The City: Hissy Fitney Port

This week:  Whitney actually creates drama!  It’s pointless drama, but come on!  That’s what we’re all here for!  And Olivia and Erin do things for some other thing.

Olivia ponders whether or not to move Smokey and the Bandit to the top of her Netflix queue.

Before we get started, I just want to put the rumors that The City is being cancelled to bed.  Whitney even wrote in her blog at Celeb Buzz (http://whitneyport.celebuzz.com) that the rumors aren’t true.  Oh, and she wants us to “show our love for The City and rock this week!!!”  Duly noted, Whitney.  Let’s rock this mutha!

Crisis at Elle!  They’re out of nacho cheese in the cafeteria!

“Oh my god.  What will I dunk my Puffs Plus in now?!”

Actually, the crisis is all about the Martha Stewart Show, which is about up and coming designers according to Elle.  They were supposed to have 4, but they need 5.  Nooooooooooo!  Joe wants some dude named Prabal to be the 5th designer, and asks Olivia to go see him, get his resume and get info about him and junk.  Credits.

We’re at Peep’s Rev.  Where there’s a fashion emergency!  Kelly tells Whit and Roxy that some Canuck singer calls Lights is playing NYC.  Apparently, she and her entourage got robbed, and they need some clothes for her show.  Kelly says it would be totes awesome if one of the looks would be from Whit’s collection.  Because if Whit’s line is anything, it’s totally Canadian Pop Star.  Am I right, folks?  Kelly puts Roxy in charge of this, and Whit says she has complete faith in Roxy.  Oh, dear.  Kelly says it would be a “very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very bad thing” if Alleged Canadian Pop Senation doesn’t wear Whitney Eve clothing.  Would it be very bad Kelly?  Very bad?  Because I didn’t hear you emphasize that.  I just want to make sure.

Olivia and Joe are at Prabal’s showroom.  I’m sure the guy’s a great designer, but when he talks he sounds like a horrifically gay Arnold Schwarzenegger.  So, Joe and Olivia look at some clothes, and they decide on these blue pants and this black mesh-y shirt thingamajig.  And then Prabal asks Olivia to wear one of his dresses at some DKMS extravaganza.

Lights shows up with her manager to look at some clothes.  And of course, Whit’s stuff isn’t really her thing.  Like, at all.  She picks out a shirt from another designer’s collection, and loves it, and Roxy, god bless her, does her best to suggest a jacket/blazer from Whitney’s line, which Lights decides she wouldn’t mind wearing.

“As long as I can drink Molson and eat poutine in it, that’s okay by me, eh.”

It’s time for the Lights concert!  Are you excited?  I know you have all of her cds.    It’s okay.  You can admit it.  Hey, let me go to iTunes and see if I can preview her album.  I’ll be back to tell you what it sounds like in a second.  I’m guessing Vanessa Carlton meets Michelle Branch meets Alanis Morrissette with a tiny bit of “punk” “edge” thrown in.  Give me a sec.  Okay, so I listened to the first five songs.  It’s more like Ashley Tisdale playing a a bunch of Casios and singing along with them.  And I’m guessing 99% of her fans love the Twilight series.  Hell, I bet Lights is a fan of the Twilight series.  Shame on you, Lights!

Roxy brings some more of Whit’s clothes backstage, just in case Lights wants to wear them.  She doesn’t, but she says she’ll wear the jacket.  Kelly and Whit are at the concert and talking about how exciting it will be to see Lights wear her clothes and junk and how every single kid at the concert will be Facebooking and Twittering about this.  I know I totally did!

Hey, semi-cute Zach shows up to take some photos of the show.  Remember when he went on a date with Roxy and she showed him pics of her dog?  Good times.  Whit tells Zach that he should get pics of Lights in her clothes.  And now it’s time for the show!  Oh, yay, eh?  Eh to the max, eh?!

9 minutes and 3 seconds into this episode — Jacket on.

9 minutes and 11 seconds into this episode — Jacket off.

9 minutes and 17 seconds into this episode — Jacket on stage floor.

Lights can play at least three chords on her tiny Casio!  Atta girl.  Whit looks at Roxy, like, What the hell, man?  Roxy looks at Whit, like, Oooohhhhhh shit.

Oh great, it’s time for a fundraiser where people dress up and pretend that they care about diseases for a night.  It’s the DKMS shindig, “Where leukemia meets its match.”  Olivia’s wearing Prabal’s dress, and Joe says she looks stunning.  Why the eff does Joe insist on kissing her ass all the time?  Riddle me that, Gasmii.  Rachel Roy shows up and Joe blahs about how Olivia went to see Prabal, and then Robbie shows up and Joe blahs some more about how awesome Olivia was at picking out blue pants and taking digital photos of them.  Look, I’m sure some aspects of the fashion industry take a lot of work and prep and overtime and what-not, but Olivia’s job?  Is easier than napping.

Finally.  Back to the interesting story.  Can you guys believe that the interesting plot has to do with Roxy and Whit this week?  I can’t!  My whole world is turned upside down!  Whit tells Kelly that she “knew this was going to happen,” and she’s leaving.  And I love how these two girls on the left are totally into the concert:

“We came all the way from Regina for this, eh?”  “I know, right, eh?”  “Let’s go back to the hotel and watch New Moon again, eh?”  “Totally.  Eh.”

Roxy confirms with Zach that he got a good pic of Lights in Whit’s jacket.  I hate to say it (REALLY hate to say it), but Roxy has all but bent over backwards in order to have Lights wear some of Whit’s line.  Whit goes backstage and starts laying into Roxy, but Roxy stands her ground with excellent points and is all, I can’t force her to wear your clothes, she’s grungy, and “your stuff is beautiful, but it’s not grungy.  She wants grungy.”  Whit says that she’s not the only one that Roxy will have to answer to, “Kelly will be so pissed.”  I understand that Whit’s pissed off at having her jacket thrown onto the stage floor, but it’s not like Roxy specifically said, “Hey, here’s this jacket, wear it or whatever.  Oh, and it’d be cool if you wore it for three seconds and then threw it on the ground.  Maybe you could spit on it, too. Or light it on fire at the end of the show.  Or wipe your butt with it afterwards, that’d be awesome.”

Time for the Martha Stewart Show.  Erin’s getting all the models ready backstage.  Seth’s there too.  Do you guys feel like they’re slowly trying to integrate him into the show?  I wish they’d hurry up already.  This show could use some testosterone.  But I guess Seth will have to do.  Hey-oh!  So, basically, Robbie comes on the show and introduces some spring looks that she thinks are the cat’s pajamas.  Prabal’s look is last, and apparently the pants come with some handy-dandy straps that go around the ankles.  For . . . I don’t know what the hell the point of those are.

Whitney’s apartment.  Duhn duhn duhnnnnnn!  Whit tells Roxy that last night was disappointing.  Roxy, again, is like, “I can’t force somebody to wear something they don’t feel comfortable in.”  And then, THEN, Whitney’s like, “If you can’t pull through, maybe you shouldn’t be doing this anymore.”  Say whaaattt?!  And then things escalate to the point where Roxy says she wants to move out, and Whit’s like, “So move out, so move out.”  Well, Whit.  There goes another one!  Nice.

Wherever she is, Erin Lucas is not shocked.

Apparently, the Olivia storyline needs wrapping up this week.  Seriously?  Unless Erin is insulting her and/or Seth and Erin are plotting their revenge, I really don’t care.  Let’s get this over with.  Joe says that Olivia hit a little bit of a “home run.”  Joe tells Erin she did an awesome job, and that he’s proud that they could work together.  Except they totally didn’t.  At all.

Next Week:  Roxy looks for a new place, Olivia may have to go to Japan.  Roxy asks her dad for help, and he says he can’t support her anymore.  What happened to all that sweet Thirtysomething cash, Ken?  Harsh.