Dance!

Cat tells us that Salt Lake City is the smallest stop on their audition tour, but it always provides the show with big talent.  Care to name a few Cat?  Why yes, she would.  There’s Chelsea, Randi, Assleigh and Ryan, Gev, Allison, and season three winner Sabra.  Wait.  What?  Did the show just actually mention Sabra’s name?

Nigel must’ve been out sick or something.

Time to meet the judges for this round…..

Oh crap, see what happens once you let one stripper in?

The good news for Mary is that with Robin on the panel her face looks more natural than it has in years.

After Cat explains the complicated audition process to us, we are ready to begin.  Up first are Devon McCullough and Micah Clark.  They are steppers and are here to show us what they can do.

They’re good.  I love stepping and these guys have got great, clean sound.  It’s a nice way to start the show.

Mary thinks they’re a lot of fun for sure and she loves how this show celebrates all different styles of dance.  She doesn’t know what else they can do, but at this, they are really great.

I just really wish you would have incorporated a pole into that routine.  Missed opportunity, guys.

Nigel loves stepping and he’s really love to see them do the choreography.  Mary and Robin agree (DUH) and so Devon and Micah sticking around for the rest of the day.  Hope they bought a good book!

Up next is Chyna Smith, self proclaimed super fan.  She tells us she’s obsessed with the show and has been lucky enough to have had the opportunity to dance with Matt, Natalie Reed, and Brandon.  Yes, that’s what happens when you go to workshops.  My six year old just got to dance with Ivan and Travis, it doesn’t mean he’s going to be cast on the show.

Chyna tells us her audition piece was choreographed by Allison and given the choreography controversy from the last episode I’m hoping that she has permission to perform it and didn’t just lift it from a workshop or something.

It’s a little affected for my taste, but the girl clearly has training and talent.  I can already tell she’s going to get on my last nerve, and Nigel telling her that she reminds him of Mowee is not helping that AT ALL.

Well, I had an insta-boner and quite frankly you’ve giving me my wanking material for this evening.  Well done.

Mary thinks she has great technique and thinks she’s very exciting for the show.  Robin can totally see her as a Pussycat Doll.  Uh…..yay?  She gets a ticket to Vegas.

After a quick break, Cat reminds us that this is the smallest city on their audition tour, and she thinks it may also be the blondest.  This is followed by hilarious clips of blondes acting dumb because you know, that’s what blondes do.

Well, at least they’re laughing with us, right?

Anyway, Annie Gratton is sure to stand out amid the blonde brigade because she is a red head.  You know how else you can stand out Annie?  Dance well.

And that she does.  It’s funny, because I like her, but there is an awkwardness to her especially in some of the simpler, quieter moments of her audition.  Her hands and arms seem a bit spazzy at times, but maybe she was tense and nervous.

Mary says she obviously came there with a plan and executed that plan.  Robin says she really took the bull by the horns.  Nigel didn’t think it was possible to get a boner from a red head, but he did!  Imagine that!  Then Nigel makes her dad come up on stage to dance with his daughter because they made a big deal about the fact that he dances but never has with her before she auditioned.

Surprisingly, Dad can actually hang.

Huh.  I thought for sure that was going to be a train wreck.  Dad and daughter both get tickets to Vegas but Cat thinks that dad may have some issues meeting the age requirements.

It’s montage time.  For this one we’re focused on the girls. Cue pervy Nigel smile.  But Nigel’s not the only one into the girls of Utah.  Robin wants to turn them all into Pussycat Dolls.  Isn’t that against their religion?

It’s time for a little testosterone.  Meet Tadd Gadduang.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about Tadd.  I mean, he has some really great musicality, but his audition piece felt a little disjointed to me.  It was more a series of moments than a cohesive piece.  I like what I see; I just wish it had a better flow.

The crowd goes nuts and immediately starts chanting “Vegas, Vegas, Vegas”.  Mary says it was absolutely fantabulous; she loves that it wasn’t just all power tricks.  Robin agrees.  Nigel loved the use of music and says it was completely and utterly entertaining.  He gets a ticket to Vegas.

Cue next montage, this time of people falling.  A guy tells Cat at great length about his bruised balls (of his feet) and she loses it in a fit of giggles.  I don’t really find it to be that funny, but I love Cat and so start to giggle along with her.

Who else would love to hang out with Cat?

We’ve already reached the final contestant of day one.  Her name is Samantha Hiller.  Samantha is a dance major who recently ignored the fact that she had mono and as a result developed amnesia.  WHAAAAT???? Has anyone ever heard of that?  So bizarre.

So Nigel cannot pass up the opportunity to be a jackass regarding her amnesia, asking her how long she’s been dancing and then laughing at the fact that she wouldn’t know.  He really is an asshole, isn’t he?

I immediately know she’s not going to go any further, and honestly?  She shouldn’t.  She’s not terrible, not a joke of an audition, but she’s not good enough to make it onto the show.  She seems like a sweet girl though and I wish her the best.

Let’s pretend she didn’t dance and tell her to go again…..won’t that be hilarious?

They send her through to choreography.  Speaking of choreography, it’s that time!  At the end of it, stepper Devon gets a ticket to Vegas along with seven others, while Micah and Samantha get the old heave ho.

Day two and we start out with Chase Thomas.

Aka, Captain Underpants.

Puh-lease.

My thoughts exactly, Hugh.  Anyway, Mary and Robin go all gaga over Captain Underpants’ lack of clothing while Nigel desperately tries to think of Chyna.

For someone so tall he dances very stunned.  It’s not that he’s not good, he is, I just wish he had more energy through his movements, if that makes sense.  The judges all loved it and wanted to see more; he gets a ticket to Vegas.

Montage of guys kicking some ass.  Tickets to Vegas for all.

And then, it’s time for the last audition of the day.  Since we have gone this entire hour with only snippets of bad/delusion dancers shown, Nigel has decided that we must surely all be craving a loon.  He is so wrong.  This last auditioner is a crazy pants attention seeker who says that her dad is the real Ringo Starr, like the real legal one and if you can’t see where this is going then I don’t nkow what to say.  Honestly, I am not even writing anything more about her because I refuse to give her any more attention than she’s already got.

After choreography, nine more dancers I would have rather spent this time watching get tickets to Vegas.

From Salt Lake City we travel to the east coast stopping at Brooklyn for our next audition round.  This time around Jason Gilkison will be joining Mary and Nigel at the judges’ table.  Oh, yay!  I really like Jason a lot.  Like a lot, a lot.

First up in New Yawk is Princess Lockeroo.  She does the dance style wacking and tells us that when someone wacks you can see the music.  She has also been inspired by martial arts and the movie The Matrix, though she fails to mention the second.

I don’t really know what to make of this.  She’s interesting, but I’m wondering how hard it really is to flail your arms around super fast.  Oh wait, I just tried it and I think I dislocated my shoulder.  I dunno, it doesn’t seem like there was a whole hell of a lot of actual dancing in there, so I’m a bit skeptical about her.  Oh, and her name?  She doesn’t do locking so CLEARLY her name should really be Princess Wackadoo.  You know it’s true.

Nigel loves how entertaining it was and Mary calls her the wacking diva.  She thinks people are going to vote for her.  Jason thinks that her audition was clever because it showed them what she can do.  Did I miss something?  She gets a ticket to Vegas.  WHAT??  UGH.  I bet she gets cut the first day.

Next is Brandon Jones and he will be dancing contemporary/lyrical.

He’s good.  Real good.  Nigel says he has wonderful technique and is a joy to watch.  Tremendous.  Jason says you can’t argue with the reaction from the audience.  He loves seeing a strong male dancer that also can show softness.  Mary can see his joy for dance, and then Brandon cuts in to tell them how he lost his dad to a trucking accident.

You should have brought a hanky with some Vicks vapor rub on it.  At least then the tears would be real.

Oh Brandon, really?  You totally didn’t need the sob story, and now you’ve irritated me.  With the good dancer/sob story combo meal, it should come as no surprise that he gets a ticket to Vegas.

After a montage of happy dancing and judges accompanied by a scruffy guitar duo, it’s time for Brian “Hollow Dreams” Henry.  He’s a krumper and says something about how Nigel says it’s always violent.  Nigel says it doesn’t always have to be violent, for example when Russell does it….Brian is not Russell.  “So you’re going to be violent”, Nigel asks.  “No, I’m gonna KRUMP.” Replies Brian.

The judges love that one, can you tell?

So Nigel asks him what he thinks about Lil C.  He says Lil C brought it to the mainstream, he’s taking it back.  Mary thinks dems fighting words!

Y’all know I’m no krump expert, but he seems like he’s really good.  And really full of himself.

Nigel jokes that he should try to make it look a bit more masculine next time.  He says there’s no question that Brian gave it his all; it showed him how music and strength go together and he thinks it was really incredible to watch.  He’s guessing it came out of frustration.  WRONG!  Brian pipes up.  Brian’s krumping is all about praising his god.

Nigel tries to clarify what he means but Brian is having none of it, saying that his dancing is all about praise.  He’s happy right now; he’s not frustrated about anything.

Brian’s happy face.

Yikes!  What’s his pissed off face look like?

Mary makes him put his shirt on and then chastises him for talking smack about Russell and Lil C.  She’s no likey.  Brian says he would never even be there if Russell hadn’t been there; he opened the door for krumpers.  She does not like his tone at all.  She thinks the krumping was fantastic though.

Jason says what it comes down to for him is that he can’t quite picture him doing other styles, so he’d really need to see him doing choreography.  And that’s where he’s sent.

I don’t think this guy was as lucky.

Maybe he got lucky later with Mary.  If you can call that lucky.

The next dancer we’re going to meet is Mary Kate Sheehan who is an Irish dancer.  Oh Lord of the Dance.  I have to admit Gasmi; Irish is not my favorite style of dance at all.  The whole “hands by your side at all times” is really off putting to me.  I don’t know why, it just is.

Mary Kate tries to educate us about Irish dance history, and apparently the arm thing that bugs me so much came about because English people banned dancing so the Irish outwitted them by only dancing with their feet behind half doors.  Uh, great.  Thanks for the info; it still will annoy me I’m sure.

Okay, so arm irritation aside, this girl is good.  Her footwork was amazing and the effortless way she covered the stage was awesome to behold.  Wow.

Nigel thinks it was lovely and wonders if she does championships.  Yep.  She’s top five in the nation and top in the world.  He loves the use of the stage and thinks it was a pleasure to watch.

Mary says she is so powerful and makes it look so effortless; she makes Mary proud to be Irish.  Jason hopes they can capture on camera her movement across the floor and talk also about the effortlessness of that.  They send her through to choreography.  Bollocks, I say!  Why does Princess Lockeroo get a ticket straight to Vegas while this girl gets sent to choreography?!?!?!  That is Bullshite.

After a quick break we rejoin the auditions and they have gone steadily downhill.  Nigel is pissed.  He’s not alone; several of the crappy auditioners are also pissed and one guys is actually surrounded outside by security guards.  Hey, it sucks when you don’t have good enough friends to tell you that you suck and should stay home.

Duuuuuude

Virgil “Lil O” Gadson is hoping he can turn those judges’ frowns upside down.

That was fun.  Not mind blowing, but definitely fun.  I bet he gets through to choreography.  Nigel says Lil O is not just a dancer, he is a performer.  He points out that performers always do so well on this show and he thinks Lil O will do well.

Mary thinks America will love him, and Jason says he could instantly see him as part of the top twenty.  And then Nigel says they have no idea if he can do anything else before sending him straight through to Vegas.  Yes, that makes so much sense, doesn’t it?  I’m still annoyed about Mary Kate.

What about meeeeee-ya?

Oh ferchrissakes, go eat something, will ya?

After Lil O there’s nothing left to see for day one except the choreography round.

Why hello, Will and Katee.

I hope the fact that they’ve been running choreography for these auditions means they’re part of this season’s all stars.  So how do Mary Kate and Brian fare?

Mary Kate gets a ticket to Vegas, and I am so happy for her even though Nigel makes sure to tell her the decision was not unanimous.  Dick.  Brian also gets through and then cries which makes me like him a little more.  Hopefully he’ll tone the cockiness down in Vegas.

He should also leave the macaroni necklace and shirt at home.

What?

It’s day two in New York and we’ve only got about twenty minutes left, so I think we’re going to sail right through this one.  Up first today is Jess LeProtto, and I sure as hell hope this kid goes to a performing arts school because even there he might get his ass whopped every single day.

He has a weird cockiness about him, and I can’t tell if he’s arrogant or just nervous.  He’s a musical theater major and his style of dance is Broadway.  We haven’t had one of those since Evan.  I love Broadway, so I’m hoping he does really well.

I am not disappointed; this kid is pretty damn good.  He has great technique and I always love when the leaps and turns seem so effortless.  Now if only he would put a little less effort into his personality, then he might go far.

Nigel thinks there was a disconnect between his technique and performance.  He wasn’t really feeling anything from Jess and would like to see him appearing to enjoy it more.  Jess seems confused by this critique, but Mary agrees and says that if she had felt something from him she’d probably be up on her feet screaming for him.

In that case, don’t change a thing Jess.

Jason disagrees and says he loved it, it was great.  He says the beginning didn’t connect but then halfway through he came through like a freight train.  He gets sent through to choreography.    I’m not even going there.

Next to audition is Latin dancer, Kristin Dobson.  Kristin really needs to back away from the spray tanner because she is as orange as an oompaloompa.

She’s okay, I guess.  She’s certainly no Iveta, but she’s not terrible either.  Jason loves her engaging personality but says she needs to work on opening up to her partner.  Mary also likes her but cautions her against the leg lift in the middle as it is so uncharacteristic of the style.  They put her through to choreography.

Then……

IVETA!!!!!!

It’s as if I conjured her by saying her name!  You remember her, don’t you Gasmi?  She was Russell’s partner in Vegas and I was so sad that season to see her go.  Fingers crossed she gets further this time around.

We get clips of good dancers we’ll probably never see again, and then it’s time for New York’s last audition, Robert Taylor Jr.  Robert loves to say the word woo a lot.  Some may think that charming.  I don’t.

He’s just okay for me; he has a great personality on stage but, for me at least, his actual dancing was pretty mediocre.  So naturally he goes right through to Vegas.  Of COURSE he does.

After the choreography round, both Jess and Kristen get put through to Vegas along with seventeen other dancers.

And that’s it for this round of auditions, Gasmi.  What did you think?  Anyone really blow you away?  Did you get as annoyed as I did by the wackaroos getting tickets right through while obviously better dancers were sent to choreography?  Next up is L.A. and it looks like we may see some familiar faces there!

SWAK, PottyMouth