The Carrie Diaries Recap: Sex, Lies and Videotapes

The second Carrie gets home she calls George Silver to retract her party regret, cuz she’s in!!!

At Century 21 Carrie tries on a bunch of blue dresses, when the Dragon Lady intervenes.  She asks her what she’s doing????  Carrie explains that she is on her lunch break… The DL is like “No! These dresses are navy, you need to be wearing sapphire!!”  Carrie is like, huh?   The DL explains that each female guest is assigned a jewel color- Ruby, Emerald or Sapphire.  And Kick (George’s mother) wears white and covers herself in Rubies, Emeralds and Sapphires.   The DL picks out a few dresses for her, and Carrie wants to know why the DL is being so nice to her.  

The DL tells her she thinks it is good for George to hang out with someone who knows the value of hard work.  Carrie is shocked that the DL thinks she works hard.  

I’m not smiling, these are my fangs

And frankly, so am I.  We really only ever see Carrie jacking around at work.

Back that the Diner, Mouse, Mags and Walt are gossiping- they can’t believe Sebastian is dating Donna.  But then again, she has big boobs and has a hot body, so why wouldn’t he date her.  Mouse fears she doesn’t have a hot body and Seth may not want her anymore.  Walt tells her that there are other reasons to love someone other than for their looks or body.  

Thanks a lot, poo pusher

Super Vixen Donna La Donna and the Jens come into the Diner and want to know if Carrie isn’t there because of her?  

My camel toe and I have arrived

Mags tells Donna the Carrie doesn’t care about her and besides- the Diner is THEIR loser hang-out and Super Vixen Donna can’t hang out there.  Mags is determined to not allow Donna to take up residence in the diner, so she plans to stay there… until the day she dies, essentially.

Come on, this bitch is 40.  At least. 

Let’s check in with Dad- he is talking to Harlan, apparently his only friend, and tells him that the jeweler told him that Carrie’s Mom lost her wedding band three times.  Ok, once, it’s an accident… 3 times???  Dad is relieved that Carrie’s mom was as careless with her ring as he is with his.   Dad starts to back his car out of his  parking spot and he promptly hits a woman.  Like, literally, hits her person.  Don’t lose your focus DAD!?!?!   

I’ll be your speed bump anytime

Of course, the lady isn’t upset- it’s no big deal, she gets hit all the time.  Dad insists he give her a ride home and the lady agrees.  Clearly this broad never heard the phrase “stranger danger!”  Why didn’t Dad just whip out a bag of candy too?  Dad pulls up in front of the lady’s destination, which is her mother’s house.  Miss Speedbump tells Dad this is her mother’s house and she is just visiting for the weekend.  It comes out that Dad is a Dad but no longer married, and Speedbump practically hops on top of Dad.