So yeah, like I said in my ABL, this episode was pretty so-so. In part because while shit did go down, it didn’t really feel like it, and in part because the producers tried to make me believe that Corey and Leah were hitting a “rough” patch, when in fact, they just fight cute. Another reason to love them. We’ll be keeping up with the “Baby WTF Face” contest this week, so get yer captionin’ fingers ready!
Finally, an US magazine I almost bought outside of an airport terminal.
First up is Kailyn – apparently she and Jo are trying to make their relationship work, which is an update from last week. They’re kissing and whatnot, Jo’s being nice and it’s very, very Twiliiiight Zone. But Kailyn VOs that she can’t focus on all that right now because it’s her first day of school! She drops off Isaac with a friend of her mother’s (they can’t afford a real babysitter, which is why they’re going with someone with such a dark mark in their favor), and heads to the community college. She meets some friends there who walk her to her first class, and it makes me smile to see how nervous she is and to see that she at least knows some people who are staying in town for school. Her first class is an English composition class and the first thing the professor does is tell everyone in class that they need to be on time. I’m wondering if this is foreshadowing for problems Kailyn will face in the future when she and Jo inevitably need to get restraining orders for each other.
Look, even she knows that day is looming.
In North Carolina, Jenelle’s off to register for classes, but she didn’t save up enough from her Summer job to pay for school, so she has to see the financial aid office. Barbara sends her off with abrasive orders to bring Jenelle’s proof of car insurance, Jace’s birth certificate and a reminder to tell the financial aid people that though Jenelle lives at home, her mother does not support her.
Truer words, my friends… Truer words…
Jenelle’s expecting all sorts of financial aid because she’s a single mommy, and is just trying to go to school to make life better for her adorable son, Jack. I mean Jake! I mean Jace! I’ll bet you money Jenelle’s uttered those same words at some point in Jace’s life. She was probably drunk at the time, but I’ll bet it happened. So yeah, she’s expecting the aid thing to be a mosey through Easytown, but just as I suspect, the fact that Barbara has custody of Jace fucks her financial aid ass backwards. Basically, if she were a single mom, she’d be an independent student, and she wouldn’t have to provide Barbara’s information on the financial aid forms. But, as she does NOT have custody of Jace and cannot prove she provides 50% of his support (which she totally doesn’t), she reverts to being a dependent student and now must provide her mother’s information on the forms.
That’s if she doesn’t get kicked out of the house before the forms are due. Whoops! Spoiler!
For anyone who’s gone through the rigmarole of applying for financial aid, you’ll know that even if your parent says they cannot afford to send you to school, it’s the school who makes that call. They’ll take every last dime your parents have left over from their own expenses and apply that to what you’ll eventually owe. Add that to Barbara’s general aversion to helping her daughter succeed, and Jenelle rightly surmises that giving up custody of Jace has screwed her in more ways than one.
In West Virginia, Leah’s mooning about, sad that living with Corey hasn’t turned into the newlywed, permanent honeymoon paradise she obviously thought it would be.
This is Alejandra’s complete lack of surprise.
Corey works from dawn until dusk and since they’ve moved an hour away from Leah’s family, she’s stuck at home most of the time watching the girls. It’s getting to her and Ali, too. Well, Ali always wears a frown of displeased consternation, so maybe that’s just her face.
I disapprove of this walker.
Ali calls one of her friends who’s off at college, I’m guessing, and wishes she could be there, too. She tells her friend that she wants to get into a nursing program, but she’s heard it’s really hard. The friend hangs up, and Leah VOs that she wants to go to college, but she’s not sure it’ll happen right then, as she’s basically raising two kids on her own. Aww, she’s being goofy and emotional, but I love her anyway.
Ugh, in South Dakota, Megan and Chelsea are doing more stupid shit. They’re in what I’ve now discovered is Megan’s bed, not Chelsea’s, discussing a list of rules Adam must follow. He must put Chelsea and Aubree first. He must treat momma and baby “good.” Chelsea agrees wholeheartedly with that one and then pipes up eagerly that he should also stop cheating on her. Yes, Chelsea. In addition to treating you good, Adam should also stop fucking other girls.
WHY DO DUMB PEOPLE PROCREATE?????
Megan points out to Chelsea that not cheating does indeed fall under the “treat momma and baby good” umbrella, and the girls move on. Adam must treat “best friend” good – oh, yeah, apparently Adam’s a dick to Megan. Why am I not surprised? It’s not like she can blow him or provide free housing.
Oh, good, talk time is over. Glad that was short. Commercial!
In West Virginia, Leah is a big fat liar – she does do stuff! Her mom and stepdad are headed over for dinner! See, life as a teen mom of twins is full of fun. Throw those condoms right in the trash, 16-year-olds! She VOs that she hopes her mother is over thinking Leah and Corey moved in too fast. Why? So when Leah complains about it her mother won’t say, “Aaaah, tol’ you so!” The conversation moves right along to Leah’s aspirations for college, and her stepdad advises both young parents that that’s an endeavor they will have to embark on together. Then Leah starts complaining that she does most of the work already, and her mother points out that Corey’s working and Leah isn’t, so that’s the way it should be. Then Leah fires back that Corey should help more on the weekends because she has not just one baby, but two, and her mother AWESOMELY snaps, “Sorry about your luck, Honey, but you’re a mom.” The scene ends with Leah’s VO that she wishes somebody understood how little time she has to herself.
My mom understands, Leah. She just doesn’t understand why you’re bitching about it. Especially when you don’t work two jobs like she did starting about six weeks after I was born.
We head back to South Dakota for more of Chelsea’s studying. Guess what? Babies are distracting, so why bother trying? Especially with a built-in babysitter living with you? Pfft, waste of time. Adam comes over before Chelsea’s motivation comes back, and he and Chelsea head outside to go over the list of “rules.” Does Adam agree to everything? Of course he does! I would agree to eat a live snake if it meant I live somewhere for free. Especially if that “where” included sex. But he makes this face throughout the entire conversation, so I have a feeling Adam’s word is about as good as his fashion sense.
He’s such a chode.
In Pennsylvania, Kailyn’s having a great time at school, but going from there straight to work every day is wearing on her. And it’s probably awkward seeing Jordan all the time. Jo’s helping with the baby a lot while she’s not there, but apparently no one is helping with the laundry, and Eddie’s getting PISSED. Janet tells Kailyn that her laundry has to be done by Friday, Jo says he just put it in, and doesn’t understand why Kailyn couldn’t do it. Then ensues a faaascinating and dramatic argument in which both parties express that they work and blame each other for not doing other things. Janet thankfully puts the kebosh on that bullshit right quick by telling both of them that everyone in the house has a long day at work, and the last thing she (homeowner, authority holder) wants is to come home to bickering. Kailyn snaps that she’ll work on it and heads off to do homework, while Jo follows, poutily drinking out of his solo cup. Eddie sips out of his giant, plastic fast food cup, and doubts that the kids will ever change. I doubt the Rivera’s capacity to drink out of anything besides disposable glassware. Commerical.
Has anyone else noticed this? They do it a lot!
In North Carolina, Jenelle did manage to get information from her mother for financial aid, but apparently the incorrect tax form was submitted. She’s at Kieffer’s (or wherever Kieffer’s squatting), and needs to call her mom to request the correct form. I’m recapping all of this in great detail because Barbara literally FLIPS HER SHIT on Jenelle for like, 20 straight minutes over the fact that Jenelle apparently waited until the last minute to ask for the form, and I need to know if I missed something. I mean, yeah, I get it, Jenelle does dumb shit, but if Barbara freaks out every time like she does this time, I’m surprised she’s not dead or the recipient of a heart transplant.
I’m not kidding, Jenelle calls her, and Barbara screams over the phone for entire conversation. Kieffer and Jenelle head over to the house, Barbara yells some more. Jenelle claims the form Barbara thrusts at her isn’t the right one, then shit really hits the fan.
Somebody mail this woman copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance before she has an aneurysm.
Adam’s big moving day. It seems to take awhile, which I don’t really understand given that it looks like he hauls in some t-shirts, a water bottle and some X-Box games. He and Chelsea have an adorable time fighting over closet space and playing with the baby on the bed, and Chelsea actually has the nerve to VO that things with Adam seem to be going good. Well, kudos to Adam. He can last five minutes! Something tells me that Chelsea has yet to experience an orgasm that wasn’t DIY.
In West Virginia, Leah’s friend Reagan is visiting, so Leah’s jumped at the chance to get out of the house for some Leah-Time. Meanwhile, I’m not at all surprised Reagan was able to get out of Dodge sans baby.
In two years that accent’ll be gone and she’ll be working for a PR firm in New York City.
Leah complains that she can’t accomplish what she wants to accomplish because while Corey does try to take care of the girls by himself, but he’s not very good at it. Leah thinks he’s a little afraid to be alone with them. Aww, so cute. But seriously, what the fuck was he doing on his weekends alone with them? This worries Leah because if she wants to go to college (which she is very confident she could handle, and I love her for the fact that she does. Not. Whine. Very much.), but she doesn’t think she could count on Corey to watch the girls. I don’t believe for a minute there’s anything those two crazy kids couldn’t accomplish, so your attempts, MTV, to make me worry for the future of my favorite couple, fall short!
In Pennsylvania, my least favorite couple (at least Chelsea and Adam provide comedy) is, you guessed it, tense again. Ever since the Great Laundry Fight, things have been rough, so Eddie sits Kailyn down for a talking-to. She rightfully dreads it – Eddie is one intimidating motherfucker. Even with his goofy plastic cups.
Okay, not when he’s sitting like this. Here he kinda looks like Buddha, but still.
Eddie tells her he’s not taking anyone’s sides, but she and Jo need to work their shit out. It’s kind of hard to understand him because he doesn’t really speak up and every other word is bleeped out, but this is what I got. Kailyn and Jo need to stop making everyone else’s lives hell and work out their shit, or Eddie’s gonna lose his temper and “it’ll all be over.” Or something. I guess that means a “Full House” cancellation if you catch my drift.
Kailyn VOs that with things getting tense at home, she’s glad she has school. Oh good, that probably means she’s doing well. But not for long! She calls Jo after class and he tells her that he got into a fight with his dad and got them both kicked out! Hooray for Jo! Well, really, hooray for Eddie. I hope he told his son not to come back until he stops trying to be a cholo. Jo, behaving spectacularly responsibly in this situation is taking Isaac to Newark and basically tells Kailyn to fend for herself. Kailyn rightfully hangs up on her dumbass baby daddy, and shakes her head at now being homeless.
I hope she consoles herself by rightfully blaming Jo for everything. I would. Those opportunities in life for righteous victimhood don’t come along very often.
Luckily, Kailyn manages to find a friend to stay with, and she calls Jo once she’s calmed down. The calm doesn’t last very long, though. Here are a few of Jo’s brilliant ideas that come out while they’re on the phone:
1. His dad is a disrespectful piece of shit.
2. He and Kailyn need to start looking for an apartment in New Jersey.
3. That apartment should be in New Jersey.
4. The reason for New Jersey is that they need to start looking at what is convenient rather than what is comfortable. (That was a direct quote, btw. I’m not sure what he means, but I’m guessing it’s something Eddie says a lot that Jo has perverted.)
5. Kailyn is selfish and cannot compromise because she doesn’t want to leave her school and job to move to New Jersey for absolutely NO REASON.
Needless to say, she and Jo need to get off the phone before they break one and they agree to meet the following day. Oh, FYI, Jo has a cousin or something in Jersey, so that’s why he went there. I’m not surprised he has no friends to visit.
In South Dakota, Adam changes a diaper on the floor, amusing Megan to no end and giving Chelsea another reason to avoid schoolwork.
Mother, I wish you would consider wearing underpants more often. There are cameras present. Winner of this week’s Best Baby WTF Face! Caption away!
Chelsea still hasn’t told anybody in her family about Adam, but she decides to tell her sister. Her sister agrees not to tell Randy, but doesn’t understand how Chelsea can keep something like this from him. Because you’re sister’s an asshole, Dude. She’s nice, but she’s an asshole. And she’s dumb. Anywho, Chelsea mumbles some shit about not wanting to disappoint her dad so much in such a short time, but doesn’t tell Adam to move out, nor does she finish her schoolwork, so I don’t believe her. Pfft.
In North Carolina, Jenelle is bemoaning the fact that her mother treats her badly to Kieffer, who is sweet and supportive. He doesn’t give Jenelle any advice on how to fix the problem, nor break to her the bad news that it’s going to have to be her who learns to hold her temper eventually because Barbara is far too set in her ways to learn new tricks, but he’s still sweet, so I don’t hate him yet. Jenelle’s not worried about Jace, though. Barbara doesn’t yell at Jace. No, you two just yell allll around him, every moment of every day. Kid’s either gonna be verbally abusive or hard of hearing. Or both. And of course , in classic Jenelle fashion, just as I’m getting to be on her side, she goes and acts like herself again. Even though she has to babysit Jace the next day, she and Kieffer decide to spend the night at Amber’s and Jenelle oversleeps her alarm. Needless to say, Barbara is less than pleased.
This is the part of the voicemail where she told Jenelle, “Ya make me sick!”
In West Virginia, Leah’s out with Kayla (joy) and Corey’s watching the girls for the first time by himself since they moved in together. Cut to Corey unable to find bottles, baby wipes or his ability to make the girls stop crying. It’s really, really cute. I’m sorry that’s all I can say about it, but the girls totally know that Daddy doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing and I think they’re messing with him on purpose.
I pooped EXTRA smelly for you, Daddy!
In Pennsylvania, Kailyn has lunch with her friends and after a roundabout discussion, it’s pretty obvious that no one at the table thinks Kailyn moving in with Jo is good for Isaac. Including Kailyn. However, the only other option is moving in with Suzi, and Kailyn isn’t too excited about that either. Ooooh, it shall be an interesting dinner with Jo, this evening, that’s for certain. Commercial!
In South Dakota, Chelsea should be studying, but it’s a much better idea to get pedicures while Adam watches the baby, so that’s what they do. Hilariously, if Chelsea hadn’t been such a lazy douche, she would have been home to meet her dad as he makes a surprise visit to the house! Unfortunately, she wasn’t, and her dad lets himself in to see all manner of Adam’s shit lying about. The jig, she is up.
Randy calmly asks Chelsea if Adam has moved in and she answers, “Kinda…” Randy gets about as close to blowing his top as I think I’ve ever seen him which means a slightly raised voice, and reminds Chelsea that one of their rules about the house was that Adam couldn’t be there. Chelsea asks if he wants her to move out, and Randy FAILS ME by saying, “No, I want him to move out.” Come ON, Randy!! Adam is not the only person making this a shit situation! Your daughter needs to learn that if she can’t treat herself well, she needs to treat other people (you, Megan, Aubree) well. Kick her ass out, move her back home because she obviously is not responsible enough to look after anything but her own emotions.
I threw this in in case anyone thought about disagreeing with me.
It’s painful to watch the rest. Chelsea basically waits her dad out and he eventually caves, stating that if Adam’s going to stay there, he’d better pitch in. I’m disappointed in you, Randy. Fucking disappointed.
Okay, Randy, take some notes – this is how you yell at your teenage mom daughter: Jenelle arrives home and this time it’s Mike waiting for her with Jace, and it’s his turn to yell at her for being a shitty mom. He does, and she escapes into her room with Kieffer to cry. She feels bereft and lonely at the house, and Kieffer just hugs her and tells her he loves her. He also AWESOMELY tells Jenelle that she does bring some of it in herself. I hate to say it, but even though he got her arrested, dude could be worse. Of course Barbara comes home, and not only totally loses it, but triumphantly kicks her daughter out of the house for good. She’s pleased as punch to scream that Jenelle will have to call her to see the baby, and for her part, Jenelle packs her things and gets out of that house in a hurry. Fuck, I would, too.
Barbara I think I could deal with, but the day a man with a fumanchu starts verbally abusing me is the day I scoot out of whatever situation I’m in.
Jenelle sits with Kieffer in her car and vows to get Jace back and be a better mother than Barbara ever was. I hope you watch a lot of TV Jenelle, because Barbara is all you know, and the first time Jace pisses you off, you’ll probably be surprised at the volume of your voice… Commercial!
It’s final wrap-up time, and Leah confronts Corey about his ability to watch the kids when she goes to class. A fight ensues, of course, and God! It’s fucking cute even when they don’t communicate! Corey doesn’t get why Leah doesn’t think he’ll step up, and Leah explains it’s because he never DOES watch the girls. Corey explains that it’s because she doesn’t go anywhere, and Leah has to refrain from strangling him as she screeches, “EXACTLY!” They bicker a little bit more until Leah ends the conversation and straight tells Corey to shut-up when he tries to say one more thing. But she doesn’t walk away, and it’s obvious they still love each other, so it’s really fucking cute when she practically gives him the hand.
In Pennsylvania, Kailyn prepares to shatter Jo’s dreams of a nuclear family of which he is all-knowing head. They meet for dinner, and she explains that she thinks it’s an awful idea for them to move-in together at the moment considering how much they fight. Jo thinks that just vowing not to fight is enough, but Kailyn disagrees. She also doesn’t want to rely on him, but Jo clarifies that if they lived together, they’d be helping each other. Wow, that was spectacularly astute for Jo. Kailyn can’t bring herself to tell Jo that she wants to live alone, so the two decide to get a motel for the night and talk about things in the morning.
As shall we… Recap over for this week, Cats and Kittens. I’ll see you in the comments:-)
Oh, and next week looks AMAZING!!!