The Carrie Diaries Recap: Sex, Lies and Videotapes

I’m exaggerating, but she suggests they exchange digits.  Dad thinks it is so she can sue him.  But no, the lady thinks maybe he might ask her out.  Dad realizes that while he’s not ready to date, he is ready to move on.  Eh, Mom’s body is almost cold.  Why not?

Mouse asks Walt how he learned about sex?  5th Grade health class, like everyone else, Walt replies.  Mouse says she know how to do it, but not how to do it well.  Walt tells Mouse she is still learning, but wants to know if Mags said anything about his performance.  Yes, Walt, she said it was as good as any Liberace performance.  Walt tells Mouse that guys don’t generally care, so long as “it’s being handled.”  That’s the problem, Mouse doesn’t really know what to do with it.  Walt give her some golf analogy which I’m sure will result in Seth’s, eventual, sterility.  Walt shows Mouse an instructional video he procured from a flasher or something and Walt informs Mouse of the positions he has mastered.  Ew.  Mouse is diligently taking notes.

Why is it all dude on dude action?

Carrie gets ready for the Jewel Party at her office- because that’s normal.  DL give her some advice on how to deal with George’s Mom, Kick.  DL tells her to compliment her canapés and to tell her she loves her Basquiat.  Apparently, DL has been Kick’s whipping boy for some time now.  She’s arranged many of Kick’s parties.  When George shows up, he compliments Carrie, but the DL wants to know why he is wearing a tuxedo?  

It’s that classic episode of Three’s Company- the one where there is a misunderstanding

Carrie panics because she assumed it was “cocktail,” but it turns out it’s formal.  DL says it was cocktail last year.  Try to keep up, DL.  But no problem Carrie slaps on a black tutu, that was, apparently, in her purse and she’s ready to go.

Upon meeting Carrie, Kick asks if her dress is Couture?  Haute Couture?  Carrie is like, HUH???  

I will kill you with my icy stare

George glosses over the couture-talk, then Kick informs George “I’ve invited Blythe.”  Blythe is George’s ex who was just released from rehab.  Super.  Blythe, naturally, is 6 feet tall, with long straight dark hair and legs for days.  So, pretty much, the polar opposite of Carrie.

I’m one glass of champers away from Betty Ford

Back at The Loser Diner, Mags retreats to the bathroom and when she does Super Vixen Donna LaDonna takes over Mags’s booth.  Donna and the Jens have thrown Mags’s jacket and purse on the floor.

Three twats in a booth with a side of fries