The City: Ju$t $hut Up Already

Tonight on The City:  Olivia pulls through.  Roxy pulls through.  I pull my hair out.

“Please don’t hug me nice fashion lady person with the hair!  Hoyvin glavin!”

Kelly and Whit are at some show room, and Kelly tells Whit that “coterie” is coming up.  Which is obviously a fashion trade show.  And I know this because I’ve already seen this episode, and because I googled it.

Tonight, Whitney will be playing the role of Drunk 70s Housewife Who Vacuums A Lot.

Kelly gives Whitney the rundown of how this coterie will go:  I guess people will be talking fast and asking a lot of questions and saying things like “aubergine” and “plum.”  Tip:  “Aubergine” is a pretentious way of saying “eggplant.”  And “eggplant” is a douche-y way of saying “purple.”

So, I guess Elle is having a photo shoot with Ke$ha.  Three things I hate about Ke$ha:  1.) Spelling your name with a dollar sign in the middle is ridiculously lame.  2.)  Rapping with auto-tune is not talent — the speak function on my 1998 iMac can do that.  3.)  I thought it was pronounced “kee-shuh” this whole time, but apparently it’s pronounced “kesh-uh,” which is so infuriating that it brings me to a whole other level of hatred.  Also, I refuse to take the time to use my shift and 4 keys to put the dollar sign in the middle of her name.  So there.

Anyhoozlebees, Olivia walks down the street with a guy named Kyle, who is the senior accessories editor for Elle.  So, is he Olivia’s boss?  Cuz we’ve never seen him before.  I guess this photo shoot is “Kesha to the extreme,” and “like biker, but she’s really into like, garbage.”  Yeah, I could tell from her album.  Hey-oh!  Also, sweet sassy molassy, what the crap is Olivia wearing on her feet?!

I blame Sarah Jessica Parker for this!

Kyle and Olivia go to some place where bad taste goes to die.  Or rather, a place where bad taste goes to get drunk on Jack Daniels and throw up everywhere.

In case you were wondering what happened to the drummer from Britny Fox.

. . . there you go.  *Note:  I just made that up, but there is always the possibility that that’s where he ended up.  I’m sure Olivia is glad she brought some hand sanitizer, and I’m sure she’s praying for the moment when she can go home and take a Silkwood shower to wash the stink of middle-lower-class off of herself.

“I don’t know!  She said sumthin’ ’bout scrubbin’ the stank of poor folk off her body!”

Jimmy pretends to know who Kesha is.  Also, I think he’s high.  Like, still . . . from 1987.  Jimmy, Olivia, and Kyle look through clothes while Olivia throws up in her mouth.  Jimmy has Olivia try on some spiky boots, and Olivia says she doesn’t want to walk around them.  In the store.  Lame.  However, there are some awesome Heathers a’Heathering over in the corner, and they’re whispering to each other about how Olivia doesn’t want to walk in the boots. “Who doesn’t want to walk in shoes?” one of the asks.  Olivia turns around, all, “What?”  It’s awesome.

Although, I’m sure Olivia could take these girls.

. . . out to lunch, maybe.

Meanwhile, it’s time for coterie, and Whit and Roxy walk into the big warehouse.  It’s like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, except instead of mystical and paranormal biblical relics, there’s just a bunch of mini-skirts and hot pants.  Whit asks Roxy to handle the work orders, but Roxy isn’t so sure about, you know, hearing things and writing them down.  So Whit says she’ll take care of it.  Some ladies from Wink come by to look at Whit’s stuff.  It’s all leather and silver and shirts flying all over the place, but the ladies say they have to go back to the office and talk about things before they can place an order.  Whitney sad.

Kate comes in to talk to Olivia about how the accessories for the Kesha shoot are coming along.  There are boots and stuff, and some junk has already been photographed before, and Olivia’s waiting on a necklace from Nicholas Kirkwood (there’s no entry for Nicholas Kirkwood in Wikipedia, by the way).  Kate says Olivia still has a long way to go for the shoot, and that Olivia needs to “go back to the drawing board, because I’m a little worried right now.”  Nice.  Seth comes in and asks if Erin’s approved the accessories, and Olivia says, “I don’t give two shits about what Erin’s opinion is.”  Yeowza!  Seth’s all, “Well, she’s the senior p.r. person and she’s gonna be there, so I’m just asking.”  And then he laughs.  Oh, how I love Seth.  I want Seth and Erin to team up SO badly and throw down some awesome Palermo Justice, Elle style!  Olivia stares blankly.

“I don’t tell YOU how to do YOUR job, Seth . . . mostly because I have no idea what it is you do.  Or what a job actually is.  It’s a kind of mint, right?”

Does Britney Spears have a new song out?  Because this song totally sounds like her.  Kelly shows up to help out Whit and Roxy.  Some dude comes up to look at Whit’s clothes, and Kelly goes into business mode.  Whit tries on some clothes for the guy and says she’s a size 2.  Ladies?  Can you verify please?  In the comments?  Thank you.  I guess he’s going to buy a lot of clothes for his store.  Yay!  Kelly has to ruin the fun though, cuz she’s there to “do business and not be entertained.”  Good thing she’s in the Whitney/Roxy plot-lines, then.  Nothing less entertaining than that.

British Louise and Olivia are headed out to lunch.  British Louise asks Olivia about working with Erin, and if they get along.  Olivia says that they’ve had ups and downs but they’re there for the magazine.  Well, Erin is at least.  British Louise asks about the Kesha shoot, and Olivia tells her about how it’s “garbage-chic.”  British Louise totally calls Olivia out on how much she hates that look.

“Coo, blimey!  Crikey!  Bangers and mash!  Bob’s your uncle!  Saying chips instead of french fries and biscuits instead of cookies!”

Back at Peep’s Rev, Kelly tells Roxy and Whit that the guy who asked for so many clothes cancelled his entire order!  Nooooooooooooooooo!  Whitney tries to sort of blame Roxy for not following up on the order.  Hell, my knee-jerk reaction is to blame Roxy too.  Kelly asks Roxy if she took the order and got him to sign off on it, which she did, and I guess Kelly thinks that Roxy did all she could do.  Wow.  Whitney is totes pissed, and Kelly tells her that she just has to eat the leftover inventory.  Literally.  Kelly tells Whit to get a spork and a relish packet from the People’s Revolution break room and start on the culottes.  Okay, that didn’t happen.  But Kelly does tell Roxy that she needs to understand where Whitney’s coming from and how scared she is of failing and what-not.

Nothing says “I’m smart” like $11.99 glasses from CVS.

Time for the Kesha photoshoot!  I never noticed how much she looks like Debbie Gibson.  I was hoping she’d be a complete bitch, but she’s not.  Just really, really immature.  Of course, what did we expect from someone who came up with this almost Shakespearean couplet:  “I threw up in Paris Hilton’s closet/I got drunk and totally lost it.”  The future of music is here, people.  And it is stupid.  The shoot goes well, and Seth compliments Olivia on her great job, but he’s oozing bitchery and sarcasm, and we love it.  We.  Love.  It.  He and Erin exchange knowing looks.

“She must be destroyed.”

“Indeed.”

Um, why are there commercials for Arkansas tourism airing for this show online?  Nothing against Arkansas, but shouldn’t they save that crap for, I don’t know, Cold Case or NCIS?  Whatevs.  Roxy shows up to the Wink corporate office to talk to them about buying a bunch of Whit’s clothes for their boutique.  They decide to buy a dress for their window.  Yay!  They also want some shorts, but they want them NOW!  Roxy says they can definitely get them ASAP.  Can they?  Can they?!

Back at Elle, Seth stops by Erin’s office to look at the Kesha shoot photos.  The shoes look “amazing,” according to Seth.  But he has a quandry . . . Could Olivia have actually pulled those for the shoot herself?  Because it seems like something British Louise might have done . . . Curiouser and curiouser.  Speak of the Devil Wears Prada, in sashays Olivia.  Huh.  Must be noon.  Erin shows Olivia the photos and then asks if Olivia has a contact at Nicholas Kirkwood, which Olivia says that she does.  Of course.  Erin asks for that info, but Olivia says it’s a “personal contact,” so she can’t share.  Then Erin gets all snarky and is all, “I think Louise had a great contact at Nicholas Kirkwood.”  Olivia’s all, What’s this then?!

Olivia gets on her Huffy bike and is all, I enjoy working with Louise, and “your little plan to pin us against each other isn’t working.”  Erin:  “1st of all, it’s ‘pit’ not ‘pin,’” — Ha!  Ahahahahaha!  — “and I’m not trying to pit the two of you against one another.  I’m trying to get someone in here who will get the job done.”  Oh, dip!  Olivia:  “Whatever your plan was, it’s not working out too well.”  And of course, she says this as she’s leaving.  Because a.) Olivia avoids conflict and b.) she’s put in her 2 minutes of work this week.

This is what Erin stares at for 8 hours and 55 minutes of each work day.

Well, that’s it for this week!  Oh, wait.  I’m sorry.  We have to cram in some more Whitney and Roxy time.  Sigh.  Roxy takes Whit to the Wink store, and there is Whit’s dress on a mannequin right in the window.  Yay!  Roxy . . . pulled through?  Roxy . . . accomplished something?  Hypnotoad confused.

Next Week:  A Canadian pop star is on tour, and Whit needs to get her to wear her stuff at a concert.  But she doesn’t wear any of Whit’s stuff, which is somehow Roxy’s fault . . ?  Why is Roxy all business-y now?!  It’s not fair!  Olivia does some stuff for the Martha Stewart show and I guess it goes well.  Color me disappointed.