SYTYCD: Six Pack

Hi Gasmi!  I missed you all so much.  First, I have to give a shout to McWeanis: thanks so much for filling in for me!  Awesome job on the cappage!  You’ll definitely be getting the call to sub in the next time I have to be away.

So, before we get to that actual show, I have a couple of fun things to share with you guys.  When I was away last week it was actually at a dance teacher/studio owner convention in NYC.  There were a lot of really awesome people there, including some choreographers from this show.

Thankfully this perv was NOT there.

There were some really interesting points made about the show in general and some of the good and bad things to evolved from it’s popularity.  I won’t go into it here, but if you’re interested, I’m happy to share either in the comments or live chat, or something like that; I’m sure Flipit would let us set something up.

But the really fun stuff came out of the Capezio A.C.E. awards.  These awards give young choreographers an opportunity to showcase their work and the winner receives $15,000 toward staging a show in NYC.  Very cool.  Anyway, Billy Bell was one of the finalists this year and ended up taking third place!  I really liked his piece a lot.

I also saw a familiar face there performing.  You guys, remember Teddy Tedholm, the “whimsical dancer”?  He was totally there performing in one of the pieces and all I could think about was how mad his mom (or whatever relative it was) got when I connected his zits to read Twat on his forehead.  Ahhh, good times!  I am so bummed that I deleted that gif.

Anyway, I thought you guys might get a kick out of that.  But enough small talk!  We’ve got some dancing to get through……..Welcome!  To So You Think You Can Dance (dance…….dance)!

Cat looks adorable tonight, so I have to give her shout out.  Plus her dress has built in goose bumps!

Tonight Nigel and Mary will be joined by Lil C and Christina Applegate.  I say a silent prayer that the judging continues to be as spot on as it has been ever since Travis let loose with the honesty.  I think Christina is gorgeous…

But girlfriend needs to buy some VO5 hot oil treatment!

Cat points out that Christina is (another) fan of the show, plus she danced for years and years which is always advantageous in a guest judge.  Of course she gives the obligatory “this is the best season ever” sound bite that is a requirement for judging on this show, but I have high hopes for her.

Cat also talks to Nigel about national dance day and what he did.  I could give a rat’s ass.  We’ll also get to see clips of it on the results show.  Goody!!  Nigel points out that people are dancing all around the world; it’s not international dance day, it’s supposed to be only for America.

Portrait of a (non) American

Enough of dance day and Nigel, I’m ready to see some dancing dammit!  Each dancer will perform one routine with an all-star, one with a fellow contestant, AND a solo!  Thas alotta dancing tonight!  Weeeeeeee!

We’re going to start out with Melanie and Twitch who will be performing a Tabitha and Napoleon hip hop number.  You know, it’s so amazing to me that the magic hat JUST HAPPENED to give Melanie hip hop this week when people have been complaining that she hasn’t gotten anything too far removed from what she does.  It’s so funny how that happens sometimes, isn’t it?

This hip hop number is a take on Little Red Riding Hood.  Melanie is Red, Twitch the wolf, but Red is not as innocent as we’ve been led to believe.  I love the idea of this; let’s see if they can pull it off.

Eh.  Alright, here goes.  Before I even comment on the dancing I have to say HOLY HOTNESS TWITCH!

Dayum.

So……you all know I love Melanie, right?  I really do.  BUT.  I did not like this at all.  From the music to the choreography to her performance.  It just didn’t do anything for me.  Now, having said that, I don’t think she was a total bomb at hip hop; she was okay.  I just really wanted her to kill it here, and that didn’t happen.  I still love the girl, but I’d be a liar if I didn’t say I was hoping for more from her.

Cat has the audience howl for Twitch before sending him on his way, and then we go over to the judges.  Lil C wants to congratulate her for even getting through that routine because the music is a difficult piece to dance to and the moves are extremely fast because they are choreographed directly on the beat.

Ooooooo……passive aggressive slam to Tabitha and Napoleon!

He says hip hop is such an extension of the life we live.  And by we he means people that have grown up in the quote/unquote ghetto.  It’s an extension of everything they incur on a daily basis, so the way they move is a direct response to the way the music makes them feel.  That oppression and anger and vigor and passion.

He talks about how you need to break down the lines and really feel it.  He thinks she started out shaky and then he started to feel her in it.  From that point on he loved her, bucness.

Christina tells Melanie that watching her every week, she gives her hope.  She says Melanie takes us on a journey each week and she thanks her for that.  Other than that she pretty much echoes Lil C saying that once she got into the strut, she was really with her.

Mary says that in all eight seasons her brother has never called her about any contestant.

Um……..SO????

Can we just stop and take a minute here to talk about Mary’s boobs?  What is up with those puppies tonight?  Girlfriend needs a push up bra BAD!!!!!

Anyway, she goes on saying that her brother compared Melanie to Shirley Temple.  Uh.  Okay.  Is that because she’s cute?  I don’t get it.  Mary says the fact is that Shirley Temple could never dance the way Melanie danced just now.

Say what, biatch?  I’ll kick your good ship lollipop all over this stage, mofo!!

Nigel says Melanie is without question an absolutely phenomenal dancer.  He talks about the fact that people are grumbling about her not being pushed too much outside of her own style, and then Cat jumps in talking about how no one can control what they get from the hat.

Cat…..don’t.

Nigel doesn’t go there and instead says people don’t realize she’s good at EVERYTHING.  He says this was the first time we’ve really seen Melanie’s teeth and claws and adds, “Grandma, what a bog talent you have.”  Oy.  I hate it when he tries to be clever.

Did he just call me Grandma?!?!?

Next up is Sasha who will be performing a Sir BitchyPants’ contemporary piece with all-star Kent.  I breathe a sigh of relief that it’s not Broadway because I am in no mood for a BitchyPants Broadway number.

I can’t HEEEEAAARR you!

BitchyPants tells us this piece is about a relationship gone wrong (of course) and it’s about a couple hitting a wall in their relationship.  And then Kent hits a wall.  Literally.  Ugh.

Ironically the parts of this dance I like the best are those that take place at or on the wall.  It’s a good piece and they do well with it, but I’m not blown away by it.  I think it’s a good piece for Sasha because it shows a softer side of her, it allows her to show some vulnerability.  It’s so funny how that hat works out again, isn’t it?

Christina tells Sasha she has to get her words in order for her.  She goes on, saying there have been girls in this competition that can developpe and pitch to the side

Guess she’s not a Stripperella fan….

and do twenty pirouettes and land perfectly.  She doesn’t care.  They are amazing, amazing technicians, it’s a great trick.  Sasha puts her finger against a wall and she breaks her heart.  That’s dance.  Christina says she doesn’t know what she’s gone through and what has hurt her in her life, but she thanks Sasha for sharing it with us.  She thinks Sasha is brilliant.

Mary says it was intoxicating.  She gets choked up as she tells Sasha how amazing she thinks she is and how much she made her feel during that piece.  She thinks it was dynamic and artistic and gives a shout out to Sir BitchyPants as well.

Nigel agrees.  He hopes it isn’t just about her life; he hopes that some of it is having the ability to portray that because as a dancer you need to be able to do that.  She has gone back to being his favorite dancer.

No one cares, Nigel.

Lil C is all choked up and says he is trying not to cry.  He says in life it’s about being in a relationship with yourself and with life.  Sometimes life treats you unfairly, and you feel like you put so much into it and it never reciprocates.  He understands that, he felt like she was speaking to him the entire time.  It’s about not being ashamed of your struggle but rejoicing in the fact that you can talk about it.  He would have given anything to have been able to work with her this season.

I just wanna give him a hug right now.

Wow, Lil C totally made me tear up during his critique.

Time for Marko.  He’ll be dancing with Janette, performing a paso doble choreographed by Dmitry.  Marko is a matador and Janette is an animal activist trying to save the bull.  Dmitry talks about the energy of the paso coming from the guy’s crotch.

Ah, yes.  I can feel the power.

I have to admit the first time Dmitry said crotch it totally sounded like crutch to me.  I found myself wondering for a moment how the power of a dance could come from a crutch.  I don’t even know how to defend that.

This was just okay for me.  I think they did a good job, but once again, it didn’t blow me away.  I really feel like at this point in the competition I should be saying WOW more.  It looked to me like Marko lost his footing a little bit in a couple of parts, but other than that, it was passable.

Mary’s boobs continue to distract me as she tells Marko she is so ready to dance with him.  She says that paso is one of the most riveting of all the ballroom dances, but people may misunderstand this version of it because it started out slow.  She points out that he lost his footing a couple of places, but she loved the cape move where he swung Janette around like she was the cape.

Nigel says that was also his favorite part but in all honesty the dance as a whole left him a little cold tonight.  Lil C says it was a pleasure for him to watch Marko; he loves the way he performs.  He loved how he asserted his dominance, and says it WAS all about the crotch.

Mine is bigger than yours!

Christina knows nothing about this genre other than what she’s learned by watching the show and listening to Mary.  She tells Marko she is a huge fan of his and she loved his bravado.  She wished he would have gone a little deeper in the crotch.

I like it really deep.

Time for the first solo of the evening.  Apparently the parents of each contestant will be telling us all how much they love them.  Awwwww…….done.

It’s good, but I feel like I’ve seen it a bunch of times.  Let’s face it; unless Marko or Tadd fuck up royally we all know Ricky is going home tomorrow night.

Speaking of Tadd, he’s up next.  He’s been paired with Ellenore and Sonya.  Ooooooooo.  Sonya tells us this is a period piece, set in a time when people were very conservative.  When they touch things get really wild and reckless and lust filled.  She wants to find the dirty side of Tadd.  Then she yells at him a bunch of times to kiss Ellenore’s feet and eat her toes.  Gross.

Wow.  I think I need to take a cold shower after watching that.  I lost count of how many times Tadd’s crotch was in Ellenore’s face during that number.  Maybe I should have called this episode Crotch Night.  Anyway, I love Tadd.  He is definitely what this competition is supposed to be about and he never fails to impress me.  From his pointed toes to his upper body, he brings it like nobody’s business.  I would swing from the chandeliers with him any day of the week.

Cat wishes she could swing on the chandelier but she’s holding back.  Ever the professional our Cat.

Can I have a go later?  Can I?  Can I?

Nigel says he knew the combination of Ellenore and Sonya would produce something really interesting; he thinks there were some really interesting positions in there.

I’d love to try the crotch in Ellenore’s face move

Other than giving him more spanking off material, he wasn’t too fond of this.  He says he wishes there had been more dancing in there.  He says he was left hanging.  Yuk, yuk, yuk.

Lil C gives big ups to Sonya for another one; awesome as always.  He loves the way she’s able to utilize a dancer’s fundamental abilities and showcase them.  He says there seemed like there was a count between each move, like they were just going through the motions; he wanted to see them live in each moment.

Christina tells them to get a room.  She thinks it was remarkable and loved it.  She likes the dirtier side of dance sometimes.  She tells Tadd she likes him so much and talks about how he brings it with the promenades and tondues and she wants to know who he is.

Mary says that his ability is extraordinary.  She says that some people last week had thought he might have reached his limit but he has proven he is still growing.  He brought a whole new meaning to swinging from the chandeliers tonight.  She also points out that the prop was no joke ad a lot could have gone wrong.

Time for Caitlynn’s solo.

This is another “good, but I’m bored” solo.  What I’m more concerned with right now is why she and Ricky have performed their solos before they dance with their all-star when everyone else has done their all-star dance first.  Doesn’t seem fair to me.

Ricky has drawn a Dee Caspary contemporary routine with Jaime as his partner.  Oh, goody!  I love Jaime.  Dee’s piece is about a control freak moving his partner about like a puppet with sticks.  Ricky points out that it’s really hard to partner and lift when you can’t use your hands.

I actually think that they didn’t really need the sticks.  It’s a good piece and Ricky handled the sticks very well.  I still don’t think it’s going to be enough to save him.

Lil C thinks he did well with the sticks and Cat jumps in saying he gave him props for the props.  LOVE her!  Lil C tells him he is a magically magnificent puppeteer of physically rhythmic artistry.

Christina tells Ricky she thinks he is a really beautiful dancer and talks about how much she loved his solo to “Body Language” a few weeks ago.  The only thing she can really say to him is that sometimes he doesn’t dance with the clearest intention.  She wants to see the push and pull; she thinks it would take him up another notch.

Mary thinks it was really beautiful free flowing movement he produced tonight.  She points out he has been in the bottom so many times but says she thinks he has saved himself again.

Nigel likes the concept.  He thinks Ricky danced it really well, but he wants him to feel the movement down lower.  He thinks it will strengthen him and assist him later on with his dancing.

Tadd’s solo is up next.

So here’s the thing.  I love Tadd.  LOVE him.  I also love that he always uses music for his solos that make me smile and that I think is interesting.  BUT.  He uses the same moves over and over and over again.  I think it may literally be the same exact solo just to different music.  Still love him, but I wish he’d add something new.

Time for Sasha’s solo.

Eh.  I’m not super impressed by her either tonight.  I dunno, it seemed a little frenetic to me.  I like her; I’m just not a fan of the solo.

Our last all-star paired dance of the evening belongs to Caitlynn.  She will be performing a Dmitry choreographed samba with Pasha.  Dmitry says there are three elements: being sexy, good music, and sexiness.  Caitlynn tells us she is going to lose the cheesy grin.  I don’t think her grin is all that cheesy; I’d like to see her NOT overact.

Yep, she overacts it again.  Damn!  I really like her, but honestly I think she was trying Waaaaaay too hard to be sexy instead of just being in the moment with Pasha.  That one swing around was really terrible; she looked like dead weight.  Other than that, I think she did okay, but she’s in the same boat as Ricky, I think.

Christina sounds surprised as she tells Caitlynn she did really well.

I totally thought it would suck!

She thinks Caitlynn is really beautiful and her body is whatever, but she thinks the dancing was really beautiful.  Great job.

Mary says when a contestant gets a second chance to do a number, they expect it to be better.  This was better.  She loved the samba rolls and the natural rolls which we hardly ever see apparently.  She does think that Caitlynn pulled her face around a little too much, but the dancing was great.

Nigel loved the samba rolls as well.  He does agree with Mary about the faces: she needn’t try so hard to be sexy.  She is already sexy.

He is totally grossing me out right now.

Lil C says he is in agreeance with everyone up there; she danced it beautifully.  He tells her she needs to swan dive into sexiness instead of cannon balling it.  So everyone agrees that she is trying too hard.

Marko’s solo is up next.

Despite the fact that he falls out of his center during his turns, I really like this.  It’s not even that he’s doing anything radically different as far as steps.  It’s the effortlessness he brings to his movement.  There’s a natural matter of fact quality to his movement that is really anything but.

Last solo of the evening belongs to Melanie.

I fucking love this girl.  That is all.

Time for the contestants to dance with each other.  Sasha and Ricky have been paired up for a wacking routine.  Good lord.  Their choreographer is Kumari Suraj.  Never heard of her?  Me either.  She tells them that wacking about the individual and who you are right now in your life.

In a word……NO.  Did not like this at all.  Was it just me, or did it seem really slow?  I think I’d rather disco come back before I have to see this style again.  And believe me when I say that I am NOT missing Dorianna.

Mary thinks this is the first wacking number on the show.  And hopefully the last.  She didn’t say that.  Anyway, she talks about Princess Lockeroo from the audition rounds and how awesome her wacking was.  I wasn’t impressed then either.  She thinks they did a great job but not as good as Princess Wackaroo.  She’s no wacking specialist; she just knows what she likes.

Wacked in the head doesn’t a wacking specialist make.

Nigel liked it’ he didn’t think the wacking was lacking.  I think he needs a good smacking.  He enjoyed the fun of it and tells Ricky to relax more.  He thinks Sasha was WOW and he loved watching her.

Lil C tells them they are amazing but this is such a funky, sassy style he would have liked to see them enjoy it more.  They were too focused on the steps.  Other than that, great job.

Christina says it’s nice to see them have this side of their personalities shown more.  She does think they could have wacked it harder.  Everyone laughs like they’re twelve, including me at home.

Melanie and Tadd are up next with a Spencer Liff Broadway routine.  I am really hoping he can redeem himself after the awful number he subjected us to earlier this season.

Please tell me you haven’t been hanging out with Sir BitchyPants again!

This piece is about a choreographer and his lead dancer.  Melanie confuses the passion they have for each other in the dance with real love and falls for Tadd.  Tadd’s character realizes this and uses that to seduce an even better performance out of her.  There is also a mirror involved which makes me think they might be dancing to “The Music and The Mirror” from A Chorus Line, but sadly, that is not the case.

Wow.  Tadd has been in both of my favorite numbers of the night.  I really love this piece and think they both danced it so beautifully.  They murdered this number, gave it mouth to mouth, then killed it again.  LOVE it.

Nigel wants to talk about Melanie’s solo first.  That doesn’t seem right since no one else’s solo has been talked about.  Of course he loved her solo which sort of surprises me given the fact that she said she worked it out backstage before coming on.  I thought for sure he’d reprimand her for that one.  But he thinks it’s one of the best he’s ever seen, like ever in the history of everdom.

Then he moves on to this routine he thinks she is a brilliant actress on top of being a magnificent dancer.  He absolutely loved her in this routine.  She’s back to being his favorite.  He tells Tadd that to think he is in this routine with one of the best dancers they have ever had on this show…to say he didn’t suck is a compliment.

Nigel, YOU SUCK.

Is he fucking serious with that bullshit?  Tadd was freaking awesome in the dance and I can’t believe how he just completely minimized his contribution to the overall routine.  Is Nigel trying to make people hate Melanie?  Because I think some people might after he praised her up and down and then pulls this shit with Tadd.  God, I hate him.

Lil C is on the Melanie train as well and also talks about her solo, saying it was extremely beefy.  He loves that her artistry speaks for itself.  It was so technical and sensual at the same time.  She is extremely buc.  Tadd was good too.

Christina ALSO brings up Melanie’s solo, saying the judges were all banging the table during it.  She says Melanie reminds her of Donna McKechnie (who originated the role of Cassie in A Chorus Line), but so much better.  She says Melanie has taken dance to another level for her and she just loves watching her.

Nigel interrupts to say we love Donna McKechnie, like Donna’s at home getting all upset because Christina said that she loves Melanie more.  Shut up, Nigel.  Christina still loves Tadd and still wants to know who he is.  She wants to know why he has better port de bras than most ballet dancers.  Truth.

Mary thinks that the other judges have really said it all.  She thinks America has fallen in love with both of them and she feels privileged to be a part of this season and witness this.

Time for the last dance of the night.  Caitlynn and Marko will be performing a Sonya jazz routine.  Sonya says this piece is about Marko being an overbearing, controlling man and Caitlynn is trying to get away from him.

This is another number that I really like.  But STILL Caitlynn overacts it.  I wish she would have confidence in her ability to portray the emotion without overdoing because I think she is a really beautiful dancer.

The judges give them a standing ovation.  Um.  Okay.  Not sure why this gets one but Melanie and Tadd didn’t.  Lil C tells then that when he tweets he uses a hashtag for emphasis.  This routine is getting a double hashtag buc from him.  So reckless, so convicted.  It was murderous.  He loved it.

Christina says WOW.  Then she says that everyone keeps referring to women as the beasts but Marko is a beast.  She also loved Caitlynn and tells her that was her moment, that was her time.

Mary tries to pretend she didn’t like it but fails miserably at fakeouts like she always does.  She loved Caitlynn in this routine as well and says they always knew her body had it, but this time she really brought the true grit to it.  Marko is awesome and has always been her favorite dancer on the show.  She loves him.

Nigel says he was upset earlier at Sonya but this routine more than makes up for it.  I still want him to shut up.  He tells Caitlynn she came of age tonight and showed them how mature she can be.

I’ll be popping by your dressing room later.

He wants her to keep hold of that now.  She has shown tonight that she is more than just a pretty face; she is also a brilliant dancer.  Marko shows that every week.

And that’s the show, Gasmi.  What did you think?  I can’t believe the season is almost over, can you?  Please remember, no results talk until the results recap is posted!!  See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth