NYC Prep Take Three – Children of The Corn

Children are scary enough on their own. With credit…

THEY’RE DEADLY!

So instead of just telling us his name and that he doesn’t like school, comment on what you think about him and when you say something funny, just lay jokes on top of that for awhile.

He is cute in a stuck-up pretentious and entitled way. He’s waiting to meet up with his friend Jessie. She is the only blonde girl on the show.

We don’t care that she’s the only blonde, and we see her blondness in the screen grab. This sounds like a boring ass scene, so just concentrate on what’s funny here. Short sweet and out.

He’s cute in that stuck up, pretentious entitled brat sort of way. He meets up with his friend Jessie to chat about getting into college and she says she doesn’t wanna have to pull any strings to get into a good school. If you got em, pull em, right? If you’re not going to take every advantage that comes with being rich, send that cash to me.

If I don’t get into ITT Tech without my daddy’s name, I’ll be horrified!

Snap me head on and you’ll have a sickle through your stomach before you can say Tootie Frootie.

Some advice to you NYCer’s, expensive clothes can be unflattering, too.

Jessie has been working with (read, has been waited on) by a sales associate at Barney’s since she was 13 years old. That’s one of the most touching stories I’ve heard in a long time. I hope one day they have their own On Golden Pond.

OK so does what I’m saying make any sense? I think that your humor is there, you just aren’t letting loose enough. Every single sentence has to be a joke of some kind. It doesn’t always have to be rude, but detailed. I think you are going to really develop well. Let me know what you think about all this, and please know that I am not trying to overwhelm you, just push you along a little. xo

Jessie meets with PC and tells him she is planning a fundraiser for Operation Smile and she asks PC if he knows what Operation Smile does. PC says he doesn’t want to talk about Operation Smile badly, but he will.

PC is a deep person. His thoughts are complex and he has no trouble expressing himself. Most of the people that know him think he’s a dick.

PC tells Jessie, there are so much more important things going on and they begin to argue. Jessie is angry that PC is spouting off about this subject when he doesn’t even know what the charity does and why it is important.

PC just rolls his eyes at her. Jessie tells PC “If you roll your eyes one more time, I’m going to slap you.” PC promptly rolls his eyes again.

OH PLEASE Jessie, let me slap him, pleaseeeeee.

PC rolls his eyes at Jessie and people around the world wish they could slap him.

We leave the gruesome twosome to meet another NYC Prep schooler. We meet Kelli. Kelli is 16, she also lives on the UES with her brother. Kelli lived in the Hamptons for 6 years and then she and her 18 year old brother Rory decided to move back to NYC. She wants to be in the city because she wants to sing.

Kelli’s parents live in the Hamptons in a huge house. They come to see their kids one night a week. They order take out. Tonight it’s Chinese. Kelli says she doesn’t have a curfew and likes the feeling of being independent and she is always out.

How does that conversation start when you say “Mom and Dad I want to move back to NYC, no don’t get up. I’ll go it alone.” Must be a whole different world out there, but back here in the boonies the answer to that is NO and go to your room and stay there until college.

A couple of nights later, Kelli is having dinner with her friends Taylor and Megan. Since Kelli has no parental units at home, she goes out every night for dinner. She has to there is no food at home. Kelli loves being independent which is funny because she seems very needy to me.

Then Sebastian comes in and is introduced to Kelli. Megan invited him to join them for dinner.

Kelly is attracted to Sebastian and his hair. I’m guessing the bones of former conquests can be found within those side swept bangs.

Sebastian is a cute boy with side swept brown hair with blonde highlights. In fact, he is almost as cute as he thinks he is. None of the girls on this show are safe. He has probably hooked up with everyone at his school so he came on the show to see if he could get new girls.

Sebastian’s hair is almost another character on this show. In fact, I’ve decided that I’m going to call him Hair Man. He spends a lot of time running his hand through his hair. Does he know you can go bald doing that?

Sebastian is the other boy on this show. He has side swept hair which he uses to his advantage to attract girls and to hide those he has finished with.

Sebastian likes girls but he doesn’t want one girlfriend, he wants a lot of girls. He tells us he “hooks up” with between 2 and 16 girls a month.

With all of these kids dating each other they should be very careful about practicing safe sex so they don’t start passing STD’s around. It could ruin a college interview if you discover you have crabs while meeting with the admission committee. I don’t know if you can buy your way out of someone seeing you scratching your crotch in their office.

Right now I have two wishes. One that I was the person selling condoms to this guy and two, that I was the person selling mirrors to this guy. Methinks, he loves himself the most.

Next up we meet Camille. Camille is 17 years old and is a junior and lives on the Upper WEST Side. In case there is any doubt, Camille immediately tells us that her family is very wealthy. They are not “multi-billionaires”, but they are in the top 1/2 percentile. Camille likes saying percentile.

Camille likes saying percentile and lives on the Upper West Side. Her family is so rich she shits dollar bills, sorry I meant hundred dollar bills.

Camille also says she won’t apologize for having money because life is good. She has her life planned out. Camille will go to Harvard, then she wants to be a business head of a genetics firm and then at 40 she will have a husband and two girls. I hope the future sperm donor knows his place and is able to keep her in the manner to which she feels entitled.

Camille goes out to brunch with her Mom. Camille’s Mom seems pretty driven too. She asks Camille to check on her SAT score. Even though Camille is still a junior, she took the SAT early. She says it’s hard to believe that one test could be the determination of whether you go to one school or another. If her score isn’t good enough I guess she’ll need to talk to Jessie about those strings.

Camille looks happy enough to be surfing porn instead of just checking her SAT score.

Camille checks her score on her Blackberry (BB) and she is happy. She scored in the top percentile. Camille loves the word percentile. She tells her Mom that she can achieve a perfect score and she will work until she gets it. The only thing she needs now is community service hours. I guess you don’t get community service hour credit for being pretentious.

Except for Jessie, these girls all kind of look alike. They are all about the same height and they all have long dark hair. It’s pretty hair and they play with it a lot. Playing with your hair works in your favor tol distract people until you think of something to say.

Finally we meet Taylor our last cast member. Taylor is a sophomore at one of the top public schools in the country. She says that everyone who graduates goes to Columbia, Harvard, Yale, etc.

Taylor our public school girl. This is what a young Alex (from NYC Housewives) was like before she met her Prince Simon. They have to start somewhere.

Taylor tells us that the UES private school kids, all of the other kids on the show have a lot of money. However, Taylor doesn’t have a lot of money, but she is friends with people, like Camille.

Taylor is doing her homework she tells her Mom she is having a party at a Japanese Restaurant downtown. She is being kind of a brat when her Mom presses her for a guest list. I keep wondering where this little waif gets the cash to throw a party at any restaurant. Taylor tells us it is important to be perceived to have status. To this end, she invited both her private and her public school friends. Sounds like an oil and water situation to me so that means Bravo is paying the bill.

For what Taylor lacks in money, she more than makes up for it with attitude toward her Mom.

Over on the other side of the city Hair Man calls Kelli and they go shopping. Hair Man tells us that Kelli could be his girlfriend, but that he would rather hook up with as many girls as he wants. At least he has a goal.

It’s the night of Taylor’s party and Camille seems uncomfortable to step outside of her comfort zone and go somewhere to meet kids who are not rich. This is just not the kind of party Camille throws. So she asks Kelli to go with her and Kelli says, do you think it’s ok if Hair Man comes too? Camille doesn’t see a problem. So it’s all decided.

Taylor’s party is in a Japanese restaurant downtown. Downtown in NYC is like the funky fun part of the city, at least it’s funky when you compare it to the Upper East Side. Taylor is dressed in a cute little black dresss with a gold wrap belt.

Kelli and Camille arrive and they are very nervous but that’s OK because Camille breaks the ice by asking the other guests “How did you guys get forced into being here?” Camille probably learned this in the same fancy schmancy manners classes that Theresa from the New Jersey Housewives attended.

“How did you guys get forced into being here?”

On one side of Taylor one of her public school friends is bitchily asking her where Camille and Kelli are from, “the Upper East Side? ” and on the other Camille is asking her school mates how they were forced into being there. This is a mine field, not a party.

But just when all hope was lost, Hair Man arrives!! He says he was excited to see Kelli, but after walking in “I was like wow, there are a lot of girls here.” To be specific Hair Man is the only boy here.

Kelli is no longer happy she invited Hair Man. He will flirt with all of the girls in the room, he can’t help it, he is actually ruled by his side swept hair, just like that guy in the first Harry Potter movie who had Voldemort living in the back of his head.

Taylor greets Hair Man and when they touch, violins begin to play in Taylor’s head.

Kelli is becoming angry and hurt because Hair Man is busy with Taylor. When Hair Man is done with you sweetheart, it’s best just to move on. You know you can not possess him or his hair.

Kelli is no longer ensnared in Hair Man’s hair trap. Her time is up and he moved on. She’s just another notch on his comb.

The next day we visit Jessie shopping with her friend Zoe. Jessie is complaining about the TV show Gossip Girl. She doesn’t like it because now the restaurant she likes (STK) is filled with freshman!! And, they film on her block so their production vans are like parked on her street! Oh the horrors, this poor girl!!

Jessie has to finish shopping because PC is picking her up to go to an Art and Fashion Show. Jessie tells Zoe that PC is her ex-boyfriend, but now they are good friends. She tells Zoe that sometimes it’s weird if he is with other girls, but she still likes to hang out with him. She tells us that she can’t say “what if” for the rest of her life. If she were older and smarter she would not be saying “what if”, she would be saying thank God.

PC picks her up for the Art and Fashion Show. PC is complaining (bragging) that he got a text that says “Poor PC can charm the skin off the snake but one day he’ll get bitten by the creature.”

People with snakes immediately begin lining up in front of PC’s home hoping for the opportunity to see their snakes shed their skin and possibly bite PC. More on this story as it develops.

Young love is stupid and blind.

PC and Jessie arrive at the fashion and art thing. Jessie wants to meet people that can help her with her charity event. She wants to meet designers and fashion editors, people she can work with and go to for help to make her event successful.

Almost immediately PC sees two girls that he knows. Jessie doesn’t know them and she tells PC she doesn’t want to meet any new kids. She already has her friends and she does not want to meet more.

At this point I should mention that Jessie is one jealous bitch. She is PC’s ex, but it is clear she doesn’t want to be the ex. When PC introduces Jessie to Kelli and Camille, Camille asks Jessie, “who do you know here?” Jessie doesn’t answer and instead says she is “turning the question back to you”. Camille and Kelli immediately begin digging through their purses for their guns. No way is this witch killing us without a fight.

PC is not upset by Jessie’s bad behavior and kind of likes the jealousy, he gets Kelli’s number (in case your keeping track, Kelli has already given her number to Hair Man and PC and we are just in the first episode). After PC gets the number, Jessie tells PC she wants to go. So PC apologizes and runs out the door with Jessie.

She’s right behind me isn’t she?

Just to make sure Jessie is good and hurt, PC rubs it in really good. He tells Jessie that he is having dinner with Kelli and continues to talk about her all the way home. Way to twist that knife PC.

I see a miserable marriage followed by an ugly divorce in their future.

Back to Taylor. She is shopping with her Mom and they are looking for leotards. I’m guessing we’ll see her dance this season. As they shop, Taylor is constantly texting on her BB. When Mom asks, she says it’s Sebastian.

Taylor is happily texting Hair Man while she shops. She is still under the spell of the hair toss.

Taylor explains that it is important to be social with Sebastian because he’s in Prep school. I’m thinking that Taylor should be giving tips to Silex. This whole social thing she’s doing seems a lot more successful than their campaign to invade society.

Before we know it, we are off to another breathless night in Hair Man’s life. He and his wing man Gabe, are meeting two new girls. They have a signal all worked out to figure out which girl Hair Man wants. Hair Man will flip his hair in the direction of the girl he likes best. Hair Man tells us that knowing French is a huge plus and that he is not into relationships. Except the relationship he has with his hair and the mirror.

Gabe thinks he’s lucky to be Hair Man’s wingman. He doesn’t set his goals very high does he?

Hair Man tells the girl he flips his hair at, that he thinks she is hot and the he wants to marry her tonight in French, and then in English. She suggests going to Vegas. This girl is eating this up. I feel sorry for her, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone this dumb.

Then Hair Man confesses to the camera that maybe when he’s 70 he’ll be in love. Oh Hair Man please, you know you will never love anyone as much as the guy in your mirror.

Remy is in a trance, Hair Man is too wonderful to resist. Poor girl. I hope one of them has a condom. Somewhere across town Taylor is getting a weird feeling.

Back to the other boy in this show. It’s time for PC to have dinner with Kelli. Kelli arrives with Camille and they both join PC for dinner. This seems to throw PC off his game a little and he is unusually quiet for a minute or two, but then he recovers and is just as obnoxious as normal.

For some reason PC is wearing a T-shirt instead of his usual suit. This shirt looks awful, it’s ok for McD’s, but not a restaurant that looks fairly nice. It is wrinkled and it looks dirty. My guess is that PC is trying on a tough guy look. I would say this isn’t working.

PC trying his Marlon Brando act on Kelli and Camille. I think he just looks dirty.

PC has to wow two girls at once so he tells them he had blowfish the other night and that it made him feel like a bad ass. That’s a new one. I’ve heard of a a guy on a Harley being a bad ass, a guy with the loner personality and long hair being a bad ass, but eating a blowfish? I think PC is in for some epic frat party stunts. We’ll probably see him on TRU TV “World’s Dumbest Partiers Part XX”.

PC is also having difficulty talking to Kelli and Camille. First, they both seem to talk back and that’s not something PC likes in a girl. But it’s not really PC’s fault that the don’t communicate well, PC clears this up for us by saying, “I’m a senior and they are juniors so there is definitely a lot they have to learn.”

PC goes on holding court with Kelli and Camille he asks “Do you guys smoke?” Then PC comments to the camera “They are like f***ing young bitches that have no idea what they’re talking about but I don’t want to say that.”

Yes you do PC, just spit it out before you go home and kick your cat.

Kelli is mentally making a packing list and wondering how long it will take her to get far away from PC.

Next we see PC has moved on. It’s yet another night in PC’s miserable existence and he is meeting Jessie. I guess Kelli was not as impressed as she was supposed to be, so it’s back to the ex who is also so obnoxious they are the only friends each other has.

Jessie is wrong, she does need friends. Friends that tell her to stop wearing leather pants.

PC says he and Jessie were dating but it was weird because they were like best friends. He also says the only difference between best friends and dating is having sex.

Jessie asks PC how was your date with Kelli? He shrugs his shoulders. Jessie says “how about if I set you up with a skinny, tall brunette, someone you can have a conversation with?”

PC replies “I don’t want to date myself.”

Yes you do PC, you love yourself almost as much as Hair Man loves himself.

And this is where it gets good.

Jessie says that PC asked her to help him find someone to date. But when she offers someone or asks him who he wants to date, he becomes angry.

PC is beginning to resemble Ted Bundy.

PC is tired of this conversation. He just wants Jessie to find a girl for him so he throws an almost empty bottle of water at Jessie and then snaps his fingers like a douche and says “You know, make it happen.”

PC throws the water bottle at Jessie.