AHA! I am recapping So You Think You Can Dance! For one week I have all the power to unleash my opinions upon you, finally! Before we begin, three very important things.
1. I am still mad about Nick and the Week 1 Non-Elimination. Yup, still mad bro.
2. I have wondered this forever… who are the other dancers in the sytycd opening credits? I recognize Jeanine, Philip, and Ade.. who else is in there??
3. This is my favorite routine of all time. Please watch. Travis Wall’s debut with Jeanine & Jason!
Alright! On to the show! This week, each of our top 8 performs twice – once with an all-star, and once with each other. I don’t think anybody in the top 8 doesn’t deserve to be here, which is a nice change. In past years I’ve always been screaming at some judges’ pet or ‘good personality’ person or whatever to get off my screen. This year I enjoy seeing all of the top 8 dance, and if it sucks, it’s pretty much the choreographers fault! To avoid poisoning myself with the intros, judgings, and Gaga in general, I watched all of just the routines first to see if I could grasp the story etc. without bias. For instance, this week I DID like a tice and DIDN’T like a nappy tabs! Weirddd.
Lets see. For a start, our guest judges are Rob Marshall and Lady Gaga. I don’t realllly know who Rob Marshall is but I guess he’s super successful and has something to do with Pirates of the Caribbean. And of course, Lady Gaga, with a Sergeant Pepper/Octopus’s garden outfit.
A porn film firefighter who got puked on, with doublemint hair. It’s confusing.
First we have Sasha and Pasha doing a Jonathan Roberts quickstep. Apparently this routine in supposed to take place in a quirky, alternate universe. Umm.. let’s just forget about that because there was no evidence of it the routine. If this is an alternate reality, it’s shittier than ours: Pasha wears shirts and is goofy instead of brooding and hot. I love the song Puttin on the Ritz, and I think Sasha embraced the song and style, although I didn’t see the same the same cheesy joie de vivre that Pasha had. I’m not even sure if that’s good or bad. What I did see on Sasha were some big ass feet. Even though I could tell her steps were right sometimes they looked a little clunkalicious cause of those feet. She did look beautiful, as some sort of Tahitian princess. I’ve been wondering for awhile if sasha can ditch the tough ‘warrior princess’ thing for a traditional ballroom number, and this proves she can, even though she still looked a bit angular.
Robb Marshall loves Sasha and her legs, and likes Sasha better in other genres where she can show her abandon. Mary thinks she pulled it off and loves her upper body position but wants a little more skim in the knees. Nigel also says Sasha is his favorite, but had a little too much stiffness in the upper body. (I agree.. I feel like her shoulders are always up by her ears.) Gaga thinks Sasha is a beautiful soul and spirit, and I think Gaga’s voice is far more nasal than I could have ever imagined!
Next up are Caitlynn and Ivan, with a Marty Kodulka hip hop routine. The story is that Caitlynn is pissed off with her cheatin man, so Ivan comes along to sweep her off her feet.
My first thought is that Caitlynn messed up at the beginning. She kind of waves her phone around and grabs her head like its supposed to be a dance move, but it really doesn’t look like one. But once Ivan comes out all Timberlake-like, it’s all good. This dance is alright, and Caitlynn did whip out a little bit of secret swag; there just wasn’t anything all that impressive. There was a lot of synchronized hip swinging, a sort of distance-grinding move. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the bboy and acro work we’ve seen from all the other dancers in their hip hop routines. Caitlynn is hitting it and hitting it well, but obviously this doesn’t compare to Sasha, Melanie, or Miranda’s hip hop work. They do make a super cute tall/tiny couple though.
glowing vaginas are the best vaginas
Mary can’t stop talking about Ivan! I know, he’s pretty precious. Caitlinn in comparison was good, but not brilliant. Ouch, bad note to start on. She got rid of her crazy side bang and that’s all she gets? Nigel thinks that Caitlynn needs to open up her legs a little bit more and Gaga gives him an awkward look. Well, what he meant was that she should get a little lower and find more swag. Gaga thinks Caitlynn is great and sexy, but again, didn’t quite find the fluidity in the moves like Ivan did. Rob masturbates Lady Gaga by talking about her amazing presentation.. and how Caitlynn doesn’t have it, and can’t loseherself in the music. Robb thinks Caitlynn’s infectious when she dances. I wouldn’t recommend opening your legs when you’re infectious, but whateva. Anyway, it looks like Caitlynn’s cutesiness has finally caught up with her – too bad after her sexy, adult tango last week.
Next, Jordan and Ade are sneakin out to ‘do bad things’ in a Tyce Diorio jazz numer. Well, TGINB (Thank god it’s not Broadway.) The song is Nutbush City Limits, which I actually can’t believe is a real song. HAHAHAHAHH Nutbush. How did Nutbush not get involved in the Dick/Bush campaign somehow? After I get over the hilarity, I actually like the routine. Jordan does dirty little girl well, especially in that onesie. (As a rule, I am anti-onesies, but I will make this one exception.) Jordan gets back to her super sexy roots in this number – lots of leg spreading, pouty faces and so on. I mean, this piece was pretty more choreographed for her. It’s a dirty developpe rocker girl. I actually barely looked at Ade at all, which is weird cause he’s always been a fave of mine.
hehe this ones just cuz jordan looks like a monkey.
As Nigel puts it, “Is there anything that little body can’t do?” Nigel loved the fun, badass choreography. PS, Tice got a weird new asymmetrical haircut I couldn’t catch a screenshot of. Gaga says Jordan gives her hope with her tiny short legs, and shows off her foot-long heels. Robb loves Tice and Jordan. Mary splooges herself over Jordan’s legs.
Next we have Melanie, Neil and Mandy Moore in a contemporary routine! Yayyy. Opening chords and I love it.. Total Eclipse of the Heart! I’ve loved this song ever since the glee cover.
For the first half im thinking, ok, boring, seen this before, white and flowy… and then when the music powers up, Melanie and Neil REALLY power up and I get the mothafucking TINGLES BITCH! Melanie makes a ridiculous terrifying huge flying leap into his arms. Melanie is a goddess. She does a brilliant job letting out those glorious extensions and then just crumpling, spurned woman that she is in this routine. I mean really, she just needs to win. I love me some Sasha, but when it comes to numbers like this, Melanie OWNS. The girls number of the night, in my opinion. Maybe the number of the night – we’ll see. Check out the mothafrickin jump! I want a flip book!
Lady Gaga starts it out, almost brought to tears, and declares that Melanie is her favorite and she wants to hire her today, and Melanie’s mom freaks out cutely clapping J Robb says Melanie is poetic, flawness and magical, and beautiful on the inside. J again! Mary says a bunch of incomprehensible positive stuff and that this number should get an Emmy. Nigel told Sasha earlier that she was his favorite… but now he’s back to Melanie as his favorite. Good boy, Nigel! Like me, he loved the moments where Melanie collapses into Neil. He throws it back to Ellen Degeneres in the audience: “you must be a carpenter, cause you just nailed it.” As Melanie leaves the stage, she takes another flying leap into Neil’s arms! YAAAAY! Love it. All I need to see from Melanie is some hard hip hop, and I shall declare her unstoppable.
For some reason, they’re doing all the girls first then the boys. And next up is Ricky, doing a Jason Gilkinson jive with Anya to River Deep, Mountain High! Maybe he can finally make it on the hot tamale train without Ryan clawing at his coattails. I love Ricky and his long lean bod, and I hope he can finally shake off the curse of Ryan. If anyone can do it, it’s Anya! Ooh hot damn. Who was it asking for some good ballroom? Here it is for your baby. Look at those blazing feet. Ricky seemed to lose a little steam in the second half.. but he was steaming pretty hard the whole time, so that doesn’t even hurt much. Sexual tension? Admittedly, no. chemistry? YES! That looks realllly fun. WTF Anya flipped HIM! The way she did it, it looked like she just launched him over her head. God I love that woman. Time to visit my Anya/Pasha spank bank tonight. (sorry Ricky, you aren’t invited.) I thought it was fantastic and fun.
this looks dirty but i promise its just a flip. unforch.
Rob loves Ricky’s joyful smile and his legs, and maybe suggests getting down into the floor a little more since he’s so freakin tall and long. Mary thought he did a great job with the difficult lifts, maybe had some trouble at the beginning with the jive’s doubletick. Nigel said the middle lift sucked, which is true – it was awkward and labored – and that Ricky’s needs to get lower. Gaga calls Anya ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (ouch) but has a sweet spot for Ricky. Wow – he did have trouble with the lift, but I thought it was better than the critiques made it out to be.
Next up is all-star Lauren and Jess doing a NappyTabs routine to Take a Bow by Rihanna. Wait… is this the same routine again? Sloww and lyrical and about cheating? Lame. Where’s my hard hitting stuff? They didn’t even try to do step or krump this year. Maybe I’m just being cruel because I want to see Jess’ stank face, which I’m sure is incredibly gross. Why does Jess keep getting stupid props in hip hop? First that god damn terrifying painting of Clarice and now a GIANT fake flower. Thanks, the only dancer allowed to use a big fake flower is JEANINE. I’m totally lukewarm about this. I’m not fond of Jess or Lauren or this song. Lauren shows some good emotion, but there’s just not that much to the routine. Jess does alright but it’s just not a wower. Compared to last year’s Adechike and Comfort piece on the same theme, this really sucks. Let’s see what the judges think.
poppin a squat
Mary says Jess was good and honest tonight (aka no stupid faces). That’s funny, cause I didn’t really feel any emotion from him tonight. OH NO! He’s going back to the stupid faces during the critique. StopitttyoutinyMickeyMouseboy. Mary and Nigel agree that Jess has matured significantly. Hmm, this sounds like an exit interview to me… Eww Jess’ sweat is shining everywhere gross. Gaga says the choreography wasn’t for her – it didn’t need the props etc – but Jess shone through it. Robb has known Jess since he was a little boy doing the Grinch on Broadway. Semi-awww. The routine was ‘simple and pure and beautiful.’ Okay, but as I’m sure Cat will say tomorrow… will that be enough???
Next up is a crime-themed jazz routine by Mandy Moore, starring Tadd and season 8 winner Lauren Froderman. I didn’t really get the crime theme here, other than that they’re both wearing hats and suit jackets. I thought this was more of Michael Jackson set to Queen. Oops… right off the bat, Tadd loses his hat when he is definitely not supposed to, leading me to fear one of them will trip over it, and also leading Tadd to stupidly grab his head and shake his hand a lot where there’s supposed to be a hat. God, this hat thing is really distracting to me. Aside from that though, Tadd does a great job. This isn’t my favorite jazz routine but it ain’t bad, and the air guitar/thrust portion is pretty funny. Also.. DAMN does Tadd look good in that suit. The sequence where they go diagonally across the floor under the row of spotlighs is particularly good.
(Speaking of Asian bboys and Lauren Froderman, didja know she’s dating former contestant Dom? That’s right folks. That domestic abuse dance must have really brought them together.)
Nigel points out as he does every week that Tadd is a b-boy! WOW! He also promises that Tadd won’t get eliminated this week. Big promises. Gaga thought it was amazing and loves the mystery. Rob loves that Tadd made it through losing his hat and getting punched in the face by Lauren (I didn’t see that?) without missing a beat. Mary also says that Tadd is going to land himself in the finale. Bad news for Ricky and Jess…
Our final routine features a shirtless Marko with Allison doing some Sonyah Tayeh contemporary. The piece is about the guilt of hurting someone and wanting to change to be kinder. Allison is one of my favorite sytycd dancers of all time. As an all star, she has rocked. She even managed to salvage the Sonya eternal sunshine theme routine, making it one of my favorite in spite of Jose.
Allison and Marko have such moving tragic faces in pieces like this! Unfortunately, this is way way way too reminiscent of Sonya’s Hallelujah piece. I mean, really, Sonya, its you, Allison, an asian man, and Jeff Buckley. Again. This one’s great, but not as great as Hallelujah, and I think it was a mistake to do something so similar. Apparently nobody else thinks so, as there is a standing ovation, and Allison, Marko, and Lady Gaga are all crying. I guess lighting does strike twice!
Gaga and Marko have a major moment as she says how proud she is of him. Marko and his mom are crying and really losing it, and Gaga’s talking about her regrets from her youth. Marko’s really happy because his mom flew in from Guam to see SYTYCD live for the first time, and he says “I’m sorry and I love you” to his mom. (You can barely hear it between his gravelly voice and the tears.) AWWWW! I’m okay with all this emotional stuff, cause honestly there’s not much to critique about Marko ever, and especially not in this piece. Mary says Marko is by far her favorite dancer, and he adds something incredible to even normal dance moves. Nigel blahs about family and forgiveness. Um, yea, soooo.. Melanie and Marko? Final two? Duh?
Gahh! My fingers are tired and there are still four more routines to go. But I’m excited, cause I have been waiting for the couples to be mixed up FOREVER!
When the choreographer Jonathan Robert says he’s giving Tadd and Caitlyn the most classic foxtrot, I am instantly worried. Too often, classic means super borrring! The piece is quite lovely, but yes, boring. I mean, it’s a foxtrot. There’s only so much it can do for me outside the context of a gorgeous old romantic film. Caitlyn looks and moves like a cloud, and her beautiful smile serves her well. Tadd is smooth and suave.
boyz r yucky EW COOTIEZ!
Rob thinks the routine is sparkling and elegant. Mary admits the routine is the not the most memorable, and then says some complicated ballroom stuff – basically their foxtrot technique was mixed. Gaga goes off on a long tangent about keeping the trophies in the cloest and hands and something. I don’t know. Basically, twas pretty and good but nothing to write home about.
The next routine is NappyTabs hip hop feauturing Marko and Ricky as janitors! Awesomeee! This has a vibe very similar to the Alex/Twitch hip hop, ad it uses Diddy’s Bad Boys for life. Just like the Alex/Twitch routine, the music turned super fast halfway through and the boys went into an awesome breakdown. Marko and Ricky are fucking awesome and hilarious. Their synchro was off at times, but they had that swagger and I loved it. Why can’t we do awesome funny thematic hip hop with girls??? Why does it always have to be love? (on the other hand, why can’t we have same sex love? Anyway..) Sexiest janitors ever. I actually think Marko did a little better; he seemed a little lower and in the moment. Cat hilariously points out that the two are like the Mario brothers and starts singing the video game theme.
Mary loved it; Nigel thinks Marko is naaasty. Mm mm mm. Ricky’s still a little bit too tall for him, and Nigel thinks he might be in the bottom. Gawd! Poor boy! Gaga rips on NappyTabs again, and they don’t cut to their faces, thank god. She thinks the routine was contrived and used too many props, but loved how it was danced. Rob comes to NappyTabs rescue and says how great they are – and when they cut to their faces, they’re just laughing, so I guess they say fuck you Gaga anyway.
Next up are Jess and Jordan. doing a Jason Gilkinson rumba. Jess is the bad boy again – he’s a controlling boyfriend. I don’t really know what a rumba is, but this is super slow, so any mistake or awkwardness is glaring. Frankly, I think Jordan bangs it out in her bare feet. Jess makes some dumb mugging faces and I don’t really get the controlling vibe from him, although his stare on her throughout the dance is pretty intense. I think Jordan looked good, but I didn’t really get it overall.
Feel that sexual tension? No?
Nigel isn’t lovin it.. He says Jordan’s back is so swayed it looked deformed, and there was no chemistry between the two (true). Gaga rags on the choreographer again and says that she would have interpreted things differently, and that they did a beautiful job with the crappiness. Ouch! I like Jason! Rob sees big theater careers for both of them. Mary thinks the best part was the back split lift (I didn’t see it?), and there wasn’t enough time to get the full stretch and sensuality out of it; she also doesn’t think it was great choreography. Gaga seems to be really opening the judges up to criticize the chorepgraphers! This is what I’ve been asking for, but these are choreographers I like. I only want it to apply to Tice!
Finally in our warrior princess mohawk trio: Sonya, Melanie, and Sasha, doing jazz. OMG! I was totally listening to this song today and thinking it should be used on the show. This routine is pretty sick. The girls look like ridiculous warriors, strong and muscular and androgynous. Which is everything I like in a female dancer. There are some sweet alien/robot/insect moves in there. I actually think Sonya could have made it a little harder and faster and more complicated, but it was still great and really showcased what I’m sure will be the top 2 ladies. Standing ovation!
by far the best green lantern of the year.
Gaga gets up and throws her shoe at the stage, which apparently means they did a really great job, and Sasha immediately grabs it and starts using it as a penis/machine gun.
Okay! I like it!
Gaga calls it the performance of the evening and the dance of the future, and she loves the gender race culture etc ambiguity in the dance. Rob agrees that the dance was unbelievable, and Cat, Melanie and Sasha start giggling and screaming uncontrollably. Whoa! Mary finds it the best number of the night too, and bows to them. Nigel says Sasha must be the inspiration for Sasha Fierce, and can’t decide which of them is the best. Things are going crazy here! Everyone starts ignoring Nigel and Gaga throws her other shoe at Sonya as she goes out in the aisle. Nigel declares one of them the future champion.
WHEW! That was a FREAKIN LOT to recap, but I wanted to get it done now since I’m sure my opinions are vital in your voting decision Please leave comments, cause it boosts my self esteem! Who do YOU think is better – Melanie or Sasha? Melanie or Marko? Does anybody else have a chance in hell? Did you find Lady Gaga to be not as annoying as expected? Will Sasha’s phallic interpretation of Lady Gaga’s shoe on a family program affect her votes:
My prediction: Jess and Ricky in the bottom two, with Ricky going home – although I think Jess deserves to go home, the judges really ragged on Ricky tonight. Jordan and Caitlynn the other bottom two, with Caitlynn going home – she really didn’t get much to work with choreography wise this week, she she’s just not that interesting.
Oh yea and