SYTYCD: Dragging Down Your Partner

Here we are again, Gasmi.  Tonight we will lose two more dancers.  Will we be dancing in the streets in celebration?  Or will Nigel be a party pooper yet again?  I always bet on the latter and hope for the former.

It looks like Cat has decided to rejoin the modern era this evening, and although I like her hair much better this way, I liked her 20’s era dress way better.

Than the drop cloth she appears to have grabbed from some poor messy painters.

Poor guys.  They’re bound to get fired for getting paint on the carpet now.

She starts out by telling us last night was a total love in for the dancers.  What else is new?  As many of you have already mentioned over the last few weeks, the constructive criticism on this show is now nonexistent.  It’s something that I also miss.  A LOT.

Cat also reminds us of Nigel’s smooching which has now ruined my appetite for the rest of the day.  Ha!  I just got a new idea for a diet plan!  I’ll make millions!

Oh, wait.  Barfing isn’t really dieting is it?

Well, I guess the bulimics out there can put the toothbrushes down now.  Welcome.  To So You Think You Can Dance (dance…..dance)!

Can you guess how this results show starts?  Ding, ding, ding!  You are correct!  Group number.

Can someone please tell me where the fuck is Wade Robson?!?!?!  Remember the awesome group numbers he put together?  Miss them?  Me too.

Ramalama

God, watching that makes me miss the old stage even more than I already do.  And Wade.  I miss Wade.  And Brian Friedman.  And Mia (choreographing).  Now I’m getting sad and mad and I’d like to kick Nigel in the nutters.  Oh wait.  That’s every week.

I’m guessing you’ve figured out by now that I did not enjoy this particular group number.  In all fairness, I shouldn’t really compare it to Ramalama since that was the top ten group performance of season 2.  So, in the name of fairness, let’s take a look at previous top 16 group numbers and see how this one stacks up.

Season one brought us “Pump It” choreographed by Shane Sparks.

Pump It

I try not to think about Shane much because I miss him tremendously, but also know allegedly diddling of teenagers means we’ll never see him on this show again.  Lesson learned: leave the jailbait alone.

Season two brought us yet another Shane Sparks piece.

Poison

Sigh.

Season three’s top sixteen group number was choreographed by Sir BitchyPants, and I’m a little shocked because I didn’t loathe this one.

The Lionness Hunt

In all fairness, I do think I tend to like his group routines more than his partnered dances; I liked that weird clown number he did as well.  Now I’m not only missing past choreographers but dancers as well.  Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to take this detour after all.

Season four Mia stepped up and took the reins for the top sixteen.  I think we all know before looking that it was going to be great.  Mia may be a giant bitch, but her choreography (when she isn’t doing a piece for her dead dad) is most often phenomenal.

The Dance

Season five brought together the collaboration of Dmitry, Tabitha and Napoleon.  This number was so freaking hot they had to pour water on Jeannine just to cool her off.

I Know You Want Me

Of course no viewing of that number can be complete without a little accompanying picture.

The season six top sixteen group routine is not my favorite, but still a fairly strong showing by Dave Scott.

Warrior, Pt 2

I don’t know why that clip is so long, but it was the only one I could find.

And there is no top sixteen group number for season seven because we didn’t have a top sixteen.  Are you still with me Gasmi?  Sorry to take you on that long detour, but I actually enjoyed that about a thousand times more than I did the group routine this week.  For this season, so far at least, Sonya’s top twenty number remains the strongest.

Anyway, I guess we should get back to the show, huh? Cat thanks Michael Rooney for choreographing that routine and I wonder if he’s any relation to Mickey Rooney.

Could be……Who knows?

Cat AGAIN goes back to talking about the judges all making out last night.  Cat!  Stop!  PLEASE.  Thankfully she moves on, asking Kristin about her country album.  You know, for a moment I got a little excited thinking that Kristin might perform on tonight’s results show.  Then I remembered her country album.

I’m a little frightened now.

Now that Kristin’s new project has been properly plugged, we can move on to some results.  Let’s bring out the first three couples.

Erg.  Two of these couples would be my choice for bottom 3 but there’s no way we’re going to get two of the three immediately.  Dang it!

Cat starts with Melanie and Marko.  There’s more talk of kissing and clips of the judges kissing a-fucking-gain.  I may never eat again.  I’m sure I don’t need to tell you these two are safe.  But in case I do: they are!

She talks to Ashley and Chris next, and I expect her to talk to Ryan and Ricky before giving us the results.  But instead she tells Ashley and Chris that they are in the bottom three.

That means that Ryan and Ricky are safe.  At least we don’t have to watch another godawful solo from her this week.  Hey!  Just trying to find the silver lining, Gasmi.

Hey, did you hear National Dance Day is coming up?  Nigel tells us all about the three different routines being choreographed, including one by Jokerface aka Robin Antin.  Great.  I can’t wait to see flash mobs of sixteen year olds doing that.

Nigel’s envisioning it right now.

Perv.  Let’s move on to our next grouping for results.

Stripperella tells Cat she has to pee.  Charming.  She also needs to stop adorning one breast with feathers and fringe.  She looks like she’s caught some sort of weird Vegas showgirl disease or something.  Cat starts with Stripperella and Tadd and we get plenty of shots of shirtless Tadd which is good since I’m pretty sure that was a contributing factor to their safeness.

So we’re left with Sasha and Alexander and Miranda and Woobert.  I’m thinking it’s obvious who will be in the bottom, but every time I say that the opposite happens.  So this time I keep my mouth shut.

Which gets me the result I was looking for.

I guess Sir BitchyPants was good for something this week.

Time for the last two couples.

Why does Jess always have a fucking smirk on his face?  I actually think the guy is a great dancer, but his personality is SO FUCKING OFFPUTTING.  But then we’ve got Mitchell and his Chris Tucker voice; also annoying.  Which annoyed America more?

Yikes.  America must hate his voice a lot because you don’t have to listen to it while he’s dancing, but Jess’ smirk you get to see all the time.

While the bottom three prepare for their solos, it’s time for our first guest performance of the evening.  Cat tells us these performers are part of one of the world’s most acclaimed and innovative dance ensembles that combine performers with and without disabilities.  It’s Axis.

I really liked that a lot.  So cool to see how they used the wheelchair in unique and sometimes surprising ways.  I also loved the effortlessness of it.  Cat talks to them after and they are both breathing hard which makes that effortless look even more impressive.

Solo time.  Ashley’s up first.

Eh.  I’m bored by her.  There’s nothing in this that wows me or even makes me hope she sticks around.  I’ll forget about this the minute she leaves the stage.

Chris’ turn.

His solo was better than hers but I think I could have done without him grabbing at his head all angsty throughout it.  It was a decent solo, but again, nothing that blew me away.

Let’s move on to Miranda.

This girl is good.  I forget that when she’s dancing with her partner because his annoyingness overshadows her dancing.  I’d love to see her paired with someone else so I can maybe appreciate her more.

Speaking of annoying, here’s Woobert.

I don’t like him.  There’s nothing about this that I liked, and honestly nothing there’s not anything he’s done that you couldn’t see in a club somewhere on a Saturday night.  And better too.

It’s Caitlyn’s turn to dance.

I don’t think this was her at her best, but I really like Caitlynn so I hope she’s not the one sent home tonight.

Last solo of the night is Mitchell.

There’s no denying this kid can dance.  If you’re going on dance ability alone he should stay.  But we all know that’s not always how things work.

At this point I’m hoping for a Woobert/Ashley boot.  While the judges head off to deliberate, it’s time for our second guest performance of the evening. I’m happy to report there’s not lip syncing involved in this one; it’s another dance performance!  I love it when they do this.  Please put your hands together for World Theatrical Ballroom Champions, Eric Luna and Georgia Amberian.

Holy mackerel!  Talk about effortless; he just picked her up and tossed her around like she was a little bag of feathers.  That one armed lift in the opening sequence set the tone and they continued with that throughout the piece.  This performance and the one by Axis are what these results shows should be as far as guest performances go.  Do you hear me Nigel?

Time to find out what the judges have decided.  Nigel starts out by telling us there is no question that they love all three of the girls up there.  Also?  They are not unanimous tonight.

He asks Miranda to step forward first.  He talks about how last night he told her she was the most improved girl.  Apparently improvement is bad because she’s the one going home.

WTF?

I don’t get this at all.  A couple of weeks ago, yes.  This week?  No.  Ashley should be the one going home this week, not Miranda.  But then, we kept the worst girl soloist last week, so I guess that’s the new trend?  God help us all if Melanie ever lands in the bottom.

We get Miranda’s good bye montage and then Cat asks her what her favorite moment has been.  She says just dancing on the stage in general; she can’t even explain what it’s like to be on that stage.  She says she’s grateful for everything and then tells her fellow dancers that she thinks they are amazing and she loves them all.  Bye Miranda.

Awwww, you guys…….Marko was totally crying during her good bye speech.  Could he be any cuter?

Anyway, time for the guys results.  Nigel says the judges are unanimous this time around.  He calls Mitchell forward.

**gulp**

He then tells him that he does really well at dancing for his life, but they have to take into account that he ends up in the bottom three.  He tells him he’s not connecting with the public.  That’s a load considering he wasn’t in the bottom last week and week one he was there because of an injury.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

He now calls Chris forward.  He says Chris danced with all the passion they expected him to bring in the dance for your life tonight.  They also like the woodpecker routine from last week.

Hey dumbass.  That was Woobert, you annoying git.

Wow.  Now he can’t even keep straight who danced what when he’s telling them what they did well?  Ugh.  He tells Chris he needs to grow faster if he wants the public to appreciate what he’s doing.  I think the public knows more than Nigel because I’m fairly certain that we all know that he didn’t dance the woodpecker dance.

Now it’s Woobert’s turn.  Nigel tells him they’ve always said he has a fabulous personality, but they keep finding him here in the bottom three as well.  Listen, I’m happy that he’s in the bottom because I’m not a fan, but we’ve only had three weeks of competition – it’s not like we’re down to the top six and he’s been in the bottom every week.

Anyway, Nigel tells him tonight will be his last time in the bottom three because tonight he will be leaving.

You know, we could have had this same result two weeks ago and then possibly still have Nick here.  Say it with me once again: SUCK IT, NIGEL.

Cue Woobert’s good bye montage which is full of woos and reminds me why I wanted him to go.  And then Cat tells him his enthusiasm has been completely infectious.  What has he enjoyed the most about this experience?  The audience and his fellow contestants.  He didn’t even think of this as a competition and he wants to send a message of love and peace to everyone out there.

Yeah, peace OUT, Woobert.

And with one final WOO, Woobert is gone.

And that’s it for another week, Gasmi.  I still wish Ashley had been sent home instead of Miranda.  You know, this show used to mix up partnerships all the time in the booting.  I miss that.  So what did you think Gasmi?  Was losing Woobert worth losing Miranda?  Or would you have rather seen Chris and Ashley go?  Surely not Caitlynn and Mitchell?

Thanks again for your patience this week.  And here’s a little tidbit/heads up for you.  So.  While we were at Nationals there was a dance team there being followed by a camera crew.  Turns out it was for a brand new show on Lifetime called Dance Moms that’s premiering next Wednesday at 10pm.  It looks like it’s going to do for dance moms what Toddlers and Tiaras has done for pageant moms.

As a dance mom myself, I’m not quite sure how I feel about that, BUT I immediately sent flipit a note about it and I will be recapping that one as well as SYTYCD.  I hope you’ll join me there!  I’ll have some inside scoop on what went down at the nationals we were at and honestly, it looks like these moms are gonna be ripe for the picking.

SWAK, PottyMouth