The Biggest Loser Recap: Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Other Kids.

Hiiiiii. Taterz again.Sorry about the LONG break between this and the last recap. Getting the flu midway through last week was not fun. Anyway, I’ve decided to change how I’m going to go about this show and I’m drinking beer now as I write this, so hopefully it won’t be as painful as last episode. The only way that might happen is if Bearclaw goes home…hmmm. Well let’s get to it!

Previously on TBL: Bearclaw sucked, Jillian sucked, the kids were great, the red team sucked, and Conair (and her 90′s braid ) went home. We start off with Allison over fucking exaggerating the stupid twist again. They’re on their own this week. As in, they don’t get to work out with the trainers. Annoying Michael is annoyingly scared, Utah is scared, basically they’re all scared. I think they do this stupid twist every season and it’s never as terrible as they say it’s going to be. They also make every episode 7 hours long and it’s always more terrible than I think it’s going to be. 

Blue team is going to have everyone step up and be a leader one day a week. That strange dad is still hanging around in a blue shirt and it’s starting to creep me out.

Hi kids.

Dolvett is giving some shitty speech about getting angry and being inspired to work hard and I think it’s supposed to be super motivating but I’m distracted by Francey Pants’ giant hair.

If she were to cut some of that, guarantee it would have saved Conair last week.

Hulu keeps freaking out at me, so I’m not sure what pieces of wisdom Jillian had for her team, but I’m sure it was scintillating. The trainers are visiting the kids at home this week. I’m pretty sure they’ve done away with that nutritionist with the tits, so that’s sad. Biingo is really fucking cute. 

D’awwww

Dolvett outdoes himself AGAIN with the douchey outfits. Biingo’s mom has lost weight too and we find out that they’re poor because of the economy and live with his uncle. Biingo’s mom is really really short. Like, as short as Biingo. 

Bad genes.

They live in the basement and basically sold all of their belongings so that’s pretty sad. They’ve listened to the frumpy nutritionist’s instructions and only have healthy food in their fridge so go them. Biingo’s mom feels bad that she’s the reason he’s so big. He gets made fun of a lot. Poor little guy. I’m just glad he’s getting healthy so he doesn’t have to suffer through this show in 15 years when he’s an adult. 

Red team is having a pow wow about how to lose weight and Utah is channeling his inner Rabbi.

Shalom.

Danni is saying how her and Bearclaw are inseparable, so I feel pretty bad for her. I would like that to be an omen that Bearclaw is going home but, knowing this show the producers will probably sneak butter into everyone else’s food or something. They think that blue is their biggest competition which I would probably agree with, except Annoying Michael is doing a really shitty job being the leader for today and basically meandering through their work out. Yawn. 

That strange father who keeps hanging around can still only bike because of his leg injury. He thinks he’ll get voted off if his team doesn’t win, but I don’t think so, mostly because no one can remember his name I’m sure. The red team is working out minus Francey. Which reminds me, does she ever spend time with her team? I swear whenever they show her she’s with the white team so maybe she should join them. 

Exhibit A.

Utah is keeping time, and screaming at his team to make up for how quiet it’s been without Jillian. Flipper and Likable are impressed and so am I. Jillian is visiting Sunny, and she’s super stressed (because they haven’t reminded us a million times before this). Jillian, of course thinks there is something deeper to her weight issues. Ugh. MAYBE SHE JUST WANTS TO EAT M&M’S IN HER ROOM BECAUSE SHE LIKES THEM OKAY. Jillian forces her to admit to being afraid to do what she wants to do because her family expects her to be a doctor. I have no idea if that’s really what is wrong, but I’m going to act like she only said that because Jillian wanted there to be some deep rooted issue. At this point if I was Sunny, I’d kick Jillian out of my room so I can eat candy in peace.

Did you not read the sign? It says no boys allowed Jill….