The Celebrity Apprentice: Only Nazis Like Seafoam.

Last time, a new Trump enters and Summer gets the can. Man- strong personalities are really staying afloat in this business.  Cyndi hates Holly because Holly asked why Cyndi was still here…oh well.  Cyndi then fires back about how nobody stands up for gay people. Really? I live in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. All we do is celebrate the gays…and I love it.  Where else can I go for a dog sitter,  a dildo the size of Iowa and the best flirtini ever made? West hollywood, Baby.

But enough about Gaybies.  Let’s go to Mr. Trump’s apartment, decorated by the late Liberace.

It’s turning me gay and simultaneously taking me back to the ugliest part of the 80′s.

God, that place has enough gold mirrors and columns for a whole dance club circa 1984. What? I already made an eighties joke? Fine.  How about how Cyndi wanted to take her shoes off…you know, because most of her friends are poor. Except Rosie O’Donnell and everyone else.

Trumpy tells Curtis that because Sharon and Maria don’t like him- guess what? They’re all three working together! Oh no- what’s a hot chef to do?

Deal with those PMSing redheads, that’s what.

Their task is to redesign an apartment for visiting CEOS and such.  And one of the rooms will have a “celebrity touch” for that extra wow (tack) factor.  As Donny trump chinless junior HILARIOUSLY flubs his lines (his father will beat him later for it, mark my words), the groups pick project managers.  So,  Sharon takes project manager for her new team (do they even have names anymore?) and Holly- yet again- puts her shitty attitude on display and takes project manager for her team.

In other news, Sharon is looking a lot like a bitchy blowfish these days.

In the CelebApp van, Holly talks to Bret about how she took project manager because nobody else would.  And Cyndi sulks in the corner- UNTIL she offers some genius ideas- like…tacky shag carpeting . Or like, lip couches? Holly counters with Zen- and Cyndi doesn’t know what it means, though Holly makes it clear that Zen can’t coexist with Disco balls, egg chairs or bean bags. No bean bags, Cyndi!

Curtis is hard at crouch on Sharon’s team.

In the celebrity closet.

Curtis wants Maria and Sharon to like him a lot- because it’s two against one.  And the “CEO” apartment? Not so glamorous- more like a serious of closets held together by a piss-colored paint job. Yay!

Tenacity comes up with a “New York Zen” concept for their apartment, and Holly has to keep telling Cyndi- NO FUCKING DISCO BALLS OR CORNY CLOUD IMAGERY.  Okay?  Holly’s sorta right- this is um, not exactly the strongest crew she’s ever had.  RockSolid, on the other hand, started bonding Curtis and Sharon while Sharon says Maria had “truck stop taste.” Yow. And Maria senses this-  that Curtis is coming in and Sharon’s shooting her shit down. But what can you do? Maria is wearing a big black shag carpet- you can’t say yes to a woman brainstorming inside of sasquatch. Geez!

And in Tenacity, Cyndi finally gets some balls.

Now all I need are some bean bag chairs and posters! We’re gonna WIN THIS!

This woman is giving gays a bad name.  She’s their representative? Someone who has major ADD and can’t stop feeling up leather couches? Yowza.  I almost feel bad for Holly….almost.  But then Holly gets a little slap happy after Cyndi makes 5 of the same jokes about them being a gay couple.  Ching!

RockSolid then uses their celebrity status to get a bunch of free shit.  Yeah, like 140,000 dollars worth of shit. Holly shit! That’s a lot of shit.  I want celebrity shit.  That’s some crazy shit. And the lamp, please, to go.

But who is left in the apartment as Sharon begs for free merch? Devious little Maria, who puts her little boobies out for Mr. LeFreak (C’est Chic) and tells him she thinks her group could go further.  touche, Maria.

Here are my little boobies.  I’ll never get fired!

Meanwhile, an adorable montage of Cyndi wearing a plastic bag (???) while hauling furniture.

Husband’s in jail. I gots kids to support.

Little Donnie is worried that Cyndi’s room is gonna be crazytown (it will) and incongruous with the rest of the house.  RockSolid’s team is seriously stressed because Sharon keeps changing her mind about colors…and bought a shit ton of furniture that will go…nowhere?

Sharon so angry. Sharon not like.

Then Bret comes back to Tenacity from the show…but the photos he wanted are tiny!  OH no, someone put inches instead of feet…and that someone is diabetic.

Also- Cyndi has her own adventure in Bed Bath and Beyond! Whee. Man, nothing like paging Cyndi Lauper on an intercom. Make you feel alive, no, Holly?

As the hours tick by…the heat is on.  Everyone is scrambling and…time!

Bah! Maria is in the wrong place! Bollocks!

Tenacity finishes their Bali Zen Santuary World Market Store…

Enough with the Tan!

Then they give the judges a tour and Cyndi’s room? Sorta a hit…you know, in a Hot topic kind of a way.

Channeling the pleather in all of us.

Meanwhile, Rock Solid goes for a more Ikea Emo look .

Lots of couches.  Mommy like.

Basically, the “crazy” room isn’t Cyndi Lauper apeshit but it sure ain’t the shit, either.  It’s just sort of…more colorful. And with a popcorn machine.  Which is cute, if you’re eight.Did I mention the kitchen has a ton of shit in it,  thanks to Curtis? Yep.

That gay designer guy said that the celebrity room was shit, and there were no dressers.  And Tenacity? Too much shit.  Also, who the fuck likes the color seafom. For realsies.  soh yeah, and now people love Bret Michael’s photographs, christ. Don’t inflate his ego more!

And in the boardroom…Holly talks about how the Celebrity Room was Cyndi’s thing, and that it was…ok?  Bret liked Holly…then they talk about gays? And how Cyndi should have been project manager, you know, for the gays.  Because gays like money, too. Right, gays?

When Trumpy asked Sharon and Maria if they did well, Sharon says yes…and that they fell in love with Curtis, despite last week’s feeling of overall douchery.  When both Sharon and Maria hug Curtis, of course Bret can’t help but get a little quip in.  Got it, Bret, you’re a slut.

The judges thought RockSolid was good but their media rooms was shit…and that Tenacity had ugly Seafoam slapped all over the bedroom and too much shit…even though the Celebrity Room was a bit more bitchin…’ if you’re eight.

The Winners?

Rocksolid!  Aw, shit. There goes Holly’s Seafoam green temper.

And Mr. Lefreak (C’est Chic) doubles the priz-ize!  Oh, sheeit!

So, now, Ms. Seafoam, Bret and Cyndi are ready to duke it out.  Immediately, Holly (dressed conveniently in seafoam) bitches about Cyndi and the fact that she’s APESHIT.  Bret is told that if he doesn’t speak, he’s going home. And so…after a long jibber jabber about how Cyndi reminds him of his Nanna (you know, endless stories and lack of focus) he said she should go. She gets disgruntled.  Cyndi immediately says Seafoam barbie should go.

That’s Holly for you.

Then, Trump gets worried after a shit ton of boring discussion that Bret isn’t arguing enough. What? is this like, a who can argue more contest in the boardroom?So he pipes in that then EVERYONE is arguing…especially how Cyndi gave credit to Holly for the red walls. Which is what eventually gets Cyndi…

CANNED!

Bye Cyndi.  Sorry, Gays.