SYTYCD: L.A. L.A. L.A.st Audition City!

Oh Gasmi.  My days are starting to blend together.  I’ve already brought you up to speed on the SLC/Brooklyn auditions and the ABDC NOTUltimate Battle, so now we’re going to deal with L.A. auditions for So you Think You Can Dance.  Can you believe that next week is Vegas already?

Nope.

I know!  Me either, Cat.  And then we’re also finding out the top twenty AND having our Meet the Top Twenty Show next week.  These auditions rounds flew by this year, didn’t they?

So we’re in L.A. and joining Mary and Nigel this time around is Sir BitchyPants.  AGAIN.  Really?  Wasn’t anybody else available?  Bleh.

Who is scarier, Sir BitchyPants or this chick?  Discuss.

I hope I didn’t frighten you.  I randomly stopped on that frame and almost jumped out of my chair.  Girlfriend looks possessed or sumthin.

Anyway, let’s go over the audition rules one more time because I know you all have trouble remembering the process.  They come, they dance (or try to), they either go home, get a ticket to Vegas or get sent to choreography and then get sent home or to Vegas.  Clear?

Uh, I have a question.

Seriously, Hugh?  You’ve been here for a few seasons now, what’s there to wonder about?

Fine.  Be like that!  I’ll just stay here under my coat then!

Jeesh!  Who pissed in his Wheaties?  I’ll have to be super nice to him later I guess.

So we’re starting off our L.A. auditions with Jordan Casanova who tells us her alter ego is being fierce.

Or more accurately, slutty.

Damn, the only thing missing is a pole.

Why wasn’t I at this audition?

Sir BitchyPants keeps yelling out “YES!” and “Alright” and “Whoo!” just as he imagines a straight guy might do.  Problem is, he oversells it juuuuuuuuust A LOT.

Mary says that was one of the hottest performances she’s ever SEEEEN!!

I think you just made me a lesbian!!!!!!!

Mary loves her self confidence and thinks she really nailed.  Sir BitchyPants has no words.  But really does.  Naughty, naughty girl.

Nigel says he has to be careful of what he says here otherwise he’ll sound like a dirty old man.

Since when has that become a consideration?

Of course they send here right through to Vegas.  That’s perfect because when she gets cut she’ll have a short trip to the many Vegas poles.

Derion “DC” Chapman’s story is that his girlfriend’s pregnant and they’re living in his parents’ house.  I’m sure they are super happy about that.  He has a cute moment with Nigel, trying to teach him a new dance move.  I don’t know what I would have done if I had missed that one.

Eh.  I’m not overly impressed.  We’ve seen far better hip hoppers, and I think he did the same bow legged move about four or five times.  That said, he had some good musical moments and he seems like he might be a decent Broadway kind of guy if he’s able to do choreography.

Nigel says he doesn’t think he’s enjoyed a routine this much since Twitch’s conductor number.  Funnily enough, Twitch just happens to be in the audience.  What a coinky dink!

Mary says that was the most entertaining thing she has ever seen; it was fantastic.  Sir BitchyPants thinks that people like him are such a rarity, and Nigel chimes back in and says that DC transcends what the show is all about.  And…..ticket to Vegas.

Up next is Arielle Coker who we’ve seen several times before.  She’s hoping this time around will be her lucky one.

Sir BitchyPants needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP.  He talks through her entire audition yelling out “Wow” and “Are you kidding me?” a bunch of times.

No I am NOT kidding you!  Shut the fuck up motherfucker!

Nigel says he was wondering if all her work has paid off.  YUP.  He thinks it was absolutely mesmerizing.  Captivating.

And more importantly, gave me a boner this big.

Mary loved every single second of that piece.  She says when you talk about a knock out number that has it all, that was it.  Sir BitchyPants says he doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone come back with such a fire in their eyes and Mary thinks she’s come a long way over the past few seasons.  This is Nigel’s cue to say she has father to go still and so she also gets a ticket to Vegas.

We follow Arielle’s audition with a montage of other good dancers one of whom Sir BitchyPants says he’s pissed off the routine was so good.  Say it with me now….STFU Sir BitchyPants!!

Cat says it looks like the final audition city may turn out to be the best ever.  We go to a little segment I’ve dubbed “Where in the World Did You Come From?” and contestants tell us they come from such far off places as Brazil, Bella Russe and Hawaii.  This segues nicely into our next auditioner who hails all the way from Japan.

Meet Hiro Mcrae.

The show spells her name Hero, but I think the I spelling is actually correct.  Anyway, those of you that watch ADBC may recognize Hiro from We Are Heroes, champions of season four.

She comes out to meet the judges and Nigel asks how long she’s been in the U.S.  Four years.  Well, he’d like to congratulate her on her English.  I feel like I should be offended by that.  She seems thrilled though so maybe I’m being overly sensitive.  She tells Nigel that she had no money for English school when she first got here so she learned from her friend, from movie, from radio, from her lover……You Nigel loved that one, right?

Okay, so now I’m going to feel like a little bit of a jerk because I actually like Hiro but I wasn’t crazy about her audition.  Her faces were really cheesy and got on my nerves which took away from everything else for me.  I know she can dance though so I hope she goes through to Vegas.

Nigel says he doesn’t really know what’s happening today; he doesn’t know if she’ll be good at doing anything else with partners and he doesn’t care.  He loves what she just did.  Mary thinks she is extraordinary and a star up there.  Sir BitchyPants asks her “Where did you come from?”

Uuuuuhhhh…….Japan.

He thinks everything about her is magnificent.  Nigel asks about her family in Japan and they are all okay.  Nigel says he thinks she needs to e-mail her dad and tell him she’s going to Vegas.  Yep.  I’m sure he’s been losing sleep over that Nigel.

We don’t even really see the choreography round, but never fear, Cat’s there to tell us what happened.  Eight more dancers get tickets to Vegas.  I think that number’s so low because they sent a shit ton of people straight through.

Day two in LalaLand.

The first auditioner of the day is John “Big C” Doyle.  Yep, we’ve reached the joke audition portion of our show.

Ho No, No No

I was going to put the picture of him without his shirt on in here but I decided to be nice instead.  You can thank me later.

The judges know he’s a joke and he appears to be in on the joke himself, so they thank him for being entertaining and send him along his way.  As bad auditions go this wasn’t too terrible.  I still wish they’d just stick to the good stuff, but at least this doesn’t make me want to kill myself.

Big C is followed by a montage o’bad.  The judges are getting cranky, auditioners are crying, and some girl thinks Nigel’s an asshole.  I agree.  For different reasons.

Can the next auditioner save the day?  Alexis Mason is certainly up to the task and has brought season 5 winner Jeannine Mason along for moral support.

I’d never guess they’re sisters, would you?

Wow.  It’s so weird when sisters look nothing alike, isn’t it?  They do cutesy sister stuff like smacking asses and making faces at each other and then it’s time to meet the judges.  Of course Nigel has to banter with her and tell her that all the pressure is now on her.

This girl has definitely got the goods.  The one thing that she needs to stop immediately is trying to catch flies in her mouth.  For real.  And the over emoting was a little annoying as well.  But her actual dancing was beautiful.

Nigel tells her she has got to stop with the goldfish mouth; it’s very off putting.  I don’t say this often, but…..

WORD, Nigel

**Shudder** I may need to go take a shower now; somehow I feel dirty having agreed with Nigel on anything.  Other than that, he tells her she has beautiful control, there was beautiful content to her work; it was thrilling to watch.

Mary says her sister is an amazing dancing and she is an amazing dancer too.  It’s so fun for her to sit and watch the two of them be able to share this kind of experience on the show.

Sir BitchyPants loved the part of her dance when Alexis looked at Jeannine because it was such a real moment.  He says she is beautiful.  Nigel wants to know if she’s on the hot tamale train (groan) and Mary says she’s definitely getting a ticket.  Well, she’s also getting a ticket to Vegas.

How freaking cute are they?

Next up is Patty Anne Miller and I like her the minute I see her.

I mean, come on

How adorable is she?  Patty says she was dancing at the age of five and five years later she started drumming; she’s really good from what they show us.  And I’m sure it helps with her dancing.  Nigel asks what she does for a living and she tells him she’s a style consultant.

I love her.  She is really good and so fun to watch.  I hope she can do other styles of dance because I’d love to see her stick around for a while.

Nigel ells her she’s a young lady with a lot of secrets and talks about her full scholarship to Berkley as a drummer.  She is so unique he just loves her.  He asks if she’s done other styles of dance and she’s breaking down and then says she didn’t hear the question.  Nigel’s not going to ask again.  And he’s not sarcastic like you would think; he really doesn’t care.  You KNOW he’s sending her through to Vegas.

Mary also loves her and thinks she is really something special and Sir BitchyPants thinks she is just SO CUTE.

Yep.  She is as cute as he is annoying.

Nigel says he’s going to need a style consultant in Vegas and gives her a ticket.  Yay!

Cue another montage of good dancers.  I am really getting excited about this season you guys.  And now, it’s time for the last audition.  It’s another double audition, this time a pair of sisters, Natalia and Sasha Mallory.  We get a long intro on them and I’m starting to think that this might be another joke audition.  But then I see this….

And I know that everything is going to be okay.

After a discussion with Nigel about whether or not they fight, it’s time to let them strut their stuff.

I reeeeaaaally like them and I have a pit in my stomach because I am convinced that Nigel is going to cut Natalia (the heavier one).  That’s gonna make me mad because I love her quality of movement, but I’m guessing he’ll say something along the lines about how difficult it will be for someone to partner her.  God I hate him.

He tells Natalia that he’s really shocked because Sasha obviously has the better physique as a dancer, but she brings so much heart and technique to it; absolutely fabulous.  He thinks Sasha has EVERYTHING going for her, the right facility and the technique.  He loves the pair of them.

Don’t let your sister feed you any Ho-Hos

Mary thinks they’re just too cute together.  You can totally see their love of dance; she loved it.  Sir BitchyPants loved it but he really wants to see more from the pair of them.  Can they take it to the next level?  They both get through to the choreography round.

Speaking of which…..

Katee’s still there, but Will’s been replaced with Jakob this time around.

Oh man.  I was really enjoying hot Will.  Wah.

The pit in my stomach grows as I wait to hear what Nigel will say to the sisters.  He immediately gives Sasha a ticket through to Vegas, and then tells Natalia she was so close that she should come down and get a ticket too.

And the pair of us make the same face.

Yay!  I’m happy Natalia made it through.  Then I’m sad because I’m pretty certain there’s no way in hell Nigel will put her through to the top twenty.

And there you have it, Gasmi.  Next time, Vegas!  What did you think of this group of dancers?  Anyone really stand out for you?  Can you believe we’re at Vegas already? Also, were you as excited as I was to see this?……

YAY!!!!!!

See you there!  Oh, and a quick heads up.  For this upcoming week….my son has his recital on Saturday so I will be out at that ALL FUCKING DAY.  I’m going to try to get Wednesday’s show done by Friday, but I can’t promise that’s going to happen.  Sunday I’m flying to Arizona so I’ll surely be using that flight time to bust out some recappage!  Just wanted to keep you all in the loop!

SWAK, PottyMouth