SYTYCD: It’s That Time of the Week Again

Here we are, Gasmi.  It’s results show time and once again we’re going to lose two more dancers.

Can’t we vote Sir BitchyPants off too?

Let’s just kick him in the nuts.  Please?

I like it!

Ah, if only we vote choreographers off the show; imagine a season with no desecration of Fosse!  Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

You can’t have a results night without a group number, amirightoramiright?  So let’s see what we’ve got this week, shall we?

I wish I liked this more than I did.  First of all, “On Broadway” is one of my favorite songs, but I did NOT love this version of it.  Aside from that, this felt a little sloppy to me.  It wasn’t as crisp as I think it was meant to be.  I dunno, I didn’t hate it, but it certainly didn’t knock my socks off by any stretch of the imagination, and I SOOOO want my socks to be blown off.

I know I linked it just a few weeks ago, but Ramalama is a perfect example of a routine that blows your mind, your socks, and leaves you begging for more.  In fact, I’m linking it here again since it was the top ten group number in season two.

Ramalama

It NEVER gets old.

Man, I miss these guys.  I’ve already said how much I love this number, so I’ll just give a sigh, a sniffle, and a softly whispered “WHERE THE FUCK IS WADE?” before moving on.

In season three the top ten number was choreographed by Mia, so naturally it was a contemporary piece.

The Moment I said It

I forgot about this number.  I can’t believe I forgot about this number.  WOW.  Mia really is a fantastic choreographer. And y’all know of my great love for Danny, so naturally this piece has him going for it.  But honestly, I loved them all in this.  Mia did a really fantastic job of showing them off in this one.

Season four brought us a Bollywood number from (surprise, surprise) Nakul.

JBJ

I love all the arm stuff at the beginning of this routine.  Aside from that, I wasn’t crazy about this, but then Bollywood has never been my favorite on the show.  I like it much better in groups like this, but it never seems to have the impact on me like some of the other genres do.

In season five Wade teamed up with his wife Amanda to bring us a kick ass jazz routine.

So Much Betta

LOVE LOVE LOVE.  I think I may need to stalk Wade and try to convince him to come back to us.  This was so fucking awesome.  I want more.

No Wade in season six.  Instead, we get a Broadway routine from Sir BitchyPants.  URGH.

It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me

Thank god I’m not epileptic; the abundance of strobe light usage would have totally sparked a seizure.  Don’t you just love when Sir BitchyPants tries to be all edgy?  Me either.  It’s not the worst thing he’s ever subjected us to, so there’s that, I guess.

For season seven we’re going to take a look at the top ten group number and then also, the top nine one.  So.  Top ten first.  This one was choreographed by Sonya.

Royal T

I remember originally thinking this was a Wade routine and then disappointment setting in when I found out it wasn’t.  Still, I liked it (obviously if I thought it was Wade).  I know some of you are not big Sonya fans, and I agree that sometimes her stuff gets a little boring.  But I really like what she put together here.

The top nine group number switches over to contemporary choreographed by Jamal Gaines

O Fortuna

Unfortunata.  Which made me wonder if I felt that way the first time around.  “Ummmm……I don’t know where to start.  I’m thinking choreography this stupid had to have been done by Sir BitchyPants.  I honestly never thought I’d think “O Fortuna” was boring.  This dance made me rethink that.  This was a clusterfuck of weird ballet/modern/afro pop jazz, and, for me at least, it did not work at all.”  Yup.  Still feel the same way.

Cat comes out on stage to get this show on the road and asks Neil if he enjoyed being a judge.  He sure did.  He calls her a sexy little minx which causes Cat to squee and blush like a little girl about how Doogie Howser just called her that.

Is there anyone who does not love this woman?

Neil says he loves the show and he also loves the results shows because the caliber of group numbers here is so much better.  I’m not going to argue with him on that one; I know I’d rather see one of the weaker performances here than the best one over on AI.

No more small talk; Cat’s ready to get started on some results.

This one is so easy you guys.  It’s a no brainer that Mitchell’s going to be in the bottom and the other two are safe.  As soon as I think it, I start to worry.  SO many times my no brainers brain ME right in the head.

Well, I got the first part right.  Phew!  It would have been a travesty for him to get by after that godawful number and adult diaper solo last night.

What about Tadd and Melanie?

YES!!!

Our next three up are Marko, Clarice and Sasha.  This one should be another no brainer, don’t you think?

Safe!  YES!!!!!  I would have been really mad if he ended up in the bottom.

So it’s down to Clarice and Sasha here and you know one of them has got to be in the bottom.

No surprise again.  There was no way that Bollywood number was going to trump the awesome hip hop that Sasha and Twitch pulled out.

We take yet ANOTHER break, and when we come back Cat’s got the list of all-stars for the top eight show to share with us.  They will be Ivan (LOVELOVELOVE Him!), Jaimie, Anya and Pasha, Satan’s Daughter, Neil, Ade, and Lauren Froderman.  I am so happy Ivan is an all-star but so bummed I’m going to be away.  NO FAIR!!!!!!!!

We don’t have time for your temper tantrums missy!

I know Cat.  I’m sorry, I’ll try to pull myself together.

She’s got the last four dancers out on stage, and it’s here in this grouping that I really think anything could happen.  She’s going to start with guys, Jess and Ricky.

Poor Ricky continues to be screwed by his partnership with Ryan.  And now Jess is trying to kiss him?  Talk about a bad night!  I think Jess really thought he was going to be in the bottom there; you could genuinely see it on his face for a split second.

Time for the girls.  We’ve got Caitlynn and Stripperella.  I like Caitlynn much better, but even I have to admit that Stripperella did really well in her dance last night.  If we go on performance alone, I think she squeaked by Caitlynn on that one.

Nope.  Prior dislike rules the day.  She totally saw that one coming.

So we’ve now got the four dancers who will be performing solos in a vain effort to get the judges to change their minds about who they’ve already decided to send home.  While they get ready we’ve got our first guest performance of the evening, Danil Simpkin from ABT.

The guy is a phenomenal dancer but I truly loathe the music he’s performing to.  Like HATE it.  So much so that I went back and watched the dance on mute.  MUCH better.  I highly recommend it.

It should be solo time when we get break from commercials, but instead we get another Gatorade commercial.  This time it’s all about how the dancers went to be tested by Gatorade in their stupid gym.  Conclusion?  Dancers are athletes.  I thought we already covered that LAST year?

Now it’s solo time.  Clarice is first.

Eh.  I think she’s going home tonight.  Nigel was begging for America to vote for Stripperella last night, so either Clarice needed to blow us all away tonight (which she didn’t) or Stripperella needs to really bomb.  That could still happen, but I’d say the odds are not in Clarice’s favor.

Mitchell’s up next.

Waving a surrender flag during your solo may not be the wisest move, Mitchell.  Honestly, I’ve been ready to see this kid go for weeks.  No offense to him, he seems like a nice kid, but he is just not doing anything for me.  I’d rather we had lost him several weeks ago and kept Nick.  What?  Yes, I’m still bitter.  You know how I can be!

Time for Stripperella’s solo.

Old habits die hard with this girl as she’s back to the same old, same old.  I would have rather seen her keep her leg on the ground more like she did last night, but even given that, I prefer this over Clarice’s solo.

Last but not least is Ricky.

I think this kid is a prime example of how getting stuff with a partner everyone hates can kill you in this competition.  He really is a very good dancer, but I think all that time paired with Ryan hurt him beyond repair.  Now, if he were an AMAZING dancer, he should be able to overcome that.  Maybe in a few years he could have.

Cat sends the judges off to deliberate and we get the joy of sitting through a guest performance that is not dance.  This one features Snoop Dog and is the U.S. TV debut of Blush.

Whoa.  That was really, REALLY bad.  Like, I’d rather watch bad lip syncing bad.  In fact, if these chicks were lip syncing?  They got ripped off in the studio.  Shit, I’m no fan of autotune, but in this case I might make an exception.  Excuse me while I go rip my eardrums out of my head, stab them repeatedly with an ice pick and throw them at Snoop Dog.

Even Neil is offended that he had to listen to his crap.

Can I just say how much I love that he is getting in Nigel’s face back there?  I really wish we could hear what they’re saying.

Decision time.  Cat’s got the two girls out and ready for Nigel’s shpiel.  He asks that the guys join them.  They are unanimous in their decisions.

For a minute I thought Neil was going to punch me, but then we came to an agreement involving me sticking my head up my own ass.

He tells them he wants to explain something to them.  The winner of this competition will get $250,000.  They’re going to be on the front of Dance Spirit Magazine.  There’s the whole Gatorade thing.  This is no joke and they will need to go through a lot before we get there including being in the bottom.

He points out that Twitch was in the bottom three times, Allison four times.  Um, Nigel?  They didn’t win ya know.  He knows that.  He’s just pointing out that those guys are superstars now.  The judges don’t have anything bad to say about these guys; they think they are all fantastic.  But someone’s gotta go.

And it’s gonna be you two.

He thanks them for competing this year and then Cat does the good bye montage for each of them.  And there you have it, Gasmi.  I think the judges made the right decision tonight, what about you?

Next week, guest judges Rob Marshall and Lady Gagme.  Guest recapper mcweanis!!!!  AND……….all-star IVAN!!!!!  I can’t wait to watch!  I know mcweanis will take great care of you all while I’m away.  See you at the top six!

SWAK, PottyMouth