Teen Mom 2 Recap: The Beginning of the End (God Willing)

Teen Mom

By SunnySideup | Thursday, January 26, 2012 | 6:00 am | 42 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Teen Mom

Worst case scenario: Sunni Sideup has a torn ACL and has to watch this train wreck show that even its network doesn’t give a crap about.  The title says that this is the beginning of the end, but I’m convinced this show will never end.  I’m totally open to the possibility that I died at some point in the last few months, I don’t know it yet, and I’m writing to you from purgatory.

I nominate Teen Mom 2, Season 2 for the Guinness Book of World Records in the category of Longest Season of Not Even Entertaining Mindless Entertainment.  Way to go, MTV.  Congrats on ruining more Tuesday nights than I can even count right now; then again, I can’t count too high because I’m focused mostly on not gnawing off my own leg.  I totally understand why animals are always like, “Fug it.  My paw hurts so bad that I shall now perform the act of chewing off my leg.”

Leah.

I wonder if she has any idea that she’s the color of a tangelo and her hair looks really flat lately.  Who cares, though, because working one day a week is really easy and she’s mostly excited that since Corey’s going to work in the mine, they get to move to a nicer place.  They’re off to look at some land, and she’s super stoked about putting a trailer on it.  It’s the West Virginia equivalent to ‘put a bird on it.’  Put a trailer on it.

Put. A. Bird. On. It.  And a trailer of your own.

A little later on, after spending some time at her mom’s and checking online for trailers that are for sale, Leah’s a bit low energy from taking care of the girls all day.  This scene takes place in that early evening time that makes everyone look really pretty, even those of us who have chosen to be the color of a brunch mimosa.  Corey gets home from work and breaks it to Leah that he doesn’t want a new place just yet.  He thinks they should stick it out a bit longer in the seriously crappy, depressing place where they currently live so they can save up some money.  His point is that they always jump into things, which is true but a better point is that their house sucks and it’s far away from family.    And then, he kills any point that he may have had by telling Leah that they need to hold off on the house, and he’s going to get a new truck.  He tries to argue that his is in bad shape, and has a cracked tire but that hold no water here.  For one, that truck is known and loved by the Teen Mom Nation.  We see so much of it every week, we’d be confused if he got a new one.  For two, fix the tire and get a house that’s livable for your teen wife and baby children.  Leah is pissed.  They made a decision as a married couple, and now he’s going back on it.  Plus, she’s probably sick of having to wash that stupid chartreuse green shirt he wears 24/7.  Dang, Leah is pissed.  And she’s right.

You can have a new truck, or a wife, but not both.  Choose wisely, Grasshopper.

They still aren’t really speaking but she’s got a girlfriend hanging out for the day.  This is the part where MTV shows up just how craptacular their current place is right now.  We get to see a gnarly spider that would send me crying and running for the Raid, we already know what the stained up outside of this love shack looks like, and now for the piece de resistance… the bathtub.  Two babies.  Babies grow, and can’t be bathed in the sink forever but where’s the bathtub, you might ask?  Down a flight a rickety basement stairs.  So it’s cold, and there isn’t even a faucet.  I’m positive Ali and Aleeah are going to be so thrilled someday, to know that their humble beginnings were filmed and broadcast on a TV show that I would call popular, but that has sucked so hard this season I can’t imagine anyone still gives a rip.  It’s bad, y’all.  Leah has to run the shower to fill up the tub, but there’s not even a shower head… it’s like one step up from a prison bucket system for babies.  Do babies go to jail?  Probably not, but that’s a different TM2, and we’ll get to her later.  Given the proof of what we already knew, which is that Leah and Corey’s place is dumpy, I’m getting mad with Leah, too.

I don’t think Calgon can take anyone away when the bathtub faucet is in the low-hanging ceiling of the mildewy basement.

Leah and her parents go to lunch, and I remain confused about Leah’s work/baby schedule.  I feel like she does have a ton of help, but she also clearly does a ton of the baby work herself.  I’m guessing that with two, it’s so much harder to just tuck them into your pocket and take them everywhere, all the time.  We’d probably have a cow if this was any of the moms who have one baby, but Leah getting some Leah-time makes sense.  She’s told her parents on Corey, and how it’s not fair that he changed his mind about a house, at least in part because he wants a new truck.  She tells them that “All of a sudden we’re not on the same page.”  Those babies are a year old, which means she and Corey have known each other for almost two years.  I’d say it’s not so much ‘all of a sudden’ as it is the first grown-up fight they’re having where there are valid points on both sides.  New truck disregarded, because that is not a valid point, waiting and saving is, if the house they’re in can be decent’fied.  On the other hand, the house they’re in isn’t working for the primary care-giver who has to be in said house all the dang time, so he needs to trust her that she’s right and they need a new house.

Her step-father wisely advises that the man’s needs come last.  LOL.  I truly wonder what will happen when I get a chance to share this gem with my main squeeze.  But, actually, he’s right.  In this situation, Corey’s needs do come last.  Leah is the one who is home with the kids and that home has to work for her and the babies.  There’s not really much else to say about that, unless she was on board with waiting, or there was something in it for her like, oh I dunno, a new truck.  Her step-dad fans out those dudely peacock feathers and tells her that they’ll help her get a trailer that is better for her and the babies’ needs, and he’ll start lookin’ immediately.

Leah’s step-dad is smart, and knows that if you wait long enough, you’ll get your chance.  He’s probably been waiting for two years to be able to save the day.

Corey’s not going to be mountain high happy about this, and he’s not.  She’s going to go look at some her parents found, and hopes he’ll go with her.  He’s sacked on the couch like a beached Amber Portwood while she’s playing with the girls.  The fight ensues, and it’s pretty awesome.  Leah has done the math on this, and Corey isn’t going to win at anything but looking like an immature fool.  They save money by being closer to family, and by not living in a house that’s falling apart and has tons of mildew in the basement.  The basement, I might add where she has to give the girls their bathes every day, or however often babies get washed.  Is it every day?  I know you can go a few days without washing hair, but I’m not sure about babies.  Dogs are like, once a month or if they roll in something dead.  True story: I once found my dog and her dog buddy rolling around in a dead coyote while we were hiking.

Corey tries to front like Leah is wrong here, but she’s just not and she’s done her homework.  She is handing him actual facts and figures instead of, “We can save money and I can get a new truck.”  Hey Corey?  You’re not getting a new truck and keeping your wife, son.  I like this feisty Leah.  More, please.  I’d take her odds against Jenelle any day.

Jenelle.

Speaking of someone who thinks she’s a brawler but who would get crushed if she was ever put in a position where she really had to fight.  She likes to scream and flail, but I’m pretty Leah would knock her out in under a minute.  Jenelle has moved out, and is living with her friend Tori now.  Since she’s not at home to help with Jace, barb wants child support.   Nice!  She’s back with Keiffer, which is mind-blowing since, well, let’s all be happy that there’s no such thing as Smell-a-vision whenever Keiffer’s onscreen.  Well, she’s back with him, but mainly so she can pick fights with him.

This fight is so dumb I can’t even follow it, which is seriously nothing new about recapping Jenelle and Keiffer.  She is a sociopath, of that I am convinced.  Nothing adds up with her, and try to parse out any reasonable flow in any conversation or especially argument.  The show is edited to a fault, to the point where it’s getting unwatchable, but she makes no sense and methinks that’s got nothing to do with editing.  Keiffer’s texting, Jenelle is harping and bitching that she knows it’s a girl and he should know that the only girls he’s allowed to text are her, and his mother.  Keiffer makes it so much better by sticking around and arguing with her!  And lying about it!  He is really so good at handling Jenelle.  I’m glad they’re together, because I just think he’s so good for her.  He’s such a calming influence.  Not.

How does Jenelle manage to remain dead-eyed even in the midst of a fight?  Oh yeah – sociopath.

She has to meet up with Barbara at Social Services to go over the child support, and judgment is $30 per week going to Barb.  In the car on the way home, she’s her usual perky self and demands that Barb turns off the windshield wipers.  Because, you know, they’re annoying her.  Nevermind the rain and the whole nuisance of safe driving in inclement weather.  Princess Jenelle dismisses windshield wipers.  Barb dares to defy the order, and things take a turn onto What the Shit Is Wrong With You Lane.  It’s right there off of Leave Me Alone Ave.  Jenelle wants to get him off her mind, but she doesn’t want to talk to anyone, and I always find that the best way to get something off your mind is to ignore distraction so you can focus even better.  Not being able to get Keiffer off her mind and having to interact with another human being is really pissing her off.  This is a girl who is pissed off by windshield wipers.  See also: Change cups.

“Jenelle, don’t assault the windshield wipers, and pay up for your back child support.”

I’d be double dead if I acted like this to my mom.  Dead once for the language, and then again for the attitude that defies explanation.  When will she go to jail?  Soon, I hope.  And having been to jail, I am really hoping for a few things to be learned by Jenelle.  $100 bucks says in five years, she’s married to a conservative Christian and raising two children, neither of which is Jace.

Jenelle needs a job, now that she’s paying some child support, but she’s too preoccupied with Keiffer to concentrate on anything else.  So preoccupied, in fact, that now’s as good a time as any to pick a random fight with her honey-pie.  Why not get back to the original issue for these two, Texting With Girls.  Keiffer’s texting to an undisclosed individual in the 508 area code.  Jenelle knows for positive it’s a girl and so of course there’s some screaming about it while they’re in the car.  Not just screaming, but when he tells her it’s some dude from Facebook, she demands that he call the number.  “Hi.  This is Keiffer?  I’m just calling right now because my psycho druggie girlfriend demanded that I do so.  She likes to look like an idiot, so humor me here and say hello to her.”

He tries to get out of the car while it’s stopped, so she does the smart thing and floors it.  I got out of a moving vehicle during a drag-out fight once.  True story; the car was moving way slowly though, and I supposed shit like that is how I ended up with a shredded knee.  She’s flying down the street at a high rate of speed, so he’s not going anywhere for a minute while she takes some time to yell at him.  He tells her he doesn’t owe her anything, which is likely about as true as it is that Corey needs a new truck.  She finally stops the car to switch gears from violent anger to less-so-but-still violent sadness.  Seriously.  Medicate her.  Prozac.  It’s not a bad thing.  He gets out of the car and takes off, finally.

They look so happy as she guns it down the road with the intention of dropping him off in the middle of nowhere.  No, really.  That was her plan here.  Also, they are totally blown out.  At least Amber Portwood didn’t drive all strung out on the weed.  It’s bad when you say, “At least Amber never …” anything.

She gets home and tells Tori that she feels like she’s spiraling out of control with Keiffer.  No duh, Jenelle.  She breaks down TextGate 1 2012, and speak of the devil, but Keiffer rolls in.  Fight fight fight, it’s the Itchy and Scratchy show.  Keiffer’s Itchy because it must get Itchy not showering like that; Jenelle’s Scratchy since for as often as she jumps people, I’m sure she doesn’t get a chance to keep her nails at a reasonable length for combat.  “You want to fuck her? You want to marry her?  You want to have kids with her????”  I wish she’d yell, “Then have a picnic life, bitch!”  Jenelle’s not even remotely as entertaining as Amber Portwood, though so all we get is Keiffer offering to show her the texts, and Jenelle throwing a bitch fit of crazy-talk babble about how she’s hurt and he should be comforting her.  I don’t know about y’all, but when I am super angry with someone and have been screaming at him for hours, I totally expect that he should know to comfort me when I start crying.  She’s a sociopath.  Write it down.  This will not end well.

Suffice it to say, the texts weren’t anything, and Keiffer baited her which is a dumb move considering that Jenelle is unstable and violent.  She takes to her bed and continues her bitch-fit until she turns her focus on Tori who is a Twisted Sister and who is not gonna take it.  Tori’s all don’t yell at me just because Keiffer’s not here to yell at and the escalation to violence is impressive.  They start in on each other and maybe 17 seconds in, Jenelle is moving out.  “I’m taking the couches!”  “I have couches!”  You can’t make that up, so thank you MTV, for catching what I can only assume is a rare moment in Jenel…. Wait.  This isn’t rare at all.  Thanks for showing it though, MTV.  Maybe we can build a bridge here and I’ll let you back into my life in spite of how much you ruined this show with crappy editing and casting Chelsea.

They’re up and fighting about clothes now; Tori’s got some drumsticks in her hand and out of nowhere really, she totally goes all Tommy Lee on Jenelle!  I love it!  Girl fight!  It gets even better though, because they’re brawling, and then the boyfriends throw down, and now there’s a big group fight happening.  I’m finally not bored anymore!  Yes!!!!!

For all the pot these kids smoke, they sure do fight a lot.  Stoners are mellow couch-dwellers.  I’m guessing blow here.  This isn’t just weed; these people fight all the time but burners would hug it out and cheers each other with Pringles cans.

Kail

Our hero has been awarded $488 per month in child support but she’s not seen one thin dime from Jo.  I would imagine that dropping off the baby is really good times right now, but it’s not like she’s the first teen mom on the planet to have had to deal with the icky part of co-parenting, and I’m not talking about how kids throw up, either.  Jo’s decided to appeal the judgment and Kail gets a copy of the appeal in the mail.  It’s basically citing three things: 1.  He can’t afford the judgment; 2. He’s given a lot of financial support to Kail in the past; 3.  Kail should put more effort into working.  He lives at home, so chances are good that he can afford the judgment.  It won’t be any fun, and it will cut into his weed budget, but he can afford it.  He gave support to Kail while she was pregnant and when she lived with his family.  This one seems to be an argument in Kail’s favor, actually.  Now she doesn’t live with his family and so Isaac doesn’t get the same support that he used to get.  Kail is working and going to school.  It’s probably part-time on both fronts, but still.  How much more effort can a girl give?  Comparatively speaking, Kail’s awesome.  And she got you on a show on MTV, Jo so seriously, quit being such a baby.

Checking the mail is so fun as a kid – birthday cards and letters from your camp friends but as an adult?  Ugh.  Bills and notifications of child support appeals.  

She calls to talk to him about things but he’s reticent, and still insisting she should try harder.  MTV money or not, this girl tries.  I’m sure there’s more to it, I’m sure her smart-ass attitude isn’t great to be around; she’s kind of a sour puss.  But.  She tries.  There’s no way to argue that she doesn’t.  She asks him if he’s going to get a lawyer and he doesn’t answer but tells her she probably should.  Smooth.

Jordan cruises over for a bit and she tells him everything.  She’s not wanting to spend the money on an attorney if she doesn’t have to, but she gets smart like Farrah and gets one anyway.  Cate Kollett, Esq to be exact and CK is rocking the Kate Gosselin hair!  I thought that didn’t happen anymore, but I was r-o-n-g, wrong.  Because it happens still, and it was happening on MTV last night during an all-new Teen Mom 2, that’s what’s up.

If MTV didn’t give us her name, I could have sworn that Kailyn’s lawyer was 2008 Kate Gosselin!!

Kail’s lawyer breaks it down that Isaac’s average costs are $768 per month of which Jo is responsible for 64% and Kail is responsible for 36%.  Interesting.  I guess it’s based on how much each person makes and the percentage of time for physical custody, but Cate Kollett, Esq doesn’t break it down for us because she probably has to go get the back of her hair trimmed up so it stays nice and spiky.  She does tell us that Jo doesn’t have much ground with his arguments in the appeal, and she soothes Kail’s nerves a bit regarding what will go down in court.  But not without a warning that Jo will probably try to enrage her.  Honestly, Jo can pick and push as much as he wants to.  What’s truly scary is that Janet will be staring you down while you’re on the stand.  No blinking.  No moving.  Like a statue.  Waiting.

Kail’s running out of people to be cool with when she drops off Isaac.  Jo’s out, Janet’s out… who’s next??

She gets together with Jordan to break it down, since we didn’t just watch it happen or anything.  The whole thing is pretty expensive, and she’s not looking forward to court.  Which is pretty valid since I bet Janet won’t miss it for the world.  She’s thinking that Jo will do anything to make it a lesser amount, and she tells us that if he wins, she’ll appeal.  Great.  Knowing what we now know about this show on MTV, from here on out all we will ever see of Kail and Jo is court dates and jerky phone calls to one another.  I guess I’d be okay with that if they throw in some Janet now and then.

Chelsea

This is ridiculous, and inexcusable.  Fire her.  She’s trying to be cute and justify her hanging her emotional self-worth on an abusive boyfriend and what’s MTV doing?  Spoon feeding it to us, ergo to girls half our age who don’t know any better that this is not cute.  It is not okay to keep trying to force your asshole shaped baby-daddy into a heart shaped hole…. unless you’re on Teen Mom 2 and the network you’re on hasn’t given a rip about things like underlying message  since the golden days of the first two Real World seasons.

She’s not been studying and she can’t think about starting her new job because she’s so upset about Adam dumping her for the 107th time.  She’s talking to Randy and he’s over it.  She’s talking to her friend and she’s over it.  She’s not getting the sympathy she wants so she heads to her mom’s.  “Adam stopped liking me.”  This kind of comment is only cute when the fight is over.  Chelsea is trying to be cute and she would be, but she used up all those credits a long time ago and homegirl needs to press reset on her love life.  It’s hard to recap this because there’s just nothing to say.  He stopped liking her when she got pregnant.  My suspicion is that they hadn’t been together too long and she stopped being able to hang out and party while she was pregnant, so they would have broken up…. had she not been pregnant.  I mean broken up for good, that is.  He’d have knocked up a couple other girls and we could all have been spared Chelsea Houska.

Adam dumped me, and I’m not sure if I’m more upset about that or about how nobody really cares anymore that Adam dumped me.

She wants to know what she did wrong, but not even her mom is acknowledging, even when Chelsea tries to drama it up by saying that she got a family for 14 years but Aubree won’t even have that.  Her mom tells her that it’s sad for now, but Chelsea will move on and Aubree will have a family for a very long time, just not with Adam.  Which is best for everyone, because he’s an abusive punk.  Well, okay, her mom didn’t say that, but I’m pretty sure it was implied.

First day of work, so Chelsea drops off Aubree with her mom and heads on over to Year Round Brown.  The name of this place, oh my.  It’s almost cute, but it makes me think of Code Brown, and if you’re in health care you’re picking up what I’m laying down here and it is really super gross.  Her boss seems really cool, though so I remove my judgment hat, and also, it’s nice to see locally owned places instead of Mystic Tan or whatever.  Chelsea learns to check in and greets Dawn, the first customer.  She also asks if a lot of guys tan.  Huh?  She wants to go from Joe “Adam” Dirt to Pauly D?  Well, I could see that.  Her boss tells her that lots of guys tan, and Chelsea’s pretty happy to hear that since she just got the boot from her baby-daddy.

I find it hard to believe that this is a great spot to meet the sexy single men of Vermillion, SD.

She can’t get Adam off her mind, and I really don’t care.  Sue me.  She’s on her way home when Randy calls to ask about work.  He gets about one sentence out of her about work and then it’s on to the usual punk-ass Adam conversation.  Just move on.  PLEASE.  She’s still trying to get someone to tell her what she did wrong and okay, I’ll take this one Randy.  Chelsea?  You’re a Donna Doormat and no guy likes that.  Also, you can’t have expectations of someone who is incapable of meeting those expectations.  Adam turns you on but you know, and I know, and now all of America (and probably some Canadians) know that he is not a provider or even a responsible adult.  He’s not funny, he’s not nice, he has no patience, he’s got no end-game, and he’s a jerk to you all the time.  It doesn’t matter what you did wrong in his eyes.  The only thing wrong now is trying to see this in his eyes.  Randy’s right – move on.  We don’t call him Randelicious in these parts for nothing, babe.  He’s hot, and he knows that all your moping will not unfuck this situation.

Baby!!  Cuteness abounds!!

Four more episodes, Teen Mom Nation.  Four.  More.  Probably not gonna see what we all want to see, which is Tabitha Taking Over Teen Mom 2 and giving us an interesting show.  How is it so hard?  Teen Mom OG pretty much rules, but this second season of Teen Mom 2 is just air.  Hair, yelling, and air.  Tabitha Coffey would be perfect to upend this crap.

Oh!  And speaking of tv – have you heard about Luck?????  I spent hours with the old men in the horse racing zone of a casino off the strip last week, decided I’m going to learn how to play the ponies, and then this show comes along?  I call that a sign of my future destiny to be a horse racing savant.

Ohhhh, and don’t forget – TVgasm’s all up in the web!  To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!

 

I'm Sunni Sideup, and I grew up in Southern Illinois nowhere near Chicago, and you know what Matt Paxton from 'Hoarders said about girls from So Ill?  "I wouldn't mess with a girl from Southern Illinois; they'll knock your teeth out."  Now I live in Tucson, Arizona and this town is my jam.  I love it.

I have no professional writing experience, but I was the Managing Editor of an All-American high school newspaper about a billion years ago.  Luckily, when you're recapping MTV shows, the jokes write themselves.      

42 Comments

  1. 1
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 6:03 am

    I hate Chelsea but that Aubry is so darn cute I can’t turn away when she is in a scene.

    Back to reading and glad to have you back Sunny

  2. 2
    Buffy
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 6:13 am

    YAY!!! Portlandia reference!! Extra points for you @Sunny!!

  3. 3
    ash1
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Jesus, Chelsea! I didn’t study this long for my LSATs!!! The average 8th grader can pass the GEDs….AVERAGE, not intelligent! Lesson#1: If it takes you two years to prep for the GED, just resign yourself to a lifetime of wiping other people’s sweat off of cancer-generators all day long for minimum wage. Chelsea needs a sugar daddy, STAT – oh wait – covered.

    Corey definitely lost stock this week. “Let’s not jump into something without thinking, like we usually do.” (i.e. our MARRIAGE) His truck looked pretty freaking new to me! Replace the window and wheel and get your wife the hell out of there while you still have one! Alas, in real life, unlike “reality,” we know he was probably already cheating with new gf by this time (who, btw, is a brunette…suck it, Barbie!)

    Good luck to Jo on his renewed commitment to Kail dropping out of school to be a lifetime food-stamp user….the judge will totally go for that!

    Jenelle….Jesus, who cares anymore, just have this kid committed, because bitch ain’t ready for a jailhouse fight!

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Oh Sunny, you and SuburBint have the two toughest gigs in recapping history. (Jersey Shore isn’t even on the list of top shows.) I hope that after this travesty has run its course you get a chance to put your considerable recapping talents to work on something that is fun to watch.

    Of course, the payoff for you on this show is having so much material to snark about.

  5. 5
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Not that it REALLY matters, but Chelsea is not in Vermillion anymore, she’s in Sioux Falls. I point this out because I very recently moved from there and get excited when I see all my old haunts and simultaneously hate myself because it’s CHELSEA of all people. I tanned at Year Round Brown before I went to Key West (there are at least four locations, so I doubt I ever went to the same one she worked at). I met that manager. She was a typical tanning salon manager in the sense that you immediately knew she was a manager as she was pushy and tried to upsell things. Plus, they were the only tanning place I’ve ever seen have TV commercials, so she’s exactly the type to hire Chelsea just for camera time. Well, that, and I supposr I cant fault the lady because Chelsea WAS made for that kind of work.

  6. 6
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 8:20 am

    I don’t think “trailer” and “double-wide” are PC anymore. I think the preferred term is “prefabricated home”.

    As in “Well, that’s just great! Those hillbillies next door with the slow kid and the orange mom are putting in a fuckin’ prefabricated home!”

  7. 7
    mere2142
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I’m leaning towards bipolar with Jenelle. Girl really needs meds. That was difficult to watch.

    I love Randy! Did you watch the AfterShow? Kail was having problems with her widsom teeth and he told her he’d help her out. So sweet.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 8:59 am

    “I’d be double dead if I acted like this to my mom. Dead once for the language, and then again for the attitude that defies explanation.”

    It’s weird that I still gasp every time Jenelle uses the f word with her mother. While I understand people curse in front of their parents telling your mother to “shut the fuck up” is just sad.

    I do wish Tori could have gotten more punches in. Jenelle deserves a beat down.

  9. 9
    dallasboo
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 9:05 am

    @mere2142- Too bad Randy isn’t Kail’s dad. She seems like she would appreciate a loving a supportive parent. Chelsea does NOTHING and is spoiled with own place, a car, and access to her daddy’s bank account. She doesn’t worry about bills, getting an education or doing ANYTHING with her life. Please take her dumb ass off this show!

    Props to Leah for telling Cory “no” to the truck! His marble-mouth ass just got that fugly orange truck 4 months ago but now he feels entitled to a new one? Huh? While his little girls bathe in conditions below that of prisoners? That rancid, dirty basement was nasty……and the electrical wires surrounding the “faucet” cannot be safe.

    Jenelle- dangerous and a complete sociopath. She needs to be in prison (where she will eventually live) and she needs a good beatdown.

  10. 10
    ash1
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 9:08 am

    @dallasboo – I KNOW!!! I would love it if Chelsea and Kail could switch lives for a day. I’d delight in watching Suzy tell Chelsea to clean up her shit and pay her own way…I’m going to have to sit through the after show just to see that!

  11. 11
    R2Dcups
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Sunni, So sorry about you ACL :( I just broke both bones in my leg so I feel your pain. Damn You DERBY Gods!

  12. 12
    BedHeadJen
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Thank you for your recaps. It is a selfless act and your sacrifice has saved me from the horror of Momsterpiece Theater-Teen Edition. You are so right about the lack of giveashit in the editing dept. of this show.
    Chelsea’s hair switching from brunette to albino and back to brunette every scene is enough to cause seizures. MTV needs a disclaimer for the epileptic fans.

    Watching Jenelle became so unbearable I tried to turn her segments into a drinking game. Take one drink everytime she says “leave me alone,get out of my face, or calls a friend and asks if that train hoppin’ hobo Kieffer, can use their shower right quick.” Drink 2 if Barb tells Jenelle to go and be with her “BOOOYFRIWEEEND”. Yeah, F that. Playing that game is russian roulette for your liver.

    Thanks again for your recaps, my liver and I think you are awesome.

  13. 13
    mick
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 10:59 am

    @notwithoutmytv “Well, that’s just great! Those hillbillies next door with the slow kid and the orange mom are putting in a fuckin’ prefabricated home!” BWAAAAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHA, awesome!

    Sunni, sorry about your ACL, but honestly I’m glad you’re back limping around this shithole of a show. Do you at least get good drugs to help you through the episodes?

  14. 14
    Z
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 11:07 am

    hearing leah and her friends say “bath-ing” makes my ears bleed

  15. 15
    kthxbai
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

    @SunnysideUp I’m so sorry you caught the Chelsea Knee! Call the doctor and get some pain pills.

    Just sitting there letting stuff hurt can be even worse for you than taking pain pills when nothing hurts!

    If this show wasn’t on MTV I’d suspect it of being some kind of marketing school project.

    Where they search far and wide for the most unlikeable and unappealing characters. And then give them all the most boring and predictable and ordinary stories they can think of, get as close as they can to 0 change or plot development every week. And see how long people will watch it and how pissed off they’ll get.

    I’m totally Team Leah too. It’s dangerous to be trying to haul 2 babies down the steps like that. Or put them in a moldy and mildewy place with water close to electric wires.

    I don’t personally have any babies. But all the 1s I’ve ever known, you have to wash them every day.

    And if Corey wants his to get washed like that it’d be safer if he’d build them an outdoor jungle shower with a plastic bucket.

    Because the last thing they need is any more doctor bills.

    Is this how their break up started? Because if it is Corey is so going to regret this. Just like Leah ended up regretting when she acting like a 13 yr old right after the babies were born.

    Also if it is I owe Leah an apology for thinking she was acting like a 13 yr old again. Specially since if any of them’s got an excuse to, she does.

    But it’s still super sad. And I can’t help but hope they’ll get back together eventually no matter how many times Leah gets engaged between now and then. There’s not a lot of people that end up with their high school BF but it seems like they really do love each other.

    Plus they’ve got the advantage of family and culture values on their side that most people living somewhere like the USA don’t.

    I made myself watch all of Leah this time to see if she or anybody ever said anything about it being dangerous to go down the mine. And nobody did. And I had good luck because this week was about the house fuss and not Ali sadness.

    Anyway my opinion this week is that even though I guess it might be because of that Spike TV show with the mine owners, it’s probably what I thought 1st. That it’s just their ways.

    Like Leah calling a trailer a house. Which you don’t hear even a lot of people that live in them do. And thanks to @chaosbutterfly for getting me to thinking about it.

  16. 16
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I am in healthcare and I’d much rather clean up a code brown than hear Chelsea pronounce “Year Round Brown” with her stuffed-up nose. Geez girl, use a friggin Kleenex already.

  17. 17
    kthxbai
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I don’t think Jenelle’s a sociopath (since Barb’s still alive) but she, Barb, and Kieffer are all batshit crazy and need to be put in 3 separate mental care hospitals.

    But her child support thing made me think these girls must get way less than the OG Teen Moms.

    Even if that news story meant Amber gets $140K in 2 payments/yr, anybody getting anywhere near that would have to pay way more than $30/wk.

    It was also a reminder that Jo even sucks at being a successful deadbeat dad!

    Kail’s wrong to think he’ll do anything to get out of paying child support.

    Shoot, a boy with his lack of skills or education or any kind of abilities would have NO trouble getting a McJob. And either living with a mess of other people or getting extra cash basis only work.

    That’s always been 1 of the most tried and true of all the popular ways to get out of paying more than just a little bit of child support.

    He’d have to move out though. And even with cash work he couldn’t get a place as nice as his parent’s house.

    Or afford to go to the studio and keep trying to turn into a rapper.

  18. 18
    Gypsy Rose Lee
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Everything about Chelsea annoys me. That voice! She never fully enunciates any word and speaks with that annoying baby voice. I agree that she is never going to pass the GED. She has no incentive to be self-sufficient or even act like a semi-grown person.

    I watched this documentary about cats once and they said that domestic house cats never fully mature because they depend on humans for food and shelter. They are the equivalent of human teenagers. I think of that every time I see annoying Chelsea.

  19. 19
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I know better than to watch this show, so at least I’ve never heard Chelsea speak, but that is one thing that drives me nuts with some of these reality show choads: enunciation. Teenagers like these often seem to have mumble syndrome, but The Atlanta Housewives are the WORST.

  20. 20
    kthxbai
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    @notwithoutmytv I think Southern California’s even worse. Between the mumbling thing and the heavy accents.

    I had to watch the 1st few episodes of The Hills over and over before I could figure out which sounds were supposed to mean which words.

    Oh and last weekend a neighbor of mine had this old doll from like the 50s. It was a human hair doll but it was just this mass of nest.

    She wanted to fix it up for her niece. But the doll rehab people told her they’d have to put on whole new hair because there wasn’t any way to restore it.

    Wondering how long before somebody tells Chelsea that was the only time I thought about her all week.

  21. 21
    Sarre
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Sorry I just need to know how does a trailer have a basement? I used to live in one as a child and I didn’t think it was possible to have one

  22. 22
    SunnySideup
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    @R2 – YIKES!!!! I’m almost 6 years into an incredible career, and, yeah this is a game-changer at my age but I can still walk* (old tigers hurt, but are still tigers nevertheless)… both bones????!!!! OUCH.
    *I reserve the right to change my mind about ‘it’s not so bad’ a couple weeks from now when I’ve had knee surgery and y’uns are all reading incoherent Percasexy recaps.

  23. 23
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Sorry about your leg, Sunni – that sucks. I hope you called Adam to come and help take care of you – he’s an excellent caregiver.

    Kail needs to stop with the “if we were together”. If they were together Jo would be supporting both Issac and Kail…which makes it sound like she’s trying to get some cheddar for herself. Stick with “He’s your son – support him!” argument.

    How excited was I when I saw that Tori was holding drum sticks? And the boys getting into it was just icing on the cake. What can I say – I love a good brawl.

    Was Leah seriously saying, “I have to bath them”? I’ve known folks from West Virginia (12 million people, 12 last names) and I’m pretty sure it isn’t an accent thing that she can’t say bathe properly. But seriously dudes – that tub situation is hella unsafe and disgusting! It just seems so odd these days to see a situation where it’s the woman that does all the work with the kids while Dad goes to work, comes home and wants the meat and potatoes and some quiet. Corey needs to get with the program or Leah’s gonna leave him! Oh, wait a sec…

  24. 24
    Buffy
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    @dallasboo AGREED. I still say jenelle is a sociopath.
    @kthxbak – I don’t think that all(or even most)sociopaths are homicidal.

  25. 25
    Buffy
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I realize that technically Jo’s parents are not in any way responsible for Isaac, but ever since Jo decided to fight over child support it really disgusts me every time Kailyn walks up to the door of one of the biggest, nicest houses I’ve ever laid eyes on. and it’s very clear that they love Isaac so much, so I cannot understand how Janet and Pop can back him up on this. Kailyn could have easily taken the easy way out and stayed with Jo even though she knew the relationship wouldn’t work. Tons of women two and three times her age would (and do) do that. Kail has tons of integrity and maturity for a person of any age. She knows what she wants and she knows how to cut out all the bullshit that might distract and detract her from getting it. I admire her.

    @notwithoutmytv HAHAHA That was awesome!!

    Also, it looks like they are leading into showing us the beginning of the end of Leah and Corey. Which is cool because for some reason it never occurred to me that they would be able to do that. And i also think Leah has a lot of maturity too. I used to think Corey did as well until this truck stunt he is trying to pull.

    Great recap. Great comments!

  26. 26
    kthxbai
    Posted January 26, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    @Buffy I went and looked it up and you’re totally right!

    Jenelle’s got way more than the 3 you need from the requirements list.

    I also found out all you have to do to qualify is break the law, lie, and act impulsively.

    So being a sociopath is way easier and more popular than I thought!

  27. 27
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 3:12 am

    I used to think Barb was the really insane one and Janelle just fed off her crazy, but look at Barb now…giving Janelle good, motherly advice in a tone as close to normal as she can possibly get. Meanwhile, Janelle has gone so far off the rails that even Thomas the Train can’t pull her ass back onto them. She keeps blaming her behavior on Kieffer, but I think she’s on some kind of hard drug. She has to be. No regular human being could behave so erratically.

    Also, why are all of Kieffer’s clothes so little? His hoodie barely covered his stomach, pants looking all small…like he stole them from his baby sister or some sick shit like that.

    Armageddon will come and go before Chelsea Houska gets her GED. I’ll bet money on it.

    I can’t even believe Corey’s bullshit. I know we give her shit because of her obsession with being Malibu Barbie, but beside clearly not giving a shit about Corey getting blown the fuck up in a coal mine, Leah has really been a good wife and a great mother. He can’t even hook her (not to mention his adorable children) up with a new mobile home? That quick shot of the girls playing in the real bathtub at their grandparents’ house really broke my heart. How can he see them so happy in that tub and then be okay with cramming them into the kitchen sink or making them go bathe in that gross tub downstairs? So he can get a damn truck? He’s about to be tight too, when he has his spiffy new truck and his busted house and no wife or kids to put in either one.
    Does Ali not have to wear her glasses anymore? She is the cutest ever…I want to steal her away lol.

  28. 28
    LadyStardust
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 3:16 am

    I grew up in WV just a couple hours from where Leah and Corey are and I’ve never heard anyone say “bath-ing”. So I don’t think it’s a regional thing, unless it’s a central/southern WV thing (I grew up in the eastern panhandle).

    I’ve also never seen a trailer with a basement…weird.

  29. 29
    kthxbai
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

    A lot of Welsh people say bath like that. Maybe Leah’s people came from mines in Wales a long time ago.

  30. 30
    Liz
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Jenelle has actually tweeted that she has bipolar disorder. Which, don’t get me wrong it seems like that girl needs mood stabilizers, but you have to be both manic and depressive to be bipolar and I have never seen her remotely close to manic. Or am I forgetting something?

  31. 31
    ash1
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

    @Liz – agreed. I think bi-polar has become a catch-all for any completely inappropriate and overly emotional behavior, until Bat-Shit Crazy makes it into the next DSM. I think she definitely has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is marked by an irrational fear of abandonment, overly dependent personality, aggressive outbursts,and maladaptive patterns in relationships, as well as impulsivity and lack of motivation in school, work, and life in general.

  32. 32
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 9:58 am

    According to my good friend psychcentral.com, “manic” could just mean periods of high irritability. If that’s the case, Kenwood’s always manic, even when she’s depressed.

  33. 33
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Kenwood! Haha, thanks for that one autocorrect. Jenelle.

  34. 34
    Mimo
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 10:21 am

    My son and his wife had a basement dug out, all cement blocked and put a double wide over it. My daughter-in-law flat out refused to live in a trailer without a basement because of tornados.

    I’m thinking that Corey really doesn’t understand the bath situation. Maybe Leah needs to force him to do the bath-ing for the girls for a couple of nights to make him understand. He, by far, has been the most reasonable and I can’t see him being the nasty guy he seems to be being right now. 10/miles/gallon is pretty bad and really cost inefficient. I can honestly see that he needs a new rig, but is there any reason why it has to be a truck.

    Fact is, I just can’t get behind Leah for any reason. I don’t like her and her frizzy hair. I’m still stuck on how entitled she felt to “enjoy” her senior year of highschool, even tho’ she had made choices that didn’t make that realistic. Besides, I don’t like orange people with straw for hair. It distracts me.

  35. 35
    SusieF
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    This recap was great!

    I usually don’t comment, but when you wrote about how jenelle must be a sociopath for expecting someone she just attacked to comfort her I cringed a little because I did that for most of my life and could not seem to find anything odd about it
    I have borderline personality disorder .. I am nowhere NEAR as dysfunctional as jenelle, but I’ve also been medicated and in treatment for several years now.. I’m also significantly older than jenelle
    I would definitely say that jenelle has borderline personality disorder… I hope she gets the help she needs

  36. 36
    Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Jenelle, and Barb are textbook borderlines, so I agree with the posters that made that conclusion. I accidentally married an untreated borderline and every time either of them is on the screen, I get PTSD flashbacks. There is a genetic and/or environmental component.

  37. 37
    Liz
    Posted January 28, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Ok, I’m gonna be that annoying guy and say even though the internets say all you need is irritability to be manic, I really don’t think that’s the case. I’ve studied psychopathology to a certain extent and the mania has to do with excessive energy, and Jenelle never seems to have any energy for anything, ever. Borderline seems more plausible. But really, I mean clearly something is going on with her that isn’t right, we can all agree on that.

  38. 38
    iamrufus
    Posted January 28, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    you forget Liz that she smokes a lotta weed, and that can significantly slow you down and make you lazy and unmotivated. trust me, been there, done that…i would bet it counters her manic predispositions and that’s precisely the reason she likes that feeling. remember her flipping out on barb because she hadn’t smoked at all that day? unfortunately MJ can be harmful to a person with emotional/personality disorders and can push them over the edge to full blown psychiatric meltdown. hope it doesn’t end up that way for her.

    DISCLAIMER: haven’t “studied” any of this, but i’ve lived with one and seen it firsthand…complete with suicide attempt and psychiatric lockdown and medication and therapy and on and on. eerily similar behavior patterns going on here.

  39. 39
    Liz
    Posted January 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    @iamrufus – Ooh, good point. I didn’t consider that! That could explain it…

  40. 40
    Caitlin
    Posted January 29, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    My friend retweeted Chelsea today, but I didn’t realize it was THIS Chelsea til I saw her last name in the recap. And it was some tweet like, “How can I move on when you’re still around.” UGH UGH UGH. To both Chelsea and my friend, and their disgusting obsessions. Move ON.

  41. 41
    fatgirlsrule
    Posted February 1, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    If I hear Chelsea say “Adam doesnt like me!” one more time…..

  42. 42
    Sapphire1166
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 5:37 am

    After a Teen Mom 2 marathon, I feel so uneasy whenever I watch Jenelle and knew from the first few episodes that she is a classic Borderline Personality Disorder. How do I know? Watching Jenelle is like watching myself at age 20 (minus the physical violence). I was irrational, treated people horribly and expected to be comforted, clung to horrible guys like no one else would ever love me, smoked weed all day every day, and failed 2 semesters at school. With intense DBT and psychiatric therapy, at 29 I have a college degree, an awesome career, and an amazing husband. I really hope MTV pays for Jenelle to get therapy….she has potential!

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