Teen Mom 2 Minicap: Holidaze on Ice

Oh man, I though the holidays were over and we could all get down to losing steam with our New Year’s resolutions and drying out from all of the partying.  But, denied.  It’s still Christmas in Teen Mom 2 Time and sadly, our girls are too young to cocktail their way through the season.  And I’m still too hung over to even think about boozing it up for this episode, not to mention, “Yay?
Back to work…. greeeeaaaaat.”  So let’s pretend we’re not all back at work, and it’s still Christmas, and heck since it’s 75 degrees in Tucson right now, let’s also pretend it’s cold and snowy the way it is for all of our Teen Moms.

Oh, and Commenters, you rule.  Fact.  I’ve spent a lifetime in sorority and grew up with a single mom.  What happens when I watch Teen Mom is that I see all of these familiar themes, and all of these familiar situations from all the years I’ve spent in large groups of women as a team mate in various sports, as roommate or a sister or a cousin or a co-worker and yeah, I expound on all of that… but young women is what I know best.  I was easily as invested in the arrogance of my youth as anyone on this show.  No, I’m not a psychologist, but for better or for worse and because of my own crappy choices and immaturity, I pretty much had an adolescence that lasted about 23 years .  I just happened to not get pregnant, and as luck would have it, there was no Internet in my late teens/early twenties.

Chelsea

Chelsea hasn’t talked to Adam in a couple of days when he calls and they break down the most recent rager where he stormed out the day after her surgery, leaving her family to pick her up and clean her up, only literally this time since she just had knee surgery.  He says he left to diffuse the situation, but there is no point in this episode where Adam is fooling anyone except Chelsea and her mom, who for reasons I cannot fathom seems to be okay with Adam being around at Christmas.  Not only is she okay with it, but when he comes to get Chelsea and Aubree to go Christmas tree shopping, she lights up when Adam’s telling her about his new job.  I mean, if you turned the sound off, you’d think he told her that he got into med school is how thrilled she seems to be that this punk, who treats her daughter like a jackass over and over, has been working at an actual job for a couple of days.

Off Chelsea and Co go to the Christmastree farm, where they’re greeted by a lady in a Grinch outfit.  That happened.  A big, furry, green snowsuit-type Grinch situation hands them a saw and tells them to have at it.  Of course there are bubble-voiced flirts and cute baby on a sled parts, but the notable thing here is how fast Adam switches form being totally fine to being a total jerk.  I have no idea how Chelsea doesn’t feel the way he snaps at her.  He has no patience with Chelsea.  I can imagine that when Aubree is less cute and talks a lot more, he will have about the same amount (zero) of patience with her.  Either Chelsea chooses to ignore it, or it’s some dynamic she’s seen and learned to ignore elsewhere.  There’s more to the way she is so attached to him, but we may never know why.

They take Aubree toy shopping, too and that kid is adorable!  Yikes.  Chelsea hands her a big stuffed duck and she growls at it.  It’s beyond cute.  Meanwhile though, Chelsea keeps harping on Adam about how it’s working, she wants it to work, it’s better, it’s going to work.  He’s all, “Yeah.  I want it to work.”  Ugh.  I wish Santa would bring her a backbone this year.

Part of it is her lack of spine is that she’s so hung up on having a nuclear family for Aubree, and having it be with Adam.  Chelsea is really stuck on the fact that her parents are divorced, and she has to have two Christmases.  Her mom is okay with Adam joining them at Christmas; Randy, not so much.  She and Randy meet at a diner and asks if Adam can go to Christmas at the Cabin.  No.  She doesn’t push it, but she does try to get Randy to understand that it’s not comfortable for her to look at Aubree’s life and think that at some point, there will be Christmas with Chelsea, Christmas with Adam, Christmas with Chelsea’s mom, Christmas with Chelsea’s dad, Christmas with Adam’s parents… the problem is that Randy does understand how much Chelsea hates it.  But he can’t and won’t support her wanting to make it work.  He reminds her that everyone wanted to make it work.  You hold onto it when it’s working, not when you want it to work.  I’m so relieved that Randy is being more hardline with her this season.  Adam is a punk, and Randy’s got to know that once Aubree isn’t a snuggly, easy baby is about three weeks before Adam is busy all the time and barely participates in Aubree’s life.  Oh, plus the whole thing that at some point, Adam is going to snap and do something really effed up that will probably involve the cops.  Cops + your child is something no parent is really gonna be all excited about, and especially not when your child is Chelsea who is clearly not that bright.

There is some Christmastime at her mom’s house, and it’s just Chelsea, her sister Emily, their mom, and their babies.  And Adam.  Also, this scene is a plant.  They’re all wearing the same thing they wore earlier in the episode.  Babies get their first taste of ham, babies open presents, Chelsea and her sister get some girl talkin’ in.  Chelsea wants it to work.  Wow.  Really?  I thought she was just hanging out until someone new comes along.  Emily reminds her that it’s going to be a long time before Randy likes Adam.  L.O.L.

One thing I noticed, too is that the show moves in Teen Time.  “It’s been working!”  It’s been two days.  Maybe a week.  It’s not working.  Nothing has happened that’s interesting enough or enough of a conflict to have to do any actual work.  That’s the  only reason why it’s working.  I’d like Yoda to weigh in here.  Yoda?  “Time weeks two enough not for working proof of.”  Thanks Homie, love you!

Kail

Kail and Jo share Isaac, as you know, but Kail is being dramatic about Christmas.  Isaac must me closing in on being a year old, because there was no Isaac last year.  The filming must have been pretty non-stop for this crew, from their 16 & Pregnant Episodes through the second season of Teen Mom.  There is criticism about the editing and whatnot, and yeah it’s funky.  But I have to say that I kind of appreciate that these girls kinda haven’t had the time to process and become self-conscious on camera.  I think it’s what makes me so much more invested in this iteration.  I trust that this is a lot more real, minus the Mirena Incident of 2011 of course.

Kail meets with her counselor in the Valley Youth program and she tells us that she’s taking a couple of classes, one of which is a do-over – the chem class she dropped last season.  She’s worried about being lonely at Christmas, and it’s weird that she has her own place but she won’t have Isaac.  It think Kail is getting some space to process things now that she has her own space.  She’s finally got some breathing room, some stability from which she’s able to think emotionally and be safe doing it.  She’s not having to problem-solve on getting to Tier Two of Maslow’s Pyramid, so she’s coming out of that mentality of subtle desperation.  It’s nice to see.

A friend comes over for cookie baking, and frankly, I wish this was my whole life.  Now that we’re all back to the grind, I seriously wish my life was more ‘let’s hang out and bake cookies and talk about stuff,” and less “solve all these hard problems with healthcare,” but then I wouldn’t have a house.  Or a TV, not that a lack of TV seems to be putting any kinks in Kail’s budding life as an adult.  Ironic, isn’t it?  Like Daniel Bryan, the WWE wrestler with no TV.  Your very life depends on TV but you don’t watch it?  Hmmmm…. I wonder if there are any self-loathing issues there what with the whole thing about throwing himself into a ring 3-4 nights per week for an athletically demanding show where things like torn pectoral muscles and head injuries are par for the course.

Kail’s having her own place, though, is leading to a lot less self-loathing.  She is thinking about a letter to Janet, an apology of sorts.  Her friend doesn’t think she did anything wrong, but Kail is so insightful.  She understands that this isn’t the point.  It doesn’t matter if she did something wrong or not, the point it that Jo’s family feels hurt by her right now, and she wants to fix that.  The best way to fix it is to take responsibility and tell Janet that she understands better what Janet was trying to do for her.  She understands that maybe she was heading down the Path of Suzy, maybe putting her boyfriend (starting a relationship with Jordan) ahead of her family.  She knows that this is not the mother she wants to be, and even though her friend insists she was not in the wrong, Kail insists that it doesn’t matter, that the right thing to do is to try to rebuild the bridge with Janet.

She drops a sleeping Isaac off with Jo on Christmas Eve, and later Jordan comes over for their Couples Christmas.  They have no chemistry, but I sort of think she’s holding back on camera.  Plus, if she’s realizing that maybe she jumped things by getting together so seriously with Jordan, she’s probably looking at her entire relationship with him and maybe isn’t feeling like they should put their hands in each others’ back pockets when they walk around the mall right now.  Maybe she’s feeling a little distance.  Plus, the show would have us believe that this is shortly after he acted like a discussion on birth control with his girlfriend was icky-ew-gross.  She asks him if he sees them together next year at Christmas, and he does which cutely relaxes her a little and we even get a sweet smile.  They open presents, one of which for him includes a hat that says “FLY” on it.  Oh my.  Jordan is a lot of things, but ‘fly’ is probably not one of them.  Also, it’s bedazzled.  Seriously, I feel like this is more appropriate for Tamra Barney, or some other Real Housewife of Orange County, than for a 19 year old Teen Mom boyfriend.  Fail.

The nest day she picks up Isaac from Jo’s house, and she has the card for Janet with her.  She tries to hand it to Jo, but he makes her give it to Janet, who’s adorably teaching Isaac the Spanish names for things in the kitchen.  It’s almost too cute for me to stand!  But when Kail rolls in with her card, Janet is cold, cold, cold and kind of sighs out, “I have something for you, too Kail.”  Kail and Isaac jam out; Janet opens the card with Jo.  I reach for a tissue because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna cry soon.  Kail says that she knows she and Janet didn’t see eye-to-eye,  and she apologizes for her mistakes.  And she thanks Janet.  And yeah, tears.  It’s just so mature and sincere.  Kail had Suzy guiding her, y’all.  Mistakes were going to be made.  I love it that Kail can admit it and that she can put things into perspective.  Janet admits that she wishes Kail had trusted her, since she’s Isaac’s grandmother and loves him, wants him in her life.  She felt that Kail really pushed her away, and yeah, it’s probably true.  But Kail was coming from Suzy, and I really truly think everyone in this branch of the show is (and always was) doing the best they can do.  They keep growing and changing and making things better, and that we get to see all the cringe-worthy moments… it’s so fly.

We end with Kail and Isaac back in her apartment, opening presents just the two of them.  Very peaceful, which sure it’s boring but if Kail has ever had a peaceful Christmas, it was likely before she was old enough to remember it so it’s kind of nice.  I mean, I wish this has been the episode from two weeks ago, when we were all anticipating a peaceful Christmas instead of now, when we’re all remembering back to our family fights and drunken tears but whatev.  I’ll take it.  (My Christmas only had tears of laughter, so it pretty much ruled, and I hope yours was really cool, too!)

Leah

Last Christmas, Leah’s twins were still in the ICU so she wants to give them a Christmas as big and bouncy as her hair, but their birthday is right before Christmas.  She tells her mom they’re having a party for the girls’ birthdays and then she also has about $500 of toys on layaway for Christmas.  Her mom calls her out on the fact that it’s too much for them, since they’ll want to play with the wrapping paper more than the baby dolls and tells Leah to not get aggravated with it comes to pass one Truth of All Babies, namely that they have no idea it’s Christmas.  Everything is new for babies, hell, seeing the same toes every day is new for a good four months for babies so Christmas, no matter how healthy the MRI ahows their brains to be, is new and they ain’t gonna get it.

First, though, we have a birthday.  Leah goes to pick up final things for the party, like the cakes.  Okay.  A Squish Cake?  I went to a birthday party for a one year old about three weeks ago, the cutest one year old on this, or any other planet and that’s including if there was a little tiny one year old baby Yoda.  And there was a Squish Cake.  What happened to the days when they put a piece of cake in front of your 365-day old face and let you have at it the same way you’re allowed to eat mac and cheese with your fingers when you’re one?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, any one year old set down in front of a cake and being encouraged geez!

So the party is cute, and they open prezzies with the babies, and there’s cake, and this whole scene is laying the groundwork on my dying to know how this marriage ended.  More accurately, how it’s Leah who undid the knot they tied.  She is literally beaming with joy.  She’s radiantly happy to be with Corey and the girls, and points out how they made it work and they’re all together and it’s genuine.  She really, truly loves this.

Later on, it’s Christmas Eve and after the babies go down for bed it’s time for Leah and Corey to get to wrapping.  Corey totally goofs out here, about his lack of wrapping skills, and about how yeah, Leah spend a lot of money but it’s been a big year for them.  They have been through some stuff.  Treating themselves by treating their girls to a lot of Christmas and birthday presents is a way to feel good and to celebrate that they made it.  Leah even got Corey a Santa outfit!  Which… okay.  Babies may not remember that their feet are the same feet that were there 18 minutes ago, but they pretty much know who daddy is regardless of his outfit, right?  Maybe?

The next morning, they go rouse the girls and Corey’s in his Santa suit, “Ho ho ho’ing.’  Ali’s first and she’s a little weirded out and shy, so they hit up Aleeah for some Santa Fun With Babies, but when Corey gets close, she gets scared.  She’s fine once he picks her up, and off they go for snuggles on the couch.  Ali’s still not sure about this whole thing, and Corey finally is allowed to lose the beard and hat.  “It’s just Daddy!”  “Don’t tell them that!”  “They’re gonna know eventually.”  I dunno why, but the timing and delivery on that exchange were really good comedy.

They walk over to the tree, and awwwww…. Leah is teaching Aleeah to walk so she says, “We have to walk.”  Leah’s a good mama.  Twins.  And remember she was going a lot of the infancy on her own.  I’m sure she had the same amount of help that a lot of people who live near relatives has, but since the show is so devoid of drama moments lately, it’s the ultra adorable baby moments that keep me around.

They all open presents together, even Daddy’s crappy duct taped one, and then play with their girls.  It’s such a sweet little family episode for them.  Boring, but sweet.  I’ll take it, since next week is a double-ep and I’m sure there’ll be a million things to cover then.  For now, just, awwwwwww.

Jenelle

It’s a chicken/egg riddle with Jenelle and Barbara, it really is.  Jenelle’s on a break from school and spending more time with Jace.  Everything is going great, since now the term is over and the failing grades she got can’t be remedied until she re-takes the classes.  She’s been at home for awhile, which seriously is like two weeks at this point.  I did the math.  It was a week last week, when she took Keiffer to jail, and now it’s a week that he’s been in jail.  Two weeks.  Yeah, great!  I’d trust that change for sure!

Jenelle’s starting to feel bad for Kieffer so she has a little one-on-one time with Barb’s squeeze, Grandpa Mike.  She says she acted impulsively and wouldn’t have filed charges if she’d cooled off and thought about it more.  He tells her that she can’t be serious.  He  is bad.  He has isolated her, and now she has no friends.  She was so cool and fun, and now she’s got this loser, and that’s about it.  He thinks that when she gets lonely or starts to feel bad, she should go spend some time with Jace.  Jenelle feels like she would spend more  time with Jace if Barbara wasn’t hovering over him all the time.  Plus, in Jenelle’s mind, Mike is right that all she has is this loser.  But at least she has him, because in her mind, there isn’t a solution to restoring her friends and relationships when what she wants most is that one-on-one crush of love and being loved.  Yep, this loser IS all she has.

Jenelle may have a point, but she also doesn’t have a point.  Barb is Jace’s primary care-giver.  Jenelle has chosen that at least four times and has said more than once that she can’t do it.  Remember her 16 & Pregnant episode where she was talking to her friends and was like, “Babies are needy?”  Yeah, no shit Jenelle.  And they require constant supervision.  Babies require hovering – hey, it’s a mammal thing, you know?  Jenelle is probably jealous of Barb, and I have no doubt that Barb is bossy and controlling.  I have no doubt that Barb doesn’t trust Jenelle, and I have no doubt that Barb is also a huge part of the problem here.  Barbara wants Jenelle to be a mother to Jace, but she has no idea how to communicate this, no idea how to teach Jenelle how to be a mother to Jace.  She doesn’t try a lot of different things, either.  They just stay on this endless loop of hopes and fights and emotional disaster.  They are nowhere near far enough away from the recent bout of homelessness and arrests to have the kind of stability that, say, Kail has where there is space and clarity to be able to move forward.  And no, Chelsea doesn’t move forward either but she’s so dumb she doesn’t even know she’s unhappy, bless her little leopard print heart.  No judgement, just comment.  She’s not as smart as Jenelle.  She doesn’t sense there’s anything off the way Jenelle does.

And while Jenelle can sense things are off, she just has no idea how to pull her head out of her ass and be the mother that Barbara, and probably the rest of her entire support system, want her to be.

Casa de Barb is having Christmas a few days early, because Babs is heading out of town for a few days.  They gather around the tree, and I have to say that Barbara’s house just seems very comfortable.  It’s lived in, but it’s cozy.  Love the windows.  I’m working on my house lately, and into these things.  Sorry.  I finally figured out the right window shades and it is rocking my yuppie-ass heart so hard right now.  How do you know you’re 37?  When you are STOKED to get a new dishwasher for Christmas.  And a garbage disposal?  Are you kidding me???? Is the recession over???  Wow!!!!   THANK YOU SANTA-MOM!!!! x to the effin’ O for this piece of the remodel puzzle!  Who’s lucky?  This girl.

Wash on, playa.

We see a lot about the gifts in this episode.  I’d have rather seen more of Jace and less of Jenelle opening a Juicy Couture bracelet.  And I only know this because I have the same one I got a few years ago.  I mentioned my Petra Panne syndrome, right?  I wasn’t kidding, no pun intended.  I was kidding….. myself… into thinking I was 25… and it was awesome… until it wasn’t.  ANYWAY.  Jenelle goes, “I got you something you need!”  Barb’s like, “A facial??”  And Jenelle gave her Ugg boots, because I guess Barb’s been rockin’ her slippers outside these days.  Word.  I may or may not have been so lazy one day last week that I didn’t bother to change out of pajama pants when I walked the dog.  My fist is raised in quiet solidarity with you, Barb.  Sometimes it’s just easier to run out in what ya already got on.  But only to walk the dog, in my shitty neighborhood, I swear.

Things hit the fan later on, when Barb says, “I’m gonna get your clothes changes, Jace!”  Jenelle wigs out.  She’s so pissed that Barb isn’t letting her be a mother, and yet she doesn’t say, “Oh I can get  him changed;” no, she says something hostile, like “Why do you always take him like I’m not going to do it?”  It’s an ugly way to start a fight.  Jenelle just has no idea how to tell Barb what she needs, and Barb has no idea how to intuit those needs, or even what to do about it if she could understand them.  They’re always locked in battle, and until someone backs off, it’s never going to change.  They really do seem to expect the worst from one another.

Jenelle’s so upset about how Barbara wants her in Jace’s life but then takes him to daycare and doesn’t let Jenelle watch him.  She brings up that Barbara’s always around him, and Barb reminds her that yeah, babies need 24/7 attending to so she’s going to be around him.  A lot.  It ends when Barbara takes Jace and leaves.  Poor Grandpa Mike.  I hope he has an outlet for all of this, like maybe a bowling league or something.

Once Barbara leaves with Jace, Jenelle devolves full-on into “Must. Get Keiffer.”  She takes to her bed and starts dialling to find someone over 21 who’ll co-sign with her to get him out of jail.  Nobody answers.  She finally gets hold of her friend, Tiffani, and even this girl tells her it’s not going to happen.  But she does pack up her baby and cruise over to Jenelle’s place.  They meet up in Jenelle’s Honda away from home while Jenelle’s still unsuccessfully dialling for dollars, or at least for someone who’s of age to spring her loser boyfriend out of county.

She explains to Tiffany what she’d explained to Mike, that she feels bad.  Tiffany has more piercings on her face than anyone should be allowed with a baby, because it’s only a matter of time before Junior takes a fistful of lip ring and pulls it.  Hard.  Riiiiip.  EW!  Tiffany, like everyone else who has ever watched a homegirl go down this road, tells Jenelle that Keiffer needs to stay there and sort out his head.  This is good for him.

But it’s not good for Jenelle, in her twisted lover’s logic, and when Tiffany takes off, Jenelle to tries one more person, Keiffer’s friend Dan.  Who isn’t having it either.  He’s pretty sure Keiffer would run, and he’s not going to be responsible for that.  Jenelle hangs up, and dissolves into hysterics.

Oh my.

I dissolve into tears, too, but mine are happy ones because this boring episode is over.  Jenelle wasn’t boring, but I swear if next week’s double episode (fuck you, MTV) is this boring, so help me I am going to write the whole recap as if Yoda I am.