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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
6:00 am
24 Comments
Tagged: Allison Sweeney, annoying, Bob Harper, change, children, crying, dolvett, fat people, Jillian, puking, sad, scary, screaming, The Biggest Loser, weight loss
Heyyy youuuu guuuuuys! It’s me, Taterz, and I’m back recapping no one’s favorite weight loss show, The Biggest Loser! In case you haven’t heard, this season there will be BIG changes. If you haven’t heard of the biggest one, you’ve probably at least heard her loud ass voice screaming at you how bad you suck. Who could I be talking about?
Hi, I need a paycheck again.
After we’re reminded of how awful she is, we’re then taken to a big auditorium filled with screaming people and dramatic music. Oh how I’ve missed the uber dramatic music. Say hello to the hostess (RIP) with the mostest, Allison Sweeney!
Be still, my clogged arteries.
She then introduces us to THE 3 PEOPLE THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. Are you thinking it’s the trainers? No! It’s the poor children who were somehow coerced into participating.
HURRY RUN FAST CHILDREN!
Their names are Sunny, Lindsay and Noah, but Noah goes by Biingo (with two I’s, teh fuk?). All of their intros are pretty unremarkable. Biingo and Lindsay can’t play sports with their friends, Sunny is a junior and takes a bunch of hard classes and is stressed. I already like all 3 of them way more than the trainers, the host, and probably the contestants combined. And speak of the devil, look who is brought onto the stage!
I give him 10 minutes before he starts riding contestants across the gym.
and not to be outdone…
Fuck your boots, Dolvett, seriously.
Jillian doesn’t get a picture because she sucks and we’ll see enough of her devil eyes later. Biingo gets Bob, Lindsay gets Dolvett, and Sunny gets Jillian (short straw). And now the contestants! The contestants are in the audience and have no idea they’re going to be on the show. I wondered why there were so many over weight people in the audience. Clever there NBC! The contestants start off pretty unremarkable as well. The first one kind of bugs me, but Lisa the Special Ed teacher kind of tugs at my heart strings, same with the kid from Utah (I’m rooting from you since that’s where I’m from, so don’t fuck it up). Then there is a really sad story about a man who basically fucked his kid up in a car wreck because he was overweight.
Damn you NBC.
Well that was sad. Anyway, his kid is normal and has metal bolts in his head. More generally forgettable and likable contestants. As long as we’re free from Conda’s terror, we’re golden. Oh and Kid Crusher’s name is TC. He’s auditioned like a million times and they spend a bunch of time talking to him so, he’s either winning this whole thing or going home this episode. MARK MY WORDS.
They get separated into teams, and Jillian’s white team is understandably terrified. Into the gym! First up, Jillian eats the children! Joking. But they do go play baseball with Dolvett. Meanwhile…
This is going swimmingly.
Also,
MEDIC
Well good job Utah. You’re off to a great start. Oh and meet Nate:
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GYM -Jillian
And he makes my shit list by likening him falling over all of the time to weight loss. I think he’s just being a pussy. Thank god I don’t have children. I would definitely be that dad who throws their children into the lake to teach them how to swim. Actually, I’d do that to Nate, Jillian, and TC (the kid crusher). Really though he sucks and keeps falling over faking injury. I admit I’m pretty hard on all of these people, but the you can tell when they’re just being sucky. Oh and add Nikki (who is actually really pretty) to the list of Jillian’s sucky team. I will say, as much as I hate Jillian, I think her training probably works the best. If these people can’t choose to do it for themselves no one will.
Nate is feeling all mopey and Kate cheers him up. It’s actually kind of touching, and it makes me like Kate, but hate Nate more. CHALLENGE TIME! The challenge involves the kids suspended above a ball pit with letters hidden in the ball pit. They direct the contestants through the pit to the letters of “The Biggest Loser”. There are huge poles telling the kids where the letters are. I’m terrible at describing these things. Anyway, ball pits.
BALLS ANNIE.
Bridesmaids anyone? Anyway, white takes an early lead, then blue overtakes it. Biingo fucks up and forgets a letter and it’s close! Buuut in the end it’s white and they win a 5 pound advantage. Congrats. Also worth noting is Allison looking like every mormon girl from my 8th grade class on the 1st day of school.
My body is ready a temple.
Oh and to top it off she’s wearing cowboy boots. Anyway, the white team wins and they send the children on their merry way with a bunch of prizes (bikes, ipads, etc.). On to the last chance workout! Jillian warns the sucky people on her team that she’s going to kill them. Utah pukes but keeps going. I think his body really did give out yesterday, while the others were just pussies. Nikki stands around watching, and the older blonde lady on the blue team falls over and calls herself the weakest link. Nate and TC actually do pretty well which confirms Jillian’s theory that they’re just pussies. Nikki does more of what she’s best at.
Guarantee she’s resenting Sunny right now.
Her and Jillian basically agree that she doesn’t want it enough or that she’s not ready. I have to giver her credit though. At least she’s recognizing if she’s not ready. I will still make fun of her and call her names, but at least she knows what’s coming to her. After the commercial, Jillian givers her an ultimatum. Workout, or door. She picks the door! Well that was relatively painless (at least for me). LOL though at the fact that Jillian’s necklace looks like it says Jizz and not Jill. Bye Nikki!
Weigh in! Allison greets us looking like an Alien. Like, literally the alien from the movie “Alien”, not just any old alien.
Tell me you can’t see her popping out of Sigourney Weaver’s abdomen?
Instead of a yellow line, there will be a red one. Meaning no vote! Lowest weight loss on losing team goes home. White team is up first! Nate loses 20 and Nate loses 15, so for 2 pussies, go them. Overall white team loses 5.61%, with TC being the one in danger if they lose. Red is next and has to lose 81 pounds in order to stay safe. Over all, they pretty much double the white team so they’re safe. Blue team! Despite a misstep from Ashley (only losing 9 pounds) they still beat the white team. Sorry TC! That actually does suck for him, since he auditioned like 12 times for this sad show. Buuut what can I say? The other teams as well as his team mates worked harder. Of course he looks great and all is well in the end. At least we don’t have to hear him cry anymore. Thanks for reading! Check back next week!
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24 Comments
Um, wow, can I just say clicking on the site and seeing the picture of the abused child first thing is not what I come here to see. Maybe I’m being over-sensitive, but that’s not what I want to see in ANY type of recap, much less one that is supposed to be snarky.
@caligal – are you speaking of the car accident photo? Was that an abused kid? Ithought that was the car accident, but yeah hard to look at.
I take major issue with this show, i was watching it last night and whatever – call them “lazy” or what not – but fixing a LIFETIME OF EATING DISORDER is not going to be fixed by yelling and belittling people. This show is basically – “ha ha! look at the fatties faint!” and I don’t find it uplifting or empowering at all. In fact, most of these people just gain it all back because they are not given any real life skills to succeed.
On top of that, go back and watch the reveals, and tell me if you don’t think these people are popping some roids or HGH just to speed up the weight loss/muscle gain. Honestly, you don’t go from a 400 lb. blubber to a 180 lb. svelte, muscled veiny athlete in less than year. Not possible naturally. Harumph.
@ caligirl, I just saw it. Yeah, not the best choice for the large photo.
Maybe Jillian’s angry workout yelling face would have been better, although just as disturbing. She is the stuff of NIGHTMARES!!!!
I was wondering if this would be recapped. I am going to pause in the midst of reading and comment on jillian’s necklace. I think it’s actually the initials “JM”. But it would have been a ton more interesting if she was wearing “jizz” around her neck….
Have you all noticed that every season the contestants seem to lose more and more weight in the first weigh in? When the one guy lost 29 pounds I called bogus. Twinkies don’t weigh that much….
@CynTV: the bigger you are, the more you lose initially. Also, most of that will be water weight. Trust me these contestants know the game and I BET YOU they load up on the water before the initial weigh in. Blargh blargh blargh
The kid was the one who was injured in a car accident because his dad Santa Clause body double was so heavy something happened to his seat and he hit the kid after his car hit him. He CLAIMS he vowed then to lose weight but from the segment looks like the only effort he put into any weight loss program was applying to the show for the next 3 years. Speaking from someone who went from Chuck Berry to Hallie Berry (in size not looks) in one year..yes it is possible if you are disciplined and stick to the diet. It’s 80% what you put in your mouth and when I learned that I was able to change my size and with exercise the shape of my body. I didn’t lose 300lbs in one week but I lost 10 the first week and then it was 2 to 3 pounds after that but in a year it adds up
I did hire a trainer who kicked my butt 4 days a week and had me write down everything I put in my mouth including water. It got real old real quick but it was that or get used to people mistaking me for Aretha Franklin..so I chose the FOOD DIARY
I was frustrated because I didn’t think 2 to 3 pounds was that big of a deal but my trainer put it like this..at just 2 pounds a week – I would be down 10lbs by Groundhogs Day, 26 by Easter, 44 by Memorial Day..you get the point. With all that said I watch the show for pure entertainment because nothing of substance is offered as far as exercising losing weight unless you join their on-line community or buy the games, DVDS etc. And I already have my ticket to Hell because I laugh every single time someone takes a tumble off the treadmill and I think the men look like Peter Griffin in their white socks and tennis shoes. It’s cankle nation on that ranch.
@Eye…yes, I meant the accident photo. As I said, no offense to the recapper, but it just was shocking to see that huge photo first thing.
If Biiiiiingo would drop an i that would be a huge loss right there. Really 2 ii’s???
LOVE the flambouyant gay guy from Utah!
I would assume Biggest Loser does some type of psych evals on the contestants – so how did quitter slide by? I was hoping a limo would roll up and somebody (deserving and committed) would pull up and while a day or two behind could join the show.
Totally agree that CT could have spent the last 3 years honoring his promise to his son and addressing his weight issues instead of eating & applying to the show.
One question that I always have had about this show is how long is in between when they leave and when they do the “where are they now in there weight loss journey” at the end of the show? Is it the same time span for every contestant or does it vary? Just curious…
I tuned in to watch the first episode, and was absolutely shocked to see an old friend of mine on the show! TC is an old friend of mine, though we are not close or anything, and haven’t been for several years. I had no idea he had been cast. TC is a really nice guy. Seriously. I don’t know anyone who has anything negative to say about him, because he is just genuinely kind and decent. He has always been a big dude, and I think getting on the show was the kick in the ass he needed to get started on his weight loss. I have not seen him for about 3 months, but I really wish him the best.
Wait…what? We have a recapper? When the hell did THAT happen? I was under the impression that this show is recapper death (per Flipit, lol).
Okaaaay, so. Nice to meet you, Taterz. I’ve only read a small amount so far (and completely understand that photo was a contestant’s kid after a car accident). @caligal I wonder why it’s a large photo for some of you guys but I view it as sorta small compared to other photos? No matter.
I’m actually a fan of Jillian’s so I’m really hoping the recap isn’t a nonstop Jillian bashfest. Bob’s my favorite, though.
Okay, I’ll give this recap a chance…thanks for taking on the not-so-pleasant job, Taterz. If I dislike the recap I just won’t say anything lol. It’s nice to just HAVE a recapper
@Amy….the photo was on the front page of the ‘Gasm as the cover photo. As I said, no offense to anyone, especially the recapper, but is quite shocking to look for RHBH and see first thing, that picture on the front page as Eye pointed out.
Okay – done reading. I’m actually kinda impressed. Although I would certainly appreciate a recap of a two hour show that’s longer than one lonely page, not bad!
You even admitted Jillian (love) is a trainer that gets results despite your disdain for her. AND, yes. Yes I could see Allison in that particular photo sharing some genes with an Alien.
You also get points for dissing Cunta, last season’s abomination.
All in all I must say (and I think we’re all pretty picky about recappers when it comes to this show – making fun of “the fat people” is just too easy and not particularly funny, but calling out the assholes and the lazy douches and Dolvett’s boots is so totally okay) I’m pleased. Yeah, I know. My opinion means nothing, but at least it’s favorable! Bring on a bit longer recap and I think we have aa winner! Go Taterz!
Good point, @caligal. Although how much of a stretch is it reeeallly between that child’s photo and the photos of the super-surgerized RHOBH gals lol. I’m just glad the poor kid got through it without permanent impairment.
@Caligal I’m sorry I put that photo up! I wasn’t even thinking about how that my be a little rough to see. But I do appreciate the criticism, and I’ll definitely think twice about not putting up a picture of an injured child (regardless of how he or she was injured). Did that apology sound like a sad celebrity one? Am I digging myself a deeper hole? Either way, sorry!
For those of you sounding off about how legit this show is: it always looks a bit suspect to me as well. I haven’t had experience with a huge (60+) amount of weight loss so I’m not expert, but I can’t imagine losing over 10 lbs in one week is healthy. Who knows? I read an article from way back in like season 2 that after filming the contestants admitted to dehydrating themselves and doing things the unhealthy way, but I’m sure not every contestant has done this. I’d like to see how things change when there isn’t a paycheck on the line.
@AmyOops thank you for the compliments! I’ll try and post a longer one next time for your reading pleasure.
I appreciate any and all criticism so PLEASE keep it coming!
OK, watching the next episode online (NBC.com), and I’ve got to call into question NBC’s advertising…
On a show about Morbid Obesity and weight loss, they’re running commercials for Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and Target ads with a skinny bitch surrounded by exploding cake mix boxes.
Aaaaand a recapper that joins in the discussion! More bonus points!
I wonder if they’re gonna have to have a contestant from Blue and Red join Jillian’s team, evening it up. The previews didn’t look like it, though. It just sucks cos the show made it appear the trainers didn’t actually choose their own peeps . So not fair.
Does anyone else find it suspicious that the first two people to be eliminated were both “big-big men”…like the kind that usually wins the whole shebang? Shenanigans?
I agree. I enjoyed the recap but I thought it was mini-cap because it was kind of light for a 2 hour show but that’s my only constructive criticism. The good news – what there was of it I enjoyed! I’m always torn between reading recaps of people who love the show and people who hate the show. That is why I stopped reading the recaps at the Voldermort of internet sites (TWOP) No one there seems to really enjoy television or maybe it’s just me …. they also censor comments, correct punctuation and tell what you can and cannot talk about but I’m off topic (something else they do not allow)
I can see why no one wants to recap this show because like someone said, no one wants to read fat jokes for 12 pages but the entire premise of the show is based on fat jokes. EVERY SINGLE WEIGHT LOSS SHOW
1. Fat person go to a drive thru, order the 1000 piece chicken wings with fries pull over the side of the road eat and they cry about how fat they are
2. They show them trying to run and/or play with their kid who is 10 so you think to yourself, it’s been 10 years and you still haven’t made any progress?
3. Next up is the family member (also overweight) who talks about how they just want Fatina to get better and live healthy (to which I say – physician heal thyself)
4. Then they say how being overweight has held them back from what I don’t know because just about all of them are married or dating someone
5. and when they really want to pull heart strings said person goes to a carnival and gets in line knowing full well they cannot fit into the seats. They talk about how it’s their wish to one day be able to fit into those seats. Feeling defeated they leave the ride and stop at the chocolate covered fried chicken stand
For these reasons I think people want to be on TV and win the money. Losing the weight is a bonus. If it was just about getting better and \caring\ about other people then every week the person who lost the least amount would go home. Not this stupid alliance/voting crap that comes into play as the season progresses.
But I applaud anyone who takes on the challenge; I know I could never do it so good job Taterz!
@Taterz….again, I meant no offense, and your apology wasn’t necessary, but appreciated and accepted.
My captcha is meat with gravy, lolololol
I’ve always liked this show. I’ve liked Jillian as a trainer and being able to get to the root of someone’s problem. I’ve liked Bob as a trainer and his being a goofball. I just lust after Dolvet (I’m too busy lusting to pay any attention to his training or anything that comes out of his mouth).
That said, after reading some of the earlier comments, I started surfing to see what else I could find on the show. Wasn’t very good. There were ample interviews of medical people saying this approach just wasn’t sound. there were interviews with former contestants who had regained a lot, most, all of their weight back. But there were many many former contestants that have only regained @ 10 pounds. One article I found on “where are they now” listed like 5 contestants from each season that didn’t regain their weight. That’s close to 25%. (and it didn’t say that all of the other had regained, it just didn’t talk about them) In the weight loss game, that’s a pretty good percentage. Having watched most of the seasons, the articles by the “bitter” contestants are the ones that needed to be coddled throughout their stay. Had super low self esteem issues to start with and it seems without the constant cheerleading, went back to their old ways.
When you are exercizing 6-8 hours a day, their weight losses are understandable.
Sorry for the typos, length and spelling errors.
As a person who responds well to Jilly’s style of training, I really like her and am glad she’s back. I remember when they tried to bring that girl Cara to be a trainer, and that was a big ole fail.
Jilly is the queen.
It also helps that she’s freaking gorgeous. She looks like a wolf with a beautifully flowing brown mane and awesome muscle definition. So a standard wolf, I guess.
I think my biggest problem with BL is that they make it seem like if you go to the gym and work out until you vomit all over yourself and your neighbors, then you will lose weight fast, and it’s not true.
Weight loss is way more about food than exercise because it’s much faster and easier to cut 500 calories from a bad diet every day than it is to burn them off at the gym. But instead of focusing on food as much as the exercise, BL treats it like an afterthought. They say some stuff about Jennie O turkey, some stuff about Subway, and they decry the evils of unhealthy food, and that’s about it on the food side.
You hear the contestants saying that they’ve been sticking to their diet, but I’m really curious to find out what they’re eating, because I feel like they never explicitly say.
I feel bad that TC hurt his son, but in three years, he could have lost alot of weight on his own. Nothing was stopping him from eating more salad and going for a run but himself.
What would he have done if he never made it onto the show?
I remember that girl last year, Courtney.
She lost a ton of weight all by herself at home before even trying out for the show. TC needed to take some notes from her.
The kid ambassador thing is kind of stupid. A kid season of BL would be much more enjoyable.
But I do like the mini-losers. Biingo is so adorable, I want to squish him.
The only reason I’m watching this season is because Jillian is back. I get really tired of the format and the tubbies that think they’re special little snowflakes. It’s one of the reasons big people stay big – they can’t handle being called on their bs. I can say that because I’m almost a former fatty. I’ve lost over 80 pounds in a year and have a bit to go. But if that statistic of 25% keeping their weight off is right, that’s really a great success rate. Just saw a story that says 95% of dieters gain their weight back. So keep puking!
@Taterz, if you decide to give the contestants nicknames, I vote “Book of Morman” for the Utah kid. That’s the first thing that popped into my head when he showed up on my tv. I hope he goes far.
I am so glad TVGasm is recapping this show again, I like the show and have missed the recaps. Thanks Taterz (although I also thought it was a minicap!).
I completely agree with the comments about TC. I watch this show on my treadmill (inspiration!) and the first thing I thought when he said he promised his son three years ago that he’d lose weight was: Well, why didn’t you. Applying to be on The Biggest Loser is not a diet plan.
The second thing I thought was: I hope he sued the pants off the car manufacturer; he would have gotten a settlement big enough to hire a chef and personal trainer. Or purchase Hostess.
I like the Mormon kid, I have a gay son who was teased in school. I still wish I’d just punched a few of the little snots out and taken my chanced with the law.
I also like the kids, they’re so adorbs, and, I, too, want to squish Biingo.
OMG @chaos, Jillian IS gorgeous, isn’t she? I think I envy her girlfriend just a bit lol. Oh and that Kar-whateverthefuck chick was just awful. Soooo glad she wasnt brought back!
@kczar: You don’t perhaps live in Central Florida, do you? Went to school in Seminole County? Just curious. I knew a girl with your initials