Teen Mom Recap: Christmas = Self Esteem Issues

Teen Mom

By SunnySideup | Friday, January 6, 2012 | 9:05 pm | 110 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Teen Mom

We all thought the holidays were over, right, and we were free to move forward with the end of the world and bucket-listing and junk, right? Wrong. Thanks for the shitty timing, MTV, made even shittier by the entire lack of continuity in the episode. Seriously, if Teen Mom was a drinking game, and the object was to take a drink every time there was an editing flub then we would all be as hammered as I was on NYE, when I thought it was so awesome that I can pick up my squeeze, who is a dude and easily outweighs me by 70 pounds. Know what? It’s particularly uncool when you do it in stilettos and take out four people as you fall to the ground. Happy New Year, y’all!  And I maintain that if he hadn’t fought it, I would not have fallen.  Also, fyi, dudes don’t think it’s hot when you can pick them up.  I should remember that, but hulking out is kind of my thing, so, whatever.  Hey sailor.

MTV would have us believe that it’s still Christmas though, and that we’re not already half-way to losing interest in our resolutions. What’s yours? Mine is to stop speeding. I’m doing really well with it, but I realized the genesis of my need to speed was when I moved, a couple of years ago, to a house with a bit of a commute. Morning traffic is so infuriating, that I couldn’t keep a lid on it and just powered out and around all the a-hole drivers. I learned that this morning, on my way to work, when I had to put on some yacht rock and calm myself because this stupid Kia in front of my was going 38 in a 40. FOR THE LOVE OF MERCY, GO THE SPEED LIMIT!!!!

Also irking me a lot is how freaking boring these episodes still are. I mean, the babies are adorable, that’s true. Cuter than on the OG Teen Mom, in my opinion. But no lie, at this point in the season, and what are we, five episodes in? Four? At this point, I could pretty much write the same thing every single week, change some details and boom. Done. Next week’s a double episode and I already cried about it. There will be more tears, I’m sure, but for now, let’s pretend we’re not all back at work, and it’s still Christmas, and heck since it’s 75 degrees in Tucson right now, let’s also pretend it’s cold and snowy the way it is for all of our Teen Moms.

Chelsea
Chelsea hasn’t talked to Adam in a couple of days when he calls and they break down the most recent rager where he stormed out the day after her surgery, leaving her family to pick her up and clean her up, only literally this time since she just had knee surgery. Also noted, she is lounging about reading a Cosmo mag and I would make a blowie joke here, since the article she’s reading is about how to give great oral sex, but I’m pretty sure she’s technically under-age, so this is just r-o-n-g, wrong.  Unless she’s going with the whole ‘oral is moral’ premise. The actual important thing here, is ‘take a drinky-poo,’ because the magazine? It’s dated July 2011 which is well past Christmas 2010, which is when this whole mess of footage was filmed. Although obviously, it was pieced together about four days before Christmas 2011, by some interns who wanted to gtfo and get home to party with their high school friends.

They chit chat on the phone and she’s oozing now that he’s talking to her again. She just gets worse and worse. Wasn’t there a time when at least after a raging fight she made him talk about it, and she listed off things he needed to do differently? Those days have come and gone. She requires no courtship of her favor toward him. After a fight where he storms out, leaving her alone and too injured in the knee to properly care for their daughter, he maybe owes her an “I’m sorry,” or better yet, a call later in the afternoon after he’d stormed out in the first place. It’s like two days later (allegedly – in real time, it’s seven months later, but who’s counting?), and he’s only now calling her to check on things and make amends, even though no amends are made. She just is so out of self-esteem and spine that no amends are required. ‘Call me to call me a fucker, but just call me’, should be Chelsea’s motto. He’s abusive and I can’t trust him, but he called me, so squeeeeee!

He says he left to diffuse the situation, but there is no point in this episode where Adam is fooling anyone except Chelsea and her mom, who for reasons I cannot fathom seems to be okay with Adam being around at Christmas. He did get a job, with benefits and everything. He’s need working for about four days, so that’s you know, inconsequential except that he currently has a paycheck from which child support can be paid and Aubree can have health insurance.

Chelsea asks her mom if Adam can come over for Christmas, and she’s okay with it. Chelsea’s mom…. Huh. I can’t picture her with Randy at all. Plus, she agrees to let Adam come to Christmas, citing that although she doesn’t like the way he acts, she understands why Chelsea wants him there. I’m starting to really wonder if Chelsea’s whole trip about being shattered and damaged because of her parents’ divorce is learned behavior here. Not only is her mom okay with Adam being there, but when he comes to get Chelsea and Aubree to go Christmas tree shopping, she lights up when Adam’s telling her about his new job. I mean, if you turned the sound off, you’d think he told her that he got into med school is how thrilled she seems to be that this punk, who treats her daughter like a jackass over and over, has been working at an actual job for a couple of days.

Ohhhh, a job…. that’s so nice.  So you’ll still be coming around often?

Off Chelsea and Co go to the Christmas tree farm, where they’re greeted by a lady in a Grinch outfit. That happened. A big, furry, green snowsuit-type Grinch situation hands them a saw and tells them to have at it. Of course there are bubble-voiced flirts and cute baby on a sled parts, but the notable thing here is how fast Adam switches from being totally fine to being a total jerk. I have no idea how Chelsea doesn’t feel the way he snaps at her. He has no patience with Chelsea. They’re walking around the rows of trees, and again, sip up, buttercup, because she had knee surgery a couple of days ago, but she’s tromping around in the snow with no brace or anything? Riddle me that, Jokers.

Uh- oh!  Baby Down!  Aubree got stuck, and it was freaking cute!!

Adam quickly gets impatient and tells her that they are finding on in this row, and that is final. She tries to be all cute, like giggling out about how it’s a hard decision but his patience is already shot. I mean, no surprises. He has the patience of a housefly, and also looks like he likes to roll around in doody. Adam finally takes a hacksaw to a small tree, Chelsea teases him as if they were a normal, happy couple, and off they go. He’s pulling the sled with the tree on it ahead of her, and she’s all, “Hey!” He totally snaps at her. It’s painful. “WHAT.” “This is fun.”

Well, it was fun for probably the drive over, but as soon as Adam realized that he was going to be there awhile, instead of working on a truck or boning some other girl, he was done with it. I can imagine that when Aubree is less cute and talks a lot more, he will have about the same amount (zero) of patience with her. Either Chelsea chooses to ignore it, or it’s some dynamic she’s seen and learned to ignore elsewhere.

They take Aubree toy shopping, too and that kid is adorable even in her leopard print snowsuit. Chelsea hands her a big stuffed duck and she growls at it. It’s beyond cute. Meanwhile though, Chelsea keeps harping on Adam about how it’s working, she wants it to work, it’s better, it’s going to work, they’re working on it, she likes it, she’s proud of him for working on it… she also points out that when they’re in a fight, it’s hard, because her family is telling her how he’s a jerk and his family is telling him how she’s crazy and that makes it so haaaaaaaard. He’s all, “Yeah. I want it to work.” I wish Santa would bring her a backbone this year.

Part of it is her lack of spine is that she’s so hung up on having a nuclear family for Aubree, and having it be with Adam. I wonder if her mom just sorta lost it when she and Randy split up and Chelsea imprinted on that. I have no idea, just wondering. This obsession is so deep in this kid, and she refuses to acknowledge internally that it’s not okay to be hung up like this. I feel like she must have learned somewhere that it is, in fact, okay to be that hung up. Chelsea is really stuck on the fact that her parents are divorced, and she has to have two Christmases. Try having a mixed religion family, hon. I had Hanukkah and Christmas thanks to non-devout parents who did respect their respective devout families. Let’s party Chelsea; I will totally see your emotional confusion and raise you religious confusion. Still wanna party?

She and Randy meet at a diner and luckily, Journey doesn’t kick on at the jukebox so we know that Randy’s not about to maybe get offed. Not that I wouldn’t be totally happy if Chelsea’s scenes abruptly ended for the night right here. What? It’s good enough for The Sopranos, the most game-changing TV show of my generation but it’s not good enough for Teen Mom 2, the most…. something… tv show of… something? No wait. Hyperbole really doesn’t apply to Teen Mom.

For the love of Jove, by won’t she stop believing, already?

Sadly, the show goes on and Chelsea asks if Adam can go to Christmas at the Cabin. No. Randy doesn’t even hesitate. She doesn’t push it, but she does try to get Randy to understand that it’s not comfortable for her to look at Aubree’s life and think that at some point, there will be Christmas with Chelsea, Christmas with Adam, Christmas with Chelsea’s mom, Christmas with Chelsea’s dad, Christmas with Adam’s parents… the problem is that Randy does understand how much Chelsea hates it. Also another problem is that Chelsea will never ever take charge of her life and her kid and say, “Hey, we’re going to be at x, y, z for Christmas, and we hope to see you all there!” She wants to bring Aubree in on her traditions that she probably dug as a kid, but homegirl needs to figure it out that time?  She marches on. I’d love to chair the same chair that my cousin Alicia and I shared to open presents for about 15 years of our lives, but she lives in Michigan and has four kids and I live in Arizona and also, we wouldn’t fit in the same recliner because we were pretty much out of space back in the early nineties, anyway.

Let Aubree’s reality be Aubree’s life, and make it great instead of lamenting what you wish it was. Of all these Teen Mom’s, Chelsea has the safest, warmest, more supportive environment but she just refuses to see it and own it. She refuses to let her wonderful blessings be wonderful, and instead is unapologetically humiliating herself by spending all of her time and energy throwing herself at this fucking fantasy she has that at some point, her family will be as perfect as she imagined it to be when she was a tiny child. Newsflash hon: Time to grow a pair instead of whining to everyone about how you want it to work with Adam.

But Randy holds strong.  He can’t and won’t support her wanting to make it work. He reminds her that everyone wants to make it work. You don’t get involved if you don’t want it to work. Also, you only hold onto it when it’s working. You let it go when it’s not. I’m so relieved that Randy is being more hardline with her this season, and also that he didn’t get offed in this scene by some South Dakotan mobster named like, Vinnie the Elk or something.

Adam is a punk, and Randy’s got to know that once Aubree isn’t a snuggly, easy baby is about three weeks before Adam barely participates in her life. He must know that this kid has a hair-trigger temper and zero ability or interest in controlling it. At some point, Adam is going to snap and do something really effed up that will probably involve the cops, so no, Randy’s not on board here. Besides that he doesn’t need the cops sniffing around that ice fishing shack he has out at the lake, he’s a protective father and cops + your child is something no parent is really gonna be all excited about. And especially not when your child is Chelsea, who is clearly not that bright.

Finally, it’s Christmastime at Chelsea’s mom’s. Noted, many of them are wearing the same clothes that they were wearing in the scene where Chelsea and Adam go to the tree farm. Terrible, MTV, just embarrassing editing this evening. I’m probably even missing a ton of stuff. At La Casita de Madre, it’s just Chelsea, her sister Emily, their mom, and their babies. And a very cute pug it looks like Chelsea may have gotten for Christmas. Because Adam needs another thing with which to lose patience. Ugh. Don’t even think about the first time he steps on a dog turd. I’ll bet you anything that he’s the kind of jerk that will get overly-angry, forget he should have watched here he was going, and then intentionally track it into Chelsea’s house so she has to clean it up before the baby crawls around in it. Know this.

Adam does show up, and Chelsea sneaks off with her sister to get some girl talkin’ in. Chelsea tells Emily that she wants it to work. Wow. Really? I thought she was just hanging out until someone new comes along. Emily gets a little wistful and raspy, wishing that Braylee’s father was around for holidays with them. But Emily isn’t dumb, apparently, because it sounds like she’s also got a real winner for a baby-daddy, and yeah she gets the teeniest bit weepy, but she’s not trying to force Vinnie the Elk into becoming Mother Teresa, either. Learn something here, Chelsea. It’s hard. You cry. You live. Your kid is happier, and everyone moves on. Emily reminds her that it’s going to be a long time before Randy likes Adam. L.O.L.

They rejoin the Christmas festivities, with Adam helping Aubree open presents, and Chelsea saying, “Oh, she loves babies!” I seriously hope she’s already working with Aubree on prevention, because in Vermillion, SD where every other 17 year old has a baby, Aubree loving babies could be a serious auger of doom regarding Aubree’s plans to be Meadow, and not rely on her (grand)father’s waste management fortune in order to have the life she wants.  So for the love of Jove, please, please someone stop Chelsea from encouraging Aubree to take care of the babies.

One thing I noticed, too is that the show moves in Teen Time. “It’s been working!” It’s been two days. Maybe a week. It’s not working. Nothing has happened that’s interesting enough, or enough of a conflict to have to do any actual work so who can say it’s working? It’s there. It’s untested. It’s not… working. It’s just that nothing has come up to test whether or not it’s working. Nothing has happened where the two of them have to put their heads together and figure out a problem. As we all know, the minute something happens, the minute there’s something taken out of context, or too personally, or too jealously, or whatever, then these two are back to square negative 50.

Kail

Kail and Jo share Isaac, as you know, but Kail is being dramatic about Christmas. Isaac must be closing in on being a year old, because she says there was no Isaac last year. Again with the timing thing and the crappy editing. We’re seeing footage from twelve months ago right here, and it’s being sold as if it was two weeks ago.

Furthermore, the filming must have been pretty non-stop for this crew, from their 16 & Pregnant Episodes through the second season of Teen Mom and I do appreciate that but still… there is a ton of manipulation at the fingertips of the editors, and it really makes me wonder why it’s so boring. I mean, if you’re going to edit something that’s so old and out-dated it’s impossible to be sold as real, then do it like the History Channel does. World War II in HD. I want actors playing the Teen Mom 2s and I want emotional fade outs of tattered pictures. Let’s do this right, MTV!

Kail meets with her counselor in the Valley Youth program and she tells us that she’s taking a couple of classes, one of which is a do-over – the chemistry class she dropped last season. Chemistry for Life. I wonder if it’s practical chemistry, like I dunno, understanding dry ice, or if it’s organic chemistry, like, carbon and stuff. She’s worried about being lonely at Christmas, and it’s weird that she has her own place and she loves it that it’s just her and her baby boy, but she’s still really alone and moreso since she won’t have him Christmas Eve. So much drama in the VYH, it’s kinda hard bein’ Kail-d—o-double-g. It’s hard out there for a pimp. Kail’s in charge of her life, now and she’s digging it, but yea, this is the spot where a young adult starts to shift and think about the idea of providing and responsibility a whole lot differently, regardless of how responsible or not they were when they lived at home, or home of baby-daddy.

I think Kail is getting some space to process things now that she has her own space. She’s finally got some breathing room, some stability from which she’s able to think emotionally and be safe doing it. She’s always been hustling. Kail gets a really bad rap for this, for climbing and for looking like she’s using people or not appreciating the people who help her. Maybe. But that comes from somewhere, and I’ll betcha where it came from for Kailyn was that she never until now had a chance to take charge of the ship of fools she had to endure with Suzy. Then she gets pregs and moves in with Jo’s family, who was great to her, but she still had that sense of urgency, of like, desperation because she knows it’s not ultimately her house. She can’t trust anyone; I mean, how do you blame the kid? Suzy, dudes and dudettes.

Kail seems like the kind of kid who stays wound up really tightly to make sure she’s got control of everything within reach, and she’s never had the opportunity to learn that other people will love her, just for being good, for trying. She’s always been problem-solving on getting to Tier 2 or 3 on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and now that she has those basic needs squared away to a safe place that she can control, where they aren’t threatened by Suzy or her own trust issues, she can expand a little bit and not have to hustle so much.

A friend comes over for cookie baking, and frankly, I wish this was my whole life. Now that we’re all back to the grind, I seriously wish my life was more ‘let’s hang out and bake cookies and talk about stuff.” Let’s go get our hair done and not have to go running back to the office or to the TV for Teen Mom! Let’s have a couple of hours to hang out with a friend visiting from her Peace Corps tour in Kenya and look at her pictures and talk about some global healthcare rights. No? Teen Mom? FML right now!!

Kail’s thinking about a letter to Janet, an apology of sorts, since she’s starting to be able to relax and see that Janet just wanted to help her. She sort of doesn’t get it all the way though; she seems to think that Janet should have been more understanding since Janet was a teen mom, too. She thinks Janet should have backed off a little and let Kail make mistakes, and however true that might be, Janet was being a mom to a girl who had a totally different experience with ‘mother,’ prior to Janet. Kail wasn’t gonna get that over-night, and neither was Janet. It takes time to learn another person, and to see that the nuances of someone’s personality are driven by this or that, any you know, taking into account motivation bring patience… and patience, well that brings change, or deepening of relationships.

Kail’s homegirl over there doesn’t think Kail did anything wrong, and that she was just living her life. True. But it doesn’t matter, and Kail is the one who understands this. It doesn’t matter if Kail did something wrong or not, the point it that Jo’s family feels hurt by her right now, and she wants to fix that. They are both so in love with Isaac, and these relationships are going to be there for life, so why not take that first step and say, “Ya know what? I see things a little differently now, Janet.” The best way to fix it is to take responsibility and tell Janet that she understands better what Janet was trying to do for her. She understands that maybe she was heading down the Path of Suzy, maybe putting her boyfriend ahead of her family by being so adamant about starting a relationship with Jordan while she was living with the Riveras and they were helping her get on her feet. Regardless of who is right or wrong in a question with the blurry gray lines this one has, big huge snaps for Kail deciding that the right thing to do is for her to accept some culpability, and reach out to rebuild the bridge with Janet.

She drops a sleeping Isaac off with Jo on Christmas Eve, and later Jordan comes over for their Couple’s Christmas. They have no chemistry. Maybe it’s the cameras, but maybe it’s the timing. If she’s realizing that maybe she jumped things by getting together so seriously with Jordan, she’s probably looking at her entire relationship with him and maybe isn’t feeling like they should put their hands in each others’ back pockets when they walk around the mall right now. Maybe she’s feeling a little distance. Plus, the show would have us believe that this is shortly after he acted like a discussion on birth control with his girlfriend was icky-ew-gross. She does tell him that she’s going to write a letter to Janet, and she tells him that she mainly sees that maybe she should have waited a bit longer to get involved with him. Jordan takes this well, and from very recent, very personal experience, I applaud his lack of ego-flex there. I know a 40 year old dude who was told, “I was thinking about things, and maybe I did rush in…” In no way was the person ending stuff, just talking. Dude cancelled plans with her the next day, and she never heard from him again. So Jordan’s inability to process discussions that involved the female reproductive system, hopefully he’ll grow out of. It seems like he’s a champ on some of the other things that make a relationship work, after all.

Yeah, I’m totally into you.

She asks him if he sees them together next year at Christmas, and he does which cutely relaxes her a little. Awww, we even get a sweet smile. They open presents, one of which for him includes a hat that says “FLY” on it. Oh my. Jordan is a lot of things, but ‘fly’ is probably not one of them. Also, it’s bedazzled, or sequins, or something. Seriously, I feel like this is more appropriate for Tamra Barney, or some other Real Housewife of Orange County, than for a 19 year old Teen Mom boyfriend, unless Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are revamping In Living Color, and there are going to be Fly Boys on it. Can Jordan dance? Omg, is he in a crew and gonna be on America’s Best Dance Crew? Now that would be fly.

That happened.

The next day she picks up Isaac from Jo’s house, and she has the card for Janet with her. When she knock on the door, it’s a bright snowy Christmas day, and you can almost hear the churchbells. She tries to hand her card to Jo, but he makes her give it to Janet, who’s adorably teaching Isaac the Spanish names for things in the kitchen. … in the kitchen where it is clearly full-on night-time outside those beautiful McMansion windows. When Kail rolls in with her card, Janet is cold, cold, cold and kind of sighs out, “I have something for you, too Kail.” Also, Isaac can stand, but later on, he’s a squishy baby again, like he was earlier in the episode when the Valley Youth coordinator was doing her appointment at Kail’s house.

Kail and Isaac jam out; Janet opens the card with Jo. I reach for a tissue because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna cry soon. Kail says that she knows she and Janet didn’t see eye-to-eye, and she apologizes for her mistakes. She appeals to Janet’s experiences as a teen mom, and how mistakes do get made. And she thanks Janet. It’s so nice to see all of this growth from one of these girl, because y’all know it’s not gonna come from Chelsea or Jenelle. It’s just so mature and sincere. Kail had Suzy guiding her, so come on now, like she knew how to not hustles and hunker down, and be defensive toward everything. I love it that Kail can admit it and that she can put things into perspective. Janet admits that she wishes Kail had trusted her, since she’s Isaac’s grandmother and loves him, wants him in her life. She felt that Kail really pushed her away, and yeah, it’s probably true. But Kail was coming from Suzy, so… there’s that.

Janet’s back, yay! … but where’s her glass of white wine????

We end with Kail and Isaac back in her apartment, opening presents just the two of them, and it sure does seem like it’s daytime again. Oh, and Isaac is a pre-toddler again. I’m half expecting a TARDIS to drop from the sky at any moment. Suffice it to say that it doesn’t, and Kail’s story closes for the week with a very peaceful Christmas, all ’round yon virgin’ style, only… well, that teen mom x-mas scene was a totally different thing than this one, I guess.  Too bad there isn’t like, some cows or some wise men here.

Leah

Last Christmas, Leah’s twins were still in the ICU so she wants to give them a Christmas as big and bouncy as her hair, but their birthday is right before Christmas.  Twins, and a big huge Christmas/birthday celebration is pricey but contrary to every other episode where Leah is taking a few days off to be with the girls, she tells us she’s been working a lot.  Who knows.  Maybe three days a week is a lot for her.  I guess if you’re not even twenty and you’ve got twins to whom you’re the primary care-giver, then yeah.  A little work is probably a lot!  She lands at her mom’s after work to get the girls, and tells her mom about the party for the girls’ birthdays and about Christmas.  She admits that she has about $500 of toys on layaway for Christmas.  Her mom calls her out on the fact that it’s too much for them, since they’ll want to play with the wrapping paper more than the baby dolls and tells Leah to not get aggravated with it comes to pass one Truth of All Babies, namely that they have no idea it’s Christmas.  Everything is new for babies, hell, seeing the same toes every day is new for a good four months for babies so Christmas, no matter how healthy the MRI shows their brains to be, is new and they ain’t gonna get it.  On the plus side, she and Corey are having their own Christmas morning, keeping it quiet and just their family.

Don’t worry about the money, Mama, the MTV money’s gonna be here any day now, and I have an Us Weekly cover in two weeks.

First, though, we have a birthday.  Leah goes to pick up final things for the party, like the cakes.  Okay.  A Squish Cake?  I went to a birthday party for a one year old about three weeks ago, the cutest one year old on this, or any other planet… and that’s including if there was a little tiny one year old baby Yoda.  Baby Jack had a Squish Cake, and because his party was pirate-themed, the cake was black.  FYI, black icing will turn a baby blue.  I could gush about how cute he was all day long, and how at first he was like, “Wait… I can… do this?”  And then he face-planted in the cake and didn’t even bother to use his hands.  Oh son, been there, my little buddy.  Been there, face-first in a cake, and it is awesome.

But my point here is, a squish cake?  A totally separate cake that matches the fancy cake for the rest of the friends and family?  What happened to the days when they put a piece of cake in front of your 365-day old face and let you have at it?  It just seems like one of those that’s just one more thing you’re supposed to do or else you’re not cool and worse, your kid isn’t cool.  Not that that matters, but I’m pretty sure y’uns all know what I’m saying here.  It’s one more THING.

So the party is cute, and they have it at a kid-zone kinda fun place.  We don’t get to see the babies playing, but we see Corey eating cake, all zoned out and shoveling it in.  Been there, too bro.  Fist bump.  They open prezzies with the babies, and honestly, it’s pointless.  Except until the end of the scene, when I finally felt like MTV was laying some groundwork for us on the shocker of Leah and Corey ending things.  I am now dying to know how this marriage ended.  More accurately, how it’s Leah who undid the knot they tied.  She is literally beaming with joy here, in the kind of way that you know her heart is just a’busting with love and pride in her family.  She’s radiantly happy to be with Corey and the girls, and points out how they made it work and they’re all together and it’s genuine.  She really, truly loves this.  There are lingering moments of eye contact, and everything.  It’s real, you know.  There’s so much that’s manipulated, but unless she’s an acting savant, she can’t manipulate the love that’s pouring out of her eyes and aura.  That’s real.

Later on, it’s Christmas Eve, so after the babies go down for bed it’s time to get to wrapping.  Corey totally goofs out here, about his lack of wrapping skills, and about how yeah, Leah spend a lot of money but it’s been a big year for them.  They have been through some stuff.  They have had to really work through all of their decisions and all of the circumstances that seem to just keep coming at them, so treating themselves by treating their girls to a lot of Christmas and birthday presents is a way to feel good, to celebrate that they made it.  Leah even got Corey a Santa outfit!

The next morning, they go rouse the girls and Corey’s in his Santa suit, “Ho ho ho’ing.’  Does Santa have any other lines?  I guess not, really.  ”Have you been a good little boy/girl?”  Either way, they’re one so their vocabulary and comprehension on conversations with Santa are going to be super limited to things like wide-eyed stares that are meant to convey, “Why is my Daddy wearing that white thing on his face?”  Corey finally is allowed to lose the beard and hat.  “It’s just Daddy!”  “Don’t tell them that!”  “They’re gonna know eventually.”  I dunno why, but the timing and delivery on that exchange were really good comedy.  I guess maybe it’s one of the few times that Corey’s mumbling creates an lol moment.

I wonder if Corey knows that this will be on the Internet FOREVER.

They walk over to the tree, and awwwww…. Leah is teaching Aleeah to walk so she says, “We have to walk.”  Leah’s a good mama.  Twins.  And remember she was going a lot of the infancy on her own.  I’m sure she had the same amount of help that a lot of people who live near relatives has, but since the show is so devoid of drama moments lately, it’s the ultra adorable baby moments that keep me around.

They all open presents together, but even after a birthday party, the girls aren’t real clear on how to open presents, so Daddy’s for sure gonna have to help with the duct taped one he insisted upon.  And then they play with their girls.  It’s such a sweet little family episode for them.  Boring, but sweet.  I’ll take it, since next week is a double-ep and I’m sure there’ll be a million things to cover then.  For now, just, awwwwwww.

Jenelle

It’s a chicken/egg riddle with Jenelle and Barbara, it really is.  Jenelle’s on a break from school and spending more time with Jace.  Everything is going great, since now the term is over and the failing grades she got can’t be remedied until she re-takes the classes.  She’s been at home for awhile (her word), which seriously is like two weeks at this point.  Awhile?  I did the math.  It was a week last week, when she took Keiffer to jail, and now it’s a week that he’s been in jail.  Two weeks.  I guess two weeks is awhile when you’re 19, but now two weeks is like, “Oh crap, I only have two weeks???”

Jenelle’s starting to feel bad for Kieffer, like maybe she screwed him over or something.  Gurl please.  Screwed him over?  I have had a Keiffer-esque boyfriend, and believe me, there was a stretch there were he had too be returned to jail.  I may or may not have had something to do with that.  But mostly likely, I did.  Like Jenelle, I cared about a total smelly loser far more than was necessary.  Now, that dude wasn’t even remotely as dumb as Keiffer, and he was not abusive like Keiffer either.  But there were things he was doing that were out of control, and there were warrants, and I had to go pick his drunk ass up at one too many parties (or, I thought I had to anyway, at the time), so when he failed on probably the 17th promise to change, I turned him in.  Sue me.

Anyway, she has a little one-on-one time with Barb’s squeeze, Grandpa Mike.  This is Barbara’s long-term boyfriend, and he’s known Jenelle since she was a little girl.  She says she feels like she acted impulsively and wouldn’t have filed charges if she’d cooled off and thought about it more.  He balks.  Me, too.  Not once was I sorry.  Homeboy needed to sober up.  Jail is perfect for some minor detox.  Trust me on that one, too.  But that’s a different story.

You’re making sense, so your time for my attention is allotted.  1 minute on the clock, annnnnd, “Go!”

Mike tells her that she can’t be serious.  Keiffer is bad, bad news.  She was so cool and fun, but he has isolated her to the point where she has no friends.  She has Keiffer, but that’s it.  Mike rightfully reminds her that she can redirect those feelings but spending time with Jace.  You can almost see Jenelle’s wall go right back up around her heart.  She feels like she would spend more  time with Jace if Barbara wasn’t hovering over him all the time.  Maybe that’s valid, too, I mean I doubt that Jenelle can say “Hey, it’s really nice out,” without Barb telling her a different way to say it or see it, so sure, that’s irritating and really hard on the old self-esteem meter.  But still, Jenelle and Barb never try anything new.  Jenelle never tries a write her mom a letter, or pull back and get some confidence into her arguments.  It’s all bluster, the kind that happens when someone doesn’t know how to communicate what she needs.

Plus, in Jenelle’s mind, Mike is right that all she has is this loser.  But at least she has him, because in her mind, there isn’t a solution to restoring her friends and relationships when what she wants most is that one-on-one crush of love and being loved.  Yep, this loser IS all she has.

So yeah, Jenelle may have a point, but she also doesn’t have a point.  Barb hovers and is always around Jace?  Well, um, that’s the nature of the beast.  Barb is Jace’s primary care-giver.  Jenelle has chosen that to be the case at least four times.  Remember her 16 & Pregnant episode where she was talking to her friends and was like, “Babies are needy?”  Yeah, no shit Jenelle.  They require constant supervision.  Babies require hovering – hey, it’s a mammal thing, you know?  Jenelle is probably jealous of Barb, and I have no doubt that Barb is bossy and controlling.  Barb is sort of sadistic when it comes to Jenelle.  Those fights they have are terrible, and I don’t think Barb intentionally is trying to kill Jenelle’s self-worth, but I also don’t think Barbara has ever backed up off of things and done anything differently, either.  Nagging and picking at Jenelle all the time, pushing buttons, it’s not okay.  Barbara has plenty of call to make changes here, too and to do things differently.  Don’t take Jenelle back in next time.  Leave Jace with her for like, a half day on a regular basis.  Give her the space to say, “I’ll take care of it.”

But that is a massive leap, and there is no legit reason why Barbara should trust Jenelle with the baby.  While Jenelle can sense things are off, she just has no idea how to pull her head out of her ass and be the mother that Barbara, and probably the rest of her entire support system, want her to be.

Casa de Barb is having their Christmas a few days early, because Barb’s heading out of town for a few days.  They gather around the tree, and I have to say that Barbara’s house just seems very comfortable.  It’s lived in, but it’s cozy.  Love the windows.  I’m working on my house lately, and into these things.  Sorry.  I finally figured out the right window shades and it is rocking my yuppie-ass heart so hard right now and backsplash decisions have been made, like a boss.

I’d have rather seen more of Jace and less of Jenelle opening a Juicy Couture bracelet, and less of presents, but I’d also like to get $1,000 per episode and $2.5k for the Dr. Drew specials.  Things hit the fan later on though, when Barb says, “I’m gonna get your clothes changed, Jace!”  Jenelle was playing with him on the couch and she just… wigs out.  It’s the kind of tantrum where it’s been building for awhile and had she said something earlier, it may not have gonw down like this.  By the same token though, had she said something at all, it would have led to some kind of fight.  They are both so dug in, that communicating anything sensitive is territory studded with landmines.  Live ones.

She’s so pissed that Barb isn’t letting her be a mother, and yet she doesn’t say, “Oh I can get  him changed,” she doesn’t take some healthy authority.  No, she says something hostile, like “Why do you always take him like I’m not going to do it?”  It’s an ugly way to start a fight.  Jenelle just has no idea how to tell Barb what she needs, and Barb has no idea how to intuit those needs, or even what to do about it if she could understand them.

Jenelle is still in no way maternal at all.  Literally, nothing has changed in her mind, her since she was 16 and got pregnant.

Jenelle’s so upset about how Barbara wants her in Jace’s life but then takes him to daycare and doesn’t let Jenelle watch him.  She brings up that Barbara’s always around him, and Barb reminds her that yeah, no duh.  Babies need 24/7 attending to so she’s going to be around him.  A lot.  It ends when Barbara takes Jace and leaves.  Poor Grandpa Mike.  I hope he has an outlet for all of this, like maybe a bowling league or something.

Once Barbara leaves with Jace, Jenelle devolves full-on into “Must. Get. Keiffer.”  He’s all she has, and at this moment, her mother has just left with her baby, everything is in tatters, and she has not the first clue of how to start to make it work.  She’s too much in a foxhole, and the only thing she can see out there on the smokey battlefield is Keiffer.  Pun intended.   She takes to her bed and starts dialling to find someone over 21 who’ll co-sign with her to get him out of jail.  Nobody answers.  She finally gets hold of her friend, Tiffani, and even this girl tells her it’s not going to happen.  But she does pack up her own baby and cruise over to Jenelle’s place.  They meet up in Jenelle’s Honda away from home while Jenelle’s still unsuccessfully dialling for dollars, or at least for someone who’s of age to spring her loser boyfriend out of county.

It’s just sad, really.  

She explains to Tiffany what she’d explained to Mike, that she feels bad about turning Keiffer in, and she adds to it that she didn’t think he would still be there.  She thought he would be out by now, but it’s Christmas and he’s still in jail.  I’d put 50/50 odds on the fact that it’s actually September 2014 in this scene, given MTV’s funky editing.  Tiffani, by the way has  has more piercings on her face than anyone should be allowed with a baby.  And her lip ring is as big as some of my chola earrings.  Yikes, it is so only a matter of time before Junior takes a fistful of lip ring and pulls it.  Hard.  Riiiiip.  That would hurt so bad.  Tiffany, like everyone else who has ever watched a homegirl go down this road, tells Jenelle that Keiffer needs to stay in jail and sort out his head.  This is good for him.  It’s so telling that there is not one single person in Jenelle’s life who is on board with her staying involved with Keiffer, and so much so that there’s aren’t many people still in Jenelle’s life.  It’s really sad when you think about it.

Jenelle though, in her twisted lover’s logic, is sad for all the wrong reasons here, and rather than go home and take a shower, and make some dinner for her kid to show her mom that she’s capable of being a mother, Jenelle to tries one more person to try to get Keiffer out of the pokey.  She calls Keiffer’s friend Dan, and he’s not having it either.  He’s pretty sure Keiffer would run, and he’s not going to be responsible for that.  Jenelle hangs up, and dissolves into hysterics.

Oh my.

I dissolve into tears, too, but mine are happy ones because this boring episode is over.  Jenelle wasn’t boring, but I swear if next week’s double episode (fuck you, MTV) is this boring, so help me I am going to write the whole recap as if Yoda I am.  Seriously.  Two full episodes?  Also, for the record Rollllllllllllllllllllllll Tide!!!!!

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!

 

I'm Sunni Sideup, and I grew up in Southern Illinois nowhere near Chicago, and you know what Matt Paxton from 'Hoarders said about girls from So Ill?  "I wouldn't mess with a girl from Southern Illinois; they'll knock your teeth out."  Now I live in Tucson, Arizona and this town is my jam.  I love it.

I have no professional writing experience, but I was the Managing Editor of an All-American high school newspaper about a billion years ago.  Luckily, when you're recapping MTV shows, the jokes write themselves.      

110 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Rose Lee
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I am still cracking up at Vinnie the Elk. My parents live in South Dakota and they swear they’ve seen a few guys who look like they’ve been relocated there by the witness protection program. It always makes me think of “My Blue Heaven.” “Hey, there’s enough of us to start a crime wave!”.

    I’m curious about Corey and Leah, too, because they do seem to enjoy their little family so much.

    I don’t know if this has been brought up before or not, but why do the other teen mom’s have these huge apartments or rental houses, but these teen moms can’t afford anything? Are they just bad with money? Did Jenelle trade her check for magic beans?

  2. 2
    illinigal
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 8:43 am

    One thing I noticed this episode as well to upset the continuity was that almost each time Jenelle was on her phone calling people about Keiffer, she had a different cell phone. It was super odd.

  3. 3
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Chemistry of life (which I have taken) is a combination of inorganic, organic, and biochemistry.

  4. 4
    kthxbai
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Somebody needs to call CNN because I agree with @SunnySideup this week!

    This season so far is a lame and boring clusterfuck.

    Props for seeing the date on Chelsea’s magazine.

    1 of the reasons I can’t wait to read your recaps is because you’re so observant and I’m so not.

    So when people having the same clothes on and backasswards time travel babies get to the point that even I’VE started noticing it, you know it’s bad.

    Maybe they decided since it’ll be months by the time we see the show, we’re going to see the news reports 1st anyway. So why even try to put it in any kind of order. Just throw up some random scenes.

    With these girls it’s mostly just the same thing every week anyway. I want Teen Mom 1 back!

  5. 5
    say anything
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 11:22 am

    These recaps could use more snark and less personal crap. They’re really not up to par with the rest of the Gasm.

  6. 6
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Gee, say anything…I was thinking the same about your comments.

  7. 7
    BLT
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Good job recapping such a crap show. You make boring and ridiculous a great drinking game, thx!

  8. 8
    CarolineJane
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    I’m with you, say anything. The recaps are currently too long and contain too much pop psychology. Bring back the snark!

  9. 9
    ash1
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    @sayanything – Thank you! Maybe if enough people post it, Flipit will see it. BOOOOORRRING – Is this TVgasm or CafeMom??? Sounds like a psych major working on a senior thesis, not gasm quality!

  10. 10
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Hey Guuuuys!
    Perhaps some constructive criticism as opposed to sheer criticism would help! After all, the recappers don’t get paid. Give them a chance, kindly give some input, without the rudeness, and let’s cross our fingers!
    If things don’t change, well then you’ll have a case!

  11. 11
    kthxbai
    Posted January 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    I agree with @BLT. This is 1 of those situations where the recaps are like 12 times more interesting than the show.

    I’m the 1 that’s got a worse opinion of all of these train wrecks than @SunnySideup does and I don’t really see a snark deficit.

    But if I did, I think what I’d probably do is comment some more in.

  12. 12
    hot cawfee
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 5:20 am

    hhhmmm– Randy and Chel’s mom– cannot see it either– UNLESS it mirrors DB Adam and Chelsea. Could Randy (object of my crush-but not creepy b/c I am over 30) have been a young DB Adam??????

  13. 13
    kthxbai
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 6:42 am

    @hot cawfee You got me to thinking! It might be that he was 1 when he was a kid. But with some big differences from Adam:

    1) He didn’t knock anybody up (that we know of)

    2) It was just a phase he grew out of. And would’ve grown out of real quick if he’d knocked anybody up that had the baby and kept it.

    3) Even at his douchiest point he wouldn’t have hooked up with a special needs girl.

    But watching Chelsea’s mom I’d actually been wondering kind of the opposite from you.

    Not thinking she’s like Chelsea but if the reason her and Randy’s marriage didn’t work could’ve been because they had too big of a brightness disparity.

    Or if she’s got some other problem she’s got to take medication for. Because her whole reaction seemed different from the little bit we’ve seen of her before. Besides being kind of WTF?!?

    But then the way they’ve been doing this show I also can’t help but wonder if it didn’t even come from her but was more the producer’s idea. Or even Adam’s or his agent’s or something to make sure he got scenes.

  14. 14
    Sunni Sideup
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I write for people who like to read, and I’m never going to be the recapper who calls children bitches or uses vitriol over wit. I believe strongly that reality tv is very blurry, and that to a certain extent, all the kids here are being exploited. If this was Real Housewives, or Survivor where the casts are adults, that’s a different tone. But these are kids, and they have little babies. Kids grow up, they do things differently a year or five years from what they do now. The implications of their lives and the things on the show are very real and will have lasting, public consequences. Amber Portwood anyone? So comment away, but the fact is that all different writers do all different things. You don’t have to like everything. I don’t have to call young girls names, or ignore the fact that culturally and emotionally, there is a lot of interesting stuff to look at in this show regarding young women and how things get so screwed up sometimes. Ignoring that stuff doesn’t explain why we’re all so invested in it that we watch it, read about it, and talk about it online. You want to call them names and stuff? Feel free. But that’s not my thing, and I’m pretty sure that since we’re not teen age girls, we can make having different opinions and approaches work.

  15. 15
    Kim Hartson
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Jenelle in this episode really, really reminded me of my ex-best friend. Anytime she met a new person, she was really friendly, and always parted with a phone number exchange. After our friendship ended I saw it for what it really was– she was building a collection of people to call when she needed a favor/somebody to mooch off. She didn’t have her license so usually went like this — “Hey, want to hang out? Oh yeah I need a ride, here and here and there and there and it’ll be fun! And we can smoke all your weed.” She and Jenelle really look alike too…

    So yeah, Jenelle calling all those people to find somebody to bail Keiffer out… You know she would never talk to most of those people on a regular basis, so it’s no wonder they didn’t pick up or said no. They knew she was just calling to get something.

  16. 16
    Pikey
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I totally agree with you, Sunni Sideup! There is a time and place for vitriol and name calling and this really isn’t it. If the complainers don’t like your recaps, then they are able to apply to be recappers through the Audition process – it would be interesting to see how they fare there. I love the snark on other recaps (where it belongs) but agree that it doesn’t belong on this one.

  17. 17
    sardini
    Posted January 8, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I cannot stop imitating Corey’s “Ho ho ho”. It sounded like a muted, “Oooh oooh oooh”. I keep doing it!!

    Janet kind of pisses me off. I totally side with her on Kailyn not dating while living there, but she needs to bite the bullet. Kailyn is cemented in her life forever now, she should try to make amends.

    I think the reaslon Jenelle is so desperate to get Kieffer out of jail is because she’s scared that if she doesn’t bail him out, he won’t forgive her for putting him in there.

  18. 18
    Angie
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I just read that Leah is not only engaged again but is pregnant again. And I thought she was the smart-ish one.

  19. 19
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:55 am

    As someone who had the EXACT same comments as sayanything & ash1 torn apart on the last recap..I must say this…@Sunni..I didn’t see anyone asking you to call these girls names. All I see are readers who are bored with your amateur psychobabble & would actually prefer a real recap…you know, like your co-workers are currently doing. And seeing as how this is a snark website..maybe your ‘too good to lower standards & actually snark on the show’ diatribe would be better suited for another forum. We come here for the snark! If we wanted to read someone’s ‘analysis’ of what you are calling ‘children’, I’m sure we wouldn’t turn to tvgasm for said analysis.

    I’ve tried to say it politely, but quite frankly, your recaps suck & I’m sure we aren’t the only ones who think so, but are the only ones who are stating that. Compare your recaps to your predecessor’s & maybe you can pick up some pointers on how to write for THIS site. I for one no longer read your work, but only come here to discuss the show in comments with other people because your ‘writing’ ruins the real reason we read this site. I’m not interested in your world views, or how you think that each insignificant action of everyone on the show means it’s something ‘deeper’ that should be explored in 14 pages of ramblings that have nothing to do with the show & just leaves us with your opinions & no recap. I’M JUST SAYING!!

    BTW..before I have to come back & defend my feelings AGAIN…these are my opinions & I am entitled to them & nothing anyone says will change that. Soooo..can we get a real recapper for this show please, Flipit?

  20. 20
    Sahara
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 9:30 am

    @fancyface… yes, those are YOUR opinions and you are entitled to them. As am I. I personally really like SunnySideup and enjoy the recaps! Please don’t lump us all into your diatribe. I do not think this site is “ruined” by her writing. I am sure that there is no one reader of this site who likes every recapper. They all have different styles and we all have different likes/dislikes.

    If you don’t like the recap, that’s fine. If you want to stick to the comments, that’s great, but discuss the show, not the recap.

  21. 21
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I agree with Sahara, some people might not like Sunnysideups style but there are some that do. So it’s unfair to call for a “real recapper” when it seems there are people out there who enjoy the recaps.

  22. 22
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Dear Shara…the next time you want to comment on my opinion that you agree that I’m entitled to before telling me what & how to state said opinion..please read my post carefully or take a course in reading comprehension.

    1st of all..Where did I ‘lump’ everyone together? I think I SPECIFICALLY stated the TWO people that I was referring to & didn’t ‘lump’ anyone else into OUR opinion. And I most definitely, CLEARLY stated this was MY opinion..not yours!

    2ndly..I never said the site was ruined by her writing, because quite frankly, TVGASM rocks or I wouldn’t waste my time reading the ACTUAL recaps. Her writing ruins the actual reason we come to this site..TO READ RECAPS, which she fails to do. Her ‘recaps’ are more about what she thinks about the people oh the show & her world views or her trying to teach us what it means when Chelsea is being a dumbass (because it goes deeper..she’s not just dumb, she’s mentally blah blah blah..irrelevant blah) than it is about what ACTUALLY happens on the show. There by robbing of us an actual RECAP..get it? Probably not.

    And lastly…”If you don’t like the recap, that’s fine. If you want to stick to the comments, that’s great, but discuss the show, not the recap.” I have & will continue to comment on anything I please, because, you know, free will & all. You, my dear lady, do not have the the right to tell me what to discuss or how to discuss it. And once again, before you get on your soapbox & tell me what to do & how to do it..please have a valid point! My comment was in response to something POSTED IN THE COMMENTS, not the ‘recap’…ie: Sunni’s attempt to tell people why their opinions of what her recaps should contain are wrong (because you know, ‘the show is about kids being exploited & therefore shouldn’t be snarked on’…On A Website KNOWN for it’s snark). So, Dear Sahara…what was your point again?? Bring it! :)

  23. 23
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 10:00 am

    @classy drunk..I Totally agree!! All 10 people that love Sunni’s work has a right to read her novels if they want to! Just like those of us who don’t have a right to ask for person to actually RECAP the show instead of analyze it to hell! POORLY, I might add :)

  24. 24
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 10:11 am

    @fancyface, well you do. But when you use the words “Soooo..can we get a real recapper for this show please, Flipit?” insinuates that you speak for more than yourself, or that the majority of us would like a new recapper. Based on the comments it seems there a quite a few that like her recaps. There are also people who asked that you maybe should offer more constructive criticism. Maybe if that was to take place you could get a shorter recap with enough snark to your liking.

    Now personally I find it easier to snark on Maci, Farrah, and Amber, so I am realizing that I do prefer their season better because they are what I look for in choosing reality television shows to watch.

  25. 25
    MatisyahuSerious
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 10:27 am

    its perfectly acceptable to use the pronoun ‘we’ if you are royalty or have a wombat in your lap, in my opinion.

  26. 26
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Well, Classy..maybe my post was a bit harsh..that’s it..I’m not apologizing. And my request for a real recapper comes from me assuming that since the comments on the teen mom recaps have greatly decreased since Sunni has started & those comments are usually filled with SOME, NOT ALL, people complaining about her recaps & I see people post on other recaps how they wished this show’s recapper had the same talent.

    But even so, you or anyone else besides the site owners can’t police my comments & tell me how to post. And obviously requesting shorter caps that actually reflect more of what happened in the show & less of the amateur psychoanalysis has gone unheeded…so that whole ‘…you maybe should offer more constructive criticism. Maybe if that was to take place you could get a shorter recap with enough snark to your liking’ thing is kinda blown out of the water.

    And it also ruffled my feathers that the recapper came to comments & acted like she was so above the snark that we are use to on this site.

    Sunni: “I write for people who like to read, (well I love to read..so what’s your point? Because I hate your writing that means I’m not a ‘reader’) and I’m never going to be the recapper who calls children bitches (who asked you to?) or uses vitriol over wit (ok..but at least use actual wit). I believe strongly that reality tv is very blurry, (how so?) and that to a certain extent, all the kids here are being exploited. (again..how so? by living their lives on tv & getting paid more in a week than what some people I know make in a year? for going through what a lot of teen moms go through? how are they being exploited? if you’d said the actual BABIES were being exploited, I’d probably see your point.) If this was Real Housewives, or Survivor where the casts are adults, that’s a different tone. (ummm..these are ‘adults’ by law) But these are kids,(no they’re not) and they have little babies. Kids grow up, they do things differently a year or five years from what they do now. (so does EVERYONE else because if anyone wasn’t doing things differently than they were a year or 5 years ago, there would be no evolving of our lives..so…yeah) The implications of their lives and the things on the show are very real and will have lasting, public consequences. (they chose to be in front of the camera) Amber Portwood anyone? (how is this a point?) So comment away, (I will) but the fact is that all different writers do all different things. (absolutely!) You don’t have to like everything. (I don’t..ie: your ‘recaps’) I don’t have to call young girls names,(again, NO ONE ASKED YOU TO) or ignore the fact that culturally and emotionally, there is a lot of interesting stuff to look at in this show regarding young women and how things get so screwed up sometimes. Ignoring that stuff doesn’t explain why we’re all so invested in it that we watch it, read about it, and talk about it online. (it’s called trainwreck tv, which is why the airwaves are filled with it! most people watching this show isn’t doing so to figure out ‘the deeper issues’, & definitely not USUALLY the ones who are on tvgasm, they watch it for the ridiculousness that is ‘reality tv’ so lighten the hell up) You want to call them names and stuff?(who?..well I do..because, you know, I can) Feel free. (I will) But that’s not my thing, (well good for you..have you met the other writers on this site? have you met the readers? because honey..it’s OUR thing..that’s why we come here!) and I’m pretty sure that since we’re not teen age girls, we can make having different opinions and approaches work.” (true..it’s called not reading your recaps)

    This is TVGASM not a ‘The More You Know’ infomercial for cripes sake! And to imply that those of us who are asking her to actually recap the show & not play amateur psychiatrist, are somehow wrong & that these girls deserve better than to be judged by THEIR ACTIONS like everyone else is offensive to me. No one asked her to tear these girls apart or speak ugly about their innocent children, I simply would like an actual recap of the show!

    Is that better? No? Oh well…on to the Whites forum so I can snark in peace :)

  27. 27
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Hey, I see plenty of commenters use “we” and act as ambassadors of the site. Typically, they’re the ones that comment on everything, and often. And as such, I hardly ever see anyone upset about that. What a class system there is among TVgasm commenters.

  28. 28
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:00 am

    @MatisyahuSerious..bwhahahaha! I am royalty & the wombat that I’m stroking in my lap agrees, so I can use that pronoun freely :)

  29. 29
    Moli Moli
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I will add my 4 and a half cents. I actually enjoy the psychoanalysis, I have started viewing these girls as just that little girls who grew up too fast. I am looking at their family situations and what has caused them to get to this point(lawd please don’t EVER let that happen with T&T). The only and I mean only problem I have with the recaps is Sunni copy/pastes the mini-cap in the realcap. I dislike reading the whole minicap all over again.

  30. 30
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Wow, I haven’t had the “EW” reaction in sometime but things are just getting nasty here.
    @classy, thanks for always keeping it classy ;)

  31. 31
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @fancy, I am not saying what you should or should not do. I am saying that there are some people who would like Sunnysideup to stick around for the recaps.

  32. 32
    SunnySideup
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

    The recaps here are very detailed, down to what month the Cosmo Chelsea’s reading so it’s inaccurate to say that any parts of the segments for each girl are skipped, or that there is no true recap. If you would prefer to read only the parts that are the straight-up, recapping sentences, I don’t think anyone is saying that’s disallowed.

    Also, comparing Randy to an ineffective Tony Soprano is snark, and it’s snark on two levels. Level 1: Randy is a fat Big Daddy who doesn’t have control of his family at all. Level 2: Teen Mom setting up a scene with the gravity and seriousness of the Soprano’s final scene? Priceless, since Teen Mom on MTV is no Sopranos.

    So if you want to continue dissing the recaps in the comments, in the future, please be specific on what you feel isn’t snarked on, or what you feel wasn’t covered in the narrative details of the episodes. As other commenters do so insightfully and hilariously, it is totally cool to snark up the stuff you feel I missed, or to add to it in the comments.

    People watch Teen Mom because they relate, or because they want a redemption arc for these girls. People don’t watch it so they can hate on children. I’m not going to hate on children either, no matter how much they fuck up. Walk a mile before you judge too harshly. Think deeper. This show has been discussed on Talk of the Nation and in Rolling Stone among other places, and it’s caused MTV a significant amount of controversy. People take this show seriously.

    Leaving out the deeper ways to look at the show means that we’re all sitting glued to MTV, or sitting on the Internet talking about an MTV show just because Leah has pretty hair? Just because a few kids in America got knocked up? If I’m going to spend this much time thinking about, writing about, and researching a show on MTV called Teen Mom, then it’s going to have some deeper things to think about.

    You don’t have to accept that.
    It’s America.
    Skip those parts in the recaps.

    But further discussion of how you don’t like the recaps isn’t productive. All the points have been made at this time, and the discussion in the comments needs to go back to being about the show.

  33. 33
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Sunny…you’re an Alabama fan? *faints*

  34. 34
    SunnySideup
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Ha! I’m a Tar Heel fan, and Alabama can’t do much damage on the court to Carolina but LSU can, so out of complicated ACC loyalty – Rollll Tide!!!!

  35. 35
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Oh Sunni..I was HOPING you’d chime in again!

    1. “The recaps here are very detailed, down to what month the Cosmo Chelsea’s reading so it’s inaccurate to say that any parts of the segments for each girl are skipped, or that there is no true recap.” (ok…your recaps are very detailed in stuff that’s irrelevant to the show & this is a perfect example. You spent one sentence on Chelsea’s actual conversation with Adam & the rest of the paragraph pointing out a date on a magazine, which I guess, in your eyes, is the whole point of the show & deserves more time than, let’s say, what’s actually happening in the scene..so…yeah.)

    2. Also, comparing Randy to an ineffective Tony Soprano is snark, and it’s snark on two levels. Level 1: Randy is a fat Big Daddy who doesn’t have control of his family at all. Level 2: Teen Mom setting up a scene with the gravity and seriousness of the Soprano’s final scene? Priceless, since Teen Mom on MTV is no Sopranos.” (Did I miss something here? Or are you referring to the scene in the diner where Chelsea & her dad is having lunch? How is that even comparable?)

    3. So if you want to continue dissing the recaps in the comments, (which I totally will!) in the future, please be specific on what you feel isn’t snarked on, or what you feel wasn’t covered in the narrative details of the episodes. As other commenters do so insightfully and hilariously, it is totally cool to snark up the stuff you feel I missed, or to add to it in the comments.” (refer to my answer to #1)

    4. People watch Teen Mom because they relate, or because they want a redemption arc for these girls. (that’s so not true! you think the ratings come from people wanting to see these girls ‘redeem’ themselves & not rubberneckers? umm..ok) People don’t watch it so they can hate on children. (who said they did?) I’m not going to hate on children either, no matter how much they fuck up. (again..WHO ASKED YOU TO?<–really getting tired of asking that question) Walk a mile before you judge too harshly. (I have) Think deeper. ( I always do) This show has been discussed on Talk of the Nation and in Rolling Stone among other places, and it’s caused MTV a significant amount of controversy. People take this show seriously."(SOME people..not all..& again, do you realize where you're posting these things? most people take suicide & domestic violence seriously, but we here @ tvgasm make hanging jokes. does that mean we're horrible people who don't show respect where it's due? no. it just means we're wise asses that come here to crack crude jokes about dumb people that decide to live their lives out on camera)

    5. Leaving out the deeper ways to look at the show means that we’re all sitting glued to MTV, or sitting on the Internet talking about an MTV show just because Leah has pretty hair? (well, leah's hair is atrocious so I don't see your point) Just because a few kids in America got knocked up? (a few? I really hope you're referring to the show & not America in general) If I’m going to spend this much time thinking about, writing about, and researching a show on MTV called Teen Mom, then it’s going to have some deeper things to think about. (ok..that's fine, when you're writing for a site that's known for that type of thing. but honey boo-boo child, you are a recapper for TVGASM! climb off your horse & join us down here)

    6. You don’t have to accept that.
    It’s America.
    Skip those parts in the recaps. (EXACTLY..which is why I skip the entire thing. so again…what's your point?)

    7. But further discussion of how you don’t like the recaps isn’t productive. (it is if it would get us better recaps but..ok) All the points have been made at this time, (except the ones I just made & the ones you felt necessary to come back & make, so who are you to tell me when MY point has been made?) and the discussion in the comments needs to go back to being about the show. (which is exactly what I'm asking of you in your recaps..MAKE THEM ABOUT THE SHOW not your 'sunny side up' view of the world..see how that works? :) )

    But seriously, let me make myself clear since some people are not picking up what I'm putting down (do people still use that?) If you notice, my PERSONAL feelings about the show or the girls in the show were not discussed in my comments (besides me thinking Leah's (whom I adore btw) hair is atrocious & Chelsea's kind of dumb) because my comments have nothing to do with the show. Just like these recaps hardly have anything to do with the show. I don't watch this show as a joke & I definitely take these girls' lives & situations seriously because I can absolutely relate! So, when you make a comment quoting 'the seriousness of the show' (which is a bit much) as if I'm mocking these girls or asking anyone else to is totally unwarranted because you have no idea what my opinions of the show is or what my views on the serious subject is. So, be careful with that umkay? And fyi? Look at it anyway you want to, but these girls DO NOT represent the sad epidemic of teen moms in our country. Maybe the did when they first started, but when their income levels jump the way there's have..they are no longer typical teen moms that face the hardships that most young mothers do.

  36. 36
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Phew Sunny…I guess that makes sense. :)

  37. 37
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    SunnySideup,
    Thankyou so much for taking your time to be active on the comment boards and for listening to what your readers and commenters have to say! I know a lot of us appreciate that you take on these recaps, UNPAID, so that we can debate and discuss the episodes.
    In MY PERSONAL OPINION (since caplocking seems to be the cool thing to do these days…) I really enjoy all the insight and thought you put into your recaps!
    I look forward to future recaps, and hope that if those who voice displeasure actually learn that constructive criticism, not nastiness, is key, that those opinions will help you to address their ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS concerns, and perhaps silence the never ending “i love to hear myself talk” tirades.

  38. 38
    ash1
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    @fancyface – You can use me in your “we” anytime. I’ll re-state it since people seem not to be getting our point. There is a place for psycholanalyzing these “characters” (which I will use since we all know it is at least partially scripted,) but don’t down us for expecting a TVgasm post to stick with the spirit of the site, which IS snark! This site is supposed to be HUMOROUS, and if you think this show is not to be made light of, then perhaps it is not the best forum for your writing. I also like to read, and on TVgasm, I expect to read satire and humor.

  39. 39
    Mrngstar
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    omg!!! time to stfu fancy face! some of us like sunny side up!

  40. 40
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    @Captain..how fitting of a screen name you have. Literally! Oh, sorry..LITERALLY! (you know, because it’s cool!) You can take off your cape, Sweetie. Calling my opinion a ‘pain in the ass’ concern (which..duh), isn’t exactly a good example of “those who voice displeasure actually learn that constructive criticism, not nastiness, is key” is it? :) You hypocrites SLAY ME! BTW..I totally love to hear myself talk! But you can hate it, my kids do :) Now run along & play in traffic now.

    Thank you ASH1! I was beginning to think I was alone in my opinions, but clearly I know I’m not judging by the comments on her caps (except when everyone wants to play ‘captain-save-a- when those same people has voiced opinions similar to mine in the past whether it be on this show or others) as oppose to others. All of this ‘no snark allowed because these are children’ is complete b.s. & not the point of this site what so ever!

  41. 41
    ash1
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    @sayanything – Absolutely! If she thinks it’s mean to laugh at a reality show, why the hell does she write for a humor site???

    @mrngstar – Why the hell should someone stfu just because you disagree with them? We want recaps that are humorous on a humor site, and have every right to express that.

  42. 42
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    To each his own. I am on the recapper’s side.

    There are other recappers on this site who to me are not funny, yet others find them hilarious. I simply skip those recaps and move to something else. One of the enormous benefits of this particular site IS the wide varieties of writing styles and the extensive list of shows covered.

    Additionally, having covered a season of DWTS, I know how difficult it is to write thses recaps, and how impossible it is to keep people happy.

    Don’t like her style? Submit your own attempt to Flipit, and let him be the judge. You may just learn a thing or two.

  43. 43
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Oh…and trying to drive people to another site for recaps is really tacky.

  44. 44
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    THANK YOU @sayanything! Point..Set..MATCH!!

    BTW…@Mrngstar…omg!! it’s time to gtfu!! And when you’re done growing up..join captain in traffic, umkay?

    Way to bring a good snarkfest to a screeching…dud!

  45. 45
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    So basically this conversation has draw us to this conclusion…

    Some of us like Sunny’s writing style and some of us don’t.

    Well thank goodness that case is closed.

    Now we can move onto something important. Does Leah use hot rollers to attain that barbie look?

    @ Sheesh, are you ready? COMMENT WARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR HA! HA! HA! HA!

  46. 46
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @Cattyfan…”One of the enormous benefits of this particular site IS the wide varieties of writing styles and the extensive list of shows covered.” (Another enormous benefit is the ability to STATE what we do & do not like about said writing styles. I never said anyone’s opinions of her recaps were wrong, but it’s ok for them to say mine are? If she sucks, imo, I am entitled to said opinion without the recapper & her 10 fans telling me otherwise! And no amount of their comments will stop me from voicing the fact that I think she sucks the humor out of these recaps & that her amateur psychobabble is useless & irrelevant to the show.)

  47. 47
    ash1
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    DearCrabby – PLEASE wear your seatbelt and don’t smoke, because it would be TRAGIC if something happened to you and T&T was taken over by someone who refuses to joke where children are involved ….BE CAREFUL!!!!

  48. 48
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Fancyface…. what happened to you? Did you not get your coffee this morning? Good Grief. I think you’re more than welcome to express your opinions, but seriously, have you no tact? There’s really no need to be so rude. Say Anything and Ash1 at least finally gave some input into what they’re looking for. You on the other hand, seem bored today and wanting to pick a fight.
    Let me tell you, this look on you AINT CUTE.
    I used to enjoy your comments in the past, and usually I find you to have some great one liners and wit. It’s unfortunate that this is the way you’ve decided to express your disliking over a recap. I thought you were better than that.
    But to each his own.
    Now do yourself a favor, get over the fact that it’s Monday, get off your high horse, go and get a cup of coffee and Bailey’s and CHILLL the eff out. xoxo
    @Catty- <3

  49. 49
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    fancyface…you didn’t just express your opinion. You called for the recapper to get the boot. I merely suggested that if her style doesn’t suit you, don’t read the recap.

    If your opinion was the majority (which it certainly doesn’t appear to be,) your lobbying for a new writer might be reasonable. Right now, you just look spiteful, nasty, and childish.

    Why don’t you, instead of continuing to repeat yourself, take my suggestion and try writing your own to submit to the site?

  50. 50
    Mimo
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    God! Beat the damn subject to death.

    Does anyone know how much remuneration the teen moms get? And does it go to them, or their parents? And does anyone think that MTV is helping defray the medical costs for Leah’s kids. And is Leah’s hair permed and then does she straiten parts of it? And does anyone have the Minerva implant – does it hurt and how long over the 5 years do you think it protects you?

  51. 51
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Yes PLEASE CRABBY!! DON’T LEAVE US!

    Sunny Sideup? You’re welcome from Ash, Say, & I for FINALLY getting one of your ‘recaps’ past the 40 comment mark ;)

  52. 52
    Magsmom
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Sunni…I enjoy your recaps. And I thank you for the time and patience you put into them.

  53. 53
    SunnySideup
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Again, please be sure that you read the recaps and then offer additional snark or comment about the show. The comments here are really great and most people have super funny stuff to say about the show. Keep it up!

    There are many different types of humor and you are not beholden to love mine. I find Lifetime movies hilarious and I love a funny metaphor. Other recappers love nicknames. Others love complaining.

    I auditioned and my writing was selected for being funny and insightful. To be honest, I’m not sure that you’re getting my sense of humor. That’s too bad; however, that cannot continue to be everyone’s problem. It is your problem. Sending people to another site is unacceptable and I’m working with TPTB to see how to deal with that.

    Talk about the show.
    Make jokes about the show.

    And for everyone who wants to dish on Teen Mom 2, don’t let the couple of people who kinda being uncool ruin it for the rest of you. :)

  54. 54
    ash1
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    @Mimo – The NY Post said $60,000 a season, but Amber was quoted as saying $270,000. Unfortunately, it is income and none of it is put into trust for the kids. I wish someone would file a suit on behalf of the kids like was done for the Gosselins asking for payment for them, but I doubt that will happen! You KNOW none of it will be left a year after the show ends!

  55. 55
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    captain save-uh-hoe…I <3 U 2

  56. 56
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    ash1…it’s possible that there is additional remuneration for the children, as they are appearing on screen.

    I wonder, though, how that is squared with child labor laws. Those would apply here, just like they did for Kid Nation. I wonder if those fees are put in a trust for the children? That would be the right thing to do…so it’s unlikely.

  57. 57
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @ash… I totally agree! I originally thought that the money was going into trust funds for the kids.
    All I can say is that it doesn’t look like any of these teen moms are hurting for $$ these days.

  58. 58
    Flipit
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Hey guys. Just waded through this comment board. Good lord!! Thanks for the opinions, but stop dog piling. I like what Sunni’s doing here and am proud to work with her. I get that not everyone likes the same stuff, and obvs you have a right to not like it, but please try not to be so mean. These writers work for comments and these would have me curled up in the fetal position. I deleted the link to the other recap. Thanks for your concerns. Noted. Please, now, play nice.

  59. 59
    Flipit
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Oh and you can always contact me at Flipit75@gmail.com if you wanna talk about it more!

  60. 60
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    @say anything: Look, any windbag can say anything they want here. But posting links to competing websites is pissing directly down the collar of everyone who spends A LOT of time writing for this site, not just SunnySideUp, but Flipit and Nads, too. So please don’t make a dick move like that. It’s just common decency.

  61. 61
    ash1
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    She told dad and we got in trouble ;( I must say, nothing here was abusive, just opinions, and really did not require a scolding from the big boss!! sheesh! I wish my boss would do that every time a client disagrees with me! (maybe he would if I’d get off the internet and get back to work ;)

  62. 62
    SunnySideup
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Oh, and for the record, I hate it when I have to use a lot of the Minicap too. My schedule is sometimes insane, so I sometimes have to do the best I can with the limited time that’s there. Also, some weeks just plain don’t fire as creatively as others. It happens to everyone, regardless of the job/hobby/conversation, or what have you. I try to make things sparkle differently, but like I said, some weeks there is literally too much that has to get done work-wise, derby-wise, or family-wise.

  63. 63
    sheesh
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    SunnySideup..I have a question.
    When is your team coming to Des Moines?
    Serious.
    I will give you a real hug.

  64. 64
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    @Captain-save-no-one..Oh no, the captain is displeased?? Whatever shall I do?

    “what happened to you? (Sunny almighty happened to me) Did you not get your coffee this morning? (I don’t drink coffee. It ages you & I’m too cute for that) Good Grief. I think you’re more than welcome to express your opinions, (which I have) but seriously, have you no tact? (tact? no! Bitchiness? YES!) There’s really no need to be so rude. (3 fingers pointing right back at you sir..’pain in the ass’ ring a bell?) Say Anything and Ash1 at least finally (finally? they did that in their FIRST posts) gave some input into what they’re looking for. (as did I) You on the other hand, seem bored today (I kinda am :) ) and wanting to pick a fight. (How was I picking a fight? If memory serves me correctly..I stated my opinion & then butt munches like you preceded to tell me how wrong & ‘rude’ I was, @ which time I defended myself..so…yeah)

    “Let me tell you, this look on you AINT CUTE. (eh em in my McKenzie voice: If it’s Fancy..Everything looks cute! err..goes together..you get what I mean)
    I used to enjoy your comments in the past,(ditto) and usually I find you to have some great one liners and wit.(because I rock!) It’s unfortunate that this is the way you’ve decided to express your disliking over a recap. (it’s unfortunate that you chose to skim my comments for comeback material instead of actually READING them) I thought you were better than that. (I. AM. SOOOO. NOT! duh!) But to each his own. (really? fire off judgements like you did & have the audacity to say to each his own? ballsy! & slightly stupid, but ok) Now do yourself a favor, get over the fact that it’s Monday, (umm..I LOVE Mondays, off work & kids are in school so…) get off your high horse, go and get a cup of coffee and Bailey’s and CHILLL the eff out. (again, my skin is too pretty to drink the java)

    @Catty, honey, my “call to for a recapper to get the boot” was SO not serious & was clearly sarcasm. One boat doesn’t stop a show. Which I am CLEAR on.

    “Why don’t you, instead of continuing to repeat yourself, (you mean like you all are doing?) take my suggestion and try writing your own to submit to the site? (I never claimed to be a recapper! I just judge those that do :) But thanks for the suggestion, Sweets)

    My comments were always sarcastic and intended in jest (to a certain extent) UNTIL I took offense to Miss Sunny’s comment to ash & say. I felt she got on a soapbox when they voiced their opinions on her writing & it was not ok with me for her to try to make them, me, or anyone else feel bad for wanting snark & humor on a SNARKY site and all of you chiming in doesn’t make it right either, nor will it stop my comments, because, again…free will & all :)

    @Mimo…your comment freaking rocks lol

  65. 65
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    fancyface…refer to post #58. If Sunny’s writing meets with the site owner’s approval, that should be good enough for anyone. Or are you arrogant and/or stupid enough to tell Flipit he doesn’t know what his own site is for?

  66. 66
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Fancyface,
    Thankyou for making my day! And I am 100% being serious about that!
    Really?? no coffee! You’re missing out. It really is the prime beverage to compliment Baileys :) I’m glad to hear you love Mondays! They really are underrated.
    But seriously, where is Robinez when you need her??? Now there’s some bitchyness I can actually get behind!

  67. 67
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Catty..catty..catty…WTH are you talking about?? Seriously people, READ THE COMMENTS IN FULL instead of SKIMMING them for comebacks or DON’T REPLY TO THEM AT ALL!! If YOU read, & I mean actually read it, comment #64, you will see how dumb/and or stupid comment #65 is *smh*

  68. 68
    MatisyahuSerious
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    @fancyface “stroking the lap wombat” is now 2nd fave masturbation euphemism, right after ‘pat the robertson’…thanks!

  69. 69
    Leita
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I like SunnySideUp’s recaps. Other recappers who’ve handled the show were hilarious, but I also felt that they crossed a few lines. As Sunny said, these are real people and real babies. Even if the snark never hits their eyes, I still felt a little guilty reading it. Sunny’s recaps are hella refreshing and make me want to hurl the world into the sun less. Keep up the good work!

  70. 70
    Z
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    jesus h christ, people

  71. 71
    Mom2redheads
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I find the T and T recaps hilarious, but can admit I sometimes cringe at some of the names children are called, etc, or when the word ‘tard is used. Like it or not, that is the point of this site. It’s snark. It is meant to be funny, over the top, irreverent, cringe worthy, witty…all of those things. After I put my kids to bed at night, or on my lunch break, I come here to laugh and have a bit of an escape, so honestly I prefer A LOT more snark and not so much analyzing. I feel like I am reading Dr. Drew’s blog lately. I know I am just one opinion, but I come for the funny, and lately it just seems a bit too serious.

  72. 72
    captain save-uh-hoe
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    @Mom2redheads…. Now there’s a way to give excellent feedback. :) You rock!

  73. 73
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Amen, @Z. What a colossal waste of time.

  74. 74
    iamrufus
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Sunny, i appreciate the time you put into your recaps because i definitely see effort being put into it. it cannot be easy to take criticism.

    that being said, i have read but not commented very much this season because everyone wanted to analyze their own feelings after reading yours that i felt my snark and making fun of them would be severely out of place. so i kept my comments inside my own head. i get that there are babies here, but if toddlers and tiaras gets to do it, i don’t see why we can’t even a little. i don’t want the babies called names either, but the moms? c’mon.

    also, 8 pages for a minicap is a bit much. maybe it wouldn’t be as much of a time consuming thing if it was just a couple of pages, sort of a preview, which is what they are meant to be? just a suggestion. i’ll still read on every week, and i hope we can all find a happy medium.

  75. 75
    mom2redheads
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    One more comment and then I will hush about it….Sunni made the following comment: Kids grow up, they do things differently a year or five years from what they do now. The implications of their lives and the things on the show are very real and will have lasting, public consequences. Amber Portwood anyone? So comment away, but the fact is that all different writers do all different things. You don’t have to like everything. I don’t have to call young girls names, or ignore the fact that culturally and emotionally, there is a lot of interesting stuff to look at in this show regarding young women and how things get so screwed up sometimes.
    ———————————————————————-
    Is this really a site to discuss the cultural and emotional implications of teen pregnancy? That sounds like a master’s degree thesis, not an entertainment recap. :)

  76. 76
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    THANK you @mom2redheads!! My thoughts exactly. Which, by the way, I stated several times & was attacked for it. If you don’t like the way I say things, that’s fine, but you will not stop me from saying it! I usually keep my comments relatively light on this site, but Sunny’s comment got my heckles up. It’s ok for her ‘fans’ to come to her defense because they have every right to,(I mean if you mess with my Crabby I will cut you!) but to suggest I, and others like myself, are wrong & have committed some type of comment no-no is ridic! We don’t come to this site to ‘dig deeper or think harder’ like her comment suggested we should because we don’t like her writing style. This is a satire site & imo, she’s sucked all the fun out of the teen mom recaps, & once again, I am entitled to think so!

    Furthermore, just because some people on this thread share the same views, they think they are right..which..please. People will stop commenting freely if they think people will jump down their throats about THEIR OPINIONS & try to turn it around as if they said something wrong! Luckily for me..I have thick skin so I will continue to voice my opinions & speak for myself & others who may agree but don’t want to get involved because they might be called names (you know, like hateful, spiteful, rude, stupid..coming from the people who got offended because I said she offers more amateur psychobabble than recap…which..HOW DARE I?) just because they have a difference of opinions. Now, as my favorite toddler with a tiara would say…That’s it..I’m outta here :)

  77. 77
    S-Natch Didi32
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I admit I don’t read the Teen Mom recaps very often (though I love the show) because I find them lengthy and – sigh – boring. Sorry, Sunni! I appreciate your work,though. Just not my cup of tea.

  78. 78
    P-Baby Walker
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Hi SunnySide,

    Just wanted to say from a fellow recapper to keep up the good work and don’t let the man get you down. You’re awesome and these recaps are harder than anyone gives credit for. Now go have yourself a cookie and a beer.

    Love,
    P-Baby

  79. 79
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    I love the show and I’ll read the minicaps but rarely the recaps because it’s a lot of the same stuff and I don’t particularly care for them. I usually skip them but read the comments. I may not like the recapper’s style, but I figure I probably couldn’t do any better in the fans department so keep on keepin’ on Sunni!

    If you don’t like the recaps, don’t read them – watch the show instead and you’ll know what is going on so you can comment. You can be snarky all you want in the comments but I don’t think you should go on a full out assault on the recapper. I’m all for expressing your opinions if you want, but seriously – the horse is dead, it ain’t gonna be drinking that water you are dragging it to (wait – did I just mix those up?) How about we agree to disagree and start talking more about Leah’s hair and blue eyeshadow and Chelsea’s whiny voice?

  80. 80
    MichyPR
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Just wanted to chime in and say that I for one love the recaps and think that some people need to get a life, seriously, how long does it take this person to come up with something stupid and rude to put in parentheses after each comment? Step away from the keyboard and go do something productive, sheesh!

  81. 81
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    @MichyPR..”how long does it take this person to come up with something stupid and rude to put in parentheses after each comment? (not very long<–see?) Step away from the keyboard and go do something productive, sheesh!(ok..you first!)

  82. 82
    Chicken Lips
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    @fancy – I might not agree with your complete arsenal of tactics, but well played. =)

  83. 83
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Let me make my self clear since I have a lot of cosigners that clearly haven’t read my comments in full before throwing in their opinions.

    Ok, I responded to something that the recapper said to someone who merely stated their opinions on her work because I have, in the past, made similar comments which were also met with a lot of people telling me how I SHOULD comment or what I should’ve said, or how I should feel about her ‘recaps’. When anyone, ESPECIALLY the recapper herself, tells people that they shouldn’t expect snark in a recap that’s on a site that’s known for it’s snark & is the reason why most of us come here, and then precede to tell them why they shouldn’t expect it or if they do, then they are somehow crazy or inappropiate to expect said snark..I CALL BULLSHIT. And when I get a handful of people commenting on MY comments with righteous indignation because of the way I ‘word’ my comments or for the opinions that I am allowed to have..I DEFEND MYSELF! If YOU don’t like it, don’t read MY comments. There are some insightful, intelligent, hilarious posters on this site, so feel free to skip my comments for anyone of there’s.

  84. 84
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    *any one of theirs…lol

  85. 85
    MichyPR
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    “Arguing over the internet is like running in the special olympics, even if you win you’re still retarded.” I’m not going to waste my time with you, it seems this is what you do for fun, sad really.

  86. 86
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Is anyone else starting to really hate the word “snark”?

  87. 87
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Not ‘hate’, per se, but wishing it had synonyms. When you have to use the same word three times in one paragraph, it’s time to call in a substitute.

  88. 88
    maryedith
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    @JudgyWudgy — I thought that was my own little guilty secret! Thankyou!

  89. 89
    fancyface
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Oh MichyPR!! If I were you I’d quit to! & ‘retarded’?? Really?

    You people are driving me nuts. While you are sooo busy trying to make yourself look better than that crazy ass fancy (yep…1st person in this piece)…can someone PLEASE take a minute to actually READ MY COMMENTS & point out where I was as rude or bitchy as some of the people accusing me of being rude or bitchy??

    Ok, so yeah I told a few people to go play in traffic..but I didn’t mean it THAT much! I love Cappie :) ! Anyway that’s more immature than actually rude. And yeah, I said that Sunny’s recap weren’t so much ‘recap’ rather than pages of amateur psychobabble..but in my defense..um..umm..hell I don’t need a defense to that! It’s MY OPINION & for the last time..I’M ENTITLED TO IT!

    But seriously, how were my comments rude? If you were rude to me while you were being all JudgyWudgy (one of my fav screennames :) ) Then I wasn’t polite in my response, but I did not tell someone their opinions were unjust or that by stating them they are wrong. Does the fact that your comments are on the side of the recapper’s, make you less rude with your replies or are only the ‘righteous’ allowed to respond to bitchiness with…well…bitchiness?

  90. 90
    kthxbai
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Finally here’s my Janet Theory. Which has 2 parts plus a prediction, and yes it comes with a pain pill warning!

    Good thing most of you have been getting in some good scrolling practice!

    Even for that little bit she was on Janet seemed super embarrassed to me.

    And I think it goes clear back to their 1st season.

    You can see people on here all the time saying oh my mom wouldn’t let me talk to her like somebody on some reality show does.

    I bet there’s even more moms that would NEVER let their kids get into drama scenes with the popo at their HOUSE over a garbage bag of somebody’s clothes because their kid lent their baby mama $ for school fees. Much less on TV.

    My shocking Janet theory is that she’s actually 1 of those moms. But the situation spiraled out of control.

    By now it’s been all over TV that Jo acts like a spoiled 7 yr old.

    (Which is 1 reason we always hear about Jo’s older brother taking care of the baby.)

    If you remember back when Kail lived there, how Janet and Eddie would fuss at Jo trying to get him to help her.

    And he either wouldn’t or he’d bitch about it. And do such a half ass job that it’d end up making even more work for her.

    (Which is a standard teenage boy skill even when they do get home training. And some of them keep on doing it till they’re like 40.)

    Anyway you could tell the whole idea of Jo having any responsibility was new for everybody.

    So the 2nd part of my Janet theory is that she and Eddie didn’t start out with a whole lot. And got so hell bent on their kids having more than they did that by the time they had Jo they just let home training slide.

    Which was a huge mistake. But just like we’ve all known teen moms or their kids, we all know people like that or their kids.

    It’s not like the Rivera family’s got the only McMansion in the world.

    So I can’t help feeling sorry for her. Because not only did she have the disappointment of not getting a daughter and having the nice extended family that wasn’t just her dream but her expectation.

    Now she also has to live with this shame of the whole world looking at Kail working 2 jobs AND going to school AND taking care of a baby.

    And comparing her to Jo that’s had all these advantages she didn’t have. And he’s STILL not worth a half a cup of butt custard.

    I read somewhere he pays $600 a month child support based on what he gets from MTV.

    My prediction is that next season Janet will start paying it so she can keep seeing her grandbaby without Jo or any of her family having to be on TV anymore.

  91. 91
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Sunny, I do hope that this does not turn you away from recapping. From what Flipit said he enjoys your work and backs you up. We can all use tips and feedback to get better. I look forward to your recaps going forward.

    @kthxbai, I agree that Janet is probably embarrassed by Jo’s actions and because she was living the situation did not realize how bad it was when it was playing out. But after the show being aired and having to hear from her friends and family that her son’s behavior was deplorable, I think there was a family meeting because it seems Jo has toned it down quite a bit this season.

  92. 92
    Tessa
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 5:37 am

    I almost never comment because I usually never have anything good to say unless I’m drunk (and then I usually make stupid comments on RHOBH), but I feel compelled to tell you, Sunny, that I love your recaps! I look forward to them every week. I know everyone’s favorite cup of tea is different, so please don’t let this discourage you from recapping. I enjoy your combination of wit and analysis.

  93. 93
    Lisa
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Janet really irks me. she let Kail move in because she wanted the baby close. Her son was a major JERK to Kail, so Kail moved on and found another boyfriend, she’s allowed to do that, she wasn’t married to Jo. And please, we all know that if Jo could have found anyone to kiss his Simpson’s character face, he would have been sleeping around first chance he got. Face it Janet, you have an jerk face – jerk personality kid , Kail did nothing wrong!

  94. 94
    ash1
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 6:35 am

    @Lisa – SIMPSONS! – That’s where I’ve seen that cartoonish face before! finally , thank you. I was in the minority in REALLY not liking Janet in the first season, she seemed to have raised a thug, the way Jo talked to her and slouched around treating Jo like crap. I don’t know how grateful Kail needed to be that they let her stay there, she was a child with no place else to go, it was the decent thing for them to do but I don’t know that she owed them a pound of flesh for it. I’m glad she got out of there and hopefully Janet will be cool…

  95. 95
    ash1
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 8:16 am

    *treating Kail like crap

  96. 96
    Chippers74
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Wow! If we want to talk psychobabble, it seems that some people on this board are pretty unhappy , and therefore hateful. It’s a shame, really.
    I enjoy Sunni’s recaps, that is my opinion and I am entitled to it. I also agree that everyone id entitled to there own personal opinion, regardless of what that is. However, I don’t think that anyone has the right to be cruel and insulting on purpose. That negates any legitimacy to what you are saying.
    Criticism is easy, especially behind the veil of the web. Maybe you guys should take a crack at recapping, the way you would like it done, if you think it is not being done properly.
    I never comment, but just wanted to way in. I love this site, and I love Sunni!

  97. 97
    Chippers74
    Posted January 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

    *weigh. Damn autocorrect.

  98. 98
    Moli Moli
    Posted January 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Sunni I figured as much in regards to my tiny little problem. I appreciate all that you do and once again I enjoy the analysis

  99. 99
    Buffy
    Posted January 11, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    you know what was way more long winded and boring than any recap i’ve ever read here? the SEVENTEEN comments by @fancyface, most of them incredibly verbose and redundant.
    If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Better yet, audition (or whatever they call it)to be a recapper and write your own recaps however you want to write them.
    I think there is some malicious intent here, because if your goal was to get a different recapper for this show your time would be better spent contacting whoever runs this site personally instead of sending of comment after comment about it. And by the way, even if there are other people that agree with you, don’t you think it might be just a little irrational and egotistical of you to expect SunniSideup to completely change the way she recaps the show just because you want her to?

  100. 100
    Robin Robinez
    Posted January 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    It’s your 100th.

    YAYYY SunnySideup !!! Smooches.

  101. 101
    Flipit
    Posted January 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    robin, you of all people know you are supposed to make one hundred special. damn you!
    COCK

  102. 102
    Robin Robinez
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 1:23 am

    Your are absolutely right, flipit! SunnySide deserves COCK!

  103. 103
    Robin Robinez
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 1:30 am

    As opposed to the Teen Moms. I think they would be better served with a little less Cock…

  104. 104
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Nothing like a comment war to get your comment number up. HA Robinez. This is one of the few places where less COCK is better.

  105. 105
    iamrufus
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 5:35 am

    less COCK is better?? oh wait, we are talking about teenagers here, carry on… Bee Tee Dubs, I’m loving these Flipit cameos, maybe we should feud more often =)

  106. 106
    fancyface
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    @Buffy…you SLAY me(see what I did there)

    Here we go again! Hopefully for the last time, but as long as you guys continue to call me out on MY OPINION, I will respond!

    you know what was way more long winded and boring than any recap i’ve ever read here? the SEVENTEEN comments by @fancyface, (after reading YOUR comment I’ll take this as a compliment & it’s Mrs. FancyFace to you, comment buffy!) most of them incredibly verbose and redundant.(you mean like the comments I actually wrote mine in response to? see how that works?)

    If you don’t like it, (I don’t) don’t read it. (I don’t) Better yet, audition (or whatever they call it)to be a recapper and write your own recaps however you want to write them.(never said I was or wanted to be a recapper…I just play one in the comments :) )

    I think there is some malicious intent here,(THERE IS..from people like you who think by throwing their opinion @ me will change mine or drive me away) because if your goal was to get a different recapper for this show (it wasn’t..AS I’ve Stated BEFORE!) your time would be better spent contacting whoever runs this site personally instead of sending of comment after comment about it.(Ummm..you obviously didn’t actually READ my comments because if you had you would’ve saw where I responded TO THIS EXACT SAME COMMENT FROM CATTY..so…yeah) And by the way, even if there are other people that agree with you,(there are) don’t you think it might be just a little irrational and egotistical of you to expect SunniSideup to completely change the way she recaps the show just because you want her to? (did you proofread this before you wrote it? If ‘there are other people that feel the way I do’ then it wouldn’t just be me she’d be changing her style for, right? You, like your predecessors, need to read my comments instead of glossing over them for something ‘witty’ to say..I’m not asking her to change her writing style! my comments started after Sunny commented on how wrong a couple of posters’ opinions of her ‘recaps’ are & that we shouldn’t expect her to make fun of this show, ON TVGASM, which if you or anyone else who decided to beat the hell out of what I said would’ve seen if you actually READ my comments instead of rushing to say something rude about me being…rude. Hypocrisy thy name is Buffy & friends!)

    AND ONCE AGAIN..I feel like she has taken all of the fun out of these recaps so I just don’t read them but come here to comment on the show & have a convo with my fellow gasmi regarding said show, which I will continue to do & as long as people like you address me in your comments I WILL DEFEND MYSELF even if it leads to TWENTY comments!

  107. 107
    fancyface
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Nineteen…

  108. 108
    fancyface
    Posted January 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    TWENTY….COCK(a-doodle-do since it’s the sacred, respectful, deep thinkers only, off limits, teen mom caps)

  109. 109
    Buffy
    Posted January 14, 2012 at 12:34 am

    @fancyface: not where my name comes from but cute pun, but i didn’t bother reading past it. Sorry you wasted your time typing all that when you could have used it to write your own recaps instead of complaining about someone else’s.

  110. 110
    Rosalind Herbert
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 9:32 am

    So, what was this recap about again?

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