This week on The City: Olivia literally pisses off every single main character on the show, resulting in three awesome mini-showdowns. And Roxy and Zach do something . . . or something.
“Is it all right if I conference in Kelly and Olivia to keep the audience’s interest?”
You know what’s weird? I just now noticed that in the “Previously on The City” thingies, Whitney doesn’t narrate. Is that how it’s always been? Weird.
Anyway. Sammi, Roxy, and Whit are out for a little lunch, and Roxy talks about how she met Zach the lame photographer from last week. Apparently, Zach got a lady arrested at the Met because he made her take her clothes off so he could take a photo of her. There’s a fine line between art and pornography, people. And Zach’s no artist. Just sayin’. Whit tells Sammi about last week and how she thinks (still, apparently) Olivia had something to do with it, and at this week’s Rue La La shoot, Olivia will be interviewing her. Well, that’s fantastic, and I certainly don’t hope that blows up in Whit’s face. Except I totally do. Like, really. Credits!
Oh, I’m so glad Lindsay Lohan finally settled on a title for her autobiography!
At Elle Mag, Olivia walks in for her half-hour work day. Busy! She talks to Kate, the Executive Accessories Editor for Elle Magazine, and I’m actually sort of disgusted and impressed that a magazine would need an editor for JUST accessories. Basically, I just hate everyone who has a better job than I do. Not that I have any knowledge about accessories. But hey, Elle? If you ever need an Executive Jeno’s Pizza Rolls Editor? Call me. Olivia has this idea about how freaking awesome it would be for her to interview two of her friends who make jewelry out of precious stones, and Olivia also thinks this would be super sweet for Elle.com. Okay, now my hatred of all things Olivia knows no bounds, but if she’s still the little accessories monkey for the magazine, I guess that’s cool. But I thought she was just doing Elle.com stuff now, so maybe this will turn out to be a bad idea. I’m obviously gunning for the bad idea, y’all. I loves me some Olivia failure.
Whit arrives at Milk Studios in the meat packing district, which combines both your daily calcium and protein requirements for this episode. Erin introduces Whit to Jonathon the photographer, and . . .
YUM. Total, total YUM.
Erin tells Whit that Olivia will be arriving shortly to interview the Rue La La honcho as well as Whitney. Whit asks Erin how work is going with Olivia, and Erin is totally diplomatic and says things are okay and they’re trying to communicate better. I love Erin, you guys. I want the two of us to go to a bar together, drink lots of beer (because Erin seems like the kind of girl who has no problem drinking beer), maybe do some shots of Beam, and bitch about Olivia until like 3 in the morning, at which time we’ll go get some pancakes. Anyway. The Rue La La model poses in Whitney’s clothes for awhile, and then Kelly comes in to see how things are going, because she’s Kelly Cutrone, and even though she’ll tell you she’s going to cut your balls off with a rusty steak knife if you don’t shut the hell up, she always comes through when you need her. Well, if she likes you. So, Roxy’s kind of s.o.l. on that one. Erin tells Kelly and Whit that Olivia should be there to interview Whitney for Elle.com . . . but she doesn’t know where Olivia is right now. Surely Olivia wouldn’t be irresponsible and just do whatever the hell she wants. Right? That would be completely out of character.
Or would it? No. It would not. Because here comes Olivia sashaying over to her friends’ little jewelry outlet. Where did my boyfriend go?
HE WENT TO JARED!
So Sebastian (the elle.com supervision . . . person . . .), who looks more like he’d fit in at Alco than Elle, sets Olivia up for her totes important interview with the girl who designs or welds this jewelry stuff. They don’t show Olivia’s interview though. No, they save that little nugget of suckery for later.
And we’re back at Milk. Kelly’s like, “Where’s Palermo?” I love that she uses her last name instead of her first. Both Kelly and Erin say they have to leave, and Erin gets on the horn with Olivia. Jonathan talks with Whitney, and he has some kind of French-y accent, which kind of takes him down a few pegs on the hotness pole for me. I love me some British or Irish or Scottish or Australian accents, but for some reason, the French accent bugs the shit out of me. Apparently, Jonathan was a war photographer. Seriously? Someone find out his last name and google it for me to confirm that for me, because I’m extremely lazy and will never do that.
Erin gets off the phone with Olivia, and she tells Kelly and Whit that Olivia’s not coming and she doesn’t want to support Whitney’s line, and she’s actually interviewing someone else. Whitney’s like, Um, didn’t that skank set this whole Rue La La thing up? Erin’s like, Um, sadly no, because she thought your stuff was a big pile of stinky turds. Erin says that she liked her look book, showed it to Joe, and that set the whole Rue La La thing in motion. Erin says it was pretty unprofessional of Olivia not to show up. Dude, it’s Olivia. A productive day for her is if she shows up to work at 4:45 and remembers the password to her Outlook. Kelly’s like, “Who gives a fuck about her opinion? Seriously. Who gives a fuck about her opinion?!” Ha! Erin’s reaction?
“You’re sort of scaring me, but I don’t care because it’s AWESOME!”
Then Kelly goes on: “She is dead! She is fucking dead! I’m gonna come up like a shark underneath a glass bottom boat and WHIP the shit out of her.” Ha ha! LOVE!
“Um . . . now I’m just scared . . . and you made me pee a little . . .”
And then Whitney is all, “Uh. She is such a little bitch.” Oh yeah, bring it, Whit!
Showdown #1! Olivia walks into Elle headquarters, freshly back from her 4th lunch break of the day, all “Good morning!” After banter that none of us care about, Erin’s like, So . . . Rue La La? Hmmm? Irresponsible much? Olivia’s like, “I pretty much told everyone well in advance that I couldn’t be there.” Mm-hmm. ‘Course you did, sweetie. Except for the people who were actually at the shoot, and, um, let’s see, ANYONE ELSE! Erin tells Olivia, rightly, that she had a job to do, and when she didn’t show up, no one else could do it for her, and she hurt Whitney’s feelings. “You don’t show up for accessories or fashion — that’s Joe’s deal. But it’s now affecting me because I’m the one who had to tell Whitney why you didn’t come.” Olivia’s response? “I don’t think it’s any of your business.” WHAT?! Are you effing kidding me?! Erin’s like, Um, yeah, it’s my business because “we work at the same magazine, we’re working together, and it would be nice if you could look at me right now when we’re having a discussion.” Olivia’s like, You should change your tone because we’ve had problems in the past, and Erin throws that right back in her face, saying that they’ve had problems communicating in the past because Olivia doesn’t communicate at all. Word! Erin says that Olivia’s behavior was a bad reputation of the magazine and what happened was embarrassing, and “you should be embarrassed.” Double word! Olivia says she’s not going to discuss it anymore, and THEN Erin’s like, “Well that’s very mature of you, because I show up, I do YOUR job . . . I don’t know what your gameplan is, but you probably burned a lot of bridges that day.” Olivia’s response? Picking up her damn purse, getting out of her effing chair, and saying, “Have a nice day.” She just leaves! I mean she just . . . she just leaves! Her job! This girl has the responsibility and ethics of a cardboard box.
At Whitney’s apartment, she’s cutting some material while Roxy blahs about her “business meeting” with Pervy Zach, who shows up shortly. I think he’s wearing the same outfit from last week, and I’m 95% sure he hasn’t showered since last week. Look, none of us care about this right? Let’s short-sheet it. They go out for drinks, they toast to “good things” (lame), they talk about Kelly, Roxy shows Zach pictures of her dog. On her cell phone. Which, if you’re ever on a date with me, is an automatic no-call. I wouldn’t even send you a text. Or an email. I would just drop all communication with you. Forever. Then they seriously talk about the weather. And then thankfully it’s over.
Showdown #2! Olivia walks into Joe Zee’s office. Ohhhh. Yes. He asks her to close the door. God forbid anyone at Elle could overhear anything, considering everything’s being taped for a television show! Geez. Joe blahs about some Today Show thing. Not interested, Joe. Then he wants to talk about Elle.com, and about how she was supposed to interview Whit and she “just didn’t show up.” Oh yeah! Jackpot! Olivia says she was interviewing another designer, and Joe’s like, “You do NOT get to make that decision about showing up on an assignment. Like, I don’t want an entire showroom of people waiting around FOR YOU. What’s running through your mind when you just don’t want to show up for something?” Olivia’s like, It’s not that I didn’t want to show up, I was just unable to make it. Oh, bullshit. Since no one in the office apparently knew that you weren’t going to be there, sweetie, it’s completely obvious that you didn’t tell one damn person about what you were going to do. So shut the hell up. Then she spouts some bullshit. It’s not even complete sentences, just random thoughts strung together. Joe’s like, “I stand up for you all the time, and honestly, sometimes, situations like this? I’m sick of it.” YES! HELL YES! Then: “So, I’m sorry. If you want to work here, I need you to try to make amends. Ask her out to lunch, and get this done. Unless you just don’t think you should be working here anymore.” YES! Love. Gee, I sure hope Olivia can find time in her busy schedule of doing nothing to meet with Whitney.
Erin comes in Sebastian’s office to view Olivia’s interview with the Zales lady. I can’t help but notice how crappy his office is compared to everyone else’s. Poor, poor Sebastian. He’s an New Balance 755 in a sea of Badgley Mischka “Randee” High Heel Ruffle Flower Sandals. Sebastian says the interview is very rough. And boy, is he right.
“Hi, I’m Olivia Palermo, and I’m here with Fred Durst at the Cannes Film Festival for Wild on E!”
“My name is actually Stephanie . . . and we’re in New York . . . and I don’t think Fred Durst would actually be at the Cannes Film Festival, since he’s a talentless douche. I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but –”
“I’m so sorry about your husband! But you just adopted a baby boy from New Orleans, so that must be great –”
“Yeah, that’s Sandra Bullock, so –”
“This has been Olivia Palermo at MTV’s Spring Break 2011 live on Palm Beach! Yeah! Choke on it, suckas! Whooooo!”
Basically, Olivia just asks one lame question and then talks about herself and how great the jewelry looks on her. It is NOT a good interview, y’all. Erin’s kinda not impressed.
Erin’s like, “She missed Whitney’s interview for this? Just don’t waste your time.” She tells Sebastian not to even bother posting it. Sweet.
Back at People’s Rev, which is awesomely right next to a Madonna Celebration billboard, Whitney gets her own little office work space! Yay! Roxy blahs about going on a date with Zach. But luckily, talk soon turns to Olivia’s bitchosity. Whit says she just needs to brush it off, and not deal with that. I’m gonna throw this one to Roxy and Kelly.
“Whaaaaaaa?! Hell no! You gotta mess that ho UP!”
“I do indeed concur in regards to that.”
Kelly tells Whit that she needs to tell Olivia that she will destroy her. Kelly tells her that Olivia is “professionally dangerous,” and that Whit needs to “scare the shit out of her, and don’t do it in writing or email.” Hee.
Showdown #3! Whitney shows up for her lunch with Olivia. And then the episode ends! Just kidding. Whit asks Olivia what she’s up to, and Olivia — ugh, she’s just such a toxic person — is like, I’m trying to find young designers to interview. Whit: “Like me.” Olivia: “Like you.” Whit: “But not me.” Olivia: “Like you, exactly.” Hate. Olivia lies about how she sent out an email to “everyone in the office” about how she wouldn’t make it to the Rue La La shoot. Oh, did you Olivia? DID YOU? Then how did it not happen to reach your boss and your co-worker who would be at the shoot? Are they not on your contact list? You should talk to I.T. about that. Olivia blahs on about how there was “miscommunication” and she hopes that Whit can accept her apology. Since she totally just blamed everyone else except herself and took no responsibility. Honorable!
And then Whitney’s mood necklace took a turn for the worst.
Whit’s like, Yeah I was told that you just didn’t want to support my line, and that pissed me off. And then Olivia gets all defensive, because she’s too deluded to accept criticism and own responsibility like a normal human being, and Whit’s like, Just say it to my face. And Olivia decides not to “engage in this conversation,” and Whit’s like, “Are you really going to be this childish?” Yay, Whit! Then Whit says, “All these little excuses you’re making don’t mean anything.” Oh dip! Whit says that Olivia’s actions were embarrassing to everyone, and then hits things right on the money when she says, “What you need is probably some sort of excuse to rescue yourself, because . . . you look like a complete bitch.” Hells to the yeah, Whitney! And how does Olivia handle this? By walking away, of course. And as she walks away, Whit’s like, “Coward.” Nice.
Next time: Fergie’s on the cover for Elle and Joe Zee is in a tizzy; Hot Jonathan shoots Whit’s photos; and Joe praises Olivia. For picking out a nice piece of jewelry.