We get more cliches from AshLee as the picnic drags on. Oh, come on! Let’s bring on the grilling by the family! AshLee wants to tell her parents that she finally knows what it’s like to love someone outside of her family. Wasn’t this woman married before? I bet her ex-husband is pretty pissed off about that comment. She’s never brought home someone she was madly and deeply in love with. Again, ex-husband is probably pissed.
Sean and AshLee pull up to her parents house. Pastor Bruce (that’s what I’m calling him) and Deborah meet them in the yard. There are hugs and flowers. Pastor Bruce starts right in with the questions. He wants to know where AhsLee’s been, who she’s met, what she’s done. AshLee recounts the story about the Polar Bear Plunge at Lake Louise. Apparently, AshLee swimming in a freezing lake is a metaphor for her letting go of her insecurities and fear of abandonment. Who the hell actually talks like this? Then she tells them about making out and rolling around on the sand in St. Croix. Are you kidding me? Now, my parents knew that I wasn’t spending time with my boyfriends gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes while holding hands from opposite sides of the couch. However, I never told them about times I’ve “rolled around” with any of them. There are just some things they don’t need to know.
I got sand in my hoo-ha, but Sean licked it out!
Deborah (AshLee’s mom) interviews that she can see in AshLee’s eyes that she loves Sean. Then she pulls Sean aside for some alone time. Before they walk away, I learn where AshLee got her habit of talking only in cliches. Deboar rants about hearts being fragile and she wants someone who will protect AshLee’s heart. Dear God, this family learned English from inspiration calendars, didn’t they? When they’re alone, Deborah straight up asks Sean if he plans on breaking her heart. Well, there is a 75% chance that he will. Then Deborah talks again about AshLee’s adoption – she was in five foster homes in a year, she has abandonment issues – everything we’ve heard a hundred times before.