The Bachelor Recap: Hometown Hos!

54 Comments

1. 1
   Helena Handbasket
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:11 am

   Today’s comment brought to you by my lovely friend insomnia…what a wasted hour of television with \Sean Tells All\. I had it on but it didn’t hold my interest. And I like looking at the bod of a fit male as much as anyone who likes the D but that shower scene was just over the top. I’m hoping it was a \we don’t take ourselves too seriously here at The Bachelor\ moment, because otherwise it was just creepy!

2. 2
   itchy
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:13 am

   I’m guessing everyone but AshLee knows that Sean is Lindseed’s husband. They’re not telling AshLee because of course they’re hoping to film her head as it explodes.

   I also get the impression that Catherine was recruited for the show and promised the next Bachelorette season, depending on how well she pulled off the act of “loving” Sean. And, of course, yes, her boobs are indeed mesmerizing. Gahhh….

   Also, Catherine’s dad is a writer living in Taiwan (not China) and seems perfectly supportive of her, not some tragic runaway dad. Makes me wonder about the truth of that other story of hers, the one where a tree fell on her friend?

   Des reminds me of Veronica, from the Archie comix, only much sweeter of course. Looked great in that slinky shiny dress. Which I’m guessing was Sean’s whole problem — how to choose between Catherine’s great rack and Des’s fine ass? No wonder he was practically in tears.

   Except, wait. This is Sean we’re talking about. He was probably wondering which one would look better barefoot and pregnant.

   I’ll be happy to see Lesley as Bachelorette, but I’m afraid it’d be as awkward as the one with that Canadian gal, who seemed smart too. But intelligent people rarely make interesting reality tv contestants.

   On the other hand, if it’s Sarah, I probably won’t watch. There’s just something unsexy about a one-armed woman in a bikini. Not sure why.

3. 3
   Helena Handbasket
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:33 am

   Itchy, I agree that Jillian’s season was not the most notable but I do recall it served as a public service announcement for ED or least performance anxiety…

   I have to agree with your assessment of Sarah as next Bachelorette. I think it would be uncomfortable for most of America to watch and would only end up in more heartbreak for Sarah.

4. 4
   Polk8dot
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:11 am

   Here is what I think about Sara (and I have a disability, too, so whoever does not agree, please do not call me insensitive about her situation):
   Sara CHOOSES to live her life as a VICTIM of her circumstances. She came on the show seemingly with NO other storyline but the missing arm. She spent the whole time on she show talking about, crying about, complaining about having one arm. She went as far as blaming the ONE ARM (e.g. the story of denied zip-lining in Vegas, which I think was completely fabricated, and absolutely not possible under the discrimination laws) for everything that was not making her happy, not going well in her life and in her ‘Bachelor journey’. The ONE ARM practically became a persona in her storyline, like a Siamese twin.

   Here is the thing Sara – we do not live in the Middle Ages anymore. There have been incredible technical achievements in prosthetics, especially over the last couple of decades. You want to be considered ‘normal’ (again, HER term, which I find offensive in its use here), you want to be treated THE SAME as other women, yet you refuse to help yourself even out the odds by wearing a prosthetic arm. It would be so much easier for you to do A LOT of things with the prosthesis. Screw this show; it would make your daily life much more comfortable, fuller, open to many more possibilities.
   Yet you stubbornly put people around you in uncomfortable situations by insisting on being treated as if you had no physical disability, while knowing full well (years of experience etc, unless you’re a moron who doesn’t learn) that the outcome will be identical to thousand other past situations. Then you demand praise and emotional cuddling for your disappointment with failure after stubbornly putting yourself into the situations that you know full well REQUIRE both arms, natural or prosthetic.
   You make others feel bad if they try to convince you not to do something because you ‘DON’T want to be treated differently, i.e. special’, while at the same time you force them to treat you like you are special simply because you do not know what your limitations are.
   You’ve had your whole entire life to learn to use prosthetics, which would have made said life soooo much easier for you and those around you who now have to watch you struggle with idiotic attempts at physical goals that are simply out of your reach. Instead of crying how hard life is for you, how about you get a prosthesis, learn to use it, and then show everybody what you can accomplish. It is admirable when a physically disabled person does not want the disability to define their life, but what you are doing is the exact opposite, although you convinced yourself otherwise…….. You lead your life always having the fall back opportunity in the back of your mind, and demanding respect and admiration for actually showing the stupidity of tilting at windmills single-arm-lanced.
   You are choosing to remain one armed, you are choosing to let this one traumatic outcome dictate your life, and you are choosing to always have a potential excuse if things do not go as planed.
   My advice to you, Sara – get a prosthetic arm. You’d not believe how many doors to physical activity that simple act will open, how it will enrich your life, physically, emotionally, socially, maybe even professionally. But then of course you will no longer be able to blame any unhappiness on the ONE ARM, you’ll have no reason to cry over yourself and the ‘injustices that the world throws at you’. You will no longer be able to play a victim and always demand sympathy. You will not have a chance purposely to throw your stump in people’s faces and play on their sympathy.
   I’d feel bad for you having one arm if you were still a child. You’re an adult woman. You consciously choose NOT to make your life better. I have no more empathy for that.

   P.S. If ABC makes Sara a Bachelorette, now or later, I will never watch this show again. The exploitation has past the bounds of decency, and with her as a ‘lead’ it will be a cringe fest of majestic proportions.

5. 5
   Pikey578
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:26 am

   @Polk8dot: Beautifully said and I agree totally! My mother had a leg amputated when in her 70′s and would have been appalled at Sarah’s refusal to help herself. When you see yourself as a victim, others will see you the same way.

   I disagree with the recapper about Nate – he might have been rude about how he said it but everything he said was true. Sean is a player – any one who dates multiple women at one time while telling each one that he is crazy about them is a player. I agree that this is the format of the show but that doesn’t make the ‘star’ have to kiss each person multiple times, etc. I also thought that Sean’s “I was going to punch him” a complete overreaction. If Sean cannot handle a minor disagreement like that without reverting to violence, then I worry about his stability. He was the same way when the “actor” came over to her house – his hand curling into a fist said everything to me and nothing it said was complimentary.

   I hope that the final pick refuses the rose (I know who the final one is through spoilers so I know this won’t happen) but I am disheartened by Sean’s views of women and where they fit into his life. We have come a long way, baby!

   Love the recap – your photo captions are brilliant!

6. 6
   PopePhilly
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:39 am

   @Helena: What a coincidence! This recap was brought to you by insomnia as well. As a result, I’m really ashamed of all the errors I made. I’m rereading this and thinking, “Did I stop being literate as I was writing this?” I’m sorry everyone.
   And, yes, “Sean Tells All” was just “Sean Tells Us Everything We Already Know So This Is Just ABC Wasting An Hour.”

   @itchy: I think Sarah is just way to sensitive for this show. She went on it knowing that there was a good chance she wasn’t going to end up with Sean.

   @Polk8dot: I don’t think Sarah should be required to use a prosthetic if she doesn’t want to. Granted, I don’t know how she feels about this subject – or anyone for that matter. I’m very lucky in that I’ve never had any type of disability. However, if she chooses not to use the options available to her, then she gives up the right to complain about her situation.

   @Pikey478: Like I said, I agree with everything Nate said and his assessment of Sean. What I disagreed with was him trying to interfere like that. Sean is basically a manwhore. However, it was Des’ decision to be in that situation – not Nate’s. I think it was rude to go into his sister’s house and say things like that to the man she is trying to date. It would be like me going to my sister’s house and telling her boyfriend that I think he’s a player and he’s just enjoying his circumstances and that I don’t think he loves my sister. (Note: I don’t know my sister’s boyfriend that well right now, so I’m not saying that he’s any of these things). While Nate was right in everything he said about Sean, it wasn’t the time or the place to act that way.

7. 7
   coffylover
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:20 am

   @ PopePhilly, I love your recaps!! You do an awesome job!

   & I love that Y’all fabulous peeps of tvgasm enjoy this mess of a show as much as I do!! It’s the most addictive thing short of chocolate-covered crack. It rules!

   Anyway, my mom dropped some alleged spoilers on me (re the ‘winner’), & I’m not feeling pumped about it. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t be pumped, no matter who Sean chose. I think when Des got the boot, I got a little less invested. Mehh.

   It must be fun to go on this show as a contestant, IF you accept ahead of time that it’s a mostly-scripted, massive-ego-stroke of whoever the Bachelor is. I wouldn’t mind visiting the lovely tropical locations. But even when I was a young gal, I looked like a mad cow in a bikini!! Would never have made the cut. And the overnight Fantasy Suite dates are just icky!

   Have a safe & happy weekend, Gasmii! Looking forward to more of this beautiful train wreck on Monday Be well!

8. 8
   kthxbai
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:57 am

   My favorite part of the Sean tells all show was how Chris Harrison kept talking about the trip to Thailand that was coming up, and what’s going to happen in the fantasy suite.

   Then they showed us the sneak peek promos of the trip to Thailand.

   We already knew the Bravo editing philosophy had spread to Teen Mom 2. Now it looks like ABC’s caught a bad case of it too!

9. 9
   beebs
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:47 am

   The editing is, and always has been, the worst part of this show. It was noticeable back when Tricia wasn’t picked as the final rose. The editors always hide the relationship between the lead and the “winner,” wrongly thinking that it will be a surprise ending. As a result, no matter who is left in the end, the audience is left thinking, he/she picked the wrong one! They didn’t have any connection at all.

   They do themselves a huge disservice by editing the outcome this way. Nobody is ever happy with the ending.

10. 10
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:55 am

    @coffylover: Thanks! I think the ‘gasm is more of a support group for people who can’t admit to others that they love reality TV. And, yes, I know who wins as well. It’s kind of left me with a feeling of, “Really? Her? OK.” I have to admit, I’ve often watched this show and thought, “I should go on it! If nothing else, I get a free vacation!” However, then I’d have to tell my job and my family and friends that I’m going to be on “The Bachelor.” I’m not sure I could do anything to justify that.

    @kthxbai: I would have made way more sense if they would have just explained that this interview is taking place after the show was wrapped.

    *POSSIBLE SPOILER!!!!*

    @beebs: That’s exactly what’s going to happen. If the spoiler I found is correct (I’m pretty sure it is because it was correct about every single elimination), then the editing is really messed up. Like I mentioned in my comment to coffylover, I’m just watching this whole thing thinking, “Really? Her?” The editing is making her look like she’s the least compatible person with Sean ever! I hope that didn’t give away too much.

11. 11
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:57 am

    People: Please! No spoilers here! I do my best to avoid them, knowing full well that they’re out there. Even though, I couldn’t give a shit who “wins.” But there’s not a whole lot of interest in the last couple of episodes of any Bachelor season — since they’ve usually rooted out the batshit crazy girls by then — so leave us the little left there is.

    PopePhilly: It’s okay. You”re just exhibiting signs of Bachelor overdose. And it gets worse. Wait until you go through Bachelor withdrawal. (PS: could you remove/hide the spoiler in the comment?)

    Sarah did use a prosthetic when she was a kid — she spoke about using one to learn to ride a bike and other things. It’s a bit frustrating that she never discussed why she stopped using one. Although this show is so damned dishonest that, no doubt, they insisted that she leave the thing at home (or never showed it on camera).

    I kept wondering how the hell she zipped up her dresses. But then, I wonder how any woman is able to zip up their dresses.

12. 12
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:06 am

    @itchy: Thanks for understanding – the stupidity of some of these woman is rubbing off on me. I’ll see what I can do about taking out the spoiler. At first glance, I don’t see an way for me to take that out – I might have to ask Flipit. I don’t have full administrator rights on this site (and the site has hated me lately and won’t let me add tags to any of my recaps). When I get home from work (in about 4 hours), I’ll see if there is something I can do. I’m sorry if mine gave too much away – I was trying to be as vague as possible.

    Also, as a woman with two arms, I can say 100% that zipping up a dress is hard work. Sometimes, I wish I had a boyfriend for two reasons: 1). killing bugs and 2.) helping me with dresses that zip in the back. I’ve learned to embrace wrap dresses.

13. 13
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    No, there’s one comment that seems to be a spoiler. I choose to believe his information is wrong, of course.

14. 14
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    The reason I disagree about the criticism of Nate’s piping up about Sean (and I will say again that he did so in a very rude way so I’m not defending that) is that the ENTIRE purpose of the home town visits was to meet the families and get their input. Sean constantly goes up to every person and asks them ‘What do you think of this?’ ‘What do you think of me?’ ‘Do you think ——— is ready to settle down?’ ‘Do I have your blessing/good will/etc?’ And mostly they either say yes or look away uncomfortably. But the minute anyone says anything even remotely negative to Sean about the process or the woman’s choice of him he gets super aggravated and alleges his ‘character’ has been impugned. I imagine he wishes for a sword so he could duel to restore his honor from such calumny, sir! How DARE they question HIM! But he asks for their input. So he can’t then complain when they actually give it. But he does. Oh, he does complain.

    I cannot believe I hate-watch this show. Honestly there isn’t a single person I know that I could admit that too, it’s too embarrassing. I come here because it’s anonymous and you’ve all got the same sick addiction I do.

15. 15
    Pikey578
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    I just read that both Sean and Emily will be on the next edition of “Dancing With The Stars” – guess these people are stars now? The new season starts a week after the final rose ceremony.

16. 16
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    People who post spoilers…I guess they think they are powerful??? When in actuality, they are just assholes.

17. 17
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Welcome to our sad little club, dog. There’s a 12-step program somewhere out there for people like us.

    I’d never dare to admit I watch this show. I even read recaps about it elsewhere. (It’s especially telling that HutchPo places its recaps of the show in its “Women” section. Three cheers for feminism!).

    I’m on the fence about Nate the Great: on the one hand, sure, dude asks a question, he ought to be prepared for an honest answer. On the other hand, this douchebag was clearly playing it up for the camera — sleezy little grins and all — and probably should have been totally honest and just admit that he really couldn’t give a shit either way about Sean or the show. But in that case, why bother saying anything? Just go along with it, playing the fucking game.

18. 18
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    @Popep–that spoiler was written by Bob something rather…Which was kind of rude to put out there in the first place!! EFF MAN!

    I have also read some spoilers, so I am right with you there

    Sean and Catherine were sitting on Rachel the Pig in Pike Place Market. The pig is right out front of where they were throwing fish…I love that place! Mostly for the fresh flowers. Huge bunches for 10 bucks.

    My hubby is in the Navy, and no one calls him by his rank except for the people he works with. Although when hubbs comes home from work he does have a hard time calling everyone by their first names…

    Also my grandpa was a Master Sergent in the Army when he retired. I don’t remember anyone calling him anything other then his name. Hubby wanted to know what he was supposed to call my grandpa, but I think it was because of his being military. I said just call him grandpa! So I guess it could go either way, if you are or have been in the military, then it is one thing. But if you are a douche nozzle like Sean you are doing it just to be that…a douche.

19. 19
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    OOOPS, but then again, I think it could also be what does He want you to call him. By He I mean Lindsey’s dad. When my friends would come over they always called my parents MR and MRS…. they were like um no, call me S &P. My parents have never been formal like that.

20. 20
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Kind of like my aunts and uncles…they don’t want to be called \Aunt Lori\ or \Uncle Jack\. They are fine with just being called by their first names. But I’ve met other people’s families who are just horrified if you don’t address them with Aunt or Uncle…like it’s a lack of respect or too casual or something of the sort.

21. 21
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    Just heard back from Flipit and the spoiler will be gone.

    @Andyourlittledogtoo: Very good point about what the hometown dates are meant to do. Honestly, it seems that Nate’s acions served their purpose – we’re talking about it!

    @Pikey578: I saw that too…and I just told Flipit I’d recap DWTS again this season. I figured that, since I actually made it through last season, I should just go ahead and shatter the record. Sean is going to make that difficult. I wonder how often we’ll hear about how dancing is making him into a man and he has to protect his partner.

    @thisbugss4u: One of my closest friends is in the Army. I’ve taken to just calling her “Corporal Big Deal.” That’s the only time I’ve ever used her rank. Titles can be weird and everyone has different preferences. My friends’ parents always hated it when we’d use Mr. or Mrs. One friend’s mom even required that we call her “Susan J” because she hated “Mrs.” so much.

    @Helena: My aunt is similar to your aunts and uncles. I still call her “Aunt Mel” (although it’s sort of morphed into one word – “Annmel” – over the years) as a force of habit. However, now that I’m close on to 30, it’s gotten to the point that I just call her “Mel.” I don’t even know that I ever called her husband “Uncle Glenn.” They got married when I was around 20 or so and they live on the other side of the globe, so I never really knew him in an “uncle” role.

22. 22
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    @Pope, I call my great aunts and uncles Aunt or Uncle so and so, but if it is my moms sister or brother it is just so and so…

    I think that this is possibly the first time that one of the family members has actually called out the Bachelor on the fact that he does say the same thing to all the women. Sean didn’t like it. But I mean really, if you are down to the final 4 or 3 or even 2, you have to know that he is going to be saying the same thing to you as the other women. I mean if he wasn’t then we all would know who he was going to pick when it comes down to hometown dates.

    With that said, you have had to been living under a rock and not seen 1 of the 17 season before going on with Sean to know what this show is about. Even Sean’s sister said stuff about watching the show with the audience. But now that they pick a Bachelor/Bachelorette from the previous season, people pick whom then want to “marry”. ABC needs to go back to the random Bachelor/Bachelorette.

23. 23
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    With any luck, this season of Survivor will bomb so terribly it’ll put the fear of Jehosaphat into all the other reality shows that insist on bringing back former contestants.

    Anyhoo, Sean’s going to pick the gal who provides the best beard for him. I’m still amazed no one has dug up any of his videos from his gay porn past yet.

    Oops. Hope that doesn’t impugn his integrity! Oh no! I’ve aroused the Terror of Sean’s Balled Fist!

24. 24
    tapemeasure
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Just curious, but several of you have said that you don’t like the show, you just like to make fun of it- I’m looking at you Itchy. So if that’s the case, why do you care if there’s a spoiler posted? Seems like you do in fact care about the show after all. And how do you know Bob is right? You people need to chill out, especially in regards to a show you claim to not care about.

25. 25
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    Well @Itchy, that would explain why he is hairless…

26. 26
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I mean, come on. Just look at the dude…

27. 27
    Dashley
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    OH MY GOSH so many thoughts to get out!
    First: fantastic recap as always, PP!
    Thisbuggs4u: The spoiler poster was BobLoblaw, and if you don’t get the reference in his/her screenname, then you NEED to watch the full series of Arrested Development ASAP, because it is the best comedy that ever was on television.
    From the recap: “He was worried that if he didn’t let her get married, she’d make some bad choices as soon as she legally could.” Did no one else interpret this as “if I didn’t let her get married, she would have fucked him out of wedlock and I couldn’t let my little girl’s purity be tainted, so INSTEAD I allowed her to enter into a legally binding relationship at the age of 17 that will follow her around for the rest of her life.”?? Not cute. Sorry. Disagree with you, PP- he seems like a nice guy, but not the greatest father, which is probably why AshLee is ALL cliche, and no substance.
    I agree with everyone else – NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS! Come on, man! I WAS living this season spoiler-free, but no more. We all know where to go to get them if we want them, we’re not dumb, but some of us choose to live spoiler-free anyway. BOOOOOO BobLoblaw. Love your taste in television, despise your taste in what is appropriate in the comments section.

28. 28
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    @thisbuggs4u: I’m in agreement with the “go back to the random Bachelor(ette)” thing. Besides, it seems that most of the contestants don’t know who they’ll be fighting for before they’re cast anyway.

    @Dashley: I didn’t really think of it in the “my daughter will have sex” way. Because AshLee was almost 18, I thought that her father was thinking that in a few months she’d run off, get married, and then they’d never see her again. I kind of assumed that she was already fucking the guy if she wanted to marry him.

29. 29
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    On the contrary, she wanted to get married because she was DTF. But given her background, it makes sense that she’d have a pretty extreme rebellion phase at that age. I’m pretty sure shit like this is pretty common among adopted folks. Kudos to him for not holding it against her.

    Still, there was something creepy about that scene. I mean, this old dude with the teenage gel-head talking about falling in love with her while his frumpy wife looks on… And the way he talks about her as if she’s still 17… ick. Can’t wait to see what she does with the Fantasy Suite card.

30. 30
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    Oh yes, and it seems to me that this Bobloblaw twit has his own arrested developmental issues to deal with.

31. 31
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    @itchy, what is DTF? I know I am going to regret asking that!

32. 32
    considerthis
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    My take on Nate is that he is just missing being somebody’s prison bitch and he is just jealous.

    How much do LA David’s Bridal employees pull down a year? Big thick steaks, awesome spacious apartment, with excellent funishings and interior design. WOW…

33. 33
    considerthis
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    One more thing – very well said @Polk8dot! Comment #4

34. 34
    joye
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    \Dear God, this family learned English from inspiration calendars, didn’t they? \ I so enjoy your Jack Handy-like observations!

    Must agree that your Lindsey is much prettier than Bachelor’s Lindsay. Better hair, nicer eyes, and she certainly knows how to pose for the camera.

35. 35
    whoochile
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    andyourlittledogtoo@14…AMEN!!! My captcha…have an inkling…not on the bachelor!

36. 36
    itchy
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:35 am

    DTF = Down to fuck. Or at least give head, which according to the rulebook, doesn’t violate one’s reclaimed virginity.

37. 37
    darlingclementine
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    ALL I could think about during the fish market was the FISH training. Like that was ingrained into my mind for a while there and they trained everyone from everywhere on that. Then it became uncool and we all had to learn new acronyms.

38. 38
    kthxbai
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    @PopePhilly You guys might end up having to put up a sign.

    Somebody in real life was complaining the other day that she’s near about had to give up the internet to keep from seeing spoilers for this show.

    The 1st Bachelor season I was here I asked what the policy was. Because they’re so all over the place.

    @tapemeasure TVgasm’s not a Bachelorian faith based site. It’s secular. And specially for people that laugh at tv shows. Click around and you’ll see. But that doesn’t mean none of us want to be surprised. And the 1s that don’t care don’t say the spoiler for them.

    Sean needs to find a girl that keeps old ways. Reality shows probably aren’t the best place to find 1 of those. But I bet it’ll help with his modeling career.

    I didn’t think he was a bit cute even during Emily’s season. But I know I’m in the minority. Lots of people that are just as creeped out by his personality, etc like looking at him with his shirt off.

39. 39
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    @Itchy: I have a feeling a lot of the fantasy suites will involve a game of “Just the Tip.”

    @Considerthis: Does Des work for David’s Bridal? I didn’t catch the name of the specific store in any of my researching (read: Googling). If she works for a higher end bridal boutique, she could pull in quite a lot of money – when you consider that some wedding dresses can cost $10,000+, she probably brings in some pretty good commissions.

    @Joye: It’s an honor to be compared to Jack Handey. My friends and I can just go up to each other and say “Todd Blakenship” and we collapse in a fit of laughter.

    @tapemeasure: The whole point of TVgasm is to make fun of shows like this. Yes, we all get pretty frustrated with this show (and others) and we love to make fun of it. That’s the point. Most of us are here because these shows are guilty pleasures – we love to hate them and hate to love them.

    @kthxbai: I love it that you call the ‘gasm “secular” in our reality show fandom! Hahaha.

40. 40
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    @darlingclementine: I’m so glad someone recognizes that FISH training video. I had to watch that every year for five years at the beginning of the park’s season. For a while, we did the “Give Them the Pickle” video as well.

41. 41
    itchy
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Oops, sorry tapemeasure, didn’t see your comment. Although I already kind of answered that earlier — this show tends to peter out (eh-hem) toward the end of the season, so knowing which one he picks is about all the suspense that’s left.

    Look, I know the spoilers are out there. I choose not to look for them, and I’m pretty successful at that, until some asshole comes here and drops them, that is. Although, true enough, I don’t quite believe this guy’s spoiler anyway.

    But it is indeed a legitimate question as to why I should care — since, quite honestly, I couldn’t give a fuck who he chooses, since a) it won’t last, b) it’s not about me anyway, and c) it’s Sean, for pete’s sake, probably the second-biggest douchebag to be Bachelor since the last guy, the one with the center part and the model fetish.

    So, why do I care? I guess I just really enjoy going along for the reality show ride — and I really do enjoy this kind of reality show (i.e., competitive reality shows). I know they’re primarily faked, at least set-up and heavily scripted. It’s all part of the fun for me. And part of going along for the ride is NOT trying to know what happens next.

    Just like reading a book. Who the fuck wants someone to tell them how a book ends? And what kind of asshole CHOOSES to ruin the experience for someone else?

    Which just becomes another fascinating part of the whole reality show concept, and the Bachelor franchise in particular — because for some reason, people seem really intent on spoiling THIS show. So who’s taking Bachelor more seriously? Me, or the guy who is so intent on the destroying the franchise that he needs to spoil everyone else’s fun along the way? I just imagine the sort of spotty, overweight balding virgin who’s hiding behind this robloblaw screenname, and giggle at him/her.

    But I’m completely serious when I say there’s something addictive about this show. There’s something about the pacing, the constant repetition of lines and catch phrases, the weirdly robotic host and his incessant hand gestures whenever he speaks, and even their insistence on picking prior contestants for the Bachelor/ette roles — it’s like a goddamned cult!

    I agree, though, it takes a certain twisted sense of humor to see the absurdity of the Bachelor and how it is, in fact, one of the greatest comedy programs in the history of television. That’s why the fine people at TVgasm are such good company!

42. 42
    coffylover
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 12:54 am

    @ Flipit & PopePhilly : Thank you for deleting Bobloblaw’s spoiler post! A Bachelor-addict friend of mine wants to check out this site, and I was like, ‘Not yet! Please wait!’ And now I can happily give her the all-clear

    Now I just need to get my mister interested in this show…. But I’ve tried for so many seasons, it’s a lost cause. Dude doesn’t know what he’s missing.

    Anyone who hasn’t seen it already, are you planning to watch ‘Burning Love’ on the E channel? I think it starts (or rather, reairs the web epis??) on Monday, I’m dying to check it out!

43. 43
    itchy
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 1:51 am

    What? The 25 young girls in bikinis isn’t enough to convince him? Maybe he’s, um, not the man you think he is?

44. 44
    coffylover
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 2:41 am

    @ itchy ~ lol, I tease him about that, too! No, my hubs just thinks all the people (boys & girls) on Bachelor / Bachelor Pad are douches. But that’s the fun of the show, right? We get to hate on everybody equally!

45. 45
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 8:59 am

    @joye: Princess Lindsey Queen of My Apartment says thanks! She has an ear infection at the moment, so she’s not sitting still for many photos.

    @itchy: Well said! If this were a parliamentary debate, I’d be knocking on my desk in support.

    @coffylover: I’m SO excited to watch “Burning Love.” Also, the way to get Mr. Coffylover interested in the show is to just have him catch one episode. Any season I’ve watched religiously started because I caught the first episode and got sucked in. It will happen – don’t worry.

46. 46
    itchy
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Like I said, the show’s not just a drug. It’s a super-powerful mind-melding machine. I’m betting there’s a Simon Bar Sinister behind it.

    Burning Love was pretty great — the reunion episode was really funny. I’m not going to spoil it for you though ;-D

47. 47
    kthxbai
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    @itchy That’s the effect is supposed to have. I don’t know if that’s what was in Fleiss’s head making season 1.

    But it didn’t take long before I started noticing all those things you said. Repeating the exact same words in the exact same tone of voice. Even hand gestures. You could tell it’d started to have a ritual quality to it. On purpose.

    And went way beyond stuff like formulas and structure on other shows. Or even little signature slogans. Like when Ru Paul says “And don’t fuck it up.”

    Reality shows weren’t a dime a dozen back when the Bachelor started. To give younger people more of a historical context, a lot of people that watched the last episode of The Hills had been watching The Bachelor near about since they had Pampers on.

    So they got imprinted with the Bachelor Words Of Power the same way they’d got imprinted with their Bismillah or Ave Maria or Tat Savitur Varenyam or whatever. Like the Baby Boom got imprinted with “Crest has been shown to be an effective decay-preventive dentifrice when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.”

    Except the Bachelorians ended up taking Bachelorism more to heart. Even after they grew up. And learned about other kinds of tooth paste, so to speak.

    My theory is because it uses the standard religion formula. Multiply a kernel of truth (finding your Right 1 rocks) by a the popular pre-existing belief condition of magical thinking. You get Prince Charming on a white horse. That rescues you from all your problems HEA.

    Then you add in the rituals and Words Of Power. But the pre existing belief’s the active ingredient.

    Sorry for giving everybody the carpal tunnel again. I thought the new pills would help with that. But @itchy got me to thinking.

48. 48
    itchy
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Words of power! Yes! Everytime Sean says: “And she might be my wife” or “my wife is in this room”, the skies open and the angels sing.

49. 49
    TNT lover
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    Love your recaps, Popephilly! I have to ask, since you said you worked at Dorney Park… Are you from Allentown, PA? We lived there for 4.5 years- 2005-2009. Can’t say I miss it.

50. 50
    PopePhilly
    Posted February 24, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    @TNT lover: Thanks! I worked at Dorney from 2003-2007. I tell people I’m from Allentown because it’s easier than explaining where Slatington is (about 20 minutes north of Allentown). I left in 2009 for the Washington, DC area. There are some things I miss about the Lehigh Valley, but it’s more just friends and family stuff rather than the area itself. If you don’t mind my asking, where in Allentown did you live?

51. 51
    TNTlover
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 5:38 am

    @Popephilly: I totally know where Slatington is. In 2006 I performed in a production of Nunsense at the Pines Dinner Theatre in Slatington. We actually lived in Alburtis (in the Macungie area), right off of Hamilton Blvd, about 10 minutes from Dorney. The funny thing is, we moved in 2009 to the Washington DC area as well! But really Northern VA (Leesburg, about an hour from DC). We love this area much better than the Lehigh Valley. (we’re from Chicago originally, so of course we miss that the most).

    I was rooting for Lesley as well, being from the DC area, but I don’t think she’ll make an interesting Bachelorette. I actually haven’t watched this show since the Andrew Firestone season, and somehow got sucked back into this season by catching the first episode. So glad I discovered TVgasm, though. It makes watching the stupidity that much more fun!!!!!

52. 52
    itchy
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Get a room, you two. Better yet, should you forgo your individual rooms, you may choose to accept this key to your own Fantasy Suite.

53. 53
    TNTlover
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 8:10 am

    LOL Itchy!!!!! I will accept the fantasy suite! I am up for a night of “good conversation” with virgin Sean. My hubbie won’t mind. Hopefully Popephilly can join us.

54. 54
    Daniella
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 8:04 am

    I thought that Des’ prank on Sean worked out perfectly even though he looked ready to deck the poor guy right in the jaw. What can I say? Sean deserved it and extra cool points to Des for pulling it off. I really thought that Lindsay’s hometown date went the best and he seemed to have the most fun there as well. I’m not really sure about the chemistry between the two of them because sometimes it seems so immature. I did see the clip in my office where she made him do pushups and I thought that it was really cute.